Quiet As It's Kept

by Monique Miller

  Morgan would be able to come in, wash her hands, and sit down to a hot meal. It had taken him awhile to perfect it, but finally he had gotten to the point where the house was clean, the baby was content and taken care of, and the meal was ready by the time his wife got home. He had to pat himself on the back. And the smell of the garlic rolls made his stomach growl. He realized he hadn’t eaten anything all day.

  Morgan stepped inside the front door, and headed straight to their downstairs bathroom and switched the light off. She walked into the kitchen, and dropped a stack of mail and the day’s paper, still wrapped up in its rubber band, on the kitchen counter.

  “Hey, baby.” Will’s greeting to her was filled with the pleasure of seeing her home from work.

  “Hey,” Morgan said, barely glancing at him. Her voice and tone were flat. She walked over to Isaiah and gave him a kiss on his forehead. She looked as if she’d had a hard day, or had something on her mind.

  “Did you have a hard day?” Will asked.

  “Yes.” She let out a huff.

  Will waited for more of a response but got none.

  Morgan placed her purse down on the kitchen table and picked the mail back up. She riffled through it, discarding the junk mail and opening up the bills. Once the last bill had been viewed, she let out another loud huff and dropped them back on the counter. Then she grabbed her purse and headed out of the kitchen.

  “Baby, where are you going?” Will asked.

  “Up to the bedroom,” Morgan replied.

  “Good. Why don’t you get relaxed, change out of your work clothes, and come on back downstairs. I should have the dining room table set by then for us to eat dinner.”

  “Relax?” Morgan asked. “Did you say relax?”

  “Ah, yeah.”

  “And just how am I supposed to relax, Will? You tell me that.” She dropped her purse back down on the kitchen counter. “First I have a hard day at work, and now I come home to find that you haven’t even gotten the newspaper out of the driveway, you haven’t checked the mail today, and you’ve left lights on everywhere.” The volume of her voice rose as she spoke.

  “Huh?” Will asked. He knew he’d forgotten to turn the light off in the bathroom, but other than the light in the kitchen, there weren’t any lights on anywhere else.

  “Then, if that isn’t enough, we have this stack of bills that we—oh, let me correct that—bills that I am going to have to deal with,” Morgan said. She had a way of only recognizing and commenting on the negative.

  Isaiah must have sensed that something in his surroundings was off, because he began to whimper, and started squirming in his high chair. Will didn’t want his wife upset, and didn’t want the baby to become upset along with his mother.

  “Morgan, honey, I know it’s been stressful, but this won’t last much longer. The Lord will not leave or forsake us. He is going to answer my prayers for getting another job. This is only a test our marriage is being put through.” Will closed the distance between them. He spoke in a soft tone to try to deescalate Morgan before her mood escalated any higher, and to hopefully make Isaiah feel like all was well with his little world again. “Now, come on, you’ve obviously had a hard day. I’ve got dinner ready for us. So why don’t you just go ahead and change. Maybe after you’ve got a full stomach, you’ll start to feel a little better.”

  “No, Will, I won’t feel any better with a full meal.” She picked up the bills and threw them up in the air. “See, it’s not like the bills are going to just disappear.”

  Will looked down at all the bills on the floor.

  “There’s no ‘poof’ to make the bills magically go away. They’re still here,” Morgan said. She shut her eyes and hit the palm of her hand on her forehead.

  Will gathered the bills from the floor and placed them back onto the counter. “Morgan, there isn’t any magic that is going to make those bills go away. Faith in God, hard work, and determination are the only things that will get us through this test.” He stepped a little closer to his wife, who still stood with her hand on her head and her eyes shut. “Baby, we will get through this. I have faith that we will. And it won’t be like this always. I don’t know why we are being tested in this way, but one day we’ll both understand the reason.”

  He placed his hand on his wife’s cheek. She pulled back as if startled. “Morgan, honey, what’s wrong?”

  She looked at him with her eyes squinted. “Are you that clueless? Do you really have to ask what is wrong?” The tone of her voice and volume had not subsided. It had only gotten worse. This was confirmed by Isaiah, who transitioned from whimpering to full-fledged crying.

  Will took a deep breath. “I know what is wrong as far as our current financial situation. What I am asking is what is wrong with you. All I wanted to do was touch you and you’re jumping like I put some hot coals on you.”

  His stomach growled, and his hunger got the best of him as he said, “Look, it’s not my fault I got laid off. And I am doing the best I can where this family is concerned. And I don’t sit around here all day doing nothing.” Before he knew it, the elevation of his voice matched his wife’s. “It’s not like this is the first time a woman has been a breadwinner for her family. So don’t act like you are some kind of saint or something. Our situation is what it is. And we are supposed to be in this together. So can you at least try to act like you want to work with me while I try to find a job, instead of coming in here and blowing up at me?”

  “You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Morgan asked.

  Will flinched at her cutting words.

  Isaiah wailed as he stretched his arms out toward his parents, hoping one of them would pick him up.

  “Now look what you’ve done. Isaiah is upset now too,” Will said as his heart raced.

  She stepped over to the baby, picked him up, and tried to soothe him. But it was too late. Isaiah wasn’t going to be consoled so easily, especially with all the tension in the air. Will stretched his hands toward the baby and he readily went to his dad.

  Morgan looked at the baby and then at Will. “Fine,” she said, and picked her purse back up. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry for making Isaiah cry, I am sorry for coming in here and trying to let off a little steam in my own home. I am so very sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. Just blame me for it all.”

  Will shifted the baby from one arm to the other. “Morgan, I’m not blaming you. I just thought that—”

  She cut him off before he could finish speaking. “I just can’t do this right now. Just give me some time alone.” She left the kitchen. He heard her ascend the stairs. Then he heard the bathroom door slam shut.

  Finally, the baby’s wails turned back into sniffling whimpers. Will held the baby close and rubbed his back in an effort to soothe him. He wanted things in Isaiah’s world to be right again. It was a sad feeling to know that even his baby knew something in their home was off kilter.

  Will couldn’t let the dissension within his family continue. He had to come through for them as the head of their household and as a man of faith. Somehow, he was going to have to step up his efforts at making the world right with him and Morgan again.

  Isaiah used sign language to indicate that he was hungry. Will warmed up his baby food. Instead of placing him back in the high chair, he kept the baby on his lap and fed him. Being closer to his dad put the baby at ease. Will felt more at ease also.

  “Baby boy, I promise, Daddy is going to make this all better for us. Don’t worry about a thing. Daddy is going to make it all better.”

  For the first time in an hour, his normally smile-on-demand baby cracked a slight grin that faded almost as quickly as it had come. Will gave his baby boy a hug as he looked up and whispered to God, “Father, please make it all better.”

  Will had an idea. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Phillip. The call went directly to voice mail. He grabbed the baby bag, his keys, and the baby, and headed over to his best friend’s home. Throughout the driv
e over to Phillip’s house, Will continued to dial the cell phone and home number, but failed to get an answer on either one. He hoped that when he arrived his friend would be home, and when he pulled up and saw movement in the upstairs windows, he was relieved.

  By the time he parked in the driveway, Isaiah had fallen asleep in the back seat. He cracked the windows of the SUV and locked the doors. Then he rang the doorbell and waited on his best friend’s front porch for someone to come to the door.

  When Phillip opened the door, he said, “Will, what’s up, man?” They greeted each other with the same handshake and hug they often gave each other when meeting.

  Will stepped into the foyer and looked to make sure he could still see the baby in the SUV. He turned his attention to his friend for a moment. “Nothing much. I just had a question for you.” Will paused, continuing to look back out to the SUV. “I tried to call but your cell phone keeps going straight to voice mail and so does your home phone.”

  “Kids, man,” Phillip said. “Phillip Jr. has put my cell phone in a secret hiding place and we’ve been looking for it for a couple of days. If I can’t find it soon, I’ll have to just get another one. Come on in and have a seat.” Phillip turned to lead his friend toward the family room.

  “No, I can’t stay long. I just wanted to ask you something real quick. I’ve got to get back home. Morgan needs me to do some things for her.”

  “Oh, okay. What do you need?” Phillip asked.

  Will paused for a moment, struggling to form the words he was about to say. “You know when you and Shelby were having problems a few years ago and you went to that couples’ retreat?”

  “Yeah. The retreat was wonderful. You know, I was able to lead one of the retreats a few months back. It did wonders for Shelby and me, and it also did wonders for some of the couples I taught. I’m thinking about going up there again to lead another retreat within the next few months,” Phillip explained. “Why do you ask? Do you know someone who is thinking about marriage counseling?”

  Will stared off out toward his SUV, wishing he weren’t the one needing the information. “Yes, I do know of someone who would like more information about the retreat.” Will paused again. “Me.”

  “You?” Phillip asked in bewilderment. “You and Morgan are having problems?”

  Will nodded. “I don’t want to get into it right now. I’m still trying to sort some things out. But I know the retreat worked wonders for you and Shelby, and I was thinking that maybe it will work for our marriage.”

  “Will, I’m here for you if you need me, not only as a friend and fraternity brother, but also as a man of God and your brother in Christ.”

  “I know.” Will looked at his watch, and with urgency said, “Can I get that information from you? I need to get back to my house.”

  “Oh, yeah, just a second.” Phillip left his friend standing by the front door to retrieve a sheet of paper to write down the information.

  After he handed it over to, Phillip reiterated, “I am here if you need me.”

  Will looked at the piece of paper and held it as if it were gold. “Thanks. If I need to talk, I know exactly who to call.” He turned toward the door.

  Phillip gave his friend a hearty pat on the back. “Hang in there.”

  “I’m trying,” Will said. “Talk with you later.” Then he left, hoping that maybe he and Morgan would benefit from the marriage retreat. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, not knowing what would become of their marriage.

  Chapter 6

  Will woke up in the middle of the night. The clock on the nightstand showed that it was 3:33 in the morning. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. The argument he and Morgan had had earlier that night was still bothering him. He rose from his bed as gingerly as possible, trying not to wake Morgan. He was surprised that she hadn’t already awakened from all the tossing and turning he had done previously. He slipped out of their bed and headed to the kitchen. His stomach pleaded for him to eat.

  After warming some leftovers in the microwave, he sat at the kitchen table and ate. He ate so fast that, before he knew it, the first plate of food was gone and he fixed another. Once he was full and satisfied, he finally felt sleepy enough to try to go back to bed. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was now a little after four o’clock in the morning. Morgan’s alarm clock would go off in an hour or so, and he didn’t want to risk waking her by getting back into bed.

  He retrieved the baby monitor from their bedroom, and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the linen closet and took them downstairs to the den. He plugged the baby monitor back in and then made himself comfortable on the couch. With heavy eyes, he pulled the cover over his head and fell asleep within minutes.

  “Shh, don’t cry, Nicole. It will be all right. Don’t cry, Nicole.” Will held his sister in his arms as they hid in the closet. He could still hear his father yelling and screaming at his mother down the hall in the living room. His mother cried also, and Will wished he could grab his mother too and pull her in the closet to safety. He hoped his sister would heed his pleading and stop crying. Maybe that way his dad would forget about them and they would be safe from getting beat on that night.

  Nicole’s cries turned into whimpers and Will held her tighter. He wished his father would just leave them alone, but knew the man had probably been on one of his drinking binges again. There was no telling when he would finally tire.

  Will could imagine what the house would look like in the morning as he heard pieces of glass being broken. His mom had glass figurines that she collected and adored. It wasn’t enough for his father to yell and scream at them. No, he didn’t stop there. Often he hit his mother, and then as a bonus threw her figurines against the wall and broke them. There were many mornings when Will would find his mother cleaning not only her bodily wounds, but also the pieces of ceramics on the floor.

  “Where is that good-for-nothing boy?” Will heard his father scream from the other room. He’d heard his mother tell his father to leave the children alone. Will closed his eyes tight, hoping and praying that his father didn’t find them in the closet.

  “I told that good-for-nothing boy to cut the grass today and he ain’t cut it. He’s hardheaded. I’m going to beat that mess out of him. I ain’t raising no lazy sissy. He needs to act like a man and mind what I say,” Will’s father said.

  Will heard his father approaching the bedroom as he spoke. He shrank back farther into the closet, pulling his sister into him even tighter.

  “Leave Will alone, David,” Will heard his mother order. “Leave him alone. He tried to cut the grass, but the mower is out of gas. You didn’t buy any.”

  Will heard a pause just before his father said, “Oh, so now it’s my fault, huh?”

  Then Will heard what sounded like an open-handed slap, which was followed by his mother yelling out in pain. Next he heard his father call out for his mother to come back and the voices faded into another part of the house.

  Will had sat in the closet for what seemed like hours and was awakened by his mother in the wee hours of the morning. She had a bruise on her left cheek, but he didn’t see any blood this time. His mother assured him that their father was gone and he probably would not be back for the rest of the night. That night, after his mother tucked him and his sister into bed, Will lay awake until the break of dawn in fear that his father would return.

  He awoke to the sound of the baby through the baby monitor. Will hated the vivid dreams of the past. Lately he had been dreaming more and more about his childhood and he wondered why. Will continued to lie there, and closed his eyes again as he found that his heart was still racing from the dream. It took him a few moments to shake off the feelings of fear and to allow his heartbeat to return to normal.

  Normally when the baby woke up, he liked to kick the trigger on his baby mobile to make it light up and play music. He liked to watch the stuffed animals go around
and around over his head as he made cooing sounds with the music. These thoughts made Will smile to himself. He was a grown man now. The past was gone. He was safe. And his son was the happy little baby he should be.

  Feeling a presence, he looked up to see Morgan standing just above his head at the end of the couch. He sat up. “Hey.”

  She smiled—something he hadn’t seen in a few days.

  “Hey, honey,” Morgan said.

  Those were words he hadn’t heard in a couple of weeks.

  “Hey, baby.” He didn’t want to do or say too much. All in the span of sixty seconds his wife was like the woman he’d fallen in love with and married. He wondered if he was dreaming. He thought about pinching himself, which reminded him of the earring that had pierced the heel of his foot. He frowned at that thought.

  Morgan’s eyes grew wide as she saw him frowning. “Okay, I’m sorry for going off last night. I know you are upset with me, but please just try to understand that I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure lately, not only with our situation here, but also pressure at work. The corporate office is coming for a visit, and, as part of management, there have been problems I’ve had to deal with that are coming at me like falling dominos. And my main issue is employees who are acting as bad apples wanting to stir up trouble for me.”

  Will frowned again, this time because he knew his wife was under a lot of stress. And half of that stress was being caused by their financial situation at home. He knew the only reason she had blown up was because of the home situation. Morgan was used to handling stress at her job. When he first met her he learned pretty quickly that the stress she experienced at work was what drove her.