by Amie Knight
I felt my temper climbing. It probably wasn’t the time to discuss her latest antics, but I was going to anyway. I was sick of her shit. I didn’t deserve it, and neither did Momma.
“Where have you been?” I snapped. “You didn’t catch the bus home. Again.” I tried to keep my voice level, but even to my ears, I sounded aggravated and frustrated.
Lori’s face was serious, and then she gave me a sad smile. “I just went out with friends after school. It’s no big deal. I’m home now. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She looked innocent and sweet, her smile genuine.
I almost bought her act. I’d been falling for it for months. But not this time. I was done.
I grabbed her by her shoulders and brought my face level to hers. “You’re drunk, Lori. I know it and you know it, so cut the bullshit. This has to stop. I can’t keep worrying about you. I don’t know what’s wrong with you or why you are doing this, but it’s over now. I’m telling Momma,” I ground out between clenched teeth.
Lori dropped her head, and I felt her body shudder. Shit. I hadn’t wanted to make her cry, but she needed to hear this. I was just about to wrap my arms around her small body when I heard her snort. I grabbed her chin between my thumb and my forefinger, bringing her eyes to mine. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
“Are you laughing?” I shouted right in her face.
My Lori would never do this. Who was this imposter? I let her go and she tumbled back onto the living room carpet, still in her fit of laughter. I couldn’t care less about her fall onto the carpet. Never in my entire life had I been so angry as I was in that moment.
I leaned over and screamed at her, “Are you fucking laughing?”
Her eyes widened in surprise, and she rolled onto her side laughing even harder. “Did you just say ‘fucking’?” she mumbled through her voracious laughter. She didn’t stop there though. She pushed herself off the floor and sat on her behind, looking up at me. “Did the word ‘fuck’ seriously pass over the pure and oh-so-innocent lips of Ainsley James?” she asked with a sarcastic sneer.
I felt like I was in alternate universe. One where Lori didn’t like me. A universe where roles were reversed and opposites superseded. She had never spoken like that to me before. Don’t get me wrong. We’d had our share of fights. Fights over where Momma was taking us for dinner. Fights over who got the computer after school. Stupid fights. Fights that meant nothing and hurt no one. But never had Lori looked at me with such venom. It would have been an awful feeling if I hadn’t still been so pissed off about her laughing at me. It would have broken my heart, if I wasn’t so irate over her mocking me.
I lunged at her a little and yelled in her face. “You know what, Loralie? Fuck you! Just, fuck you.”
Jesus, I wished I’d had a more eloquent way to curse her out, but I didn’t. Cussing people out wasn’t my method of operation. I had never had such a terrible fight with anyone. No one had ever made me this angry and upset. My hands were shaking, and I could feel angry tears wetting my cheeks.
I looked down at my quaking hands and felt sick. What was happening? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t Lori. This wasn’t us. What was I doing, throwing around harsh words like stones? Especially to someone I loved so dearly. I was already regretting the words I’d said. My heart was already aching at the hurtful words I had hurled at her.
Lori stood up and got right in my face. Her chest against my chest. Her feet practically standing on mine. I could feel the thunder of her heart against mine. Her breath sailed across my face.
“No, Ainsley. Fuck you and fuck your perfect life. You don’t have to be the best at everything, you know? You don’t have to make the rest of us feel so flawed. I’m over your selfless bullshit. Have Blue! Have Aunt Jessi! Have them all! I don’t fucking care. They all love you more anyways. I fucking hate you!” she screamed at me, spittle flying from her mouth in rage.
I reared back in pain as the verbal assault of her words rained down on me like a thousand sharp knives. Lori’s too thin frame swayed toward me a little, but I backed up. She hated me? I was stunned. I couldn’t help but just stand there and stare at the stranger in front me. Fresh tears slipped down my face. The dark of the living room felt haunting and grim. The silence too loud.
I was crushed. Obliterated. Through the haze of my tears, my eyes roamed Lori’s face, looking for even a small trace of the girl who was so dear to me. The tiny, brown-haired toddler who, at two, would jump from her crib in the corner of my room and join me in my “big girl bed.” The sweet six-year-old girl who would go on the rides at the fair only if I promised to hold her hand the whole time. Not Momma. Me. The nervous teenager who’d made me scoot over in my bed the night before she’d started ninth grade so that I could hug her until she fell asleep. That was less than a year ago. Where was she? The person in front of me wasn’t Lori. This girl’s eyes were hollow and broken. My Lori’s eyes were bright. This girl was mean and inconsiderate. My Lori was kind and thoughtful.
I couldn’t stand to look at this shell of a girl anymore, so I ran for my room and slammed the door closed behind me. I collapsed on my bed and cried—the sobs so violent that they physically hurt me. My mind was racing. I didn’t understand. Did Lori truly think that I wanted to be the best? I excelled at schoolwork and at violin only because I worked hard. I wasn’t one of those kids who just naturally did well in school. There were many nights I stayed up all night studying for a test and plenty of days I stayed after school in the library. I deserved my good grades. I’d earned them. And Adrian and Momma. How could she think I wanted to take them from her? They loved her just as much as me. I knew they did. Why didn’t she?
I half expected Lori to come after me. Beg for my forgiveness and apologize. To try to take the horrendous things she had said to me back. But she didn’t. She never came. It almost hurt worse than her words.
Almost.
Age 16
It had been three days since my fight with Lori. I had been avoiding both her and Adrian like the plague. I didn’t use the bus and instead opted to catch rides to and from school with friends. Lucky enough for me, I didn’t have any classes with either of them. I didn’t stop at my locker unless I absolutely had to, and if I did, I made sure to make quick work of it. I hid in the orchestra hall at lunch, playing my violin in one of the tiny practice rooms. Momma was never home in the evenings, so I took something small to eat for dinner to my room, locking the door and wallowing in self-pity. I might have done some homework and practiced my violin, too. So far, my plan of avoidance was working.
I hadn’t told Momma about Lori like I had threatened, but I couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment. I was way too busy being angry and hurt. Adrian had called my phone a ridiculous amount of times the last three days. When he wasn’t doing that, he was sending text after text after text. I wasn’t ready to deal with him yet.
“Have Blue. Have them all!”
My head throbbed.
Lori had at least been home the past couple of evenings. From my room in the night, I could hear her making food in the kitchen or watching TV in the living room. I even heard Adrian come over one night and hang out with her. I didn’t know if our fight had somehow made a difference in her behavior, and I didn’t care. Yep, I was still pissed.
I had just gotten home from school and locked myself in my bedroom when Miranda texted.
Miranda: Hey, boo! Where are you?
I smiled at “boo” and shot back a quick text back.
Me: Home. But I need out.
I didn’t want to listen to Lori in the kitchen and living room just going about her life like she hadn’t ruined mine. I’d thought, by now, I would be over it. I’d honestly thought maybe I wouldn’t be so damn mad anymore. But I wasn’t. If anything, my feelings were becoming stronger, and I felt resentment festering inside me like an open wound. I was stunned at my ability to hold a grudge. Clearly, I wasn’t the saint Lori thought I was. It made me feel like the worst person in the world.<
br />
Miranda: Meet me at the creek. ;)
Me: OK. Give me 5.
I threw on a jacket to ward the cool evening breeze off and some flip-flops and raced down the hallway. Lori was on the couch, watching TV, but I didn’t even make eye contact. I kept right on going until I was out the back door and going through our back gate. Miranda was sitting on our side of the creek, waiting for me.
Twenty minutes later, I had filled Miranda in on everything that had happened the last three days. From Adrian and his voodoo in the cotton fields, to my huge fight with Lori. I didn’t think Miranda had heard one thing I had said about Lori though. She was still stuck on Adrian. We were lying on our backs in the grass, watching the sun go down and the stars come out.
“He didn’t,” she said, her voice full of awe.
“He did,” I answered in return, giving her a serious look sprinkled with a side of sarcasm.
I got that she didn’t believe it. I hardly did myself. I could only attribute Adrian’s actions to his being super jealous of Anthony. Which, in return, made me mad. How freaking dare he?
“Shut the front door! Who knew our boy had it in him? Gah, that’s kind of hot.” She sighed. “Did he kiss your lips or just all over your face?”
Her eyes were big, her face looked intrigued. She sounded proud, and my irritation with the whole situation grew. Why the heck was she proud of him? You don’t all of a sudden want someone because they might want someone else. Or someone else wants them. He’d had years to claim me and he hadn’t. He had wanted Lori. I was confused and angry. But the guilt… “Have Blue.” The guilt ate at me.
“I told you exactly what happened, Miranda. He kissed my face and my neck right here.” I pointed to my collarbone. Even as I did it, I felt my face heat with embarrassment and a dash of lust.
God, it had been hot. She was right, and I hated her a little bit for it.
Miranda swung her impressed looking face my way. “And he asked you to stay away from Anthony Jackson? To not go out with him?” she asked. Her expression got serious now, like the answer to this question could solve world hunger.
I rolled my eyes and smacked my teeth. “No, he didn’t freaking ask me! He told me to stay away from him!” I practically yelled.
I was beyond frustrated because Adrian hadn’t asked me. He had told me what to do. He had snarled and growled his demands out to me while peppering my face with the sweetest and sexiest kisses of my life. I’d looked up at the stars and prayed for the courage to resist those fantastic kisses.
Miranda broke out into a giddy fit of laughter, glee radiating from her eyes. “Girl, Adrian went all alpha book boyfriend on your ass. Man, I bet it was seriously sexy. I’m so bummed I missed it.” She frowned a little and then went back to her creepy, faraway smile.
She looked like she had romantic notions of Adrian and me in her head. No. Just no. Like we were the couple in one of those God-awful romantic novels she always had her face in. I put the kibosh on that with the quickness.
“Yeah, well, it was a little hot.” Ha! A little hot. I could still feel the fire of his lips burning me up three days later, but I was a good liar, so I pressed on. “But I think Anthony is good-looking and he seems to like me.” Ya know, how he likes all of the female population. “So I think, if he asks, I’m going to let him take me out.”
That would put Adrian in his place, and it would also keep me from destroying Lori any more than she already was. Clearly, the girl was going through something, and even though I was pissed to the highest degree at her, I didn’t want to hurt her. Ever.
I expected my news to ruin Miranda’s notions of sweet teenage alpha love. I expected her grin to fall any minute. I couldn’t wait, actually. I was sick of her starry-eyed smiles. But nope. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and threw her hands in the air.
“Love triangles everywhere! This is amazing! I mean, I couldn’t write this shit! It’s unbelievable.” Her voice echoed into the wooded area around us.
I let out an irritated sigh. Was this my life? Really?
Miranda lay down again and rolled to her side, propping herself on an elbow and towering over me. “So, when Adrian was going all alpha on you in the fields, did you feel it?” she asked. She looked desperate for the answer, and I would have given her one if I had known what in the hell she was talking about.
“Feel what?” I asked. I had known this girl most of my life, and most days, I still didn’t understand half of what came out of her mouth. It was like she spoke another language.
“Ya know? It,” she whispered quietly and waggled her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.
Oh, God, no. We were not talking about Adrian’s penis. This was not happening. I hadn’t felt it then, and I didn’t want to talk about it now. So I vigorously shook my head to deny this whole conversation. But I think Miranda took my head shaking for confusion, because she kept talking. About Adrian’s junk.
“Ya know, his womb-broom? His baby-maker? His Just-in-Beaver?”
Sweet baby Jesus, someone needed to make her stop. Still, I couldn’t help the giggle that fell from my lips. She was absolutely insane. Before I knew it, we were rolling around on the grass of our beloved creek in delirious fits of laughter.
When we finally grew silent, Miranda scooted as close to me as she physically could and grabbed my hand in hers. We were both staring at the sky, and her words hit me right in the heart.
“Ya know, Ains. It’s okay to do something for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. It’s okay to love yourself like you love others. Lori will come around. And you and Adrian will work things out.” She smiled at me. “Because some things are just meant to be.”
God. This girl. This hopelessly romantic girl. I loved her.
I was at school. It was lunchtime, and I was feeling too damn smug for my own good. After my talk with Miranda last night, I had decided to take the plunge and get back on the bus that morning. And not just metaphorically. It was a perfect time to exert my independence and show Adrian Davis that he was not the boss of me. Childish, I know, but I was feeling mostly immature lately.
I had waited until the very last second to get to the stop, showing up only a minute or two before the bus actually appeared. I was the last one on. I took a long look around at my seating options. Adrian and Lori were sitting together—as usual. I usually sat with Miranda, but I gave her a tight smile and walked right past her. She gave me a sly wink back, which only fueled my confidence. Anthony looked up from his seat when I approached him.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked. Good lord. Geez! Is this seat taken? That’s the best you have for a come-on line, Ains?
Anthony didn’t look put off though. He brought those big dimples out to play, patted the seat next to him, and moved over toward the window. I eased in next to him and set my book bag in my lap. He grinned at me and went back to looking at his phone. We didn’t speak the whole way to school. The bus was always practically silent in the morning. None of us were quite awake yet. The bus might have been silent, but the glares Adrian was throwing my way may as well have been shouts. He was pissed. The tick in his square jaw and the daggers in his eyes were a sure giveaway. Once we pulled up at the school, I jumped off the bus like my ass was on fire and proceeded about my day like everything in my life wasn’t going to complete shit.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Adrian since this morning. So I was feeling pretty damn proud of myself. Yep. Smug.
I made my way to the instrument room inside the orchestra hall. I grabbed my violin and hit up the small practice room I usually spent lunches in. I opened the door and went to turn the light on, but before I could flip the switch, I was dragged all the way in. A scream was caught in my throat, but before I could release it, Adrian shut the door and placed his hand over my mouth. His big body pushed mine back against the door, caging me in. God, when had my boy in the suspenders gotten so tall? He was probably almost a full foot taller than my five foot two.
“Do not
even think about screaming,” he whispered.
Oh boy, he looked really mad, so I decided that mouthing off at him would probably not be in my best interests. He took his hand away from my mouth but left his body so close to mine that a sheet of paper wouldn’t have fit between us.
God, he looked gorgeous today. His hair was a little longer than he usually kept it, and it fell over the top of his glasses. His cheeks were a little pink, his eyes fierce, his jaw doing that hot ticking thing again. Dang, but mad-as-hell looked magnificent on Adrian. I could have eaten him with a spoon.
He leaned his face ridiculously close to mine. “Aren’t we still best friends, Ainsley?” he breathed across my lips. His question snapped me out of my angry Adrian worship.
“What? Of course we are. Why would you ask such a silly question?” I asked. And I was truly stumped. I nervously bit my bottom lip.
Yes, I had been dodging him lately, but we had been friends most of our lives. I just needed some time to work out what was happening between us. I just needed to make up with Lori and set things right with her. I had a lot going on. We would always be best friends. His question seemed absurd.
He placed his hands on the wall on either side of my head, effectively blocking any way out. He then rested his forehead on the side of my neck and asked, “Then why are you avoiding me? I’ve been trying to call you for days.” He sounded a little sad and defeated.
I felt like the worst friend in the world. He lifted his head and looked right at me. I bit my lip so hard that it stung. I didn’t know what to tell him because I hadn’t figured it out myself yet. Between my confusion and his perfect body pressed so close to mine, I couldn’t think. For once in my life, I was rendered speechless. Apparently, my traitorous body hadn’t gotten the same memo as my silent mouth, because I felt my hips press closer to Adrian’s. Damn, who knew my body was such a slut!
Adrian’s groan reverberated loudly through the silent and dark room. A shot of lust soared through my entire body at that groan. I wanted it again. I thought about pressing my hips to his longer and harder, but before I could, Adrian placed one gentle palm to my cheek and pulled my lip from between my teeth with his thumb. He looked intently at my lips, lightly brushing his thumb over them.