See Through Heart

by Amie Knight

  I knew he was only offering me his forgiveness and friendship in that moment, but it felt so much bigger. It felt like he’d given me the world.

  “I have an art exhibition coming up,” Adrian said bluntly.

  My pulse raced. Is he inviting me?

  “Okay,” I answered back a little breathlessly. Please let him be inviting me.

  “You think you’re going to stick around long enough to come?” he murmured while looking down at his sketch pad.

  I could tell that it had cost him a lot to ask me. The knot in his throat bobbed up and down when he brought his gaze to mine.

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said, looking at him. And I’d meant it.

  His jaw ticked and his eyes narrowed at me in question. He didn’t believe me.

  “I swear, Adrian. I’ll be there. I’m done running,” I stated firmly. I wanted to beg him to believe me. To plead with him to give me a chance to prove myself.

  He didn’t give me the chance to say anything else. He only nodded thoughtfully, closed his sketch pad, and walked down the sidewalk toward his car.

  “Bye, Ains,” he said before shutting himself in his car.

  There were probably a million things I enjoyed doing in life. You know, drinking hot coffee on a cold day. Reading a book while snuggled under a soft blanket. Eating pizza while drinking a real Coke. Not the diet shit that kept me from getting fat, but real sugary, syrupy goodness. Yeah, I could go on all day about the things I loved to do, but heading to the airport at six thirty on a Saturday morning was not one of them. Nope, I didn’t enjoy this task at all. Only one thing kept me smiling the forty-minute drive to the airport and she was standing under the Arrivals sign smiling when I pulled my truck to the curb. It was still a little dark out, but even in the darkness, I didn’t miss the small girl with the big personality perched on her suitcase, a pair of drumsticks dangling from one hand.

  “Kells!” I shouted, jumping from the car and racing around it to pull her into a big hug. “God, it’s good to see you. I have missed the shit out of you.” I held on and rocked from side to side.

  She hugged me back while laughing into my hair. “I missed the shit out of you, too. Which is why I can’t be held responsible for how the apartment looks. I was in distress. It was a crafting emergency.”

  I laughed even as I rolled my eyes. I had absolutely no fucks to give about that apartment right now. I didn’t even know if I was ever going back there. All I cared about at the moment was my best friend being in the exact same place I was. I pulled out of our hug so I could take her in. Her hair was a little longer, but other than that, she looked the same. It felt like we had been separated for a year and not just a little under two months. She looked happy and normal, and I needed that normalcy almost as much as I needed coffee.

  When she’d called last week asking to come see me for a couple of days, it’d been a no-brainer for me. “Pack your shit and get here as soon as possible!” I’d yelled into the phone. And she had. Because that’s just the kind of friend she was.

  I was beginning to realize that, though life had taken a lot from me, it had given me so much more. I’m a slower learner, I know. But I’m getting there.

  As we were walking back to the car, she nudged me with her arm and looked at me, smiling. “You look good, Ains. I’m digging the fresh-faced country-girl vibe. It looks good on you.”

  It was six-thirty in the morning, for heaven’s sake. I looked down at my flip-flops, my cut-off jean shorts, and my red T-shirt. I hadn’t had time to do my face up or fix my hair. I’d just thrown it up in a knot at the top of my head and poured myself into my truck. Lately, though, I hadn’t been doing much of those things anyway. She was absolutely right. I was feeling more like myself, and she was dead-on, but I laughed it off anyhow.

  “Kelly, I’ve only been home a little under two months, girl. Nothing has changed except this ass.” I showed her my behind, smacking it for good measure. I’d definitely gained some weight since coming home. “Apparently, biscuits and gravy do not do an ass good.”

  She laughed. “I think your ass happens to look fabulous, so I’d say the opposite, actually.” Her face took on an earnest expression. “But seriously, Ains. You look happy. Really fucking happy.”

  And I guess I was happy. The happiest I’d been in a really long time. Being home actually seemed to be helping me in some crazy way. Even with Momma doing chemo once a week, trips back and forth to the hospital, staying up all night with her when she was sick—still, I was content. Weird, I know. But the good times—the watching TV snuggled together, the movies at night, the familiar sounds and smell of my home—comforted me during this challenging time in my momma’s life. Somehow, this place was healing me from the inside out. Someway, every day spent with my people—Adrian and Miranda and Momma—was repairing the deep-seated wounds of my grief. I’d once felt so trapped and suffocated there and wanted nothing more than to flee. Now, I was starting to feel free.

  I grinned at Kelly as we loaded into the car. “That’s because I am happy, Kells. I really am,” I said.

  My easy friendship with Adrian seemed to be firmly back in place. Things were still strained, but he came over and made dinner with Momma and me at least once a week, and on the weekends, he never failed to come by and sketch while I practiced on the front porch. We were slowly getting back our us, and I was over the moon about it.

  “So, coming home has turned out to be a good thing, then, huh?” she asked.

  I cranked the car and pulled away from the curb. “Yeah, I guess it has. I mean, Momma being sick is hard, but she’s going to be okay. I know it. And me—I’m going to be okay, too.”

  Kelly grabbed my hand in hers. “Well, I’m beyond happy for you, Ains. You deserve every bit of goodness in the world,” she said, squeezing my fingers.

  I didn’t know if I believed that, but I could tell by the look on Kelly’s face she did.

  Fuck, I loved her. I wanted to snatch her tiny ass up and carry her around in my pocket every day, everywhere. Instead, I only squeezed her hand back and went back to concentrating on getting us home.

  The ride home was fun but uneventful. We argued over the radio. She wanted to listen to rock and bang her damn drumsticks all over my dashboard. I wanted to listen to country so I didn’t murder her for beating the shit out of my old truck. It was business as usual with Kelly, and it was freaking awesome.

  “You look hot as fuck,” Kelly said to Miranda as she twirled around my small bedroom.

  I’d just finished giving Miranda the total Ainsley package, which meant I had done the absolute shit out of her makeup and her hair, and she did look hot as fuck. Not an eyelash was out of place. I silently gave myself a pat on the back as I watched my best girls giggle together.

  Kelly and I had come home from the airport and hung out with Momma for a couple of hours. Momma had met Kelly when she’d come to see me in Nashville and they’d clicked right off the bat. We’d spent the day making cookies and lasagna. It’d been fun catching up, but not nearly as fun as Miranda and two bottles of wine.

  She’d shown up this evening demanding that we Uber it into the city tonight. A bottle of wine was dangling from each hand and a duffel bag full of sexy dresses was thrown over her shoulder. I was excited at the prospect of getting out of town and dancing the night away with my girls. Since Momma wasn’t feeling bad, it was a perfect time to get out and let loose.

  I’d spent the last two hours curling, teasing, and plucking while Miranda and Kelly had bonded over wine and sexy clothes. Their connection had been instant. It made total sense to me because they were both crazy as hell.

  “Right? I almost look street-corner worthy,” Miranda said while rubbing her hands from the sides of her breasts all the way down to her hips. She thrust her pelvis a little, and Kelly fell over on my bed, laughing.

  Two bottles of wine and we were feeling pretty buzzed.

  “Hey, watch your hair, Kells. It took forever and I
still need to get ready,” I said, pointing my finger at her.

  I walked into the bathroom and threw some black wedges and a black bandage-style dress on. It was really just one sleeveless spandex tube. I applied mascara and a red lip and flipped my head upside down, fluffing my curls up a little. A little perfume and I was done.

  We all crowded into the back of a white Cavalier, Kelly and me on the ends and Miranda in the middle, all of us refusing to sit up front with the forty-something male Uber driver.

  “He looks so creepy,” Miranda whispered to the two of us.

  I rolled my eyes. She was the one who’d suggested the Uber, and he didn’t look creepy at all. He looked like a typical white-bread American, and I wondered if Miranda had taken up reading murder mysteries instead of romance.

  “Shut up. He doesn’t look creepy,” I whispered back as quietly as I could as the driver pulled out onto the road. “He’s probably just trying to make some extra money to take home to his wife and kids.”

  “That man has no wife, Ains. He doesn’t even have a wedding band on. You know what he probably does have though? A rope and some chloroform in his trunk,” Miranda whisper-yelled back at us.

  Creepy Uber Guy cranked the radio up so loud that he couldn’t hear us anymore, and we all fell into fits of laughter.

  Before we knew it, we were pulling up in front of the club. It was pretty early still, so the line out front was nonexistent. We paid our cover and headed inside. Strobe lights and loud music greeted us, and even though summer was winding down, the space was overly warm from the crowd. Weaving our way through the crowd, we made our way to the bar area.

  “Shots!” Miranda yelled over the music.

  Kelly and I nodded in agreement.

  “I have first round,” I said as I ordered three tequila shots from the short, blonde-and-blue-haired bartender.

  We perched ourselves on three stools that ran alongside the bar while we waited on our drinks. As the bartender approached, carrying our shot glasses, I placed my credit card on the bar only to be cut off by a masculine hand throwing a couple of twenties down. I followed that masculine hand to his black suit jacket, his blue-collared shirt, and then his pale green eyes and dirty-blond hair. I smirked even as I rolled my eyes. What were the freaking odds?

  “I got this,” Anthony Jackson said, pushing the twenties closer to the bartender. “Keep the change.”

  I’d be damned. I had no idea he was still around the area. Honestly, he hadn’t changed all that much. The sexy lumberjack beard was gone and his blond hair was clean cut, but he was still incredibly handsome, only now in a mature way. It was a shame that only one man set my soul on fire. And he was brunette, gorgeous, and beyond talented.

  Anthony’s familiar lopsided grin made me smile. “I heard you were home, Ainsley. It’s been a long time,” he said, sitting down right next to me.

  It had been a long time, but unfortunately for him, it hadn’t been long enough. I still looked at him and thought about spit bubbles in my hair in elementary school and his man-whoring ways in high school.

  “Ugh, fuck,” Miranda mumbled under her breath at the same time Kelly breathed, “Holy hell, who do we have here?”

  Miranda had never been a fan of Anthony’s, but Kelly’s words made me giggle.

  “Hey, Anthony. How have you been?” I asked, tipping my head back and taking my shot. I had a feeling I was going to need it.

  Miranda and Kelly shot theirs back as well, but Kelly didn’t take her eyes off Anthony the entire time. I couldn’t blame her. He was good-looking. He just wasn’t for me.

  “I’ve been good. Are you living here in Columbia now, or are you girls just in town to party a bit?” he asked before taking a sip of his amber-colored drink.

  “We’re just here to let loose a little bit. I’m staying back home at Momma’s right now.” I was talking to Anthony, but my eyes were on Miranda, who was furiously typing on her phone. She’d better not be texting who I thought she was. I narrowed my eyes at her once she looked up from her phone. I looked back over to Anthony. “What about you?” I asked.

  He looked at his watch before answering me. “Just meeting some friends here tonight, but I live a couple of blocks over. I moved up this way to go to school a few years ago. I just finished my undergraduate degree, so in the fall, I’ll start medical school.”

  Anthony looked toward the front door and spotted his friends. He motioned them over to our side of the bar, and I watched openmouthed as a whole slew of hot men positioned themselves around us, slapping high fives and greeting each other.

  Kelly grabbed my arm and yanked me toward her. “Please tell me that hot man just said that he was going to be a damn doctor. And how in the hell do you know him?” She looked a bit frantic, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “We were childhood friends. Sort of. Well, mostly, he blew spit bubbles at me in class and tortured me at the bus stop.”

  “And he was a total slut,” Miranda threw in over Kelly’s shoulder. “Pretty much slept with anyone who let him in high school. You don’t want to touch that with a ten-foot pole,” she said while leaning over to get the bartender’s attention for more drinks.

  Kelly leaned close so only I would hear. “No, but I’d let him touch me with his pole,” she said, waggling her eyebrows at me.

  “Just, ew, Kells, ew!” I exclaimed, reaching for the new round of shots on the bar. Yes, lots and lots of alcohol was going to be needed to get through the night. All the damn alcohol.

  An hour later, I was feeling good. Too good, probably, which meant I was going to feel like absolute shit in the morning, but at the moment, it felt so worth it. Anthony and his school friends were turning out to be great company, and even though I had no interest in Anthony, I would be a liar if I said his attention didn’t feel good. He wasn’t being overly flirtatious, but his hand on my cheek every now and then and the twinkle in his eye when he said that I was even more beautiful than he remembered let me know he was interested. I was basking in all of this attention when Kelly grabbed my arm and spun me around on my stool.

  “Two o’clock, two o’clock. Look at two o’clock now,” she said into my ear just loud enough to be heard over the music, but my drink-addled brain didn’t catch on.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to decipher what in the hell was going on.

  “Look at two o’clock right now, Ainsley, because the most amazing-looking man I’ve ever seen just walked in through the front door,” she said a little louder this time, bouncing in her seat.

  Finally, through the slur of some of her words, I made out what she was trying to say. I turned on my stool to the front door and watched Adrian Davis come barreling toward us. He was a man on a mission. His face was set and determined, his stride toward us adamant and unwavering. He was wearing black dress pants and a green, long-sleeve, collared button-down shirt. His shiny shoes brought him even closer to us, and I immediately took in his black suspenders. Damn those things did all sorts of things to my body. Of course he’d be wearing them. He knew what they did to me, and he’d made sure to come out in full keep-Anthony-Jackson-away attire. His purposeful expression sent a delicious shiver down my spine, and I had to remind myself that this mouthwatering man wasn’t mine anymore. The past couple of weeks between us had been great though. I was damn near giddy every time I saw him pull up in Momma’s drive. He’d even invited me to his first art exhibition and I’d promised to be there. I was beyond proud and wouldn’t miss it for the world. But this. Whatever this was. It wasn’t working for me. Did he want me for more than a friend or didn’t he?

  Damn Miranda. I glared at her down the bar, to which her only response was a shrug of her shoulders. She didn’t even have the decency to deny that she’d texted Adrian the moment Anthony had shown up at the bar. I took a deep breath, remembering that she had always been team Adrian. I couldn’t blame her. I’d always been team Adrian too. And, truth be told, I still was.

  Miranda nud
ged Kelly with her shoulder and lifted her shot in the air. Kelly clinked it with her own while Miranda shouted, “This shit’s about to get good!” before downing her drink.

  “I have no idea what we are toasting to, but I am not going to pass up a chance to drink,” Kelly said, laughing to Miranda.

  I rolled my eyes at the two of them. I was probably going to kill Miranda before the night was over. My momma was right. She was a damn busybody. I watched as Adrian politely greeted Anthony and then made his way over to stand between Kelly’s stool and mine.

  “Evening, ladies,” he said easily, like he hadn’t gotten himself all gussied up and made his way to town in record time. Like I had invited him out with us when, in all actuality, Miranda had sold me out.

  “Hey, Big A. You made it just in time,” Miranda piped up and leaned across to fist-bump Adrian.

  I wanted to kill her.

  I motioned my hand toward Kelly and then to Adrian and back. “Kelly—Adrian. Adrian—Kelly,” I said, making my introductions, and that’s when I knew that Kelly had already had way too much to drink.

  “This is Adrian?” she asked. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!? What do they have in the water around this place? Christ almighty, Ainsley, but I get it. I totally get why you waited now. Forget four years. I’d go four hundred years without sex for this sweet piece of man meat. And these suspenders. God, I could scrapbook you. All. Night. Long. Baby,” she said, looking longingly at Adrian. “Jesus, I’m in love.” She ran her hand down one suspender, and I somehow resisted the urge to smack her hand away.

  I made wide shut-the-hell-up eyes at Kelly and felt my face burn with embarrassment. Adrian did not need to know that I hadn’t been with anyone since him. Kelly and Miranda were both on the list now, and it wasn’t the good list. It was the shit list.

  Adrian smugly smiled at me, and it made me want to take him down a notch or two, so I ordered more drinks, turned my stool toward Anthony, and listened to him and his friends talk about football. I cared nothing about sports, and I was bored out of my damn mind, but Adrian didn’t need to know that. In my peripheral vision, I spotted Adrian downing drinks like water. It pleased me that he was clearly having trouble coping. Served him right for having shown up there on a mission to cock-block me. It was totally unnecessary and not his responsibility at all.