Dream Lover: Pam of Babylon Book #3

by Suzanne Jenkins

  The surprise visit to the beach house from Maryanne was probably the most difficult of the secrets of Jack’s revealed yet. With Sandra, and even Melissa, she could blame midlife crisis for his lapse of character. With Marie, it was the act of a sick mind. But with Maryanne, there was simply no explanation that Pam could come up with that exonerated her husband. Why did he need that affirmation? The child was almost the same age as her own two children. Was he doing it all for charity? She had wracked her brain for days, trying to form a picture of who her husband was that would explain it, and she just couldn’t.

  The face of the Jack she knew was not of a real person, it couldn’t be. It was a fake that he had created that would satisfy her need to know who her husband was. Because she was so shallow, it didn’t take much effort on his part. She still couldn’t believe that there wasn’t one instance that she could think of that shed any suspicion on him. The impulse to start crying was strong; she felt like such a jerk. Gathering up what little strength she had left, Pam pulled herself together and went in to say good bye to her mother and Bernice. When she got to her car, she called Sandra, who answered on the first ring.

  “Hi! I just got in from work. What are you doing in town?” Sandra asked. Pam decided to keep Maryanne private.

  “I stopped in to check up on the elders. Can you spare a cup of tea? I thought I’d see you before I head back to the beach,” Pam answered. Sandra didn’t want to upset the apple cart; she and Tom were fixing dinner together and recently had the conversation about how she was going to slowly cut off her ties with the Smith family. She thought of the all the weekends that summer that the wife of her late lover entertained her at the beach, treating her like royalty. She couldn’t turn Pam away this one time, no matter what Tom wanted.

  “I’d love to see you, too. Come on over,” she replied. When she hung up, she told Tom Pam was on her way.

  “Okay, do you want me to go downstairs?” He was sincerely trying to stay out of the way so that Sandra and Pam could have some down time.

  “Not at all! She would feel like an intruder if I sent you away! Let’s get the coffee things out, okay? Besides, you need to keep making my dinner,” she teased. In a few moments, the buzzer went off and Pam was at the door. She came in and they embraced. Then Tom yelled out, ‘hello!’

  “Oh you should have said something! Now I feel terrible about interrupting you two.” She winked at Sandra. Tom came out of the kitchen with a towel wrapped around his waist for an apron and embraced Pam.

  “Stay for dinner. I’m cooking for Sandra and there is plenty.”

  “He cooks, too? Wow, you are a keeper!” Pam exclaimed. “Thank you, but no. I don’t like driving in the dark and if I time it just right, I will be on the road by seven and home by eight-thirty. I have just enough time to drink my tea and leave.”

  “Well, I have a surprise for you. I have real coffee now; Tom is a coffee fanatic, so it was a must to get rid of the instant stuff and buy a pot,” she said, holding it up for Pam to see. Pam noticed a change the minute she walked into the apartment; it was so subtle to be almost imperceptible. Sandra was happy. To bring up Jack’s name or any of the garbage about AIDS or other women would be to diminish her peace. She felt as though even her presence, the knowledge that her husband had fathered the baby would no longer bring comfort to Sandra, but would be a reminder of something shameful. However, Sandra wasn’t ready to call it quits. She brought the coffee in and was bending over to place it on the table next to Pam.

  “I really need to talk,” Sandra whispered. “I found out about another woman, maybe even two that he was sleeping with while we were together.” She straightened up and with raised eyebrows, nodded her head at Pam. The gesture said, ‘see, it’s not over yet.’ Pam nodded back to her. It was confirmation that talking about Jack would continue to be okay. But as far as Pam was concerned, the visits from Melissa and Maryanne were too painful to share and she wondered if they were who Sandra referred to. He rarely slept with Maryanne and Melissa said she stopped sleeping with him when she found out about Maryanne. Not sure if she wanted to know about more women, at that moment she was certain that she wouldn’t be sharing. She sipped her coffee and looked at her watch. She had fifteen more minutes.

  “How’s work? I haven’t heard from Peter, but my accountant did request a statement.” Although she wasn’t directly involved in the running of Jack’s business, she was entitled to receive half of the profits. Now that his former mistress was part owner, Pam had expected Sandra to update her more than she had been. No one was keeping her in the loop directly, which she found a little scary.

  “We’re having a general meeting with the partners and the sales staff Friday morning. Why don’t you come? You can ask questions directly then. I don’t know any more than you do, believe it or not. Peter and I butt heads regularly.” They chatted about the children and general news, keeping light in case Tom was eaves-dropping. Pam finished her coffee and excused herself to go to the ladies room before she started her trip back to Babylon. Although her relationship with Sandra may have run its course as far as its connection to Jack, Pam would go to the meeting to protect her interests. That may be the one thing that would bind Sandra and Pam together. It was something positive and forward moving.

  The two women embraced at the door. Pam yelled out ‘good-bye’ to Tom and he came out and gave her a hug, too. Pam was glad there was nothing final about it; she wasn’t going to completely give up Sandra’s friendship, yet.

  *

  The trip back home wasn’t bad. She pulled up to her door just as the sun disappeared behind her. The glow on the house and water always took her breath away. The front door was unlocked, so Marie must be back from her adventure with Jeff. She called out her name, but got no answer. Putting her purse and keys down, she went to the veranda; Marie wasn’t there. Then she thought she heard a moan coming from the children’s wing of the house. ‘Oh my God! Marie!’ She said to herself and ran to Marie’s room, throwing the door open.

  “Jesus Christ, Pam! Didn’t you ever hear of knocking first?” Marie yelled. Pam turned her back before anymore of the scene could penetrate her brain, but it was too late. An older man was kneeling in between her sister’s legs. There was no doubt what they were doing.

  “Sorry!” She said and slammed the door. In rare display of humor, Pam started laughing. She muffled it at first, but could feel it rising to the surface so she ran to her room on the other end of the house and closed the door behind her. Poor Marie, Pam didn’t know who the man was that she was having intercourse with, but she was pretty certain this encounter was finished. She rocked back and forth on her bed laughing. Why was sex so funny? When you were doing it, it wasn’t, but to watch it, well, it was definitely comical. Pam thought that she was probably one of the rare people who didn’t get turned on by watching porn. Jack tried to get her involved when they were first married, but she couldn’t watch without laughing. It confused him. He thought it would have the same effect on Pam as it did on him.

  “Everyone gets turned on by porn!” He told her. “Doesn’t it make you want me more?”

  “I already want you! Watching two exhibitionists get it on doesn’t do it for me, Jack.” He was visibly upset, but went to the TV and turned it off. She made up for it with passionate lovemaking and he never tried to get her to watch again. She had a change of mood. No, she told herself as she remembered that time with Jack, she didn’t suspect he was making love with someone else, until the very end. Someone? How many? Suddenly tired and getting angry, she thought it was inconsiderate of her sister to bring a stranger into the house for sex. Who the hell was he, anyway? Pam hoped he wasn’t someone she had picked up on the beach. The vision of her with her legs wrapped around this man’s back brought her to laughter again. It would be awhile before she would forget this evening. Besides, she wasn’t going to spend the night locked up in her bedroom. She took her city clothes off and got into her sweats.

  Throwing somethi
ng together for dinner, Pam was in the kitchen when Marie and her friend finally came out of the bedroom. They had taken the time to dress neatly. If she didn’t know better, they could have been playing bridge in there.

  “Sorry about that, Pam.” Marie said. “This is Steve Marks, a friend from work.” She didn’t mean to add that last part, but it had just slipped out. He looked at Marie and then at Pam, putting his hand out to shake hers. Pam hesitated before she took it, but Marie yelled out, “For god’s sake! We bathed!” Pam gave her a dirty look and took his hand.

  “I’m sorry, too,” Steve Marks said. “If I thought for one second that anyone else would be here, that would have never happened. I actually came here to kill Marie, didn’t I, dear?” He looked at her as he replied.

  “Oh shut up, will you? My sister has enough on her mind without worrying about us.” Marie added.

  “What did I miss? Marie, have you been naughty again?” Pam was in the mood to get even, something she hadn’t been able to do lately. She had enough of Marie’s crap to last a life time and she didn’t care at this point if she embarrassed her, or made her angry, or lost her friendship all together. Why was she even in a relationship with her? “Yes, why were you two in my house, doing that? I don’t want to be exposed to your fornicatory activities. Go to your own place. I feel like I need to burn the bed now.” She turned her back to make coffee.

  “Well, I hope you can forgive me,” Steve Marks said. “Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I like your sister. She is a liar and a con artist, but I used to be, too.” Marie looked at him and smiled.

  “I don’t know if I like you or not, but I’ll give it my consideration. Pam, can I help you fix something to eat? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m hungry.” Pam turned to her. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she could say, sure! Come on! Join in! I don’t care that I just saw this older stranger naked, now you expect me to eat with him? But she couldn’t. She wanted her house to herself tonight. Marie wasn’t a teenage anymore. Pam wondered for just a moment how many times she had screwed Jack in this very house and then came into the kitchen to help Pam with dinner. No. She had had enough.

  “Truly, I don’t care if you are hungry. What I would really like now is for the two of you to get your belongings together and get out of my house.” Marie was shocked and was going to open her mouth to protest when Pam continued. “If you say one word, I am going to tell my story. Would you like that?” She stood there waiting for one of them to make a move. Pam started to open her mouth.

  “I’m leaving! I’m leaving!” Marie thought better to say anything more, but turned back to her bedroom to get her bag and purse while Steve Marks stood there. Pam noticed that he had curiosity written all over his face. But she was not going to have any dialogue with him, ever. Marie came out with her things. “I’m sorry!” Pam let her have the last word. She did lock the door after them, which wouldn’t do much good since Marie had a key, so she put the chain up and the door safety. Then she went into the mudroom and did the same thing to the door to the garage. She set the alarm.

  And then for some reason she thought of Andy. Andy was a local cop who she had coffee and dinner with a few times after Jack’s death, but he wanted more from her than she was ready to give. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since the last time she asked him to leave her alone. It would be one more night that she wouldn’t call him; it was just too soon. She couldn’t imagine having to rehash all of the horrible junk she had found out about her husband over the past summer. It was better if she let some of the dust settle before she got in touch with him again. Plus there was the AIDS issue; he would probably run when he heard that news.

  After she ate, Pam grabbed a shawl and went out onto the veranda. It was a beautiful night. The heat from the sand was reflecting and she could feel the warmth flowing near her feet. Her shoulders were cold, so she wrapped the shawl around her. There were lights visible way out to sea; the mast of a large sailboat with its lighted dinghy being towed behind. She wondered where they were going; headed south. Maybe to Virginia Beach, but probably just to New York Harbor. Her house was empty and she would try to keep it that way. Everyone had someone now; Sandra had Tom, Nelda had Bernice, Marie had Steve whatever his name was. He was a handsome man but in a used car salesman kind of way. Pam giggled. She would judge every man from now until she died by comparing them to Jack. At least physically; he was definitely a loser in other ways. Having sex like that in someone’s home was proof of it.

  Pam realized that one of the reasons Jack was able to treat women like he did was because they were isolated. She certainly was. Maryanne, alone with her daughter and no friends or family to help her after her husband died. Jack must have seemed like a savoir to her. Melissa was set apart by her appearance. It didn’t sound like she had many friends, either. Sandra was completely alone with that sister who was jealous of her and a few friends who she rarely saw, and poor Marie, friendless and crazy. She knew there had to be others.

  Chapter 20

  Marie and Steve walked together to his car. They were embarrassed about what had just happened and didn’t have much to say to each other. He wasn’t sure how they had ended up in bed, but he was sure that he was in love with her. Steve accepted Marie’s apology for lying to him. He was going to get a test done in the morning. She accepted his apology for the damage he did to her car. She insisted on paying for the repairs herself. Turning to her when they got to his car, he wanted to be honest with her, knowing it might make her angry.

  “I’m wondering if this isn’t an omen that I better run like heck from you.” He looked down at her, staring into her eyes. “Lesser men have been brought low by such a woman,” he recited from a long lost sonnet. She refused to keep eye contact.

  “Look, you go do whatever you want to do. I never intended on any of this happening! I have to work, and now I’ve jeopardized my job by getting involved with you. If you don’t think I am worth the effort to be with, then go. Leave me alone, for God’s sake!” It was true that he had pursued her, making a pest of himself and even pushing her to the point of thinking about getting the police involved. But when she was with him, she wanted to do better. Something about him made her desire to take care of herself physically, to eat and stop drinking, to start taking her medication. The word she was looking for was hope. He gave her hope. He grabbed her and put his arms around her.

  “Do you think I want to leave you alone? I know I’m responsible for us being together. And I would like to scream it from the roof tops! I swear to you, my motives are honorable.” Marie hadn’t relaxed yet, and was standing there rigid, unyielding. He wasn’t letting go of her. “Now I’m almost certain you might destroy me!” She looked at him, shocked. “I’m just kidding! Look. I’m single; I have no kids, no one to interfere with us. Move in with me, okay? You hate your place. My apartment is in a nicer neighborhood. I don’t have your view, but right outside of my door is a coffee shop and a Korean grocery. There are restaurants on my block. We have a used book store and a vintage clothing shop around the corner. You can hop on the train at Twenty-Eighth Street and get to work in ten minutes. What do you say?” She starting to relax, and had fallen against him. She felt safe there. “What do you think?” He asked.

  Everything he just said to her appealed to her. She wasn’t thinking about what it would be like to live with him. Except for Pam and Jack and her college roommates, she had never lived with anyone. She was thinking about his Chelsea apartment, the grocery next door, the used book shop. Oh, she was so ready for a change.

  “Yes, I’ll consider living with you,” she said. “But we have a lot to work out. For one thing, I don’t cook. I won’t cook. I may bake when the mood strikes, but that is about it. I need people around me so you’ll have to let me invite my family there.” That was an outright lie; she had never entertained anyone in her apartment. But there was the dream of it in the back of her mind. “How will we work out finances? Fifty-fifty? Do I keep my place or sell i
t?”

  “You OWN that place?” Steve asked, incredulous that someone who worked where they did could own such a great place.

  “Yes.” She didn’t add ‘Pam and her husband bought it for me twenty years ago,’ but it was on the tip of her tongue. She was sorry she let it slip that she owned it. “What difference does it make?”

  “Well, maybe we should move into your place then. I rent and it goes up every year. I pay over two thousand a month now.” She got the creeps thinking about him or any man moving in with her. That was where she waited for Jack night after night. Plus, she was used to being alone. There was that old escape thing; she could leave his place if she had to but how would she get him out of hers if it didn’t work out? She thought she had her answer to selling her place. No, she wouldn’t get rid of it.

  “Look, I don’t want to decide my fate on the street. Can we go back to the city and discuss this? Maybe I spoke too soon. It seems like there are a lot of issues that need to be worked out.” She didn’t add, I’m not sure I really want to make a commitment to you. “Let’s get going. I’ll meet you at your place, okay? I can look around and see if it suits me,” she said smiling at him. They parted ways, she going back to her car. He wanted her to follow him but that made her too nervous. She hung back on purpose, letting him go ahead of her. Just the thought of living with him suddenly frightened her.

  The next day, Marie went back to work. She wasn’t prepared for what Carolyn Zimmerman, her new right hand, had waiting for her. Carolyn was one of the employees who arrived with Steve as part of a company merger. Marie had trusted her with a file that came from Jack’s office. Marie had procrastinated working on it all summer, so when Carolyn needed something to do, Marie immediately thought of Jack’s file.