The Harbinger

by Pat Adams-Wright

  Holly’s cup and saucer clattered on the table as she put them down with trembling hands.

  Dee shocked her daughter with her reply. “I totally agree,” she said. “Would you mind if I asked Dot and Anthea to join us? They’ve been very supportive in my hour of need, so I understand what you’re saying.” Dee’s eyes took on a faraway look, as though she was reliving the time of Alex’s death.

  Ellie saw the look and wanted to hug her mother but didn’t want the day to be a sad one. She knew her mum and dad loved and missed Alex more than words could express, but totally consumed by her own feelings so often, she didn’t acknowledge theirs.

  Dee Hanray came back from her memories and placed her cup and saucer on the table. “Well, I think it’s time for me to push off before it gets dark. I’m meeting the girls for a quiet drink this evening, so don’t want to leave it too late before I get ready.”

  As she rose to her feet, Ellie couldn’t help herself. “Would you like me to run you back in the car? It’s still below freezing out there and treacherous underfoot. I nearly went base over apex myself this morning.”

  Dee turned and looked at Holly with a questioning look. Holly shook her head. “I didn’t go with her. She went for a brisk walk while I was coming round with my coffee.” Holly turned and smiled at Ellie. Well, it was a version of the truth.

  Dee smiled at Ellie. “I think I’ll walk. It will do me good, but I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll ring you when I get back. Nice meeting you, Holly. See you next Thursday.”

  Holly nodded as her reply.

  Ellie showed her mother to the door. “Don’t forget to ring me,” she said as she held her mother’s coat for her to get into without a struggle. She glanced down at her mother’s stiletto heels and forced herself not to tut.

  Her mother turned and stroked her cheek. “Thank you for the tea and company. Bye for now, and I’ll ring when I get home and again before Thursday.”

  Ellie waved as she closed the door behind her mother. If she could have patted herself on the back, she would have. She’d managed to get through a session with her mother without coming out the other side a dithering wreck. She was sure Holly’s presence had made the difference.

  7

  Friday at five o’clock, Ellie sat down to read a book. An hour and a half to try to relax before the bun-fight began. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed a good book. Not with the same passion, she was feeling now. Since Alex passed away, she found she had little patience for losing herself in a book, missing the times when they would sit on his bed before he went to sleep, reading together. Now she felt like… reading!

  “Happy birthday, Alex,” she said aloud in a soft voice. The minute she woke up this morning, she was in bits, but wished him a happy birthday through her sobs, grasping the edge of the duvet just to feel… something. Then, as the day progressed, she felt stronger. She’d cleaned the house until everything squeaked, wiping her tears away as she went. Now, she was tear-free and her eyes had improved. No more red rims or blotchiness. No urge to cry at the mere thought of her son. If only her mother would keep her thoughts to herself, then the buffet would go without her adding to the sombreness. Yes, people would be sad, and quite rightly so, but she could go without tears, and she hoped all those attending would try to do the same.

  Her week had been busy, but the current work-in-progress was almost complete, so she felt as though she could relax. She’d had two visits from the robin this week, but he’d only come for food, not staying for the usual head bobbing and dancing. Rather than be completely devastated, she’d smiled and wished him well. The temperature was due to rise tomorrow to well above freezing, so if the bird could get through to the end of the very cold spell, she’d be happy.

  As she flicked over to the first page, her mobile sounded. The ringtone told her it was Holly.

  “Hi, sweetie. How you doing today?” Holly asked, obviously concerned. “I didn’t want to intrude earlier, thinking I would be seeing you tonight.”

  Ellie scrunched her eyes and rubbed them with her thumb and forefinger. “So I gather I won’t be seeing you tonight, then?” She felt her stomach collide with her guts. She’d been building up to the meeting all day. Although Alex still came first in the thought department today, she was relying on Holly to help her through. She felt guilty for wanting to see Holly again and hoped beyond hope, her son would understand.

  “I’m afraid not,” replied Holly, her voice laden with regret. “Leah has come down with some vile throat infection, so she’s grounded for the duration. Now she’s sulking, of course, because she was supposed to be on a sleepover weekend, and I won’t let her go.”

  Given Holly had no choice, Ellie understood perfectly. “Not to worry. There will be other weekends, although I did explain to my mum, today would not be repeated. In future years, we can all remember Alex in our own way on his birthday.”

  The line went quiet for a few moments before Holly answered. Her voice held a slight warble when she spoke. “The weekend can be rescued, however. How do you fancy spending it here with the biohazard and me? I could come and pick you up after dinner, and then you could go home when you like. It might give you a little distraction if nothing else.”

  A lump formed in Ellie’s throat as emotion overcame her. Holly always seemed to come up with an answer to unspoken problems. She’d worked out how Ellie would probably feel and wanted to do something to help. Ellie swore she had never met a sweeter woman. “I could kiss you for coming to the rescue.”

  “Don’t let me stop you,” said Holly with a giggle.

  Ellie ignored the remark, thinking Holly was just being her usual funny self. “Goodness knows what state I’ll be in by the end of the evening, so I really am grateful for the company. I hate the thought of being alone, but not half as much as I hate the thought of my mum fussing around me like a nettled hen.”

  Holly tittered. “I don’t mean to be unkind, but your mum is a little… domineering. Well, don’t say you haven’t had fair warning about my darling daughter. I suppose she’s infectious, but I’ll try and isolate her as much as possible.”

  Ellie had the usual emotional response affecting her throat. She remembered when the time came for Alex’s vaccinations. Ellie spent an age researching the plusses and minuses, and she wavered over should she allow them or not. In the end, she went with her gut instinct and what she thought was a good percentage. She allowed them, but every time she saw the needle go in, her throat went into a spasm.

  “You’ve gone quiet, Ellie. Have I said something to upset you? You haven’t taken offence at what I said about your mum, have you?”

  Ellie was eager to reply. “No, of course not.” She gasped. “I was just away with the fairies. I think I’m a little tired. It’s been a long day, and it’s not over yet.”

  “The good news is, the minute I thought of the idea, I put a bottle of Prosecco in the fridge to cool, just in case you accepted the invitation.”

  Ellie laughed as she imagined Holly smiling sneakily. “So it’s your turn to lure me to the dark side.”

  Holly sounded serious. “Yes, and I have cookies.”

  “Okay then. I’m in. I’ll give you a ring when the last visitor goes home. I’ll go and get some things together now. It will save waiting later.”

  After a cheery goodbye, Holly ended the call.

  Ellie picked up her Joy Ellis novel to put with her weekend clothes, just in case she had time to read. Holly would have to spend some time with her daughter at some point during the weekend, so reading would keep her occupied. No time to dwell. She picked up her mug to take into the kitchen and checked the room. Still clean and tidy.

  As she rinsed her mug at the sink, the fluttering of tiny wings caught her attention. It had been dark for some time, so it caught her off guard. She didn’t know whether it was a feeding trip or conversation time, so she slipped on her old gardening jacket from the back of the kitchen door before going outside. Crumbling up a piec
e of shortbread into small crumbs, she made her way outside to the back window.

  His head began to bob up and down as though he were excited about something as soon as she came into view.

  “Are you happy it’s your birthday, little one?” she asked gently, placing the crumbs in a neat pile beside him. “The good news is, tonight’s the last night of sub-zero temperatures, for a while at least, so things should ease a little for you. It must be awfully hard to survive in this cold weather.”

  The bird tilted its head as she spoke, then began pecking at the crumbs in earnest. “I want you to understand something,” she said seriously, looking directly at the bird. Its black eyes shone like a polished jet as the light from the kitchen reflected in them. “I didn’t mean to tell you porkies when I promised not to see Holly again. It’s just when you’re a grown-up, things change. I was hasty to say that I wouldn’t see her again because she is becoming a very important person in my life. She’s lovely to be with and...”

  The clearing of a throat behind her made Ellie grab her next breath as she clutched at her chest. She turned around slowly, her eyes bulging. It made her look like a lunatic, as the whites of her eyes were almost luminous. Sue! Goodness, she’d forgotten all about her bringing the buffet.

  “Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, you know,” said Sue with a smile.

  “Oh, I wasn’t talking to myself, I was talking to…” Ellie glanced over her shoulder and noticed the bird had flown. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. The strange thing was she hadn’t heard the robin fly away. “The stars. I was just saying how pretty they looked in the clear sky. Diamonds spread on indigo satin, don’t you think?”

  “Cor!” said Sue. “Ain’t we waxing lyrical tonight? Do you think you could spare me a moment to help bring the food from the car?”

  “Of course! Lead the way.” Ellie sighed and looked skyward.

  Ellie wasn’t sure how much of her conversation with the bird Sue had heard. Perhaps she swallowed the hogwash Ellie had pedalled to cover her tracks. Sue hadn’t commented one way or the other. As long as Sue didn’t say anything to her mother, Ellie would be fine. The chances of that happening were slim to none. Ellie would get better odds on the local football team winning the FA Cup.

  The food looked beautiful, set out on silver platters, covering most of the dining table. Underneath the food, the tablecloth was Ellie’s favourite one. Her grandmother made it during the war by taking out threads from old, bleached flour sacks, forming an intricate pattern. One had to examine it closely to see any join. This was a family and close friend occasion, so it seemed fitting for Ellie to use it. In the centre stood a low candlestick bearing a new solitary candle, which gave off a slight smell of honeysuckle. In addition, a small framed photograph of Alex that she usually kept on her bedside table.

  Ellie took a final glance around, the spread before her making her mouth water. Crostini and blinis with all manner of toppings, although the cream cheese and cornichon stood out. Small triangular sandwiches—egg and cress, smoked salmon and cucumber, beef and onion, and so it went on. A small round fruitcake headed the sweet selection. Had it marzipan and icing, it would have been a birthday cake, thought Ellie. There were homemade French fancies, carrot cake, and coconut cake. Ellie smiled when she saw the coconut one. Anything left for later Ellie would take to Holly’s house. It would be a shame to waste it. Ellie suspected Sue had spent more on the buffet than she’d quoted, too. Sue was the salt of the earth. Ellie would question the cost when the time came to pay the invoice, but she knew she wouldn’t win the argument.

  The guests came, talked, ate, and went home. The tears were delicate, dabbed away by the corner of a tissue or, in great Aunt Milly’s case, the corner of a lawn handkerchief. People had been kind and sympathetic, but the bonus was her mum telling people how well Ellie was coping.

  “There seems to have been a change in you these last few weeks,” Dee said, as she and Ellie were standing in front of Alex’s photo in the hall. Dee pointed to it. “He would have been proud, and so am I,” she added with a sparkle in her eye.

  Ellie wasn’t sure if it was emotion or the sherry talking, but she felt relieved that her mum had noticed. Dee hadn’t yet made the link of Ellie’s change with Holly’s appearance in her life. She didn’t want her to—not just yet. “Yes, Mum, there seems to be the faintest shaft of light at the end of the tunnel.” Ellie forced a smile in order to reinforce her point.

  “I’m so pleased to get a glimpse of my old daughter returning.” Dee grabbed Ellie’s forearm and squeezed gently. “It’s been a long time.”

  Her mother’s two friends called her away, wanting Dee to validate some point or other. It wouldn’t be too long before they all went to the pub, hopefully.

  By a quarter past eight, all her visitors had gone. She got hugs and kisses as she stood by the door, seeing them out. Several mentioned how brave they thought she was. She remembered the morning and felt like a fraud. No, she wasn’t brave—someone who truly cared for her was now giving support, and her behaviour reflected it. That’s what it felt like, anyway. Ellie hoped it was true.

  She packed the last few items in her weekend case, along with the novel she’d been clutching earlier. She left the case by the door and made her way to the dining room, armed with a stack of storage containers with lids. The food was certainly enough for this evening, should they get the munchies. She filled the containers to the brim before phoning Holly.

  Holly pulled up outside Ellie’s house fifteen minutes later. “Sorry it’s taken so long. I had to settle Leah down before I left. She looks snug as a bug in a rug. She’s wiped out, of course, because of the infection, but I’ve given her some medication, so she’s dozing.”

  Ellie looked a little panicked. “Oh, my goodness! I forgot you would have to leave Leah alone. I should have driven in my car!” Guilt came to her in a wave.

  Holly wafted her hand in front of her face as if to wave away any objections. “I bet you’ve had a little something to drink, haven’t you?”

  Ellie nodded. “Yes, a couple of Sherries, but that was a while ago. I think I would have been all right to drive.”

  “No!” replied Holly forcefully. “Emotion and alcohol are not a good mix. Better to be safe than sorry. Besides, I have to leave her on some occasions. It’s the joy of being a single parent. Thankfully, she’s a very sensible girl for her age. Quick trips only, mind you. Usually the supermarket. The little devil always seems to want to eat something I don’t have in the house. She’s used to it. We’ve been through all the things she needs to know in an emergency, knows not to open the door to anyone, blah, blah. All the usual suspects.”

  They packed the car and in a matter of minutes, they were on their way to Holly’s house. Ellie fidgeted as she rolled thoughts around in her head.

  Ellie reached out and gently grabbed Holly’s arm. “I’m really sorry to intrude. I should have just said no to your invitation, instead of forcing myself on you. I guess I’m just weak.”

  Holly turned to look at Ellie as they pulled up to a red light at a set of traffic lights. “Now listen to me, because I’m not in the habit of repeating myself. You say anything remotely like that again, and our friendship is over.” Holly’s face looked hard.

  The lights changed, and she pulled the car forward, making it jump. Ellie looked across and could see Holly’s knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. Ellie was so shocked.

  She could only mumble, “Sorry,” in a low voice. Holly made her feel like a pupil in front of the headmaster.

  Ellie saw Holly turn her head slightly but never taking her eyes off the road. “I’m sorry for losing my rag with you. I know it’s been a rough day for you, but you are so hard on yourself when you really don’t have to be. I wanted you to come. Remember, it was my idea, not yours. If you think that I would leave my daughter on her own, even for a few minutes, if I thought she wasn’t capable—you can’t think much of me as a mother
. In addition, just for the record, you’re not weak. Most people would end up a basket case if they had to endure what you have.” Holly pulled the car on to her drive. “Now follow me,” she said in a faintly regimented voice. “We have wine to drink.”

  8

  Ellie could feel herself gently relaxing as she sprawled on Holly’s long couch. She had numerous pillows behind her head, allowing her to nibble away at some of the buffet she brought with her and, more importantly, still drink the Prosecco.

  “You said you’d only put one bottle in the fridge, but I saw at least three when I was storing the rest of the food. I mention it because this one is empty.” Ellie reached out, grabbed the empty bottle, and shook it from side to side. She purposefully turned her mouth down at the corners to make her look glum.

  Holly, in a similar position on the opposite couch, lifted her eyebrows. “You want me to open another? I’m only asking because it is nearly eleven, and I know you’ve had a trying day.”

  “As long as you’re going to keep me company, then yes. I’d love some more, please.” Ellie questioned her own motives. Did she really need another drink or did she just want to spend more time with Holly?

  Holly swung her legs off the couch and rubbed her hands through her unruly curls. “Coming right up. I’ll bring the rest of those blinis too. Those flaked salmon and dill in mayo taste yummy.”

  Ellie smiled as she watched Holly’s back disappear through the door. What Holly said to her in the car had shaken her to the core. What surprised her more was the way Holly had said it. Although their friendship was short, she’d never known her to be so forceful. She gulped hard when she thought of their friendship ending—it had only just started. Holly made her feel good. No, not good, she made her feel loved, wanted, and cherished. Ellie could feel herself falling deeply for the librarian with the unruly head of hair and the beautiful heart-shaped face, yet she knew little about her or her life, really. Was it possible? Could it be love at first sight?