by Hawke Oakley
I felt like I was gonna pass out. This was the worst.
But it wasn’t the worst. Not quite yet.
Because he couldn’t let anything go without having the last say, Riley leaned over to my ear – not too close, because that would be gay – and hissed, “The fuck’s your problem?”
I shot him a desperate glare that said Please for the love of God stop talking, but it had no effect on him. He was determined not to let this go. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“You were tapping your foot,” I muttered as quietly as possible.
“So?”
I gritted my teeth. “It was loud.”
“No it wasn’t!” he hissed.
“It was annoying.”
That seemed to both make him smug and infuriate him. He was glad to have pissed me off, but at the cost of being offended that someone could dare call him annoying.
I gripped the armrests tightly, wishing he would just let this go. I couldn’t handle another second of being put on the spot in front of hundreds of people – especially when those people were my peers. People who were supposed to be my future friends. I groaned inwardly. College was just fantastic so far.
“Well, you’re annoying,” Riley shot back. How mature. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything. I could handle being insulted if it meant I didn’t have to be publicly called out again.
But my silence aggravated him. Typical bully, I thought bitterly. He just wanted a rise out of me and got upset when it didn’t happen. Well, too bad. He wasn't going to get one.
I felt the irritation radiating off of him in waves. Now it was my turn to feel smug. Finally he leaned back in his chair, pouting like a child, and dug his phone from his pocket. That was fine with me. If he wanted to get in trouble for texting in the front row, that was his prerogative.
I felt the vibration a split second before I heard it. On full blast, piercing through the lecture hall, was someone’s ringtone.
My ringtone.
I scrambled for my phone and dropped it on the floor with a heavy clack. I cursed under my breath as I sprang out of the chair for it, pressing every button I knew to make it stop.
I grabbed it and sighed as it finally stopped ringing. It was then that I noticed it had landed right by the professor’s feet.
The blood drained from my body. I wished that lightning would burst through the ceiling and strike me down.
“I’m sorry, sir, I’m really sorry,” I mumbled, fumbling with my phone and shirking away. I retreated back to my seat, like a dog with its tail between its legs. I kept my head down, my face burning with embarrassment, staring at the floor.
“Hopefully that will be the last of the interruptions,” Dr. Z said dryly, earning a light chuckle from the lecture hall. I sank into my shoulders.
He went on, and once again I was too busy burning up with shame to listen to any of the lecture. I shut my eyes. I just wanted the class to be over already.
A voice in my ear startled me. “Too bad your phone wasn’t on silent, huh?”
I whipped around just as Riley sat back in his chair with a smug expression smeared across his face. My eyes widened as the realization crawled over me. He had been the one calling my phone. He did it on purpose to embarrass me.
My jaw fell open. I never gave him my number – how the hell did he have it? I froze, every inch of my body primed for a fight. I might have given him one, too, if my face wasn’t still flushed in shame. My nails dug into my skin as I clenched my fists. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.
If it was a fight he wanted, I’d give him one. But not now. Slowly I shrank back in my chair, exhaling and trying to cool off. I had to bide my time. Get him when he was least expecting it.
That was what he deserved.
Chapter Four
I sighed and stirred my milkshake. “I just don’t get it.”
Across the table from me, Molly shrugged. We’d crossed paths on campus during free periods so we decided to grab lunch at the cafeteria. We sat at the outdoor benches, which were still open since the weather was nice.
“Maybe he likes you,” Molly said.
I lifted my head. “That’s not funny.”
The corner of her lip quirked. “It’s a little funny.”
“You don’t get it, Mol,” I said, pushing my milkshake aside and gesturing with my hands. “The guy prank-called me in the middle of lecture just to see me get in trouble. As if I wasn’t already embarrassed enough.”
“Then you shouldn’t have given him your number,” she said, picking up a fry.
“That’s just it! I didn’t give him my number!” I exclaimed. “And it’s not like you told him, so he must have gone through my stuff and found it just for the sake of that. What is he, fucking five years old?”
“That is pretty weird,” Molly admitted.
“See? I told you!”
My blood heated up, itching for a fight. I hadn’t been this eager to punch someone’s lights out since this asshole named Trevor from high school called me a fag in the hallway. That was probably the ugliest fight I’d ever been in. My nose almost broke, and I was bruised for weeks, but the satisfaction of seeing the fear flicker in his eyes as I railed into him was worth it.
I’d gotten in a lot of trouble for that, but I never once regretted it.
“I’ve got class in fifteen,” Molly said, checking the time on her phone. “I’ll see you later.”
“Later,” I said.
She stopped and glanced over her shoulder. “Aaron,” she began, her voice lowered.
“Yeah?”
“Even if this guy’s giving you trouble, I don’t want you starting fights in your first year of college,” she said.
I bristled. “What?”
Her serious gaze fell on me. “You’re an adult now. You have to start acting like one – and by that, I mean you can’t just instigate fights like we’re on the playground anymore. You’ll get worse than a time-out.”
I scowled. “I know that.”
Her gaze was still hard. “Do you?”
I paused. She knew me better than anyone. She must have known I wanted to sock Riley’s lights out. I knew she was right – I wasn’t a kid anymore and I could be tried seriously for assault – but my pride was flaring up and wouldn’t let me admit it.
“Yeah,” I finally said, lowering my eyes. “I do.”
There was another pause before she sighed quietly. “Alright. See you.”
“Bye, Molly.”
After class I headed back to my room, utterly exhausted. My bag, slung over my shoulder, felt like it was made of stone. My feet dragged along the slope of the hill that lead to the dorm. For once, I didn’t even care that Riley would probably be there with his stupid smug grin. Maybe he’d be out drinking again. I didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep.
I gave a tired “hi” to a few dorm-mates I’d become friendly with on the way to my room. I slumped against the elevator wall. I was too tired to even go up one flight of stairs. The novelty of college had worn off, and the draining feeling of juggling studying and life set in. I wondered if Molly had felt this way in her first year of college, too.
Finally I reached my floor. Just a few more seconds and I’d be in bed, passed out.
I swiped the key card to my door. It flashed green. I pushed the door in.
It wouldn’t budge.
Scowling, I tried it again. It wasn’t the key card – it was the door.
“I wouldn't do that if I were you.”
I turned to see Connor shooting me a glance. He was leaning on the wall, chatting to another one of our friends.
“What?” I said. “Why? It’s my room.”
Connor grimaced. “Riley went in there earlier, with, uh…”
He trailed off, and I was too exhausted to get the implication. “With what?” I snapped.
Connor lowered his voice, cupping his mouth with the side of his hand. “With a girl.”
I blanched.
Oh, hel
l, no.
“Thanks for the warning,” I grunted. Using what little energy I had left, I braced my shoulder and slammed into the door. Something clattered to the floor and I heard the startled gasps inside. One of the voices belonged to Riley. My blood boiled.
I threw the door open, stormed inside in the doorway. I saw what had been holding the door shut – a chair Riley must have propped up against the handle, specifically to block me from coming inside.
Now I was face to face with what Riley didn't me to interrupt. He was in bed with one of our dorm-mates. She balked and groaned, pulling up the covers. Riley just looked pissed that I spoiled his fun.
“Dude,” I snapped. “What the fuck?”
Riley scowled. “What?” His eyes snapped to Connor, who was rubbernecking beside me. “I told you not to let him in!”
Connor let out a strangled noise. “It’s not my fault he busted his way through the door!”
The girl in bed threw on a loose pair of clothes. “Thanks for nothing,” she grumbled to Riley. I got out of her way as she trudged down the hall back to her own room.
“Beth – wait!” Riley shouted after her. But she didn’t wait. When she was gone, I couldn’t help a smug grin at Riley’s half-composed form. How was that for humiliation?
He turned on me, snarling. “What the fuck was that for?”
“Me?” I snapped. “You’re the one who locked me out of my own room!”
“Couldn’t you have waited like twenty minutes?”
I couldn’t help the retort. I wanted to kick him while he was down. “That’s all the time you need?”
Riley snarled and shoved me. “Fuck off!”
That got my blood pounding – and since he’d started it, it wouldn’t be my fault if I hit him back. But then Connor got in between us, hands outstretched, separating us.
“Whoa, whoa, cool it, guys,” he said. I grunted as he pushed me gently backwards, doing the same to Riley. “This isn’t worth fighting over.”
Riley looked like he was about to spit a nasty comment, but instead he huffed loudly and whirled around, putting on a shirt and pants before storming out the door. The tension slowly left my shoulders as he disappeared.
“What is his problem?” I grunted.
Connor sighed. “I mean, you could have waited.”
I bristled. “What? No way! I’m not letting him lock me out like that just so he can fuck someone!”
“They were just fooling around,” Connor said. “Besides, wouldn’t you want him to give you the same courtesy if you brought a girl back here?”
I gritted my teeth. No, because I’m gay and I wouldn’t bring a girl back here in the first place.
I didn't respond to Connor. I kicked off my shoes and sat on the edge of my bed. “Sorry for causing a scene,” I mumbled. “I just really want to sleep.”
Connor shrugged. “Don’t worry, I get you. You look tired as shit. See you later, dude.”
“Thanks,” I called. He left, and the door slowly closed behind him, locking into place with a click.
Finally alone, I let out a deep sigh and drifted off to sleep.
A hard, beating noise shattered into my thoughts and woke me. I jumped with a start, my heart racing at the sound. I looked around in the darkness, panicked, until I realized what the sound was. Someone was beating on the door.
“Let me in, asshole!”
Riley was beating on the door.
I had half a mind to roll over and ignore him, but the obnoxious sound of his fists and voice would never let me drift off again. With a groan, I hauled myself out of bed, wondering why the fuck he couldn’t just open the door with his key card.
Then I remembered he’d stormed out, half-naked earlier and probably forgot to bring it with him. I scowled and opened the door. He looked pissed.
“Took you long enough,” he grunted, shouldering his way past me. In my half-asleep state, I stumbled back.
“Maybe you should’ve remembered your key card,” I mumbled. I trudged back to my bed, looking forward to getting a bit more sleep, but Riley wasn’t going to drop this easily.
“Maybe I would’ve remembered it if you didn’t barge in on me earlier,” he snapped.
“Maybe you should have sex somewhere that isn’t a shared room.”
Riley just stared at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, except instead of pity there was just contempt. “God, you’re an asshole.”
I slumped back on my bed, staring at the dark ceiling. “Likewise.”
I heard him shuffle stiffly out of his clothes, then throw the covers over himself, like a child having a tantrum. Only now did I notice the sour smell clinging to him again. My nose wrinkled.
“Were you drinking?” I asked, cutting through the oppressive silence.
“Yeah, mom, I was,” he snapped.
I grunted and didn’t reply. Maybe that why he was in such an awful mood. Maybe he was a mean drunk. But he didn’t seem drunk – not like he did that one night – and the smell wasn’t as strong. Maybe he just drank enough to take the edge off.
I didn’t know why I was thinking about this. I turned over, away from him, staring at my own wall.
I thought I’d have an easy time falling back asleep, but Riley spoke again.
“You should try it sometime.”
With a small grunt, I looked at him over my shoulder. “Try what?”
“Drinking,” he said. He wasn’t looking at me. His gaze was boring into the ceiling. “Might make you less of a jerkoff.”
I scoffed. “Like it does to you?”
“Yeah,” he said bitterly. I could hear the eye-roll in his voice. “Fine. Don’t, then.”
“I don’t even know where to get any,” I mumbled.
“Are you stupid? It’s everywhere on campus,” Riley said. “Try going to a floor party for once.”
I’d shied away from most of them for being too loud and raucous for my taste, but – was Riley actually inviting me to one?
“Okay,” I said.
Riley let out a grunt. “Alright, then.”
There was an awkward silence, like neither of us could believe what just happened. Or maybe that was just my imagination. That was probably it.
“Next one’s on Thursday,” Riley said suddenly. “Connor’s hosting.”
My brows furrowed. “Don’t we have our Philosophy exam Friday morning?”
This really seemed to piss him off for some reason. “Fine, don’t fucking come, then, if you care so much.”
I bristled. “I didn’t say that! I’ll go.”
Riley rolled over. “Whatever.”
I scowled in the darkness, waiting for the silence to fall. This time Riley was done talking, and so I was I. Shutting my eyes, I let myself drift off to sleep, wondering just how the hell this party was going to go down.
Chapter Five
Classes on Thursday went by faster than usual. I didn’t know if this was a good or a bad thing. On one hand I was excited to hang out with my friends – and maybe even get Riley to stop hating my guts – but on the other, I was anxious. I’d never been to a real party in high school, just some get-togethers with close friends. Never one with a bunch of strangers.
But these people weren’t strangers, I reminded myself. They were my peers, students the same age as me, probably all from our dorm. That thought relaxed me a little.
I headed back to the dorm.
“Aaron!”
Molly’s voice behind me made me start. “Geez, don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“I wasn’t sneaking,” she said. “You’re just distracted. What’s up?”
I had a strange feeling in my chest. For some reason, I didn’t want to tell her about the party, like it was something I shouldn’t be doing. I felt like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar, even though I knew that was ridiculous. Molly wouldn’t care if I went to some dumb party. I should just tell her.
“There’s, um,” I began, my throat feeling dry. “There
’s a party tonight on my floor.”
“Really?” she said. “That’s great!”
“You’re not gonna tell me not to go?” I asked.
“Why would I? You’re an adult, remember?” She clapped me on the shoulder. “Just don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be fine.”
I smirked a little. “You’re not afraid I’ll get totally wasted?”
Molly cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “When was the last time you of all people got totally wasted?”
“Um.” I thought about it. “Never.”
“Exactly,” she said. “Don’t worry about it. Go have fun. You know you can always call me if something comes up.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said.
As Molly turned to leave, I called out to her. The words came out before I could stop them. “It was Riley.”
She looked over her shoulder. “What do you mean?”
“He was… he was the one who invited me,” I said, rubbing my arm awkwardly. “I wouldn’t have known about it if he didn’t tell me.”
Molly quirked her eyebrow, almost imperceptibly, but I caught it. She was wearing that mischievous expression again.
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing,” she said with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”
Grumbling, I trudged back to the dorm. Before anything, I needed a shower. I dumped my belongings in my room – Riley was absent – and grabbed a towel before heading to the bathroom.
If there was one thing about dorm life that was difficult to get used to, it was the co-ed bathrooms. I wasn’t a stranger to girls being in my space at all – growing up with a sister around the same age does that to you – and it wasn’t like I had any sexual feelings towards any of my female dorm-mates. It was just… weird.
Thankfully there was no one else in the room. Using a semi-private shower was awkward enough without other people being in the bathroom, too. I shoved my clothes onto a steel shelf next to the shower head and turned the water on. The warm spray felt good, and I closed my eyes, leaning into it.
The main bathroom door opened and suddenly a couple voices floated inside.