by Lucy Gage
Given that he’d be following Em around, Liam had formally ended things between him and Ally. He’d avoided her since the time she’d made him feel like a prostitute, and he hadn’t seen her since, but he wanted to make sure she knew it was over for good.
His mom had said Dana was really serious about someone, might even be getting engaged. Not that Dana would speak to him, since she was pissed about him running out that time. She’d have forgiven him if he’d slept with her when last she suggested it. He’d declined.
Maybe, Liam thought, he could finally stop screwing around and commit to one person. If that one person still wanted him.
Liam was excited when Emily said they’d head to L.A. for a couple of days when they left Utah. She’d invited Jenna for dinner the first night they were there, and he was so thrilled that he could hardly contain himself.
God, had he missed her.
When Jenna walked through the door, the smile that spread across his face was matched by the fact that he couldn’t breathe.
She was more beautiful than ever, maybe because he hadn’t seen her in a while and he’d forgotten how gorgeous she was. As she hugged him, he couldn’t help it, he had to kiss her. Liam had missed her mouth, her lips, her tongue dancing with his. They got lost in the moment until he remembered that they weren’t alone. All night, he wanted to touch her, hold her hand, be close to her.
At one point, Jenna disappeared into the house with Emily for wine and blankets, and Liam helped Rob build a fire in the fire pit.
“What’s going on with you two?” Rob asked.
“Fuck if I know. I can’t stop touching her. I wanted to take her to bed as soon as she walked in the door.”
“You in love with her?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m not sure if it’s just the sex or if it’s more than that. But I miss her. I miss her all the time.”
“I think you’re in love with her.”
“I still don’t think I’m ready to get married. She has to want that by now. If not with me, with someone.”
“Don’t hurt her, okay?”
“I won’t. Not on purpose. I ended things with the others.”
“Did you? You going to try to make it work with Jenna?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what she wants right now. And I don’t know how much I can commit. I can be faithful to her, but I don’t know if I can give her more than that yet.”
“Here they come. Just be careful with her, okay?”
Liam nodded. He pulled Jenna in for a hug and kiss. They cuddled under the blanket, talking and drinking wine for a few hours. Liam found himself subconsciously putting his hands in Jenna’s shirt, caressing her breasts. He loved her breasts.
Finally, she said she was tired and suggested they head to bed. They walked slowly, quietly, hand in hand, upstairs to his bedroom.
When they arrived at the room, he shut the door softly. She shoved him into the door and kissed him, passionately. Around kisses, she said, “I missed you, baby. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too. Let’s not rush it, okay? I want to get you there more than once and I know it’s better for you if we work you up first.” He threaded his hands in her silky hair.
“I’ve been worked up since you kissed me when I walked in the door.” She trailed her fingers down his chest to his pants.
“Have you, now?” He kissed her lips, her neck.
She moaned. “Yes. I thought I was going to die while you were touching me downstairs. I wanted to climb on your lap and dry hump you, but I didn’t think Rob and Emily would appreciate it.”
He looked at her. “You should have said you wanted to come up here sooner.”
“She invited me for dinner. I didn’t want to be rude.”
Liam shook his head. “Jenna, they’re probably getting naked as we speak. They’d have gladly been alone sooner.”
She ran her hands up his chest and around his neck, pressing her hips into his. “I’ll try to remember that for the future. Now take off my clothes and show me that you missed me. My vibrator isn’t cutting it anymore.”
Liam laughed. “Jesus, woman, you know how to make a man hard in an instant. Now I’m jealous of your vibrator.”
“Are you? You haven’t been with anyone else recently?”
“You know I was with Reggie in Utah. I know she told you.”
“So why would you be jealous of my vibrator, then?”
“You know why. I’m only with other people because I miss you.”
“See, that should sound romantic, but it sounds like a cop-out for cheating on me.”
“Jenna…”
“I know. We weren’t exclusive, so it’s not cheating. But when you say that, it sounds like you’re making excuses for cheating.”
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m cheating on you.”
She pulled away. “Then stop sleeping with other people.”
“I’m not.”
“Funny, having sex with Reggie a few days ago sounds like sleeping with other people to me.”
“We’re done. She’s gone and that’s that. I broke things off with Ally before I left Minnesota. And Dana isn’t speaking to me because I wouldn’t sleep with her the last time I was home.”
“Which was?”
“Last summer.”
“Oh.”
He pulled her back into his arms. “I’m only sleeping with you. No one else. Now, can I show you how much I missed you?”
“Yes, please.”
Despite her insistence that she was revved and ready to go, he took his time touching and tasting her, for himself as much as for her. He’d missed everything about her.
He made love to her slowly, savoring the connection, loving the feel of sliding inside her. Usually, one of them came first and the other followed, but for once, they came together. It was intense, powerful and he found himself whispering, “I love you.”
Jenna darted back and he felt the condom break. His eyes grew wide and she reassured him, “It’s okay. Remember, I’m on the pill? Double protection.”
Liam pulled out and helped her fish out the condom, which made her squirm. When he got rid of it, he lay back down on the bed and pulled her into his arms, caressing her back. After a few minutes, without leaning away to look at him, finally she said, “Liam, did you say you love me?”
It freaked him out a little to have finally admitted it, but since he knew she heard him, he couldn’t lie. He inhaled deeply, and on the exhale, he said, “Yeah.”
“Do you really love me?”
He sighed, somewhat relieved to be honest. “Yeah.”
“How long have you loved me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe since that first night we were together.”
She sat and gaped at him. “Seriously?”
“If not then, shortly after. I was falling then, for sure.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Why do you think?”
“You weren’t ready to settle down?”
“I’m still not, Jenna. I’m still scared of all of it.”
Her shoulders sank. “Then why did you tell me?”
He started playing with her hair again. “I don’t know. I guess I felt like you should know.”
She gave him a sad smile. “You know, I’ve been in love with you for years.”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure.”
“I haven’t even kissed another man since the day you opened the door of this house and thought I was some groupie.”
“I didn’t think….okay, I did. You’re right. I figured out pretty quickly that you weren’t.”
“When I told you who I was! You thought I was a teenager.”
“A hot, smart teenager.” He touched her face.
“I’ve been in love with you since our first kiss.”
“Oh, God. I’ve probably been in love with you since then, too. That was some kiss.” He rolled her underneath him. “I’ve always loved kissing
you.”
“Just kissing me?”
“No, all of it. Every single bit. And not just the sex. Those first few months, Jenna…they were the most intense of my life.”
“Even more intense than when you got shot?”
“That’s not the same thing. I meant emotionally intense, not psychologically or physically intense. They were the best, most intense sexual experiences of my life.”
“Don’t you want that all the time, Liam?”
“Yes, I do. But I’m not ready to make the permanent kind of commitment, white dress, church aisle, sacred vows, all that.”
“Who said anything about getting married? I just wanted you to commit to me and only me.”
“Didn’t I say that’s what I was doing? There’s no one else.”
“You say that now, while we’re lying here in bed, naked, and you just told me you love me. But what happens when we’ve been apart for months and you’re lonely? What then?”
“I’m not planning to find someone else. Are you?”
“No. But I can’t wait forever, Liam. I want to get married and have a family. I’m thirty-two. I can’t wait much longer to have kids or else it’ll be too late.”
“I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks with Emily. We’ll be back after that. Can we talk more about it then? I’m sure by the time I’ve been without you that long I’ll be singing a different tune. I’ll call you as soon as I’m back and we’ll talk about it, okay?”
She sighed. “Okay.”
“In the meantime, Reggie told me you’ve been doing yoga. Want to show me what you’ve learned?”
She giggled. “Oh, I think you’ll like it…”
They spent the night wrapped around each other, making love and promises under the cover of darkness, whispering I love you. When he woke, she wasn’t in the bed and he felt overwhelmingly sad. Liam knew he’d hate every moment without her – not because he didn’t have anyone else left to sleep with, but because he really did love her.
**********
It took three years, but Liam had finally said he loved her. Better still, he’d admitted that he’d loved her from the beginning, confirming that she had been right to wait for him to be ready to say it all that time.
But the best news of all was that he’d made a commitment to her, had officially ended things with the other women in his life.
Jenna was fairly certain that Ally and Dana had been non-issues for a while. She’d stopped asking him about them. All it did was make her crazy.
Reggie had promised to stay away from Liam if he ever made a commitment to Jenna. The fact that her friend hadn’t stopped sleeping with Liam altogether in the first place didn’t make Jenna feel confident, but at least Reggie was on the East Coast now, and hopefully, Liam would keep his word and stay faithful, even if he wasn’t ready to get married yet.
Because she knew Catie’s history, she expected that some of the same issues applied to Liam, especially since they were twins and had been best friends. Liam’s brief time in the CIA surely added to his baggage, and commitment was likely not the only problem he faced. She knew Rob had been right – Liam wanted to settle down and have a family, but something, or maybe it was more than one thing, held him back.
Whatever it was, he’d tell her eventually. She just had to be a little more patient. Or maybe a lot more. It was hard to say.
They made love several more times during the night, slow and sensual at first, then escalating to passionate and intense. It was as if Liam was exploring her body again, the way he had when they’d first met. Every time they whispered I love you, her heart squeezed, and those were the best orgasms she’d ever had.
In the morning, Jenna woke to Liam’s arms around her and his naked body pressed against hers. She smiled, knowing that he was on duty. Because he loved her, he was breaking his own rules as he always had.
At barely 5 a.m., she woke him one more time in the darkness by kissing down his body until she gave him pleasure the first way she ever had, which she knew he loved. As he came, he said, “I love you, Jenna.”
She lay next to him and he held her close as he recovered, then he returned the favor, as he had the very first time they were together. This time, instead of asking if she was ready, he grabbed a condom and made love to her slowly, erotically until she swore she’d lose her mind.
As they climaxed together, she said, “Oh, Liam. I love you so much.”
It was the last thing she said to him for seven months.
Chapter 15
Jenna knew they hadn’t planned to be at the party late. Emily was in L.A. so she and Rob could have time alone, and so Rob could give Jenna and Liam some time together, to make up for the fiasco that had been their Globes plans. Last night had been more than she ever could have imagined it would be. She knew Liam had looked forward to tonight, so why hadn’t he called?
Her worry increased. Had something happened, or was Liam blowing her off? Two hours beyond when she expected to hear from him, Jenna knew something was wrong.
A run of her algorithms shocked her when she saw the first hit: Deac Roberts’ girlfriend seen leaving a Hollywood Hills party without him and in tears.
Jenna dialed Rob’s number – no answer. He could be having sex with Emily and didn’t want to answer. Her instincts said that wasn’t the case – she felt sick like when Lola had dumped him.
She dialed again. Still no answer. Damn. Rob was prone to depression – she’d helped him through some rough patches over the years she’d known him. If that item was correct, something bad had happened.
Jenna wasn’t taking any chances. Grabbing the bag she’d packed to stay with Liam, she shoved her laptop it its case, locked her apartment, hopped in the car and headed to Malibu with a bad sense of déjà vu.
The plan had been to stay at Rob’s house anyway, so it wasn’t like it should be a big deal. If she was interrupting Rob and Emily having sex again, then oh, well. But if not, Rob needed her. Brian would be with him, but that wasn’t the same as having your best friend around. If Emily was gone for any reason, Liam was gone, too, and Rob was already down one best friend.
It felt like the trip to Malibu took forever. Thank God there wasn’t much traffic due to the hour. When she finally pulled into the driveway, her worry increased. It was past midnight and the lights were off. They could be sleeping. Liam could be blowing her off. Maybe he’d found a new hot thing to occupy his time.
But Jenna doubted that.
She used her phone app to unlock the house and braced herself. Within moments, Brian walked into the foyer wearing sweats.
“Jenna. What are you doing here? Liam left with Emily.”
“I figured as much. It’s already online, but I’ll deal with that later. Where is he?”
“In his room. He won’t come out. I tried. He’s been crying since she left. I called Rick.”
“Good. Is he coming tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ve got the list of emergency contacts.” Meaning Rob’s therapist. “Rick said to call in the morning. He wanted me to stay with Rob, but boss won’t let me in the room.”
“I’ll take care of him, Brian. Go back to bed. Your job is about to get a lot harder. Get some rest while you can.” Brian nodded and went back to his room.
Jenna carried her stuff to Rob’s room, since he shouldn’t be alone. There was no point in going to her and Liam’s room. She knocked. Rob didn’t answer.
“Rob, it’s Jen. Let me in or I’ll bust down the door.” He didn’t respond. “Rob, you know I’ll do it. Brian might be afraid to piss off the boss but I’m not. I’m your friend first. Let me in.”
A few seconds passed and she heard some shuffling. Then the door lock rotated and he opened the door. He looked like hell, still wearing the suit from the party – tie twisted, shirt half tucked – and his hair was all over the place. Puffy eyes and a runny nose said he’d been crying for a long, long time.
Jenna walked into the room with her bags, set them on the floor,
shut the door and locked it. She’d been here before and had this handled. It would be messy, not to mention require her to do things that she didn’t want to explain to Brian. From experience, she knew it would require her to go above and beyond normal boundaries of friendship and employment.
“Come here,” she said, walking him over to the chaise. They lay together and he curled into her arms, head on her chest, and resumed sobbing. It promised to be a long night.
This was far worse than when Lola broke up with him. She knew that Rob truly loved Emily, that he believed she was The One. Lola had been a big, stupid mistake. What was required then was probably the least he needed now. Then, he’d barely been able to function at first.
His tears continued, but the sobbing calmed. “Honey, I’m not going to ask you what happened yet. I know you’re not ready to talk. But we need to get you out of these clothes. Remember what we did after Lola?”
Rob nodded.
“Good. I’m going to help you again. Is that okay?” Rob nodded and she helped him to sit. She removed his clothes little by little. When it was time to take off his bottoms, she had him stand. He looked at her with such sadness, it broke her heart.
It was hard to really appreciate how beautiful he still was, even when he was in shambles, but it was a testament to his genes that he could still look like a god when he was at his lowest. It was one of the things which made him a great leading man, that he could still be attractive even when he was a mess.
Jenna had him stripped bare, and she couldn’t have explained to anyone but Rob how she could do this and be objective about it. Removing her own clothes, she then put his hand in hers and led him to the bathroom. He stood there, stunned and still crying, big rivers of tears rolling down his cheeks. Once the water was hot, she nudged him into the shower and placed him under one of the rain heads.
She had to be close to him because he was so much taller than her, which was why she had to be naked. Sure, she could have worn a swimsuit, but swimming in January hadn’t been part of her plans. This time around, she and Liam were together, and Rob was still in love with Emily, so it would have been very difficult to explain to anyone why she was naked in the shower with him.