by Vi Keeland
I knew that feeling all too well. After one of our fights, Garrett showed up at my doorstep unexpectedly. We hadn’t spoken in a few days, and I could tell he’d been drinking again. His drinking had been getting more and more frequent. He looked tormented. His hair was all over the place. The look in his eyes told me he hadn’t slept in days. He begged me to take a ride with him. We got in the car, and he drove off like a bat out of hell. He didn’t speak or look at me, but I knew exactly where we were going.
He pulled into “our” spot at Wales Park. We’d spent so much time there, taking long walks, partying with our friends and all the times we would just come here to be alone and make love in the back seat of his car.
Things hadn’t been right between us for some time. We were both in denial, struggling to save our love. The rift between us was getting bigger and bigger. It felt as though I’d already lost him. I could feel his anger and resentment towards me. He said I had broken his trust, that when he looked at me, he felt sick to his stomach. I apologized over and over. I begged him to let me make things right between us. I loved him, and our love could survive this.
A flash of light woke me from the fog I was in. A police officer had pulled up at my driver’s side door.
“Are you ok, Miss?”
“Yes, officer I’m fine. I just pulled over because I was dozing off.”
“Okay. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Don’t stay here too long, it’s not safe.”
He left, and I turned on the light inside my car. I adjusted my rear view mirror to take a good look at myself.
“Fuck me,” I huffed. “Why do I always let Garrett get the better of me?” I searched my camera bag for my cell phone. Once I found it, I immediately sent Nicole a text—
Me—
Well, I barely survived that wedding. Meet me at Danny’s in two hours. I need about five shots of tequila after the day I’ve just had.
Nicole—
I’ll be there. Did you get to talk to him?
Me—
Long story. I’ll see U soon.
I pulled back out onto the road and decided to leave the radio off this time. I vowed to myself to make it home without any more tears. I made really good time and got back home with about twenty minutes to spare. I headed to my apartment to freshen myself up, I can just imagine what I looked like. Even though Danny’s wasn’t a fancy place no one should be seen in public the way I was looking right now. I began rummaging through my closet looking for my favorite pair of jeans and one of my WSU sweatshirts. I quickly changed my clothes and headed into the bathroom.
“Urgh . . .” I sighed. “You look like a Mack truck has run you over.”
I re-applied my make-up, and put my hair up in a ponytail and threw a baseball cap on my head. I stopped by the fridge to grab a glass of soda and gave Molly a little food.
I checked the time, shut off all the lights except the one over the kitchen sink and headed downstairs to Danny’s. I could hear the music bumping already and wondered if any regulars would be in tonight, I really needed my girls with me.
As I stepped through the employees’ entrance, the heat hit me like a brick wall. I was regretting putting a sweatshirt on. It felt like it was hundred degrees and Danny’s was packed. All the bodies on the dance floor had really heated the place up. Danny’s was a decent sized bar. As you walked in the main entrance, the dance floor was directly in front of you with strobe lights flickering overhead. To the right was the bar, long enough for twenty-five bar stools. The wall directly behind the bar housed mirrors and shelves and shelves of liquor. Directly above the bar was a flagged banner that promoted Corona Beer in bright yellow and blue. Along the front wall, next to the main entrance, were six high-top tables that had three or four seats. To the left was a row of booths up against the wall. On the walls throughout the bar, were mirrors that advertised different beers and liquors. The mirrors looked as if they were from the late eighties or early nineties.
I scanned the dance floor and spotted Hillary immediately. She was wearing a dark pair of jeans, with a form fitted white t-shirt and black boots that came up to her knees. She had pin straight platinum blonde hair with streaks of black underneath and her hair hung down to the middle of her back. We met at Danny’s and hit it off immediately because we both had the same sarcastic sense of humor. She has been a regular since I started working there. We hung out a lot at the bar and often got asked if we were sisters. We would always laugh because we just didn’t see it.
She saw me walk in and started waving. I knew she wanted me to join her on the dance floor. I motioned to her that I was hitting the bar first. She gave me a concerned look and left the dance floor immediately heading my way. We reached the bar at the same time.
“Are you ok, sweetie?” Hillary asked with a worried look on her face.
“Yeah, I am fine. I’ve had a rough day. Nothing a few shots of tequila won’t cure,” I sighed as I plopped myself into a bar stool.
Hillary threw her hand up to grab Danny’s attention. “Hey what does two beautiful ladies need to do to get a drink around here?”
Danny turned around and shot us a smile.
Hillary yelled down to him, “Two shots of tequila!” She turned to me and saw the sullen look on my face. “Danny! You better make it four shots!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep your pants on down there,” Danny yelled back, jokingly.
From across the bar I saw Nicole enter. She was about five feet six inches tall, with medium length straight blonde hair. She had the bluest eyes I’d have ever seen. She wore skin tight jeans and a low cut black tank top with stiletto heels. Every guy in the place turned his head as she walked by, but she didn’t notice any of them. She came up behind me and gave me a huge bear hug. She’s one of the only people I will let hug me. I have an issue with personal space and don’t give hugs freely.
“Oh honey, are you ok?” She asked.
“I’m fine. I had a little freak out in the car on the way home, but I am fine now. I just need some tequila in my system to make the pain go away.”
“Are you sure you want to do that? You know that you and tequila don’t mix well,” she said with a concern in her voice.
“That is why you are here silly, to keep me in line,” I laughed nudging my shoulder into her lightly.
“Yeah, well. . . I’ve seen you and tequila. Even I can’t control you.”
“Danny! Make that six shots,” Hillary hollered.
While Hillary waited for our shots, Nicole pulled me into the ladies’ room and grilled me on what had happened at the wedding. I told her everything that happened from the moment I realized Garrett was there. The entire day had really thrown me for a loop. Seeing Garrett at the wedding with her. Him dancing with her but staring at me and then chasing after me. Iwas confused by his actions, and I really needed a drink. I just wanted to forget this day ever happened.
Hillary was waiting for us with the shots. She already had one in her hand for me by the time I reached the bar. “Here you go, Sweetie. It really looks like you could use this.”
I took the shot glass from her. “Oh, you have no idea,” I said smiling. I glanced over at Nicole and she was shaking her head in disapproval.
About twenty minutes and five shots later the tequila was flowing through my veins. Tequila was always my drink of choice as it was strong and got me drunk quickly. I had been using it as a Band-Aid to mend my broken heart for years.
Hillary, Nicole and I eventually ended up on the dance floor. We were laughing and having a great time like we didn’t have a care in the world. There were a ton of college students in the bar, and I spotted a group of football players watching us dance. I took Hillary’s hand and started dancing seductively with her. She noticed the football players too and started playing along. She was moving her body up and down mine and grabbed my ass as they began shouting and giving us “cat calls.”
I put my hand up and pointed to one of them and signaling him to come over
and dance with me. He got up from his seat making his way over to me. I put my arms around his neck and began moving my hips in a circular motion. Putting his hands on my waist he began moving his hips the same way. Spinning me around I started grinding my ass into his crotch. He moved his hands up my torso, and I could feel his breathing begin to quicken. My inner core was buzzing. The combination of alcohol, music and his hands was pushing me over the edge.
Our dance was interrupted by Nicole. “Can I borrow her for a minute?” She snapped with a condescending tone in her voice. She led me off the dance floor by my wrist and angrily whispered into my ear, “Sleeping with him tonight is not going to make you feel better. I know you think you’re thinking straight, but you’re not.”
I gave her a goofy grin and slurred, “I’m not going to sleep with him. What do you think I’m a whore?”
“Leila, I know you better than you know yourself. You’re self-destructive, especially when it comes to Garrett,” she said angrily.
I threw my head back and rolled my eyes. “You’re not my mother. So you can stop acting like her.”
“Well, when you stop acting like a child, I will!” Nicole said raising her voice.
She glared over at my dance partner who was now dancing with Hillary. Nicole’s eyes then met mine again. I gave her a small smirk.
“Ugh!” she exhaled loudly and stormed off. I shrugged my shoulders as I watched her walk out the front door. and I danced my way back over to where they were.
The music stopped, and he asked me to come back to his table, and I was happy to oblige. As he ordered us a couple of drinks, I sat on his lap, kissing his neck. He told me his name was Adam and how he was the star quarterback at WSU.
“Oh really? I just graduated from WSU last spring. I can’t believe we never ran into each other before,” I slurred while playing with his hair seductively.
“Yeah, you should come see me play next weekend.” His eyes lit up.
I put my mouth to his ear and whispered, “I’m really not into football but if you want to come back to my place, we can play something else.”
With a look of surprised delight on his face, he grabbed his jacket without hesitation. He said goodbye to his friends, taking him by the hand I led him out the back door.
He had his arms wrapped around me tightly, kissing my neck as we made our way up the stairs to my apartment. I unlocked my door and tossed my purse on the kitchen counter.
I spun around whispering in his ear. “I’m so hot for you,” I slurred.
He could barely catch his breath. I kissed his neck, and I pushed my hand down the front of his pants. “You’re hard for me already,” I giggled in his ear.
He tried to slow me down, but there was no stopping me. I was self-destructing by the second. This wasn’t anything new. It was how I’d coped after Garrett left. All four years at WSU consisted of my bedding as many men as I could. I used alcohol and sex to soothe my pain.
As we made it into my bedroom, I had him practically naked, except for his boxers. I pushed him down on the bed, crawled up on him and straddled his hips. I ripped my sweatshirt and bra off, grabbed his hands and put them on my breasts. He started playing with my nipples. I began writhing on him as I unbuttoned my jeans and put his hand down the front of my pants.
“Can you feel how wet I am for you?” I moaned.
He moved his fingers further down into my pants and began rubbing my clit. Moving his hand lower he dipped his fingers into my pussy. I arched my back to give him better access.
“Oh Adam,” I slurred. “I am so hot right now. Fuck me, please.”
“Do you have any condoms?” He panted.
That comment stopped me dead in my tracks. I rolled my eyes at him. “Aren’t you the star quarterback? Shouldn’t you have an unlimited supply of them?”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to get laid tonight.”
I rolled off him and staggered into my bathroom. I came out waving a condom in my hand. “You’re lucky my friend. I’m not getting knocked up by a one night stand,” I slurred with a half smile on my face. I knew deep down inside I would have fucked his brains out even if I didn’t have a condom. I actually wasn’t afraid of getting pregnant. I’d been on the pill since I started college. I preferred having sex with no condom, but I did try to be doubly safe when it came to sex. This certainly wouldn’t have been the first time I overlooked using a condom.
I tossed the condom on the bed and lay down next to him. I yanked off his boxers and his cock sprung free. I began kissing his chest and stroking him causing his body to quiver. I slowly ran my tongue down his chest. His body tasted of salt and cologne. I continued down his body past his stomach and teasing his cock with my mouth, licking the head. He thrust his hips into the air as I ran my tongue up one side of his cock and down the other. I lowered myself and began licking his balls. He grabbed my hair and led me up to him.
“Ah . . . You’re driving me insane,” he cried in ecstasy.
He tried to kiss me, but I turned my head.
“Come on, let me kiss you. I need to feel your tongue in my mouth.”
“I will do anything but kiss,” I said. I never kissed any of the men I slept with. Kissing to me was an intimate act. This was just sex. I kept myself guarded from any emotional connection. This was purely physical.
He ripped off my jeans and then slowly removed my underwear. Moving down my body he put his hand in between my legs rubbing my clit again. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I wanted him to fuck me. I needed to feel him inside me.
“Lay down,” I whispered to him.
Grabbing the condom from my bed, I ripped open the package quickly sliding the condom down his shaft. Positioning myself on top of him I slowly began working him into me. Once I’d taken all of him, I started moving my hips in a circular motion.
“Yeah, baby like that. That feels so good,” he moaned with his eyes closed.
I took his hands and put them back on my breasts. I loved the feeling of my nipples being touched. Just that alone could bring me to an orgasm. But with the amount of alcohol I had in my system, I’d need all the help I could get to get off tonight.
Adam suddenly flipped me over. I was on all fours. My ass was in the air and my weight down on my forearms. He rubbed his hands all over my body. “You’re so fucking hot.”
My head started to spin. I closed my eyes for a second and fought back tears. Thoughts of Garrett at the wedding sprung into my head. Him hanging all over her on the dance floor. His eyes staring at me. I felt my anger and jealousy building inside me. That fucking bitch didn’t deserve him. I reached behind me grabbing his dick, and I forcefully shoved him back into me. I wanted Garrett out of my head.
With Adam’s cock deep inside me, I hoped it would erase any thoughts of Garrett. I pushed forcefully against his hips ramming myself into him. I was desperate to fill the hole in my heart. Empty meaningless sex was the only way I knew how to comfort myself… Well that and drinking.
He started pumping into me fast and hard. I took his hand and put it on my clit. He began rubbing it in small circular motions as I moaned. I threw my head back. “Ahhhhh . . . Adam, make me come . . . Please . . . Make me come.”
I could feel my orgasm building. This was exactly what I was looking for, that moment of release and the feeling of complete euphoria where nothing else mattered around me. All my hurt and heartache would disappear for a quick moment in time, and I would feel whole again.
“Harder, faster,” I demanded.
“Geez, baby, take it easy. We have all night,” he said back.
I start pushing back at him again.
“Ahhhh. . . Yeah. . . . I’m gonna come,” his voice now a deep growl.
We were both reaching climax at the same time. I started to pant.
“Come on fuck me hard. Harder, Garrett, harder,” I cried.
Suddenly, he stopped. He pulled out of me fast. “Who did you just call me?”
“What? W
hat did I say?” I panted, still dazed.
“You just called me Garrett,” he said angrily.
I flipped over onto my back. “No! I didn’t,” my voice defensive.
“Yes! You did.” His voice was now raised to a yell… “Fuck, I knew you were loaded but I didn’t think you were actually thinking about another guy while you were fucking me!”
“No! Don’t worry about it. It’s . . . He’s my ex. . . . I ran into him tonight, I wasn’t thinking about him. . . . Please . . .come back to bed,” I whimpered.
He was already putting his clothes back on. He was pissed. “Fuck Off!” He said as he stormed out of my room and a moment later I heard my apartment door slam.
I threw my hands over my face and screamed at the top of my lungs, “Fuck! Mother fucking shit!” I pounded the mattress with the bottom of my fists.
I woke up to the sound of Molly purring in my face and my phone buzzing. I reached for my phone to see a text message from Nicole:
Nicole—
So. . . How was your football star? Did he score a touchdown?
Me—
Not funny!!!!
Nicole—
Aww. . . Come on, it’s a little funny.
I tossed my phone down, rolled over and closed my eyes. I became aware of what felt like a photograph on my bed. I grabbed the object, opened my eyes and lifted it to my face. It was a picture of Garrett and me at my junior prom. I realized my entire bed was covered with pictures, letters and cards. “What the. . .” Everything started rushing back. After Adam stormed out, my self-destructive behavior had continued. I’d grabbed some vodka from the cupboard and kept drinking. I’d searched under my bed for the box that contained all of my memories of Garrett. Every card, note, picture, even the heart he made for our first Valentine’s Day was stored in there. This was all I had of him now and of course, my broken heart.
The next picture I lifted up was Garrett and me kissing. He had his acoustic guitar in his hand. The picture was taken one night when a bunch of us had partied at Wales Park.