Shattered Beliefs

by Maggie Jane Schuler

  Chapter Twelve

  Edward

  Spending time with Logan took me away from self-imposed problems, if only for a while. He was wonderful company; charming, kind, clever, articulate. Sods law I meet a man so breathtakingly handsome with husband qualities and my heart belonged to another. “Thank you for a lovely evening.”

  “My pleasure, Ed.” His twangy accent revved my engine, and the manner in which he tipped his hat sent shivers down my spine. Why, oh why can’t I forget Milo Garcia? It’s not for want of trying.

  The man of my dreams could be right in front of me, ready to love me and embrace every quirk I had… Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. I flashed him a killer smile. “If you’re free once your shift is over, you are welcome to come over and watch a movie with me?” I knew Logan had an early afternoon shift at the bar and needed to head home to sleep for a few hours. “But you don’t have to decide right now.”

  “Don’t you need to study?”

  “Always, but I’m going to have a few hours’ sleep, then crack on, but I should be done by the time you finish.”

  “Sounds good to me.” His gaze lingered a little too long on me.

  “Call me when you finish, and I will order pizza.”

  “Nice.”

  “Any preferences?”

  “Something spicy, oh, and with sausage and pepperoni.” He waggled his brows in jest.

  “Your wish is my command.” I leaned in, giving him a now customary hug and pushed the truck door open, stepping out in the predawn crisp air.

  “Thanks for bringing me home, Logan.”

  He tipped his hat again. Those pearly whites of his were perfect. “Sleep well, buddy.”

  Logan waved and drove away. Then I pulled my phone from my pocket and noted the missed call.

  Who was calling me this early in the morning? I wondered. For a moment, I thought it may be somebody from home and panic set in slightly until I hit the button, listing missed calls, confirming it to be Milo.

  “What the hell does he want at this hour of the morning?” My words grumbled out recognising that for weeks, he had kept me dangling like a carrot, praying for the tiniest glimmer of hope he would contact me. Anger pumped through my veins.

  Why now? Right when I thought him best left consigned to history, he threw a spanner in the works, pulling me right back into my feelings. What a wanker!

  His call presented me with a dilemma I hadn’t had time to think through. Should I call him back, or wait for him to call me? Could I handle the deafening sound of silence once more?

  I knew myself too curious by nature, so I hit the redial button and waited anxiously for the call to connect. My fingers found their way to my mouth. Chewing my fingernails; a vile habit, but one I had since childhood.

  “Hey, Edward.” He sounded far too cheery for my liking. I wanted to rip his head off and shit in his neck, but hearing his voice tossed me into a tailspin.

  “I missed your call.” My tone was off, and my mother’s voice rattled in my head. Manners matter, darling. It’s what elevates us from monkeys.

  “Yeah, I was passing by and figured I’d see how y’all are.”

  Who was he trying to kid? I didn’t come down in the last shower. “Kissing Hills isn’t anywhere near your house, Milo, so what do you actually want?” I wasn’t in the mood to play games.

  “Really, I was, well, ugh—”

  “Cut the crap, Milo, and tell me what you want.”

  A long pause came across the line; I heard his heavy breathing, the only thing letting me know he held the other end. “I—I’ve— y’all been on my mind.”

  “Why?” He was a piece of work. The cheek of the Devil as my dear sainted Grandmama would say.

  “Look, I’m not far from you. Can I stop by?”

  Every part of me screamed, Yes, come now, hold me in your arms, kiss me, make me yours, pound me into oblivion, but what came out of my mouth was the more sensible option. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “I need to figure something out.”

  “Then talk. I’m listening”

  “Face to face, Edward.”

  “You’ve ignored me for weeks, and now you want to talk. Well, it doesn’t work that way, playboy!”

  “I’m sorry. I got it wrong, okay.”

  Finally! “You treated me appallingly and why?” Anger bubbled under the surface. “Because you wanted to kiss me but then couldn’t handle it.” Silence greeted my truth. “You don’t have anything to say?”

  “Please, there’s stuff I want to talk about.”

  “Five minutes, then we’re done, and consider yourself lucky I have more kindness and compassion than you showed to me.”

  “Can you buzz me through.”

  “Where are you?” How close was he exactly?

  “I’m outside the gates now.”

  “Let me get inside then I can buzz you through, and for goodness sake, keep your speed down or Deidra will be on my doorstep again at sunrise, and dealing with her is the last thing I want right now.” I ended the call and rushed up the path. Unlocking the door, I disabled my alarm system and flicked the lights on. It hit me, he’d seen me arrive home? Even if he had, I don’t care. My personal life had nothing to do with him. One glance around and I thanked God the house was spotless. I called Milo right back and noticed my hands shaking.

  “Hey, Edward.”

  “I’m buzzing you through now, but no speeding.”

  “Gimme a coupla minutes.” This time, he ended the call.

  Why was I a nervous wreck? He didn’t deserve anything, let alone the time to explain his shoddy treatment of me.

  Quickly, I rushed into the laundry room and found a clean top that didn’t smell of cigarette smoke and beer. Thankfully, Hilary was here when the dry cleaning was dropped off. It sat on hangers at the far end of the room. I flipped through them and noticed my favourite top and slipped into it as I heard a knock on the door.

  “Take a deep breath.” I don’t want him to see me in a kerfuffle. His ego was large enough without me stroking it. Strolling casually through the house and into the spacious entrance hall, I spied him through the glass panel in the front door. Even at this ungodly hour, he was catwalk ready.

  “Thanks for agreeing to see me,” he said as I opened the door.

  “Come in.” I stepped aside as his arm brushed mine. Even the slightest touch sent my senses reeling. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink?”

  “Water, please.” I noted his manners on full display. “No food, I ain’t hungry.”

  “Let’s go through to the kitchen.” I chose this room purposely. The scene of our forbidden encounter.

  “Okay.”

  Now Milo held my attention, he seemed quieter than I liked. “You just get home?”

  “Right before you called, funnily enough.” I couldn’t help smirk. “If I had a suspicious mind, I would think you were waiting for me.”

  “A coincidence.”

  Stepping into the kitchen, I headed for the cabinet which housed the glasses. “Tap or bottled?”

  “Either.”

  I opened the fridge and reached for the good stuff, a bottle of Tasmanian Rain, then poured a good measure into his glass. “Sit down.” I gestured to the breakfast bar which placed him directly opposite me. He sat with nothing to say, doing as I asked and picked up the half full glass, taking a large gulp. I placed the bottle in front of him.

  He picked it up and read the label. “This stuff is fancy.”

  “It’s water.” At twenty dollars a bottle it is a tad more expensive than regular brands.

  “Tasmanian Rain comes from the island of Tasmania.” He scrutinised the bottle and continued to read from the label. “It is so pure it falls from the sky as rainwater and is bottled into sleek and stylish bottles…” He shook his head. “I don’t even know where Tasmania is, and you have water shipped in.”

  “It’s an island off Australia’s south coast.” Little did I know I would b
e giving geography lessons this early in the morning.

  “And probably costs more per bottle than I make a month at Nick’s...”

  He stalled for time. Nobody invested this kind of time in water, no matter where it was bottled. My late night had me ready to meet my pillow and I cut in. “So, what is it you want to see me about?”

  Finally, he put the bottle down before he discovered any more remarkable facts about my bottled water. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

  “Oh?” No way was I going to make this easy for him. “About anything in particular.”

  “I shouldn’t have rushed out that night, it wasn’t fair.”

  “I’ve already forgotten about it.” Thinking back to the night, filled me with mixed emotions. I believed something was finally about to happen between us, then as quick as it started, Milo fled the scene. I felt exactly the same way for him, seeing him now had not diminished the desire I felt for him.

  “Yeah?”

  “There wasn’t anything worth remembering, unless I remembered things wrong.”

  He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “We nearly kissed.”

  “Nearly being the operative word, Milo.”

  “I’ve never kissed—” His hands played with his glass as he caught his breath. “A guy, Edward. I’ve never kissed one before.”

  “Then nothing has changed, you still haven’t.” I turned away and grabbed another bottle of water from the fridge. To my shame, I drank from the bottle. How common, my sister, Felicity would say with a look of disgust on her face.

  “But I wanted to kiss you, don’t you get it?”

  “I have long since given up on trying to figure you out, Milo.”

  In defeat, he muttered, “That’s not surprising. I can't figure myself out.”

  “Was that all you came here for?”

  “Come on, Edward, I’m trying here.”

  “Yes, as I did, for weeks after,” I hissed, “to see if you were okay, but you didn’t give a shit how I felt and cut me off like I meant nothing.”

  “Cut me some slack.”

  “I would if you deserved it.” I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy. “Now you crawl back here to the scene of the crime expecting me to soothe your guilty conscience.”

  “My life is shit right now.”

  “Aw, poor little Milo.” I was raised to display more class than this.

  “I—I need…”

  “What do you need, Milo? A hole to fill, to take your frustrations out on? Well, I’m not the kind of guy to be picked up and put down whenever it suits you.”

  “You're wrong.”

  My words spilled out like venom. “Am I really? Go on, tell me because I’ve racked my brains for weeks wondering.”

  “I fuck girls.”

  I gave him a round of applause. “So the macho, straight guy is curious to see how it feels to stick his dick in a guy because he’s exhausted every other hole in this dump of a town.”

  “Fuck you, Edward.”

  “I’ll pass, thanks.”

  I lit the touchpaper, which buried his anger. “Maybe you’re not running after me like a lost puppy because Logan is giving you what you need?”

  He had been waiting for me. A confirmation I added to fuel his rage. “Maybe he is, but at least he knows what he wants and doesn’t string me along.”

  He growled, “You want me, not him.”

  I laughed at the audacity of the guy. “Texan stud Milo Garcia can’t handle me liking another guy so he races up here ready to declare his undying love.” His eyes darkened. I hit too close to home. “Is that it?”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Then why are you here, Milo? Come on, big man, tell me, get it out of the way, then rush away and fill some bitch up. Isn’t that what you do?”

  “I don’t know why I’m here, alright.” His fingers white, gripping the edge of the table

  “Get out of my house, you’ve wasted enough of my time.”

  “Not until I’ve said what I want to say.” He pushed himself out of his seat.

  “I don’t want to hear it.”

  He walked around the breakfast bar. We stood nose to nose. I questioned his intentions, wondering if I’d detect the faint smell of whiskey or other alcohol fuelled truth serum prompting this visit. I wasn’t about to lecture him on the right and wrong of drunk driving, no matter how incensed I was that he had risked his life, and others’ driving in that condition “I like you, but I don’t know how to deal with it, okay.” There was nothing coating the air but the sweet aroma of Milo.

  I had to reign in my fury because my senses told me the situation could be volatile. I took a step back. Milo stood at a crossroads, and one push would send him down a path he couldn’t return from. “I know you do. You wouldn’t have spent time with me otherwise.”

  “Nah, you got it wrong.” He made sure our eyes met. “I like you in a way I shouldn’t.”

  My coming out was less of a parade, but this was pathetic even by my standards. “Are you trying to tell me you’re gay?”

  “I didn't say that,” he fired back at me.

  “What are you then?”

  “I’m stuck on you. You’re ingrained in my mind all the time.”

  “Unless it escaped your attention, I'm a guy. I have a cock, remember.” I was being unfair to him because attraction came in many forms. Milo was not gay, I knew that, perhaps not even bi. Maybe that rare specimen of man that was attracted simply to the person. My dealings with Milo too often kept at arm's length; I could be barking up the wrong tree. I was at a loss, but I wouldn’t take on his problems or lead him down a path that wasn’t his to walk. If he liked me, that was his issue to work through.

  Men brave enough to step out of the confines of Narnia could be a challenge, but throw in what I suspected from the jangling around town a dominant father, star football coach, bully, and Milo’s journey would not be an easy one, regardless of the road he chose to take.

  “I know what you are, and it confuses the hell out of me.”

  “I can’t help you with this.”

  He buried his head in his hands. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Never.” I stepped further away.

  “I’m not gonna hurt you, Edward.”

  “Who said anything about that?”

  “Your body language tells me you’re scared.” I detected a tear in his eye.

  “I’m not scared of you hurting me physically, but I’m terrified you’ll break my heart.”

  A single tear rolled down his cheek. “I-I...”

  I stepped toward him. His inability to speak crushed me. He was crying out for help, and I only cared about my own wounded pride and feelings. “Don’t cry,” I said, feeling my eyes well with tears.

  “I’m not crying.” He blinked, but his face told me how mad he was at revealing so much of himself. Stepping toward me, my heart pounded, almost out of my chest.

  “Don’t,” I croaked.

  “I won’t break your heart, Edward.”

  “That’s what you say now, but—” I had no chance to finish my sentence as he lunged and pulled me into his strong, muscular arms. With tenderness I would never have expected, our lips met. The kiss wasn’t frantic, as I assumed it would be, but peppered with emotion and hidden desires.

  I reached down and expected him to move my hand. But he didn’t.

  His cock, bigger than my fantasies teased, was rock hard and ready for action. Briefly, I imagine what it would feel like to be pummelled from behind by his monster cock. But rather than give in to my fantasies and surrender to the moment, I peeped, shocked to see Milo’s eyes closed. He was lost in the kiss, and as much as I wanted to be, a barrier existed. He had hurt me once before; a repeat performance would shatter me.

  Reluctantly, I was the one to pull away this time. “This is all wrong.” I could still taste him on my lips.

  “Why?”

  “You’ve been drinking and don’t know what you want.”


  “I’m not a fucking kid, Edward.” He tried to pull me into his embrace once more.

  I resisted. “No, Milo, listen to me—”

  “I don’t wanna talk, I want you to kiss me.”

  Now I was certain this change of heart stemmed from another issue, maybe his family, a girl perhaps, but it wasn’t all about me, if any of this was. “I can’t.”

  He grabbed his cock through his jeans. “Then bend over and let me fuck you. I know it’s what you want.”

  “I don’t want that, not now, not like this.”

  “Why not?” He spat the words as though distasteful. “Because Logan already had his fill tonight.”

  I laughed then waved my accusation at him like a weapon. “You’re jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  “Me spending time with Logan.”

  “Get the fuck outta here.” His eyes blazed with fire. I danced with danger.

  “Admit that is why you are doing this, because you’re jealous?” I noted the clench of his fists but continued, “You can’t have me, but nobody else can either.” I hissed, accusing him. “I should have known the Narnian would behave like the Neanderthal caveman and try to stake a claim on somebody that does not belong to him.” I had said too much, spoken out of turn, but it was too late to stop myself. This is verbal diarrhoea of the worst kind, but I couldn’t seem to locate the stop button.

  “I’m warning you.”

  “Or what?” I wasn’t one to back down from a fight. He raised his fist, and I flinched, closing my eyes. I anticipated the strike and heard the almighty bang but felt no pain.

  Opening my eyes, he had punched the cabinet, leaving a dent in the solid oak. “Oh, my God.” Then he rushed out of the room clutching his injured hand. “Milo, wait, let me look at your hand.” But he didn’t listen and shot out of the front door and down the path that lay in between the grass verges. I was hot on his heels. “Please, don’t go...”