Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  We negotiated our way out of the crowded bar, my eyes fixed on the back of Lily’s head, willing her to keep facing in the same direction until we were clear of the bar. When Fiona asked what was wrong, I realized I had just let out a huge sigh of relief when we were in the lobby on our way out. I pretended I was just tired, and she seemed to accept this.

  We were on the way to the car, and she remembered she had left her purse in the restroom. Fuck. I told her I’d wait by the car to get some fresh air.

  While I stood in the balmy night air, leaning against my car door, there was only one thing on my mind—Lily. Hearing footsteps, I looked up to see Fiona walking toward me. As she reached me the sight of Lily coming out of the door toward me made my heartbeat literally stop. My initial reaction was that I wanted to run over to her and explain. I couldn’t. It looked bad that Fiona was with me, and I wanted to fucking die.

  I ran around my car and almost pushed Fiona into her seat, I needed her to be gone. The urge to run to Lily and explain that this wasn’t what it looked like restricted my breathing. But why the fuck would she think I was telling the truth—I’d asked her to be my fuck buddy.

  I drove past her at speed. Not looking at her. I couldn’t. My only thought was to get rid of Fiona as quickly as possible, and find Lily so that I could explain what she saw wasn’t what she must have thought it was. If Fiona spoke to me on the way back to her place, I don’t think I replied.

  When we pulled up to Fiona’s place, she began to give me some bullshit come on, and I told her to get the fuck out of the car. As far as I was concerned, she was definitely off my list from now on.

  Driving back toward the intersection I knew she’d have to drive past and if I hurried I could follow her home. Trying to think on my feet about how I could make things okay with Lily, and whatever way I looked at it, my chances of redeeming myself with her looked less than zero. This was a catastrophic fuck up on my part.

  What the hell did I say to her? “Oh honey, don’t worry about the woman I just took home. I’m an escort?” She’d freak the fuck out thinking I had all kinds of diseases, and I was a man whore. Actually, I’d think that—so the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach about even discussing this with her made me feel physically sick.

  Think Alfie. Attack. My mom used to say if in doubt the best form of defence is offense. She said something like ‘if you know you can’t win by defending your position, make it about the other person’. It’s a sneaky move, but it was about my only way out of this horrible shitty mess I’d created for myself. Suddenly I saw her car in the distance and pulled out at the traffic lights.

  Lily drove past me and because the road was quiet, I just fell in right behind her, praying that whatever came out of my mouth would do the job. I wasn’t nearly done with Lily, despite my domestic circumstances.

  When we pulled into her condo block, I was more nervous than I’d ever remembered being before. I flung my car door wide and strode toward her as if I was mad at her, “Are you fucking following me, Lily?” Damn, the initial look on her face was fear, but this was quickly replaced by anger.

  Her jaw dropped, and she got sassy and bit back. She began pointing at me, and she was really pissed. Good, she had taken the bait and now we could argue it out.

  “Don’t flatter yourself. Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me like this? You were behind me, remember?” Her voice was thick with rage. “Technically, you were following me. What do you want?”

  I strode around her again and grabbed her arm, tugging it a little, and scowled at her. “I thought you were cool with how this works.” She shrugged out of my grasp and exhaled slowly.

  “Okay, you’ve lost me. I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but you’re scaring me.” She pushed her hair back.

  “You followed me tonight, didn’t you?” I said defensively.

  Oh, boy. Lily’s reaction was mad; she was indignant at my questioning her. “I did? I followed you to my friends’ gig you mean?” she snickered. “Damn, you’re an asshole Alfie. You’re so fucking self-absorbed, aren’t you? What time did you get there? Are you sure you didn’t follow me? Oh, no. Wait…you wouldn’t have done that with a woman in tow would you?”

  Lily’s comeback hit me square in the chest. I knew she’d be hurt and felt so bad about that. Looking down at my feet absentmindedly, I then looked back up to her square in the eye—there was no question, I had to make what I said count.

  “You were really there by chance?” I asked quietly. I knew I couldn’t keep up the angry stuff with her. My eyes were ticking over her constantly, and the feelings of lust, of holding her, were creeping up and making me feel insane. Just the sight of her set my heart on fire again. Every emotion in this woman was like a stroke to my dick. Nothing she did seemed to turn me off of her.

  “Lily, what the fuck are you doing to me? I can’t think straight around you. Do you realize how fucking turned on I am right now? You’re so fucking sexy when you’re mad.” Honesty prevailing, I just poured out what I was thinking.

  “You’re a shit, you know that? You’re a good lay, but you’re not that good. Did she blow you Alfie… your date? Is that why you’re really here? Am I a bootie call?”

  Damn, she was pacing back and forth and seeing Lily so pissed off made me want to kiss her into submission. “What? She wouldn’t put out like I did?” Lily yanked the glass door open, marching right inside the building without a backward glance. I was glad I wasn’t the elevator button because she was poking the fuck out of it with her index finger when I caught up with her.

  When the car arrived I gave her no time to think about anything, just pulled her inside. Lily was still in poke mode and pressed angrily at the button for her floor. Sweet Jesus, she was really pissed, and if the situation wasn’t as grave as it was, I’d have probably found it funny. Staring me down, she then sagged against the wall of the elevator. Swooping forward, I caged her in by slamming my hands either side of her head on the wall, seizing my opportunity to make her listen.

  “What you saw was a business meeting,” I stated, staring straight at her.

  She let out a hollow laugh. “In a bar with live music? And all that touchy-feely stuff going on between you, Alfie? More like the ‘kinky business’ you kept going on about earlier.” Relaxing my elbows I let my face close in on hers, my lips were less than an inch from hers. Her soft peachy breath wafting up my nose and making me want to kiss her.

  Once again we were held in a mutual stare that was so full of tension and loaded with lust, and my senses were on full alert at how damn sexy our connection was. I was staring at her, trying by some crazy telepathic notion, to make her think she should let what she saw slide. I was fighting for control, both of myself and the situation we were in, and my jaw was tight with the frustration of it all.

  A strand of hair fell in front of my face, distracting me and I moved to push it back. As soon as she knew there was an opening, Lily stepped to the side and folded her arms in defense.

  “So… obviously you owe me an explanation, for the crazy stalking and the bi-polar behavior.” I was stunned momentarily that she was giving me an opening, but by the time it registered with me, she spoke again. “I thought as much, you’re full of shit Alfie. Go home.”

  When the elevator arrived she pushed herself off of the wall by her shoulders and headed out. Grabbing a hold of her wrist, I pulled her back into me. Lily looked shocked at my sudden action. “We’re not done yet.” Actually, I shocked myself at how far I was willing to go with her.

  “The hell we’re not,” she retorted, her voice louder as she tried to pull away from me. Feeling her slip through my fingers, my grip tightened and spun her to look at me. Our gaze again, intense between us.

  “Jesus, girl. Stop. Take a breath.” I was speechless, I couldn’t think of anything else to say after it.

  “M…me? You…” I instantly relaxed when I saw that she was struggling as well, and nearly smiled, before remembering how shit
ty the situation must have looked with Fiona at the club.

  I was distracted by this, and she managed to slip from my grip. Both of her hands landed on my chest and she pushed me back, walking quickly toward her door. Heading after her, I pleaded with her, “Aw, come on, honey…” She spun on her heels and faced me.

  “I am not your honey. Go home, we’re done for today.” She opened her door, put herself on the other side, and slammed it shut.

  Swallowing hard and thinking I’d blown it, I should have just walked away, but I wasn’t nearly done with Lily. She was so intoxicating. So, I knocked softly on her apartment door. “Don’t do this, Lily,” I pled, my voice defeated.

  Her muffled voice came back at me straight away. “Go home. I’m not going to change my mind. If you don’t leave I’m going to call security to remove you.” I sighed and let my head fall against her door.

  Chapter 9 – Persistence

  A small smile curved my lips. Her words might have said one thing to me, but the fact she answered straight away meant she was still standing behind her door. She wasn’t done with me either, otherwise she wouldn’t have replied, and I would already be on the sidewalk courtesy of her building’s security guys.

  I headed to the elevator to go downstairs and figure out what my next move needed to be. When I reached my car, I slid inside and turned the radio on—“Beautiful Goodbye” by Maroon 5 was playing. The song put me more in tune with my emotions, and I knew if I left things as they were tonight, we’d probably be done.

  What was I thinking? This was supposed to be a no strings relationship. Sex, that was all. A whole bunch of horny, steamy, sex sessions with no ties and no emotion.

  I slumped down in the seat further and put my hands behind my head. Whatever happened, I didn’t want Lily to feel that she’d been used by me and discarded like she didn’t matter. I owed her that much.

  I pulled out my cell and sent her a text. It was an honest one. I just shared how I was feeling.

  SEXPERT: :(

  When I had no reply, my heart was bursting in my chest, an ache so sore I could hardly breathe. I sent another couple of texts praying that by some sick and twisted urge, she would answer me.

  SEXPERT: Don’t stay mad at me, Lily. Make-up sex is the best.

  SEXPERT: What are you doing? Are you awake? Please don’t stay mad, talk to me. :(

  I was about to fire up the car and head for home a few minutes later when my cell beeped.

  Pink Lady: I’m taking a shower and going to bed.

  SEXPERT: Oh, sounds good to me… can I shower and have make- up sex?

  I was already out of my car and running back into her building. The fact she replied to me told me that she wasn’t ready to call time on this ‘thing’ yet either. By the time I reached the elevator she replied again, further fueling my hopes of some kind of reconciliation.

  Pink Lady: Definitely not. I’m pissed off, and I have a headache.

  I smirked and replied in a cheeky manner hoping that humor would take the heat out of the situation.

  SEXPERT: #1 headache remedy :)

  When she didn’t reply again, my confidence began to falter so I fired off another text.

  SEXPERT: Please, I don’t want to leave things like this.

  Pink Lady: I’m so angry with you, you need to redeem yourself.

  Her text reply arrived as I was walking toward her apartment door. A smile spread slowly across my face, I was finally wearing her down.

  SEXPERT: How can I redeem myself with a door between us? I’d like to do my redeeming now.

  Pink Lady: Where are you?

  SEXPERT: PEEPHOLE?

  Hearing soft movement at the other side of the door and a light switch click, I knew she was right there behind her apartment door. Quickly, I fired off another text hot on the heels of the last one.

  SEXPERT: Are you are objectifying me through the peephole? :ninja face.

  When she opened the door, there was no hesitation, I didn’t give her any time to think. As soon as I saw a crack of light from the inside I pushed the door back, grabbing her by her wrist and swinging her around until she was against the door with me flush against her. Pinning her from our chests to our hips.

  Lily was breathless, her chest rising and falling rapidly from my sudden intrusion. It was the first thing I noticed, the next was her fresh skin, all shiny and smelling fucking divine and as soon as my eyes feasted on her wet hair, my hands were sifting through it. Moving in to take a kiss was the only thing on my mind, but her fingers broke my attempt, and my lips brushed them instead.

  Putting her hands on my chest, she pushed me back. “No Alfie, this isn’t a game; this isn’t one of your sessions. If you want to speak to me, stay. If you want more than that, then you need to go elsewhere. I’m truly not interested.” She was lying, but I had to try to be whatever she wanted me to be in that moment. I knew the ball was in her court right now.

  “Thank you,” I husked.

  “For… allowing you to apologize? For forgiving you for being a pig?” She was still pissed but I could deal with that now that there wasn’t a door between us, and she was only dressed in towel. I had the advantage.

  Nodding, I smirked sheepishly. “Okay, I deserved that.” I was trying not to grin, but my mouth seemed to be in charge of itself at that moment, and I ended up smiling.

  She turned to walk away, and I couldn’t bear to think she’d put another door between us so I made another grasp at her and caught the end of her towel, and damn if she didn’t walk straight out of it.

  What the hell could I say now that I’d stripped her nearly naked? She was only wearing panties. If I apologized again would she believe me? Highly unlikely, so I figured I’d just say what I really thought. “Now, that’s better.” I grinned appreciatively. “But you need to lose the underwear, it’s obstructing my view,” I snickered, but expected a slap from her for my comments.

  Lily grabbed her breasts. “You’re fucking unbelievable, Alfie.” She curled forward in an attempt to hide herself from me. I was really not sure why she did that, it was not like I hadn’t seen it already.

  Trying to reach out—not to touch her as such—to soothe her, but she batted my hand away and took the towel back. “Stay there I’m getting dressed. I’ll be back. Come near me and you’re back on the other side of that door, you get me?” My smile froze then died on my lips. She was in the driver’s seat, and I was screwing this up again.

  “Okay, I’ll behave,” I said honestly, shaking my head at how inept I was at this stuff.

  When she came back she was all business- like. “You want something to drink?” she asked walking around the edge of the counter and opening the fridge.

  “Water?” I asked. Lily pulled one from the door shelf and tossed it at me. I caught it in both hands and broke the seal. Being humble was thirsty work and I downed half of the bottle before I drew a breath.

  Finally, she sat down, but she couldn’t have chosen a further point in the room from me. She looked vulnerable and young all curled up, hugging her knees. Absolutely adorable. I couldn’t help but smile. She had a grave look on her face and began wagging her finger between us. “What is this, Alfie? What are we doing?”

  How could I answer her? I had no idea what was happening either. The only thing I knew was that it shouldn’t be. I had no right to play with her emotions, but I couldn’t get mine under control either. My thinking was totally irrational when it came to her.

  “Our arrangement?” I tested the subject, worried at what was coming.

  “What are you doing with me? Why are you doing this?” she asked sipping her water, her eyes piercing mine.

  “I don’t understand why you hit me up for our little arrangement when you’re dating already.” My answer would have been because she was irresistible, but damn I hated that she thought that Fiona was my date. I squirmed at that thought.

  “I’m not dating her, and I never promised you anything, Lily.” Both statements were true.<
br />
  “Yeah, but Alfie, you did all that intimate stuff with me, and you are with another woman the same night? That’s just downright dog-like behavior.” Lily sighed and the look on her face showed me how devastated the scene with Fiona and me had made her. My heart ached.

  “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you go home? We owe each other nothing.”

  My eyes flicked back to Lily’s and I moved over toward her. “I didn’t fuck her, only you, and it wasn’t intimacy between us, it was sex.”

  Lily snickered then bit back at me, her voice bitter with anger. “That makes all of it okay? You didn’t fuck her? No? Why not Alfie… she wouldn’t let you? I bet that pissed you off. You bought her dinner, and she didn’t put out for you.

  Makes me damn cheap, I only cost you an OJ.” Instinctively I wanted to be beside her to comfort her and soothe the hurt I’d caused this lovely sweet girl. As I moved along the couch she held her finger up to stop me. “Tsk, do you want to leave? Don’t come near me, I don’t want you to touch me.”

  Her words were like a punch to my heart, and my arms ached like hell to hold her. “It was business, and she paid for dinner.” I stared into her eyes, pleading with her to believe me.

  “Huh…so she paid, and you never got laid.” She giggled but it sounded forced. “You don’t have the right idea about being a playboy do you?”

  Lily was irritating me now. She was trying to get a rise out of me, and I was tired of playing games. “Can we just drop this, please?” My spoken words were followed by a silent plea, my eyes searching her face.

  “Fine, it’s late, I need my bed. You can stay, but I want you gone first thing.” I cracked a smile and nodded. “Oh, and you’re definitely not having sex with me, do you understand?” The smile died on my lips. I wouldn’t have even tried to do anything with her with how things stood between us. She must have really thought I was a douchebag. “You try it, and I never come near you again.”