Untamed

by S. C. Stephens

  I shot Kellan a glare. “It’s really easy to be super judgey when you’ve got the entire world eating out of the palm of your hand. You’ve never had to be in your shadow, so you have no idea how I feel.”

  Kellan raised his hands. “Do you think that maybe you could have talked to me about it? Instead of being…well, you?”

  “This is pointless.” Grabbing my jacket off the couch, I swung it over my shoulder and prepared to leave. “What’s done is done.”

  Evan was blocking the door. Looking up at his stone face, I snipped, “Want to get out of my way?”

  He shook his head. “You’ve been a part of this band since the beginning. You can’t just up and leave.”

  My lips compressed. If they’d wanted me to stay so bad, they shouldn’t have treated me like I was an irritant. Something they all just put up with. “I never swore I’d stay.”

  “You signed a contract,” Matt countered.

  Glancing at him, I shook my head. “Not the same thing. We both know I can get out of that easily enough. I’m free to come or go as I please, that’s how I live my life.” I raised my chin, defying him to tell me what to do again.

  Matt sniffed, then indicated the door. “Well then, by all means…go and be free.”

  Looking away from me, Evan stepped aside so I could open the door, and without saying another word, I left the D-Bags behind.

  The minute my plane landed in Seattle, I was bombarded by phone calls and voicemails. At least five of them were from Denny. Call me was the gist of his message. I didn’t plan to. I knew exactly what he’d say—You’re making a mistake, you should have run this by me, you need to publicly take back what you said, blah, blah, blah. I didn’t want to hear any of those things, so I didn’t need to see or speak to him.

  Denny disagreed.

  When I opened the front door of my house, he was standing there in the entryway, waiting for me. “Oh, fuck no. What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, tired and annoyed.

  Denny indicated Anna beside him; Anna looked as ragged as I felt, worn to the bone, like she hadn’t slept a wink. “Your wife let me in. She seemed to think it might be a good idea if you and I talked.” Anna had her arms crossed over her chest, and her lips were compressed into firm, flat lines. Listen to him was being broadcasted from her so loudly it made my ears ache. That was about the last thing I wanted to do though.

  I held up a hand. “No need. I know exactly what I’m doing, and I don’t need your advice or opinion.”

  Denny took a step forward. “I know about the TV show. The guy approached me before he approached you. I said no. It wasn’t a good deal, it still isn’t.”

  My jaw dropped open. “You said no? Why the fuck would you do that without consulting us first? We don’t pay you half our earnings so you can withhold information from us.”

  Sighing, Denny shook his head. “For the umpteenth time, you don’t pay me fifty percent. But regardless, I did mention this. We had a group meeting about it. Don’t you remember that conversation?”

  I tried to think back to what he was talking about, but I was jet-lagged, frustrated, and mentally depleted. And besides, his meetings were always so boring. I usually tuned him out after the first five minutes. “Can we do this later? I’m wasted.” I left the door open so he could exit, but he didn’t leave. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest, in a mirror image of my agitated wife. Stubborn fucker.

  “Fine,” I sneered. Slamming the door closed, I dropped my bags in the entryway and raised my hands. “Go ahead, I’m listening. Say what you have to say.”

  Denny glanced at Anna, then back to me. “Anna told me he approached you at Pete’s. Don’t you think it’s weird that he met you in a bar instead of going through your agent?” I furrowed my brows but didn’t say anything to that. I guess it was kind of weird. Taking my silence as agreement, Denny continued. “He contacted me about Kellan doing it first, and I declined for him. Then he called back for Matt, and then for Evan, and then, eventually, for you. He asked for all the guys, and I declined for each of you. We had a group meeting once I realized he was just fishing for a name to sell the show. You pay me to keep your best interest in mind, and that is exactly what I did.”

  His words tickled something dark inside of me. They asked for Kellan and the others first? I was last choice? No…that couldn’t be true. They wanted me and only me. He’d said so. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, man. We must be talking about different deals.”

  Denny sighed, and a look of defeat came over him. “I know you’re not going to listen to a thing I say, but I’m begging you…for the sake of your family, if nothing else…this is not something you should get involved with, believe me. It’s a step down and a huge risk. There is no guarantee the show is going to go anywhere, and the pay is—”

  Lifting my chin, I cut him off. “That’s one opinion. Mine is different. I think it’s a great opportunity, a chance for me to show my worth.” And that’s why everyone didn’t want me to do it.

  Maybe seeing an angle he hadn’t tried, Denny latched onto my statement. “Look, I know Kellan’s fame can be overpowering, but you’re important too. The guys—”

  I interrupted before he could finish whatever lame argument he’d cooked up. “No, I’m not important too, I’m important period. And I’m going to prove it. I’m doing this. You and the guys will just have to accept that and move on.”

  Holding his hands up, Denny tried one more time to persuade me into seeing things his way. “Fine, do the show…but don’t quit the band. Take a sabbatical, see what happens…you don’t need to cut all ties and walk away.”

  But that was just it. I did need to. I’d gone as far as I could with the D-Bags, and if I stayed with them, I knew exactly what would happen—I’d shrink further and further into the shadows. They’d clipped my wings, and I was dying to fly. “No. There is nothing left for me there. I want out of the band, permanently. Make it happen.”

  Denny closed his eyes and I could almost see him cursing me in his mind. “Okay, I’ll have papers drawn up, dissolving your interest in the band.” With a forced smile, he held his hand out. “Good luck, Griffin. I think you’re making a mistake, but I honestly do hope this works out for you.”

  With a genuine smile, I took his palm. “It’s me. Of course it’s going to work out.”

  He left with a shake of his head, and the entryway echoed with silence after he was gone. Wondering if Anna would dig into me again, I looked back at her. She didn’t seem mad though. No, she looked terrified. “Griffin…he’s removing you from the band. Legally. This is real, do you understand that? You won’t be a D-Bag after this.”

  Her words tickled something in the back of my brain, something chilly and painful. Not moving forward because of some lame sentiment about my past conflicted with my new dreams though. I had to close a door so I could open another one. Right? “I know that, Anna. I’m cool with…not being a D-Bag anymore.” Man, that was weird to say.

  Anna inhaled a deep breath, then pressed her hands against her stomach, like she was feeling ill. “Don’t be hasty about this, Griffin. Take the sabbatical if you want to try this TV thing, but don’t quit the band.”

  Wishing everyone would stop second-guessing my choices, and a little irritated that Anna had called my future career a “thing,” I shook my head. “No. This is the path I’m supposed to be on. I can feel it. The D-Bags were a stepping-stone, but I don’t need them anymore.” Saying that made me feel like I had a frog in my throat, and I had to swallow three times to remove it. It was true though. I’d given them their chance. They’d blown it.

  Anna took a step toward me; her eyes were glistening. “You told me once that ever since you were little you wanted to be a rock star. You made it. You’re there. Why would you want to throw away your childhood dream?”

  Running a hand down my face, exhaustion seeping through every pore, I let out a long sigh. “I said I wanted to be the star of a rock band, not band memb
er number four that nobody knows or cares about.” I lifted my hands as I pointed out what should have been obvious to her. “All they care about is Kellan, but the guys won’t let me do anything to change that. They never let me do anything. They hold me back. All I wanted was one fucking song—one! And the fuckers wouldn’t even give me that. I can’t go anywhere with them. I’m stuck.” Despair started to creep in as I thought of the boxy cage they’d thrown around me. Truth be told, I’d stay with them…if I thought it would get me anywhere. But it never would, and Anna needed to accept that. If she felt so strongly about me remaining a D-Bag, then she should be having this conversation with them.

  Anna put her hands on my chest, imploring me to listen. “Okay, you’re right, but quitting isn’t the answer. Talk to them. Please.” I could hear the utter desperation in her voice, and it freaked me the fuck out. I’d never heard anything like it from her before. Anna didn’t beg, not like this. But goddammit! This was my only chance to break free. If I didn’t take this opportunity, I’d never get another one. I firmly believed that.

  “I have, Anna, several times. It doesn’t make a difference, and it never will. This is the only way.” Please accept that. Please stand by my side again. I’m not sure I can get through this without your support.

  Her lips compressed in a familiar expression of frustration. “We’re supposed to be a team. Why are you suddenly making deals behind my back and deciding everything that happens to this family? Don’t I have a say? Don’t I have a vote? I mean, can’t we at least negotiate about this?” Even though she looked exasperated, her eyes were full of pleading, full of hope that I’d let her earn a chance to win the argument. I couldn’t afford to though. Not this time. I was going to have to be a chauvinistic jerk to help her past her unfounded fears, but she’d thank me before this was all said and done. We were going to come out of this even stronger. I knew it.

  Knowing I was being a bossy asshole, I shook my head and firmly stated, “We’re leaving Seattle, Anna. This is happening. End of discussion.” She opened her mouth, but I turned away to go find my daughters. Hopefully they would be excited for me, since nobody else was.

  Like Kellan had predicted, a shitstorm sprang to life after I very publicly dropped out of the band. I think every branch of the media called me; it was kind of awesome. I was finally getting a chance to speak, and I told them all the same thing: I’d hit a wall with the D-Bags, and I was branching out to try something new, something where I could be the star.

  Some assholes asked me if my rash decision was due to jealousy. I told those guys to suck it. I wasn’t jealous, I was tired. Tired of being chained and restrained. It was time for the Hulk to be free.

  “So we’re going to move to Daddy’s hometown. That cool with you?” I was explaining to Gibson that we’d be getting on a plane tomorrow and might not ever be coming back. I wasn’t sure how she’d take it.

  She tilted her head of blond curls and gave me a look of complete and total trust. I stuck my thumb out in an A-okay gesture and with a big grin, she copied me. “Okay, Daddy.” At least someone had my back.

  I patted her head, then gave her a kiss and stood up. Anna was holding Onnika while she watched Gibson and me. “We all packed and ready to go?” I asked her. A car was coming in the morning for us and some of our stuff. We’d send for the rest of our crap once we found a permanent place down south.

  Anna nodded in answer, but she didn’t look happy about doing it. She wasn’t one to stress about things, so her reaction to my announcement was wiggin’ me out. Once she got over the fact that I’d sort of lied to her…and basically forced her to go along with my plan…I thought she’d be 100 percent on board. Especially after I explained how kick-ass our life was going to be when the show got huge. She didn’t seem moved by our upcoming awesomeness though. She seemed moody, pissy, and full of doubts, more like her sister than herself. Motherhood had sucked some of the carefreeness out of her.

  I cupped her arms, just above her elbows. “We’re gonna be fine. Better than fine, even. You don’t need to worry about anything…except making sure we all get up on time to make the flight, because you know I’m unreliable as shit when it comes to stuff like that.”

  “Shit.” Gibson giggled.

  Anna sighed as she glanced at our little mockingbird. When her eyes returned to mine, they were a little lackluster, like she was just going through the motions. She’d looked like that ever since I’d told her we were leaving. “Don’t worry…I know my job. Just don’t be out late, otherwise nothing I do will wake you up.”

  Hoping to see the smile I knew and loved, I crooked a grin and told her, “There’s always one thing you can do to wake me up…” I wriggled my eyebrows so she’d know exactly what I was talking about. She gave me a humoring smile as she shoved me toward the door, but that was about it. I’d kind of been hoping she would take me up on my suggestion. My bed had been so frosty last night it had made the Antarctic seem warm in comparison. It concerned me some. Anna usually attacked me when I came home from a trip, but she’d told me she wasn’t in the mood and had turned onto her side when I’d started nibbling on her. She hardly ever turned me down. And I’ll admit, the rejection hurt a little.

  Thinking maybe a date night would cheer her up, I asked, “You sure you don’t want to go out with me? We could get a sitter for the girls?”

  Anna looked around our home like she was memorizing it. “No…I want to be here tonight…”

  I really didn’t understand the sadness that had been hovering around her since our argument. I’d expected the burst of anger, but the lingering melancholy…I just didn’t get it. I wanted her to be as excited about our new life as I was. It worried me that maybe she wouldn’t get over this…but we were L.A.-bound tomorrow, our new life awaited, and it was going to be epic. The Griffin Show: all Griff, all the time.

  Hopping into my Hummer, I left my house for one last hurrah in Seattle. I really was going to miss it here, especially Pete’s, which is where I was headed. Even though I’d been raised in L.A., I felt like I’d grown up at the bar…come into my own, if you will. Since I didn’t know when I’d be back, I felt like it was the only place I should be tonight. As I pulled into the parking lot, I wished Anna had decided to come out with me. Since we’d met in this bar, it felt wrong to not say our goodbyes together. Pete’s was a milestone location for our relationship. She should be here.

  Pushing aside that pensive thought, I shoved open the double doors to Pete’s like I was breaking them down. I wanted everyone to hear me coming. Since it was Saturday night, the place was packed. Numerous heads swiveled at my grand entrance; my skin sizzled as their eyes devoured me. Yeah…I loved being the center of attention.

  A cheer went up in the bar when people recognized me. That was one of the best things about Pete’s—I was always recognized here. By the regulars, if nothing else. As expected, the fans started swarming around me, fondling me and asking questions. Their questions weren’t the kind I’d been expecting though, and their touches were more violent than usual. “How could you break up the band! How could you leave! Why are you doing this to us, when we’ve supported you for so long!”

  The heat in their voices surprised me. I’d been expecting nothing but congratulations from the fans. “What the fuck are you going on about? I’m switching one awesomeness for another, that’s all.”

  “You’re changing the band!” One red-faced girl shouted at me. “You’re ruining everything! How do you sleep at night, knowing you destroyed the D-Bags!”

  I stared at her, dumbstruck. Ruining everything? I was making it better. For me, anyway. And I slept just fine, thank you very much. I was about to tell her that when a voice from the middle of the bar broke through the chatter.

  “Yeah, Griffin! How do you sleep, knowing you fucked over the people who gave you the great life you resent so much?”

  I looked over the various heads surrounding me until I found the owner of the voice. Matt. I should have known.
He was standing near another clump of people, holding a beer and sneering at me like I was committing a sin just by being here. Rachel was with him, and by the way she was supporting him, I figured Matt was plastered. That would explain the outburst. Matt generally didn’t like to attract attention to himself.

  Shoving some customers out of the way, I strode forward. “You got something to say to me, cuz?”

  Matt tapped a finger against his jaw. “I’m not sure…but I think I just said it.” He turned to Rachel. “I was speaking out loud, right?”

  Rachel sighed, then said something quietly and tugged on his arm. She looked like she didn’t want to be here anymore. I kind of agreed, but I was too mad to leave. “Screw you, Matt. I’m only doing this because you left me no other choice.”

  Matt’s face turned an even deeper shade of red, and he started storming toward me; the fans between us quickly got out of the way, and Rita at the bar warned us to be good or she wouldn’t hesitate to call the cops on our asses. I glanced over to see her summoning the bar’s bouncer. I didn’t have time to worry about it though, because Matt had reached me, and he was pissed enough and blitzed enough that he wasn’t happy stopping with verbally assaulting me.

  With both hands against my chest, he shoved me backward. I stumbled but caught myself. “Dude! Lighten the fuck up,” I snapped.

  He let out a sardonic laugh. “Lighten up? You fucked the band three weeks before our album dropped. You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met. I always knew you were a piece of work, but I had no idea what a fucking fucker you were until now. But you know what, it doesn’t fucking matter. We’ll replace your ass and move on. It will be easy as can be; I know a dozen guys who would love to have what you just threw away.”

  He was in my face, shouting at me like I’d gone deaf or something. His words were tiny logs being set on my internal fire, stoking me piece by piece. If he didn’t shut his piehole soon, I was going to shut it for him. “Cool it, Matt. I’m just about done with you.”