by Jae
Her cheeks pale beneath a hint of rouge, Tess nodded.
"But how? Now that Luke's not here, how could she find out?"
"Luke?" Tess frowned, then pressed her hands to her cheeks. "Oh, I'm not talking about that. Luke's secret is safe."
Nora sank against the back of her chair. She clutched her chest and felt her heartbeat settle down. "Lord, Tess, you scared me. What does Amy know, then?"
"She knows about me and Frankie. At least I'm fairly sure she does. I thought I was imagining things at first, but she stared at us all through supper. I bet she knows."
Oh. That was bad — but still better than Amy finding out Luke's secret. Luke and she raised their daughters to respect other people, no matter how different from them they might be. But as far as Nora knew, Amy had never met a woman who had relations with other women. "How did she react?"
"She and Hendrika both turned whiter than your whitest tablecloth." At the moment, Tess was pale as a tablecloth too.
Nora rubbed her forehead. "Hendrika knows about you too?" This is bad. She was fairly sure Amy wouldn't run to town screaming and lamenting about the abnormal women who lived in their cabin, but she had no idea how Hendrika would react.
"They came across us on their way to church. I'm pretty sure they saw us kiss." Tess exchanged guilty glances with Frankie. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have been so careless. We never were before. We learned to keep our distance from each other when we are out in public."
Frankie reached over and took Tess's hand. "This," she made a gesture with her free hand that included the whole ranch, "is such a safe haven that we stopped being so careful all the time. I'm sorry too."
"No," Nora said. "You don't have to be sorry. A safe haven is exactly what Luke and I want our home to be." They had hired Toby even though he was becoming too old for ranch work; they took in Phin when he was little more than a homeless boy running away from his father, and Luke brought home Hank when he was down on his luck, nursing a broken leg. "I'm sorry you can't show your love for each other the way Luke and I can. It's not fair that you have to hide."
"We all have a price to pay for happiness," Tess said, her eyes soft and sad.
Frankie rubbed her thumb across the back of Tess's hand. "What do we do now?" Her gaze landed on Nora. "Should we try to convince Amy and Hendrika that in our hometown, cousins kiss each other like that?"
A tired smile tugged at Nora's lips. "I don't think they'd buy that. And there are already enough lies in our family. I don't want more. I trust Amy not to panic and tell the whole town."
"What about Hendrika?" Tess asked.
That was the big unknown. "I'm not sure," Nora said. "But I hope she'll follow Amy's lead, like she did when they rescued the horses from the burning stable and the foal from the river."
"Then let me go and talk to them," Tess said. "I'm sure they're pretty confused and have a lot of questions."
Frankie rose to follow her.
"No," Tess said. "Let me talk to them alone."
"Why? I was the one who kissed you."
"Yeah, but I'm the one who ate the strawberries right out of your hand."
Nora raised a brow. Strawberries?
Frankie looked at Tess. "Together?"
No more words were needed between them. "Together," Tess said.
A quick gesture from Nora stopped them. She trusted Tess, but this was her responsibility. "No. I'll do it."
"Are you sure?" Tess asked. "Frankie and I caused this situation, and I feel bad that now you have to be the one to take care of it."
"I'm Amy's mother, and Hendrika is a guest in my house," Nora said. "I need to make sure they're all right."
Tess squeezed her hand. "Please let them know it's all right for them to talk to us too. I don't want them to think we're avoiding them now that they know. We haven't changed, and they can still talk to us."
"I will make sure they know. All right." With her hand on the old table, Nora pressed up from her chair. "Then let me go talk to my daughters."
A frown deepened the lines across Tess's forehead. "Daughters? You mean you want to tell Nattie too?"
Nora nodded.
"Is that wise?"
Nora understood the fear in Tess's eyes. Tess and Frankie had hidden for years. Telling someone was a risk they were reluctant to take. "If Amy knows, Nattie deserves to know too. I don't want Amy to think your relationship is something bad, something she has to hide even from her own sister."
"How will your daughters take this?" Tess worried her lip.
"I'm not sure. I want to believe that they will come to accept it after a while, but we never actually talked about anything like this."
"You never had a reason to."
"There were two widows living together a few years back, but we never talked about it with the girls," Nora said. "We avoided the subject, mostly because we didn't want to give them any ideas about Luke." Maybe being so overly cautious was a mistake. Nora walked to the door. "Let's get this over with." When the door fell closed behind her, she felt as if she was marching into battle.
* * *
Nora trudged across the ranch yard while she searched for the right words. What could she say to make her daughters understand that Tess and Frankie's relationship was not a sin but needed to be protected from others anyway?
When she looked up, the ranch yard was no longer empty.
Ruby stood tied to the corral rail and swatted flies from her rump with her tail.
"Hey, girl." Nora walked over and scratched beneath the mare's mane. "What are you doing here?"
Creaking leather made her glance up.
Amy, dressed in pants even though it was Sunday, carried her saddle out of the stable. When she saw Nora standing next to the horse, the saddle sagged in her grasp. She paused but then swung the saddle on Ruby's back.
Nora narrowed her eyes at her. "You're not riding out now, are you?"
"I want to check on the yearlings and the foals." Amy turned her back and reached under Ruby's belly for the cinch.
"You can do that tomorrow. We need to talk."
"Papa will be home soon," Amy said. "I want to make sure he finds the herd in good shape." She tightened the cinch with more force than necessary.
Ruby snorted and stepped to the side.
"Sorry, girl," Amy murmured and gentled her touch.
Nora grasped Amy's shoulder, stopping her from circling Ruby to check the saddle from the other side. Gently, she pulled her around. "I think Luke would rather have his daughters in good shape, and you're clearly not. Amy, I understand why you're upset. Seeing Tess and Frankie kiss each other must have —"
"You know about them?" Amy's voice squeaked. "And you still let them stay?"
Little hairs rose on Nora's neck. Where was this disapproval coming from? "They are our friends, Amy." Her gaze drilled into Amy's until she looked away. "I know this is confusing for you, and I don't expect you to understand and be fine with it within a few seconds. Come inside with me, and let's talk about it."
Amy's face was pasty under the brim of her hat. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Of course there is!" Nora softened her tone. "Come on. Let's go inside."
Dust whirled when Amy scraped the heel of her boot over the ground. "Can't it wait?"
Nora hesitated. Should she force Amy to talk about it even though she clearly wasn't ready? Or should she let her go and wait until she calmed down?
"Please, Mama."
When Amy directed a begging stare at her, Nora almost expected to see her eyes white-rimmed with panic.
"Mama..." Next to Amy, Ruby pranced as if infected by Amy's agitation.
Luke had taught Nora that it was never wise to get between a scared creature and its escape route. Maybe it was best to give Amy some time alone. "All right." She brushed a speck of dirt from Amy's chaps. "I still think you'd feel better if we talked about it now, but you are an adult, and I trust you to come to me when you're ready to talk about it."
&nb
sp; Amy lifted her gaze. "Thank you."
"I also trust you to keep Tess and Frankie safe."
"Safe?"
"Most people wouldn't understand their relationship. Some might even hate them." Nora looked into Amy's eyes to make sure she knew how serious this was. "I hope you won't be one of those people." She paused, hoping Amy would assure her she wasn't, but Amy said nothing. "If you meet Hannah or anyone else, please don't mention Tess and Frankie's relationship. Even people we think we know well sometimes react in unpredictable ways. Some might even try to harm Tess and Frankie."
The color of Amy's face went from pasty to deathly pale. "I won't say a word."
Nora watched as Amy swung into the saddle. "Don't stay away for too long, and be careful, please."
"If I don't find all of the foals down by the river, I might stay at a line shack," Amy called. Before Nora could answer, she loped away and disappeared in a cloud of dust.
* * *
Voices came from inside the house. Nora identified Nattie's cheerful tone. A more reserved voice answered every now and then.
Hendrika. Nora hesitated with her hand on the door. Was Hendrika telling Nattie what she had seen?
No, Nora decided. Hendrika didn't seem the kind of woman who would blurt out information like that.
She opened the door and stepped into the parlor.
"If you smudge it with your thumb, you can make it look like shadows," Nattie said. She and Hendrika sat at the large table, sheets of paper all around them.
Hendrika's tongue peeked out of the corner of her mouth as she drew a piece of charcoal over the paper in front of her.
"Hello, you two," Nora said.
Nattie looked up from her drawing. "I finally convinced Hendrika to try her hand at drawing."
"Hm," Nora said. She took a breath. "Can I talk to you?"
Hendrika picked up her stack of papers. "I'll go upstairs and leave you two to talk."
A "wait" was already on Nora's tongue. Her request to talk included Hendrika, but maybe talking to them separately was a good idea.
"Can I take a piece of charcoal to draw another?" Hendrika asked.
"Of course," Nattie said. "See, I told you you'd like it." Nattie watched Hendrika climb the stairs. "And she's really good at it too. Probably gets it from her mother." She turned a sheet of paper that had gotten mixed up with her own stack.
Nora studied it. Careful strokes of charcoal formed the strong flanks of a horse and the proud bend of its neck. The horse's ears flicked back to the rider, who seemed one with the horse, drawn in one big sweep. A dented hat hung down the rider's back, and the wind combed through an untamed tangle of hair.
Even in black-and-white, the picture clearly portrayed Amy on her favorite mare.
Thinking of Amy, out there on Ruby, made her stomach flutter, but she shoved away her worries. Now it was time to focus on her younger daughter. She glanced at the drawing. "She's quite good."
"Yes." Nattie's lips twitched. "Figures she would be better than me at this too."
What was that tone in Nattie's voice? "You're not jealous, are you?"
"No, it's just —" Nattie stopped and shrugged. "I'm not jealous, just surprised."
They looked down, studying Hendrika's drawing again. The raw strokes held a simple beauty, and Rika had drawn the details with loving attention.
"Frankie mentioned she saw portraits like this in Paris," Nora said.
Excitement smoldered in Nattie's eyes. She looked ready to run out the door and leap at Frankie to pepper her with questions. "Frankie has been to Paris?"
"I'm sure she'll tell you all about it later, but first, I need to talk to you."
Nattie laid down her piece of charcoal. "What's going on? Everyone is acting so strange around here. First, Amy runs off to check the yearlings even though it's Sunday. And Hendrika seems a bit..." She gestured but didn't find the right words.
"Amy and Hendrika found out something that left them pretty confused." Nora hesitated. Was it fair to put Nattie through that kind of confusion too?
"What?" Nattie glowed with interest. She was always eager to discover the new things life had to offer. One way or another, Nattie would find out, and Nora decided it would be better if she learned it from her.
She swallowed and realized she'd never had to tell anyone something like this. Since Luke lived as a man, they'd been spared that experience. She longed to have Luke by her side, just to hold her hand and give her courage.
"What is it?" Nattie tugged on Nora's sleeve.
"Tess and Frankie..." Nora licked dry lips. "They're not cousins."
Nattie swiped at a lock of dark hair that fell into her eyes. A smudge of charcoal appeared on her forehead. "They're not? Then why did they tell us that?"
"It's hard to explain."
Eyes calm, Nattie watched her, not judging, just trying to figure it out.
"It's not that they wanted to lie to you, but telling people that they are cousins allows them to share a room without anyone suspecting."
"Suspecting what?"
Nora took a steadying breath. "That they're sweethearts."
Papers rustled when Nattie dropped them. "Sweethearts?"
"They love each other," Nora said.
"Love each other?" Nattie again echoed. "You mean, they —" She shook her head. "What exactly do you mean?"
How could she explain this to her daughter? Nora thought of Luke. "It means Tess loves Frankie's courage, the way she can be confident without being stuck-up, and Frankie loves Tess for her good heart and —"
"They admire each other." Nattie's expression cleared when she thought she finally understood.
It wasn't quite so easy, of course. "Yes, but that's not all. Tess also loves Frankie's body and her lips and the expression in her eyes when Frankie looks at her. And Frankie loves the same things about Tess." Nora rubbed her chin. How could she explain passion and desire to her young daughter who had never experienced it?
"They fell in love with each other?" Nattie's lashes fluttered like the wings of a bird caught in a net. "But that's not possible between two women, is it?"
Many years ago, Nora had thought the same. Now she knew it was not just possible but wonderful. "Why wouldn't it be possible? Love is a miracle, Nattie, so anything is possible."
"Do you really think so?" Her gaze cast downward, Nattie smoothed her hands over the stack of paper.
The hint of sadness darting across Nattie's face made Nora wonder. "I do." She laid a hand on Nattie's cheek and rubbed away the charcoal smudge on her forehead. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah. It's just..." Nattie fiddled with the hem of her apron.
"What? Tell me, sweetie. You know you can talk to me about anything. What is it?"
Red splotches appeared on Nattie's cheeks. "Everybody says a woman is supposed to go to bed only with her husband," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Nora couldn't help smiling. So much innocence. "And that's usually how it works out, but if the person you gave your heart to happens to be a woman... Well, Frankie and Tess can't go to the pastor and tell him to marry them."
"Then wouldn't it be better if they let each other go so each of them could have a happy life? If you love someone, aren't you supposed to think of his or her happiness first, even if it breaks your heart?"
"I'm sure going their separate ways would make their lives easier, but it wouldn't make them happy," Nora said. She finally understood that it was also true for Luke. Living as Nora's husband and the father of their daughters made Luke's life complicated, but it also made her happy. "Sometimes, falling in love doesn't mean you'll get to have a happily-ever-after. Sometimes, you have to fight for it, compromise, and pay a price for being with the one person you love most. It's hard, but it's worth it. Life's too short to throw away love, no matter what form it comes in."
Nattie's eyes took on the lead gray indicating she was deeply in thought. She brushed a charcoal stain from her apron. "And it's the same, no ma
tter if you're in love with a man or a woman?"
"I don't know," Nora said. "I wonder if any two loves are exactly the same."
"What do you mean?"
"I love you and Amy differently, and that's a good thing, because you're different people. It doesn't mean I love one of you less. Maybe I love Luke differently from how Hannah loves Josh and from how Tess loves Frankie — not because Tess and Frankie are both women, but because each of us is different from the others."