Prove Me Wrong

by Tessa Marie

  I feel like I was just knocked down by a wave. I’m searching for the surface wanting to breathe but not able to. As time elapses I just stand there my face as hard as stone with so many thoughts going through my head. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. Suddenly just looking at Hailey makes me want to break something.

  “Luke, I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to come into my life. You weren’t part of my plan.” She grabs for my hand and I rip it away from her.

  “I’m sorry I’m such an inconvenience.”

  “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  “No, I don’t. Because apparently everything you have ever said to me has been a lie.”

  “Luke I…”

  “Just stop. I don’t want to hear it. I’m done.”

  I storm off, completely confused as to what just happened. One minute I think I’m falling in love with the girl, and the next minute she has a kid. A fucking kid. And the topper? She’s been pretending all along that he’s her brother. Her brother! I can’t believe I fucking fell for it. Nor can I believe I was actually going to tell her I loved her tonight.

  The blood in my veins boils as I peel out of the driveway and out of Hailey’s life. I can’t seem to release the death grip I have on my steering wheel. I debate going to CJ’s, but do I really want him to know what’s going on? In time I’ll tell him, but right now I need to process. I need to sort this all out before I can expect someone else to be able to wrap their head around it.

  It’s amazing how quickly things change. Earlier I was happy, as the streetlights passed and I got closer to Hailey. Now as the streetlights fly by, one by one, marking the distance I’m creating between us, it still isn’t enough.

  She’s a mom. A fucking mom. I just…I can’t believe it. Actually I can. How did I not see it? For fucks sake the kid called her Mama right in front of me. I smack my forehead as if someone can see me revealing how much of a complete jackass I am.

  I open my heart for the first time in my life and I get blindsided. Completely and totally blindsided. This is unbelievable. No matter how hard I try to grasp the absurdity that is my life, I can’t. How can you feel on top of the world one minute, and then the next feel as if you’ve been pushed off?

  My house comes into view. It’s the only place I can think to go right now. Mom shouldn’t be home, she was getting ready for a date when I left. So I can take a bottle from the liquor cabinet and sit in my room until I pass out. Not an admiral way to deal with my issues, but it’s a way that has worked for me in the past.

  My eye twitches from anger as I storm into the house. I make a B line right for the liquor cabinet. If I’m not mistaken there’s an old bottle of scotch in the bottom corner. I hate scotch but mix it with some Coke and it’ll do.

  The bottle’s dusty. Not surprised. The liquor in this cabinet is older than I am. It doesn’t matter how old it is as long as it does the trick, and with more than half of the bottle full it definitely will.

  “Luke Hannon!” I hear over my shoulder.

  Oh shit. I thought she left. I close the cabinet, leaving the bottle behind. So close, yet so far.

  “Hey, Mom. Thought you left.”

  “It’s a good thing I didn’t. Why are you in the liquor cabinet, Luke, and not at the concert?”

  “Rough day.”

  “A rough day? You got to give me more than that if you’re going to get away from here unpunished.”

  “Punished? I’m almost eighteen.”

  “Yeah and as long as you live under my roof I make the rules. Now talk.”

  Anger and frustration run rapid in my body, tightening my hands into fists and making me want to punch a wall. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to release some of the tension. “Hailey’s brother isn’t her brother. He’s her son.”

  “Oh shit.” Mom rarely swears so I know she’s just as shocked as I am.

  “Tell me about it,” I say then start pacing because if I stand still for too long I might break something.

  Mom catches my shoulder and stands in front of me with her finger in the air. “Number one. Drinking is not the answer because when you sober up your problems will still be there and you’ll have to deal with them hung over. And secondly, you need to calm down.”

  I take a deep breath but everything is still too tight. Mom squeezes my shoulder and that helps the knots loosen a little.

  Concern flashes across Mom’s face. “What did you say to her?”

  “I told her we were done, and I left.”

  “You just walked away from her? Just like that? You really cared for that girl and you’re just going to throw it all away? Luke…I didn’t raise you that way.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe in the end I’m just like my father.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “He left us high and dry. I swore I’d never be like him. I refused to let myself be that selfish, but in the end I turned out just like him.” My eyes burn from rage and dejection.

  “You make one shitty decision and suddenly you’re your father?”

  “I’ve been making shitty decisions for years. Let’s not fools ourselves.”

  “Sit,” Mom demands, but I ignore her. “Now!”

  I drag my feet to the couch and plop down. My leg shakes as I try to keep myself from saying fuck this and storming off.

  Mom sits beside me, her brown eyes revealing the sadness that for so long I thought was normal. Because of him. I remember the look in Hailey’s eyes as I told her I was done and I realize I am him.

  The taste of blood fills my mouth as I bite on the inside of my lip. Mom takes my hand and after a few moments she glances up at me, tears filling the corner of her eyes.

  “Mom, what is it?” No matter how mad I am, no matter how much I hate the world, it kills me to see her cry. It’s the one thing that truly upsets me, and is the real reason I’ve hated my dad all these years. I don’t care he left me, but watching her cry night after night ripped me apart.

  She takes a deep breath and smiles. “While there are many things about you that remind me of your father.”

  The words are like salt on an open sore and my teeth grind together to cope with the pain.

  “Let me finish,” she says obviously seeing the disgust on my face. “You are not your father.”

  “It’s in my DNA. Like you said I remind you of him.”

  “I didn’t say that.” She grabs my chin and urges me to look at her. “I said there are things about you. Like your light eyes and your dark hair. The way you hold a pen, and how you walk. But it stops there. Because unlike your father, you’re compassionate, you put others before you, you’re a good friend, an amazing son, a hard worker. Your father would’ve been lucky to have been half the man that you have turned out to be.

  “Your DNA doesn’t control who you are. You do.”

  Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I was the one who called the shots.

  “Why do you think I’m pushing college on you? Because you, unlike your father, are more than capable. You are so smart and you deserve to explore every opportunity you can get.”

  “I’m not going to college, Mom.” I raise my hand. “Before you start that argument. I thought about it. I did. But it’s expensive and I can’t put that burden on you. I won’t.”

  “I have money for you to go to college.”

  “Sure, because you just have thousands of dollars lying around.”

  Mom throws her hands down in surrender. “I didn’t want to tell you this, but you’re leaving me with no choice.”

  “Tell me what?”

  She drums her fingers on her knees and sits up straight.

  “Tell me what?” I ask again.

  “Three years ago there was an accident. Your father was killed.”

  A lump forms in my throat. I want to talk, but I’m afraid if I open my mouth I’ll be sick. The room spins. The only thing keeping me from collapsing is the fabric of the couch in my hands. For so long I
hated him. Probably wished death upon him, but hearing that he actually was dead, destroyed the eight-year old boy inside of me who once loved him.

  I force the tears threatening to pour out back and silence the boy inside. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Your aunt called me to let me know.”

  “Aunt Barbara?” She had vanished from my life the day he did. I lost two people I love because of how selfish he was.

  Mom takes my hand. “Yes, your Aunt Barbara. She wanted me to know because he had an estate. Turns out he played lotto and won some money. She’s his only surviving relative other than you. He had a will and everything was left to her, but she didn’t want it. Never felt it was right, what he did to us, to you. So she called me and I agreed to meet with her for lunch. She gave you everything, Luke. Every last penny. More than enough to get you through college.

  I let go of Mom’s hand and jump off the couch, looking down at her. She looks so small, smaller than I’ve ever noticed, but it doesn’t stop me from snapping. “And you didn’t think to tell me any of this?”

  “I was afraid if I told you, you wouldn’t accept the money.”

  “Damn fucking right I’m not. I don’t want his money. He didn’t even leave it to me. Why the fuck would I take it?”

  “See,” Mom yells. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.

  “So what? You thought I would just go to college and not think about how you were paying for it?”

  “Yes! As a matter of fact I did.”

  “Sorry your plan backfired. Serves you right for lying to me.”

  “I didn’t lie to you.”

  “Withholding information is the same fucking thing.”

  “Stop cursing at me. I get that you’re angry, but that doesn’t mean you can talk to me that way.”

  “Sorry,” I scream.”

  “I can’t force you to use the money, but you need to think about it. He might not have left it to you, but it still wound up in your name. It’s your money. Think of it as unpaid child support.”

  “That money should be yours. You can pay off the house. Not have to work so hard.”

  Mom smiles, stands from the couch and comes to me, resting her hand on my cheek. “Like I said. Compassionate. Always putting others before yourself. I appreciate the thought. I do. But the reason I do everything that I do is for you. You deserve the world and I’m just trying to give you even a piece of it.”

  I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. “I’ve fucked up for so long.”

  “It’s never too late to make a change.”

  Mom pulls away and gives me a half-hearted smile. “Your aunt would like to see you.”

  I step back. “I don’t want to see her.”

  “I didn’t either. But I’m happy I did. She’s nothing like him. She misses you. Wanted to contact us over the years.”

  “So why didn’t she? She obviously was able to call you about the money. She couldn’t find five minutes in the past ten years to pick up the goddamn phone?” My fingernails cut into the palm of my hands and my neck grows stiff from tension.

  “She was put in a tough place. Her brother was her only family.”

  “And what the fuck were we?” Tears prick my eyes as memories of my aunt floods my mind. Birthday parties and holidays, outings to the park and camping trips. All things I forgot about until now.

  “She stood by her brother even though she didn’t agree with him. Think about it. If CJ made a stupid decision would you still stand by his side?”

  I didn’t answer even though it came to me quickly. CJ has made some pretty dumb choices and I always stood with him, always will, as he has with me. Still it doesn’t make my aunts decision to disappear from my life hurt any less.

  “I’m just asking you to think about it. Can you at least do that?” Mom asks.

  “I guess.”

  “Thank you.” She gives me a hug and as mad as I am I let her because somehow she has this way of making things better.

  She releases me and takes a step back. “So now back to where this all started. What are you going to do about Hailey?”

  With everything I just found out I almost forgot about the earlier bomb that sent my life spiraling.

  “Beats the hell out of me.”

  I told him the truth, and it ruined everything. The way he looked at me was so revolting, complete and utter disgust was all I saw in those beautiful blue eyes. And for the first time ever, looking into his eyes, made me sick to my stomach.

  Tonight was supposed to be special. It was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life, and instead it’s the worst.

  The tears won’t stop pouring out, and to make matters worse I’m upsetting Brady. Curled up into a ball on the couch, clutching him close to me, we cry our eyes out. I’m trying to comfort him, trying to calm him down, but every time I think I can control my despair I completely lose it all again, causing the vicious cycle to start over.

  My first thought was to call Becky, but she wouldn’t be able to understand a single word I say. And if Becky hears how upset I am she’ll jump in her car and drive the two hours to get here. I’m not sure I want company.

  I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, leaving a streak of black, smudged makeup across it. The feel of the couch on my skin reminds me of Luke and our make-out sessions. I scoop Brady up not wanting to be anywhere I’m reminded of Luke. Unfortunately the kitchen reminds me of him even more. Last night, up against the wall, everything was perfect and now I hate that wall.

  My entire house reminds me of Luke.

  Every room.

  Every piece of furniture.

  I need to get out of here. I need to get as far away from here as I possibly can. Thank God the car seat’s still in my car.

  I’m numb, can’t feel a thing, but I know it’s cold outside, so I bundle Brady up and throw a jacket on myself. Outside his cries turn to whimpers. I know once we start moving he’ll fall asleep. I fasten Brady into his seat, giving him the T-Rex he loves.

  I calm down enough to allow myself to pull out of the driveway with Brady in the car. His life is too precious to be risked over something as stupid as being upset over a guy.

  I didn’t have a plan when I left the house, and I wind up at the mall three towns over. Shopping is not my thing, mostly because I don’t have any money, and the money I do have is for Brady, but I don’t know what else to do. I figure Brady and I can get lost in the crowd. Disappear for a few hours.

  Once I find a spot, the first thing I do is open the trunk, fingers crossed Brady’s stroller is there. My heart slows as the trunk opens. Please. Please. Please be in there. Amongst the books, jackets and toys, the green fabric of the stroller rests on top. Thank God. There’s no way I’d be able to carry him the entire time.

  “Come on, baby.” He rubs at his eyes as I transfer him from the car seat to his stroller. I place his T-Rex in his hand, but he can’t be bothered, so it I tuck it beside him. I glance in my compact and wipe the black smears of mascara from beneath my eyes then dab some powder on my t-zone. Not that I need to impress anyone, but I don’t want to look like a total train wreck.

  As soon as we walk through the doors we disappear into the crowds. Being three towns over I doubt we’ll bump into anyone.

  You know you’re a mom when you’d rather look at stuff for your child than for yourself. There’s something about little overalls with teddy bears on them that bring a smile to my face, and a smile is exactly what I need. So I push Brady toward the store. They have an awesome children’s department.

  I stick to the perimeter. It can get difficult to maneuver the stroller around the racks of clothes. Not to mention Brady likes to pull on the tags and arms of the shirts as we go by.

  “Can I help you?” I hear and quickly turn to offer up my usual no thank you, but when I turn and I’m face to face with Roxy, my words don’t come out. Instead I stand there, staring at her with a blank stare.

  “Hailey, I didn’
t know it was you.”

  “Because if you did you would have done everything to avoid me.”

  “Yeah, pretty much,” she says, and then laughs, making it more playful than harsh.

  “You work here?”

  “I figured working three towns away and in the children’s department, I’d never run into anyone I know. Guess I was wrong. I’m trying to save for college so I can go where I want and not where my parents want me to go.”

  “So you haven’t changed completely.”

  She looks at me with questioning eyes, and I know I have to elaborate. Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut. “Luke told me you and your parents never really got along and you always did the opposite of what they wanted.”

  “I see he hasn’t changed either. Still has a big mouth.”

  “Eh,” Brady points at a tag. Since I can’t give him the tag to play with I need to divert his attention. I move around to the front of the stroller and bend down, taking his T-Rex from where it’s tucked to the side of him and put it back into his hand.

  “He’s adorable. Is this your brother?” Just when I thought I didn’t have to lie anymore.

  As if Brady has read my mind he throws his hands up, shaking the T-Rex in his hand and screams out, “Mama.”

  Roxy, who came around to the front of the stroller too, looks over at me, her eyes widen with understanding.

  “He’s your son.”

  Again words escape me, and all I offer up is a nod.

  She must recognize the panic on my face because she says, “I won’t tell anyone. I swear.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Does Luke know?” Just the mention of his name stings. Once again I fight back tears, not wanting Roxy to see me cry.

  “Actually, he just found out. That’s why I’m here. To get away from everything.”

  “Let me guess, he bailed. Typical.”

  “Roxy, I never wanted to get in the middle of you and Luke. I never felt it was my place, since whatever happened between you two was way before I came along, but you need to know he didn’t bail on you.”