On Equal Terms

by Catherine O'Connor

  ‘This is what I call fast food,’ she laughed, enjoying the lobster’s faint smoky flavour. Allan joined in her laughter and Kate’s heart soared. She felt appreciated for once.

  ‘What line of business are you in?’ she asked as she tucked into her food with obvious relish.

  ‘At the moment I’m trying to prevent someone starting a business.’ Allan smiled, but his voice held a grim note.

  ‘Why?’ she asked, intrigued by his secretive reply.

  His expression grew serious and he leaned over the table, his steel-grey eyes fixed firmly on her.

  ‘This company, the Duplas Co-operative, will be exploiting the people, paying low wages, ensuring huge profits,’ he told Kate. But he had no need to explain: her own work for the Third World charity had given her an insight into the problems of a country such as this. She frowned, unable to place the name from her work, but knew she had heard the name Duplas just recently. A frown marred her forehead as she struggled to remember where. Allan stroked his strong fingers over her forehead, massaging her wrinkles away.

  ‘Ah, that’s better,’ he crooned as Kate blushed. ‘How delightful; I had no idea ladies still blushed.’ Kate grew even more crimson and lowered her head. Allan pressed his fingers under her chin, forcing her to raise it again. A smile broke gently across Kate’s face that was mirrored in Allan’s. For a moment they were lost in each other’s eyes, till a sharp voice cut the atmosphere between them.

  ‘Kate! Here you are!’ Sebastian bit out, casting a brief look at Allan which spoke of his disapproval. Kate suffocated her natural desire to argue with Sebastian and instead introduced the two men.

  ‘Sebastian, this is Allan,’ she said, explaining their relationship. Allan’s eyebrows rose for a second in interest.

  ‘I’m sorry to intrude,’ Sebastian said, his sincerity lost in the dour expression on his face, ‘but I think it’s best if we return home.’

  Kate got to her feet immediately.

  ‘Why, what’s happened?’ There was a trace of hysteria in her voice that Allan responded to. He was at her side immediately.

  ‘Your father is not well.’ Sebastian said gravely.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Kate was now anxious and afraid.

  ‘I think it’s a mild angina attack. We’d best get back.’

  ‘I had no idea…’ she began hurriedly, already scrambling to pick up her parcels.

  ‘I’m sorry our meal has come to such an abrupt end,’ said Allan, flashing Kate a brilliant smile. ‘I hope your father will be all right.’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ agreed Kate. ‘I’m sorry but I must go; he hasn’t been well, you see,’ she explained as she began to follow Sebastian. ‘Thanks for lunch,’ she called over her shoulder as Sebastian grabbed her arm and pulled her.

  ‘Another time, perhaps?’ answered Allan, but Kate had no time to reply.

  ‘Get your hands off me,’ she threw at Sebastian.

  ‘With pleasure,’ he snarled. ‘The car is over there.’ He pointed to his car, which was already covered in a fine layer of red dust. Kate strode over, her anger apparent in her short, swift strides. In her hurry she dropped one of her parcels. Sebastian moved quickly to retrieve it, but not fast enough, and Kate snatched it from him.

  ‘A real gentleman would be carrying these,’ she scoffed, casting a look of disgust at him and ignoring the fury that burned in his eyes.

  ‘Someone like Allan?’ he came back, his body stiff with indignation.

  ‘Yes, that’s right. Someone like Allan,’ she retorted briskly, mentally comparing the two different attitudes. Yet she knew whose company she preferred.

  ‘Huh! Some gentleman,’ huffed Sebastian, ‘picking up young girls.’

  ‘He did not pick me up,’ cried Kate outraged by his accusation.

  ‘No?’ he mocked. She felt a crimson glow cover her cheeks and she pulled open the car door, throwing her packages into the back.

  ‘No! He did not pick me up and I’m not a young girl but a full-grown woman,’ she retorted, glaring at Sebastian as she climbed into the car and slammed the door. He ignored her completely as he got into the driver’s seat, swung the car in a full circle and began to drive out of the town.

  ‘Fully grown woman!’ He laughed cruelly. ‘You’re a silly spoilt child who thinks of no one but herself.’

  ‘How dare you…’ Kate began, furious at his attitude, though her chin quivered as she turned her face to confront him and was surprised by the look of regret in his eyes.

  ‘I dare all right, Kate, and I tell you why: I know you. I know you better than you know yourself. I knew you would tire of playing nurses and want to spice up your life again and I didn’t have to wait long, did I?’ he growled, sparing her none of his temper.

  Hot bitter tears burned at the back of Kate’s eyes, but she blinked them quickly away, exchanging her hurt for anger.

  ‘I have been taking care of my father, not playing nurses,’ she protested.

  ‘You’re just so selfish, aren’t you? Running off at the first opportunity—leaving it all up to my mother,’ he flared.

  Kate frowned at the mention of Clare. She had helped her so much, but it was very difficult. The atmosphere between them was so strained as they both tried to please Howard.

  ‘You’re not being fair,’ she replied.

  ‘Not being fair? What would you know about that? All you ever think about is yourself. What about Clare, your father?’ Sebastian asked, his wafer-thin control on his temper fading.

  ‘I do care…’

  ‘Well, you have a funny way of showing it,’ he snapped.

  ‘How is he, Sebastian?’ she asked, her voice quieter now as the truth began to dawn on her.

  ‘I don’t know. Let’s get back and find out,’ he growled. ‘I’ve wasted enough time looking for you.’

  ‘You didn’t have to,’ she retorted, knowing she was grateful that he had, but he always seemed to bring out the worst in her.

  ‘I wish to God I didn’t, but unfortunately, you tiresome child, I was forced to yet again,’ Sebastian said with slow deliberation.

  ‘How noble…’ started Kate, her voice thick with sarcasm.

  ‘Don’t push it, Kate. I’ve really had quite enough,’ he warned. His face had drained of all colour; he was white with rage but Kate was indifferent to his emotions; she was too involved with her own. She had to stand up to him, make him realise that she was no longer a child.

  ‘You’ve had enough…’ she echoed his words in disbelief. ‘You were downright rude to Allan.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I can assure you he’s not the sensitive type.’

  ‘How would you know?’ said Kate, hating the superior ring to Sebastian’s voice.

  ‘I had to ask to find out where you were and some local lads knew exactly who you had gone with and where,’ he replied, forcing the car into a higher gear and pressing down hard on the accelerator.

  ‘Allan is a well-respected businessman who tries to help the local community,’ Kate defended.

  ‘Sure.’

  Kate ignored the sarcastic ring to his reply and merely said, ‘I thought he was quite attractive.’ Sebastian said nothing, so Kate prompted, ‘Didn’t you?’

  ‘He’s not my type,’ he joked drily. ‘I prefer females.’

  ‘Well, he is attractive,’ Kate protested, casting a covert glance at Sebastian.

  ‘Kate, I’m not interested,’ he bit out through clenched teeth, his jaw so tight that it looked rock-solid.

  ‘In what?’ asked Kate innocently, her eyes wide and a soft smile curling her mouth.

  ‘In playing games,’ he bit out, not taking his eyes from the road.

  ‘Games? she said, enjoying the look on his face.

  ‘I’m not jealous. Get it?’ he growled, slamming on the brakes, stopping the car and turning to Kate. ‘I’ve never cared about you in that way—to me you’re just a kid, and a spoilt one at that,’ he told her, before turning his attention back to starting the
car up again and driving off.

  Kate felt as if she had been struck, yet she only had herself to blame. She had tried to push him into admitting emotions he did not feel and now all she was left with was a sense of aching loss.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THE drive back was conducted in uncomfortable silence. Kate stared hard out of the window, feeling hurt and stupid. She had thought she had rid her system of all feelings for Sebastian; instead they remained as strong as ever. She longed to be far away from him, back in her tiny flat, alone but sheltered from the pain she was feeling now. Sebastian would only ever see her as a silly little girl, that was obvious, and Kate knew the only way to survive the rest of the time here was to steer well clear. That hadn’t worked so far, she was forced to admit ruefully, not understanding why her stepmother had been so insistent that Sebastian drive her into town. She would have been perfectly safe.

  ‘I’ll bring your packages in,’ he growled as he brought the car to an abrupt halt outside the house. ‘You’d better go straight in, let them know you’re back,’ he added as he began to scoop Kate’s purchases off the back seat.

  ‘Thanks,’ mumbled Kate, scurrying from the car; the sooner she was away from him the better. Her quick steps faltered as she saw Louisa in the doorway.

  ‘Come along, Kate,’ Louisa scolded like a senior prefect at Kate’s old school. ‘Your father wouldn’t go up for his nap till you returned and he really is tired, you know.’ The reprimand in her voice annoyed Kate, but she smiled sweetly in response, even disguising her anger when she heard Louisa say to Sebastian, ‘Have you ever known such inconsider-ateness?’

  Kate went outside to the little patio where her parents were sitting in the shade of the dark-leaved trees that formed a cool canopy overhead.

  ‘I’m back,’ she said softly, then paused as she looked at her father. He didn’t look at all well. His eyes looked heavy and his face was ashen. ‘Daddy!’ she cried in distress, dropping to his side. ‘How are you? What happened?’ she asked, a cold, clammy dread coming over her.

  ‘A little tired, that’s all. Clare tends to panic,’ he said, with a weak smile. ‘I’ll go and have my rest now you’re back,’ he added, patting her arm affectionately.

  ‘Yes, yes, do. I’m sorry I was late. I just got carried away,’ Kate began to explain hurriedly, hating to see the distress she had caused. She glanced up at Clare, her eyes pleading, and Clare nodded in quiet understanding, though Sebastian was still in bad humour.

  ‘Buying this rubbish,’ he said grimly as he scornfully deposited the parcels on to the floor.

  They fell in disarray and Kate scrambled over immediately, protesting strongly, ‘They’re not rubbish! The pieces I chose were all made by craftsmen. See—’ She held up a tiny, exquisitely carved elephant complete with two tiny tusks.

  ‘Wonderful,’ commented Sebastian drily, but a flicker of interest stirred in his face.

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘I hope those tusks aren’t real ivory,’ he said, taking the elephant from Kate’s hand and examining it closely.

  ‘No—at least I don’t think so,’ she said doubtfully.

  Sebastian tutted. ‘Really, Kate, one should only buy anything ivory from the officially designated shops. At least then you know the ivory hasn’t been poached. It’s OK; this isn’t ivory anyway,’ he added, seeing her crestfallen face as he passed her tiny elephant back.

  ‘I’d love to see some real ones,’ said Kate wistfully, stroking the elephant’s tusks.

  ‘Would you?’ asked her father, suddenly sounding brighter and looking animated.

  ‘Yes, wouldn’t you? It must be fascinating to see the animals in their natural habitat.’

  Howard Peterson just smiled at his daughter’s enthusiasm. ‘Well, I’m off for a rest. I feel a bit tired. I’ll be down for dinner,’ he reassured Kate, rubbing his hand over the top of her head, and she raised her eyes to look at him, seeing him for once as a fragile old man. She was on her feet in seconds, putting her arms around him and hugging him tightly. ‘I love you,’ she whispered in his ear as she released him.

  Sebastian watched silently, a frown creasing his brow. He raked his hair away from his face in a gesture of frustration. His action caught Kate’s attention and she looked at him, his expression holding a deep stillness that made her wonder what he was thinking and why he was staring at her so intently. His eyes stayed on her for a moment, taking in the gentle look of love on her face, the soft parting of her lips as she smiled at her father, then he turned away, almost hurrying from the room. Kate sighed—was it always to be this way between them? A constant battle, a long fight that there seemed no respite from? She carefully gathered up her parcels and made her way to her room.

  It was too hot to do anything and the sight of her freshly made bed, the crisp white cotton sheets already turned down, was all the invitation Kate needed. She took off her clothes and slipped naked into bed, enjoying the feel of the cold sheets against her heated body. It was a couple of hours later before she awoke and she certainly felt refreshed. She glanced at her watch and as there was plenty of time before dinner she decided on a long, leisurely bath.

  She dressed with special care that night—she wanted to look different, more sophisticated than the girl they all saw her as. She flipped through her new wardrobe and chose a simple grey dress. It had a wide scooped neck of intricate lace offset by a tiny row of grey pearl buttons that ran down the fitted top, before it flowed into a full skirt. Kate twirled round, admiring herself in the mirror; the slim strappy sandals she wore added to the overall effect and she decided to wear her hair up. She carefully brushed it to one side before clipping it into a French pleat, revealing her long, slender neck. A pair of her mother’s antique pearl drop earrings added to the complete picture of a sophisticated woman. She applied a shadow of colour across her lids, a mere brush of mascara and a quick spray of her most adult perfume.

  ‘I’m crazy,’ she murmured, her lips curling into a smile, yet for once she knew she wasn’t doing this for Sebastian’s benefit but for herself. She allowed herself to pause for effect at the lounge door before entering, her glance drifting over everyone till they became aware of her presence. Clare was the first to react with a mixture of surprise and delight.

  ‘Kate!’ she gasped, rising to her feet and drawing her daughter into the room, her eyes shining with pleasure. ‘I can’t believe it’s you. You look wonderful!’

  Kate hesitated, then laughed at the back-handed compliment, casting a quick look around the room and taking in the admiring glances. Almost unconsciously her eyes sought out Sebastian. He sat holding a small tumbler of amber-coloured liquid that Kate guessed was whisky—his favourite tipple before dinner. Louisa was sitting at his side, her body curved into his, her perfectly manicured hand resting on his knee and her fingers lightly tracing a circular pattern. He raised his brows, his eyes filled with laughter, and Kate’s confidence toppled for a moment But she swiftly recovered as a tray of champagne was put before her. She took a glass, allowing the crystal rim to reach her lips before letting a smile curve her soft mouth. It was then that she caught the blaze of hostility from Louisa—a look of pure hatred’—though Kate was unaware of any crime she had committed. She shuddered as Louisa’s eyes narrowed on her with a fiery intensity that was almost threatening.

  She turned away from them both. They were wellsuited, she thought grimly, trying to ignore the dull ache that seeing them together evoked in her. Louisa looked stunning: the dress she was wearing fitted like a second silken skin, snugly fitting around every curve. Kate could never hope to compete against such sophistication and she immediately felt gauche.

  Clare introduced Kate to the gathered guests, a collection of English people, all of whom had either permanent or holiday homes in the area. Conversation flowed easily, nothing too taxing—everyone was far too relaxed and in holiday mood to think about the world’s problems—and Kate suddenly realised how much she was enjoying herself. She had
often been invited out with people from work but they were somehow reserved affairs—everyone too conscious of their work, thus preventing them from really relaxing. Kate deftly avoided Sebastian all night, side-stepping him, or leaving a circle of people just as he approached. He made no comment on how she looked and Kate’s hope faded with every passing moment. When dinner was served she quickly attached herself to a Mr Dennison, a retired civil servant, who seemed only too delighted with her company.

  It was a delicious meal. Clare enjoyed cooking and had been on several cordon-bleu courses. She loved entertaining and using local ingredients in new and exciting ways. Everyone complimented her on the delicate flavours and the subtle taste of spice that bit gently at the palate. Kate found herself sitting opposite Sebastian and she tucked her legs firmly under her chair so that there could not be the least chance for him to tease her. It was a game they had often played, giving each other quick kicks when something or someone amused them at dinner.

  ‘Your legs will ache,’ he suddenly said to her in a hushed tone. She tried to dismiss his observation but he continued, ‘I can’t feel your feet at all—where are they?’ He shuffled his feet under the table.

  ‘We’re a bit too old for games like that, aren’t we?’ she hissed back, suddenly wondering if anyone had heard him, as it would seem a very odd conversation. She kept her expression and voice indifferent to him and turned her attention to her partner.

  ‘Kate,’ Sebastian persisted, and she swung back, irritated by his constant interruptions, especially when it meant she had to suffer the glacial looks that Louisa was directing at her.

  ‘Yes,’ she snapped.

  ‘Enjoying yourself?’ he grinned, knowing that she was finding the evening a strain. Kate gave a slight nod in acknowledgement, a serene smile touching the corners of her mouth.