Quiet As It's Kept

by Monique Miller

  “So what are you going to do? What do you need me to do?” Phillip asked.

  “I don’t know and I don’t know,” Will answered as he shook his head.

  “If what you are saying is true, then you’ve got to be extremely careful.”

  “I know. I’ve been walking around on pins and needles the past few days trying to act as if everything is fine. But I am watching my back every step of the way.”

  “What about Isaiah? Do you think he is safe?”

  “Lord, I hope so. I don’t think she’ll hurt him. I haven’t seen any evidence of it.”

  “It’s not safe. You’ve got to get out of there and protect Isaiah.”

  Will thought for a moment. “I don’t have a clear plan, but I do know that while Morgan has been acting pretty calm the past few days, she has been known to fly off the handle over little things. Who knows what she’ll do if she thinks I am going to leave her?”

  Phillip nodded in understanding.

  “I do know that I need to make sure my son and I are safe. And at some point I need to confront her with what I know. I also know that is easier said than done. I’ve tried to do it before, and it’s like she has an answer or explanation for everything. So it is hard to pinpoint anything.”

  “What are you going to do? Are you going to talk to her?” Phillip asked.

  “I am. And I think Friday evening will be the best time to do it, because she does not have to work the next day. If we are up into the wee hours of the night talking, she won’t blame me for keeping her awake at night. Bottom line, I am not going to let her squirm her way out of this one. I can’t keep living like I am.”

  “Just let me know what I need to do. And if you want us to watch Isaiah while you talk with Morgan, we will.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, thanks for offering, but Morgan is already sensitive about you guys watching Isaiah. I don’t want to set her off before we even get a chance to start talking.”

  Phillip nodded. “If you think so. I don’t think it is the best idea to have that conversation with her while the baby is in the house, but you use your best judgment.”

  “I think I am. Like I said, I don’t think she’ll do anything to hurt our son.”

  Phillip shook his head again as if still not agreeing with what his friend was saying.

  Will looked at his watch. “I didn’t mean to keep you so long. I need to run a few errands before I go back home.”

  “Not a problem, my brother.”

  Phillip walked Will and the baby to the door. “If you need anything just call me.”

  “I’ll do that, my brother, and thanks,” Will said.

  Will laid the baby down in his crib, thankful Isaiah had fallen asleep an hour earlier than he normally did. This would give him more time to talk to Morgan about his feelings and concerns. As he left the baby’s room, he closed the door gingerly behind him. He hoped the baby would fall into a deep enough sleep so as not to hear his parents talking and quite possibly arguing in the next few moments.

  Will descended the stairs and headed for the living room.

  “Will, honey, I’ll be down there in a few minutes,” he heard Morgan call from their bedroom.

  As he sat in the dimly lit living room on the love seat, he tried to think about just how he could start the conversation with his wife. Should he tell her that if she didn’t change her ways he was going to leave her? Or should he just tell her that he was on to her and knew she was trying to kill him?

  He heard Morgan come down the stairs. “Will, where are you?” she asked in one of the most syrupy sweet voices he’d had ever heard her speak in.

  “I’m in the living room.” There was nothing sweet about his tone of voice. Will wanted to get to the point and fast.

  Morgan stepped into their living room. “Why on earth are you in here?” Morgan looked around as if the room were foreign to her.

  They rarely ever used the room. It was more like a showcase room filled with trinkets and mementos. Most of the mementos were Will’s.

  “I just wanted to talk to you, and hopefully our voices won’t be as loud in this room. I don’t want the baby to wake up.”

  Morgan stepped over to the couch and sat down, turning her body toward Will. “Okay, what did you want to talk about?”

  Again, Will was amazed by the sweetness coming from Morgan’s mouth.

  He got straight to the point. There wasn’t any time to beat around the bush. He’d already done enough of that. “Morgan, your back-and-forth behavior is getting out of control. And I don’t like the way you go into your rampages and feel like you can call me any name under the sun that suits you.”

  Morgan’s eyes widened as she leaned back slightly in the chair. “Wow. Are you really serious? I mean, I know I can get a little carried away at times, but come on. You know I am under a lot of stress. And I’ve only called you a couple of names. I think you are blowing this all out of proportion.”

  “No, Morgan, I am not blowing this all out of proportion. And it’s not just the name-calling. It’s the snide remarks you make also. Just as you are under stress, I am too. How do you think I feel knowing that I can’t find a job and support my family?”

  Morgan didn’t say anything; she just shook her head like she didn’t know.

  “Let me tell you how it feels. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am not man enough to take care of this household. And when you call me names and make snide remarks like you do, it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “Like I said, I have been under a lot of stress, and I guess sometimes I might say something here or there that I shouldn’t.”

  “Lately it is more than sometimes, Morgan.” Will stood and started pacing the room. “And let me tell you something; I am a man, a good man, and a God-fearing man. And the fact that I don’t have a job does not change any of that. I am just a victim of circumstance, which means we are victims of circumstance together and I need you to realize that.”

  Morgan stood. “You know different people deal with circumstances in different ways, Will. And people deal with stress in different ways also. So I am not perfect and you’ll have to accept that.”

  “No, Morgan. I do not have to accept you calling me names and saying things that are only meant to belittle me—that I don’t have to do. And if you can’t understand what I am trying to tell you and if you don’t change your ways, I am going to have to leave.”

  “You are going to leave?” Morgan had a look of disbelief on her face.

  “Yes, if you can’t control your attitude and the way you deal with things.”

  “You can’t really mean that.”

  “I do mean it. I can’t keep living like this.”

  Morgan took a deep breath. She picked up one of Will’s trophies from an end table. He’d gotten the trophy in middle school for playing basketball. Then she walked over to their curio cabinet and broke the glass with the base of the trophy. Glass shattered all over the place. Next she proceeded to hit the trophy against picture frames and anything else of sentimental value within her reach.

  For a moment Will sat with his jaw dropped, not believing the sight. As she got closer to him he quickly came out of his trance.

  “Is this what you wanted, Will? Do you want to throw away everything we’ve worked for just like that?”

  “Morgan, calm down. Stop, just stop,” Will pleaded.

  “No, why should I? You just want to end it. Well, let me help you.”

  Will was reeling from his wife’s transformation of again going from calm, cool, and collected to a now raging maniac. He had flashbacks of his father destroying their home during his drunken rages. Just like Will’s mother used to do, he had to stop his wife, had to calm her down. This was not the time for him to shut down emotionally.

  “No, Morgan. I don’t want to end it. I just don’t want to live like we’ve been living. I do want our marriage to work.”

  Morgan stopped swinging for a moment. She sto
od, trying to catch her breath.

  Will decided to keep talking to try to calm her down. “Morgan, I love you. I don’t want our family to break up. Maybe we could go to counseling. We probably just need some help.”

  Morgan fell to her knees and started crying. She released the trophy. “Will, I don’t want you to leave me.”

  Will looked around at the mayhem. He stepped over to Morgan, and kneeled next to her on the floor. With slight apprehension he placed his arm around her, half braced and ready to be swung at.

  Instead of swinging at him or pulling away, Morgan fell into his arms. “I’ll go to counseling if you want,” she said. “I’ll do whatever it takes for us to keep our marriage together.”

  Will was glad to see that his wife had reverted to a state of calm.

  “Okay, we can check around and see if there are any local marriage counselors,” Will said.

  Morgan nodded in agreement. She lifted her head and looked with relief into her husband’s eyes. Then she looked around at the mess she’d made in the room. “Oh, my goodness. I can’t believe I made such a mess. Please forgive me.”

  “Baby, don’t worry about it.”

  She stood on wobbly legs. “Let me get the broom and dustpan.”

  Will placed a hand on her arm. “No, I’ll get it. You go get some rest. I know it has been a long week for you.”

  Morgan nodded and left the living room.

  Will got the broom and dustpan from the laundry room and proceeded to clean up as much of the glass as he could. When he heard the shower turn on upstairs, he stopped cleaning and sat back down on the love seat to catch his breath. He still couldn’t believe the scene he’d just witnessed. It was as if Morgan’s actions were getting worse. His wife needed a counselor all right, not just a marriage counselor. Something wasn’t right about her and Will didn’t trust her.

  Chapter 18

  That Monday morning, Will again found himself playing possum, pretending he was sleeping so hard that he didn’t notice the movements and loud noise Morgan was making as she got ready for work. It could have been his imagination, but he could have sworn she was making way more noise than usual. He figured that she was still upset about the subject he’d brought up the Friday night before, about his threatening to leave if they didn’t go to counseling.

  On the baby monitor Will heard Isaiah stirring in his crib. He hoped this wouldn’t be the one morning that the baby woke up crying, wanting one of his parents to come pick him up. If that were the case, he would have to be the one to get up since that was just how it was in the mornings. Since he wasn’t the one working, Morgan expected him to do so, so that she could focus on her early morning routine of getting ready.

  Isaiah continued to stir, and eventually Will heard squeaking from one of the toys attached to the crib. The baby was content to play with his toys for the time being, and soon Morgan would be off to work.

  Like clockwork, Morgan left the house at 7:25 A.M. and Will immediately went to the baby’s room. Isaiah was standing at the foot of his crib, dropping each toy one by one to the floor. He had the last toy in his hand when he turned to look at and then smile at his father. He proceeded to drop the toy on the floor, then grabbed the rails of the crib and started bouncing up and down.

  Will closed the distance to the crib and sniffed the air. “Ah, great. I see you’ve got a present for me in your diaper.”

  Isaiah scrunched his nose up as if sniffing something that smelled bad.

  “Oh, don’t act like you didn’t smell that earlier.” Will proceeded to pull out the diapers and baby wipes, and laid the baby on the changing table. When he did, he saw that a few wipes were not going to be effective in cleaning the bomb his son had made in his pants.

  He pulled the diaper off, wiped as best as he could, and gave the baby a birdbath in the bathroom sink. Afterward, Will sprinkled some baby powder on and dressed him in a fresh outfit. “Now that smells so much better.”

  Will stepped back into the baby’s room and sat in the glider rocker. He bounced Isaiah on his lap as he thought about the events of the Friday before. The conversation he’d tried to have with Morgan had not completely gone the way he’d envisioned it would. There was no doubt that he knew Morgan would get upset, but he was surprised at the way he’d responded to her ranting.

  He wondered why he hadn’t just told her he was leaving and they could talk about reconciliation after they went to counseling. Why was he still in his home, sleeping in the same bed with the woman he was sure was trying to kill him? Deep in his spirit he felt that Morgan was unstable, and if he did ever try to leave, there was no telling what she might do.

  Something was going to have to give. He hadn’t slept all night and he wasn’t going to be any good to himself or his child if he started suffering from sleep deprivation. His eyes burned and he squeezed them shut. He wondered what he was going to do next. It was true that he and Morgan definitely needed some type of counseling, but more importantly he needed to get away from his wife. If he waited too late, then he was sure the consequences could be deadly.

  All he could think about was how Morgan had joked that he was worth more dead than alive. He was sure her lame approach at the joke had not gone over well because it was never meant to be a joke.

  Will pulled a few toys out of the baby’s toy box and set them and the baby on the floor. He closed the bedroom door so that Isaiah wouldn’t crawl off and hurt himself in one of the other rooms, or fall down the steps. Then he kneeled down in front of the glider rocker to pray.

  Dear God, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve kneeled and prayed to you. I’ve been trying to do things in my own strength and it seems as though I’ve messed things up. I’ve been blind to seeing some things that are now starting to become vividly apparent to me. Lord, I need you to give me some answers. Dear Lord, I need your help in this mess. I have faith that you will give me the answers I need. I thank you in advance, Lord, for your help in this situation. Amen.

  Will continued to kneel quietly with his eyes closed, as he knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord would show him the way. He had mustard seed faith, and so far his mustard seed faith had never led him astray. After a few quiet and still moments, Will heard a voice as clearly as if someone were standing in the room with him. It said, “Tyler.”

  He knew it was the voice of the Lord speaking to him, and he wondered why the Lord would speak Tyler’s name to him. But he did not waste time dwelling on it for too long. “Thank you, Lord,” Will said, and got up from his kneeling position.

  He scooped the baby up along with a few of his toys, then headed to the den. Before descending the stairs he checked to make sure there weren’t any foreign objects waiting for him to step on. He was going to have to make it a habit to watch his step all the time now.

  After placing the baby on a blanket on the floor, Will didn’t hesitate any longer in placing the phone call to Tyler as the Lord had directed him.

  He dialed the number and after just one ring was greeted by Tyler saying, “Hello, Will.”

  Will pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it. He knew God was good, but he wondered if Tyler had also talked to God that morning. How had Tyler known he was going to be calling?

  “Hello, Will?” Tyler questioned.

  “Ah, yes. Tyler, sorry about that. How did you know I was going to call?”

  “I didn’t, I just saw your name on the caller ID.”

  Will laughed, suddenly feeling stupid. How could he have mistaken modern technology for divine intervention? He chastised himself for starting to be too spooky-spiritually deep. “How’s everything going?” Will spoke casually, as if he called Tyler all the time. The Lord had said Tyler’s name, but that was it. What was he suppose to tell Tyler now?

  “Good, I can’t complain. How have you been doing? It’s funny you called, because you and your family have been on my mind the past few days.”

  “We have?” Will asked.

  “Yeah. I ha
dn’t seen you in church in a while.”

  “No, I got into a car accident. It was almost fatal.”

  “Oh, my Lord. What happened? Was your family with you?”

  “Thankfully, they were not with me. And it is sort of a long story,” Will said.

  “I’ve got time to listen.”

  Will was taken aback. He needed to talk about his situation right then. He’d dialed Tyler’s number expecting to get the voice mail.

  “I am at home, off work today. And I am all ears.”

  Will marveled at the way God worked. Had it been any other day of the week, the scenario Will first thought would happen probably would have been true. But the Lord had him call Tyler at just the right time.

  “My brother. Let me just say that for some reason, ever since I first talked with you at the park, God has put it in my spirit that you are a trustworthy brother in Christ. There are some things that I’ve told you that I would only tell someone I’ve known for a while,” Will said.

  “I know what you mean. I feel that same brotherly spirit from you,” Tyler said.

  “And I am saying all this to say that I am about to divulge some information to you that I have only entrusted to one other person. I don’t even want to tell my own sister what I am about to tell you. God put it in my spirit to contact you.”

  “Well, I guess that explains why you and your family have been so heavy on my mind the past few days,” Tyler said.

  Will took a deep breath and told Tyler about his situation at home. He told him about everything, from his wife’s mood swings to the supposed accidents that could have caused him irreversible harm, and the latest episode the Friday night before. He told him everything all the way up to that very morning and his prayer to the Lord. It seemed like he’d been talking for over an hour before he took a breath to let Tyler respond.

  “My brother, now I know without a shadow of a doubt why God put me in your spirit,” Tyler said.

  Will heard the call waiting tone on his cell phone. The home phone had rung a couple of times while he was on the phone, but he ignored it as he poured out his thoughts and feelings to Tyler. Looking at the phone screen he saw that it was Morgan calling.