Goodnight, Elsie

by Tony Apperley

  A few of the group introduced themselves to Frank after Bernadine had stopped talking.

  Frank noticed they were all senior citizens in the group. He asked, “what about people younger than us, there must be others who could join in and support the cause? Some of you must have children, so how about getting them involved to?”

  John answered him, “there are lots of people who support legalized euthanasia and they are part of the bigger group; this group is just for the members here. We have often talked about it, so now we are doing it. Younger supporters can’t be members here, but they can be members of other groups. I have four children, one supports euthanasia, but the three others don’t. But anyway, what are your thoughts on it? Are you really a supporter of the cause or in two minds about it?”

  Frank said, “I am in two minds about it, I haven’t decided yet if it’s a good thing or not. I can definitely see where it would be merciful, but then I can also see where it could be a disaster. What if I was involved in a serious road accident and was unconscious because I’d lapsed into a coma with maybe something broken, would that give someone the right to kill me? It could be used as an excuse for murder. People can snap out of comas, I can see how it could be used in a negative way. I’ve thought of it myself in regards to my wife, but I’m not yet at the point of doing anything serious about it. Just this morning Elsie woke up fresh and bubbly, full of life, what if I’d killed her yesterday? If it was legal and highly regulated, then I may support it, but just maybe. It would have to be very strictly supervised by the medical profession so old people don’t get killed just for being old. Or paraplegics or the blind or deaf being put down by someone else without their permission. I’ve also been thinking of the moral and spiritual side to it. Morally, who is to say that someone else needs to die, and spiritually, what if there really is a hell, how would it be if we ended up there? Now that would be a place where I’d definitely agree to euthanasia.”

  A man named William said, “we shouldn’t include God here. It’s not about God. This is not church. If I ended up being a quadriplegic, dependent on someone for absolutely everything in life, I would ask to have my life terminated. Also, if I was blind or slowly dying in pain, I would take my own life. We really need to look at what life is about. I would never want to live in a rest home, unable to choose what I wanted to do with my days. Or not having the freedom to come and go as and when I pleased. I am fully in support of voluntary euthanasia, but not so much if someone else had the legal right to decide. If it was legal and controlled, then maybe the state would decide whose life to end. What if, in years to come, the government had the right to end a life just because they decided to? We need to be careful about where this may lead to in the future; it could turn nasty after a few decades. What if someday they introduced an age, an age where termination was mandatory? What we set up here may affect our grandchildren, don’t give the government power to control it. Just make assisted suicide legal, with proof it was requested. We shouldn’t give governments the power to take lives; they could turn it around and manipulate it to their own advantage. We need to be careful what we ask for here, don’t give others the right to decide. I will support assisted suicide. But I won’t support giving authority to others to end a life they think should be ended. If it’s not voluntary, then its murder.”

  A woman named Jennifer said, “I think in some cases others should have the right to decide if we are past it. As long as that someone is a family member and they would have to be a close family member, not an extended family member. I’ve already said to my children that if I was to suffer, without hope of getting well again, to not let me carry on that way. I wouldn’t sit around and watch one of my children living in agony without hope if they asked me not to. We have talked it through as a family and we all believe euthanasia should be legal. My husband doesn’t agree, but he’s not well. He’s in hospital now and could be there for long time. He has cancer but he wants to hold on to life as long as he can. He thinks any life is better than no life. But I think he is in need of termination.”

  That was a thought that Frank had also had, once dead we’re dead forever, so maybe we should hang on as long as we can. He was thinking of some of the words Ivan had said to him. He looked at William as he said, “I know this isn’t church, but what if we ignore the words of God, but it ends up being real? How would we excuse ourselves for having someone’s life terminated? The Bible says, “Thou shalt not kill! Even if we ourselves don’t do it, but ask someone else to do it for us, I’m wondering if that is being a part of it. Legally, euthanasia may be acceptable someday, but I can’t see it being in God’s favor. I’m thinking that as we get older we should look at which side of the fence we’re actually on.” He was enjoying this talk; it had awakened his thoughtful mind again.

  Bernadine was looking at him, thinking this guy could be put down. He seemed to have a different attitude than when she had first spoken to him. “I thought you were pro-euthanasia Frank, it sounded like that when we were talking last time I saw you.”

  “I believe in doing what’s right for the person suffering, I did at one time think of ending Elsie’s suffering but I’m not so sure about that now. If you had seen her this morning, all alive and cheerful, you’d know why we have to be cautious about this. And apart from that it’s not legal yet, so it’s not an option now. I’m not opposed to it being legal. I’m just weary of who decides to end someone else’s life and why and when. It would have to be the person who is being put down that decides, and they need to ask. So perhaps at a certain age, there could be a signed legal agreement stating at what stage someone would accept being put to rest. That would need to include their physical disabilities and perhaps psychological as well.”

  A woman sitting several seats from him said, “I agree with that, we don’t want to get killed just because we’re old and frail. If we couldn’t feed or toilet ourselves and we’re unable to see or hear anything, then that would perhaps be a good enough reason to do it, but only perhaps, as things can be extreme or mild. But if I couldn’t walk, then there are wheel chairs that would get me around, often there are people who have a terminal disease, but live for many years with it. We need to also remember that medical science is often having breakthroughs and discovering new healing drugs that could someday alleviate all the terminal illnesses. If I get terminally sick, I’d rather wait and see what happens instead of being put to death. I’m sixty-seven, just because someday I may turn ninety-seven, shouldn’t be a reason to kill me. I agree it should be really strictly supervised. Some people think being old is being useless; I don’t want to be a part of this. I came to this club for companionship and to give me something to do during the day, not to discuss death. I would rather talk about life and how to enjoy it than death and how to achieve it.” She then got up and walked away.

  A man who had been sitting and listening said, “that’s a load of rubbish. When someone is past it, we should just get rid of them. Life’s about living; sick people don’t live, they just exist. And they don’t contribute to society, so why should we carry the weight of them? When I can’t do my thing, I’d be okay with getting a bullet in the head. And I’d give you one, if it you wanted it.”

  A man at the back of the group spoke up, “why is it that you’re all talking of killing, when none of you are yet in the condition where it’s necessary? It’s easy to talk of killing others, or having yourselves put down someday, but it’s all just theory. I wonder what you would really think if someone was about to kill you because you were sick; I doubt you’d have the same thoughts you’re having now. Grow up, you lot, euthanasia is murder.” He also walked away; he didn’t want to be a part of the group.

  Many others were giving their comments, some were rational with their comments but a few were just loosely expressing themselves.

  This was not how Bernadine thought the meeting would go. She had anticipated a progressive, positive conversation which would have ended with them all in agreement.
She thought perhaps she would gather together those that agreed with her and they could meet privately, away from the club. She hadn’t prepared the meeting at all, it was just something she had started that very morning, so who was at it hadn’t had any time to actually think through if they wanted to be a part of it or not. It was just a spontaneous act on her part. Many members of the club weren’t interested in anything that Bernadine was organizing, they knew her well.

  But as Frank and Elsie were new to the club, they hadn’t yet had time to get to know anyone very much. Frank thought this discussion was a bit off. His supervisory skills would have lead him to have it more organized with a pre-mentioned agenda, had he been the one to organize it. He would have systematically looked at each segment separately concerning the subject, then progressed to the next one until they had covered each element of the topic.

  Frank said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be a part of this group, I’m not one who wants to fight the government just to get my own way.” He then got up and went back to Elsie. He was not prepared to publicly state his thoughts just yet. If he ever did end Elsie’s suffering, he didn’t want it known that he had already decided to do it. He felt it wasn’t a good thing to tell too many people what he was thinking.

  Elsie was still sitting where he had left her, so that pleased him. The person who had been painting wasn’t there now; he was sitting over to one side. But there were others who were still painting.

  When he got to her, she said, “can we go now? This isn’t really where I want to be. I thought they would paint quicker than this. There’re just messing about with colors and mixing up paints, no one’s finished a picture yet. Let’s go for a drive somewhere; maybe we could just go home.”

  Frank agreed with that, “yes El, let’s go.” She stood up on her own unaided, which pleased Frank. They went back out to the car both thinking that this club wasn’t really a place for them. They understood that for many it would a good place, it just wasn’t their type of activity. Because of that, Frank was wondering if they would indeed fit in at the retirement village. He suggested to Elsie. “How about we go and have a look at the retirement village? It may be worth taking a look at it to see what we think. If we could still come and go when we wanted to, then maybe it could be a good place to live. With the medical team on hand, it could be a wise shift.”

  She replied, “yes, I’d like to have a look. Let’s see what they do during the days and nights, if it’s just somewhere to live, then I’d be okay with that.”

  This time when Frank approached, he turned down the driveway leading to the village. He had passed it many times, but actually turning in to look was setting a milestone in his way of thinking. It had many small well-kept units scattered about the property. They were obviously not randomly scattered, they appeared to be in definite sequence with paths running between them. Each one had a small garage attached to one side where cars could be parked. They weren’t large with room for a workshop, but that didn’t bother Frank now. He didn’t need a workshop anymore. They arrived at the administration center which looked very professional to Frank and there was ample car parking space available. When he had come to a stop, he asked her, “do you want to go in and talk to them, or are you okay just looking?”

  “I’d rather just look around for now, we could come back another day for a proper look at how things work here. But for now, I’d just like to have a walk around the place.”

  With that they both got out of the car and started walking along the walkway that ran the whole length with paths that veered off to units in the center. Elsie liked the grounds; Frank liked the structure of the buildings. The fact that they were individual and not attached to each other meant they had their own space to call home. Elsie was chatting away as they walked, but getting a few words mixed up and at times using completely inappropriate words. Frank just guessed what she was meaning, so they managed to have a nice conversation, all the while Elsie being awestruck by the gardens. Frank didn’t think they were very special at all, but he also liked them as they were all very well-maintained. The whole place was clean and tidy; he thought he could live here. He noticed a large building semi-attached to the administration center, heading away from where they were. He had seen it from the road but hadn’t given it a second thought as it seemed to be separate, but now he could see that it was part of the same complex.

  They casually walked back to their car and had almost gotten to it when a well-dressed woman greeted them. “Hello, I’m Janet, are you looking for someone or just looking around?”

  Elsie said, “we just came to have a look, we may move here someday.”

  Janet said, “if you want to discuss moving here, we have someone who can talk with you about it. The units in the center are owned by the occupants and the units in a straight line are leased. So you have two options.”

  Frank said, “I hear you have medical staff here, is that true?

  Janet replied, “yes sir, we do, we have a permanent medical team here so you could just relax and not worry too much about that. We don’t have a resident doctor but we do have contact with several, so if any serious matters arise, we can have one here very quickly. We have resident fully trained nurses and a physiotherapist who are on call.”

  Frank said, “Well, that all sounds good. It will take a bit of time for us to decide what we are going to do, so I’ll talk to someone about it another day. I assume you have some units available, is that the case?”

  “Yes sir, it is. We currently have three owned-by-resident units available and seven lease units.”

  Frank said, “I noticed the other building is part of the same complex, what’s that one for?”

  She smiled as she explained, “that one’s a permanent care facility, a rest home. That’s why we have medical staff here. Many residents from the village end up over there, which is why many choose to live here. It’s easy to move from the village to the rest home.”

  It seemed to Frank like everything was fitting into place, but he wasn’t sure if he liked it. “Okay then, we’ll be in touch another day.”

  As they began walking off, Janet called to them, “I have a card here sir, and it has our contact details on it. Would you like one?” Frank accepted it as she said, “may I have your names please? I will make a note of your interest, so next time you contact us, we will know who you are.”

  “Frank and Elsie Herbert.”

  Janet said, “thank you, Mr. Herbert, it was a pleasure talking with you, good-bye.”

  As they drove away, Frank noticed Elsie was slowly returning to her mundane self. He thought that was a shame as he’d enjoyed the company of his wife today. She had been talking to him and he liked that. It occurred to him that perhaps he should take her out a little more often. Because all she ever did was sit around the house reading or watching TV, he thought having more contact with people may indeed be a good thing for her. He thought moving to the village could indeed be an option for them; it may be worth another look one day.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Frank had spent several hours looking at all the timber he wanted to tidy up, but he knew it wouldn’t be a good time to do it now. But really, he couldn’t be bothered doing it again at all. It had been well-maintained but enough was enough; it would be all right the way it was. The main reason he had done it was to keep himself occupied since he wasn’t one who would just waste away his days in front of a TV or at a bar. He liked to keep busy. He went out to the garage and set about organizing all his tools in order to see what he actually had and he realized he had a lot of tools for different jobs.

  It was slightly depressing for him to be doing what he was doing; he was getting the tools ready, to give away. His mechanic’s tools he would give to Dave, since Dave liked to repair his own car, and Julie’s, if something went wrong with them. His building tools he would give to Ivan to pass on to whoever else may need them. He knew there were many people Ivan knew that were on a low income, so needed to do their o
wn house repairs. Some may not know how to use the tools, but many would. Over the years, he had acquired a lot of tools because he enjoyed fixing things himself, he wasn’t one who would get someone else to do a job if he was able to repair it. But he wasn’t interested in working with timber or doing other jobs around the house anymore. Now it was just work, no longer fun. Work he couldn’t be bothered with anymore, he had some aches and pains that increased when he was doing physical work. He was shutting the door on that part of his life, and shutting it permanently.

  While he was organizing them into different groups he was aware that this stage of his life was coming to an end. He felt like he was giving his life away, he’d had these tools for many years, some he had for over forty years. But if they weren’t to be used anymore then there was no point in keeping them, they just sat on shelves, or in cupboards doing nothing. He could see how his tools seemed a little like Elsie’s life lately, she often just sat and did nothing either, and his life was going the same way now. By giving them away, he was giving up his hobby for home renovations, a bit like Elsie giving up her gardening. And as for working on cars, he hadn’t done that for many years.

  His thoughts shifted from the tools to what was to happen now. Although he had several options, he was unsure which one to follow up on. With the Alzheimer’s being incurable and the osteoporosis being a strain on Elsie, he felt the law should allow him to lovingly end her suffering. There were also the side effects of her medications to complicate matters. He thought that even if it was supervised or done professionally by a physician, if the person who was suffering wanted to end it all, then the law should agree to that. If it was suicide, but assisted suicide, then he saw no reason to call that murder, although there were those who didn’t agree with that. But even if it was legal, he wouldn’t do it just yet. It was all just thoughts about the future for them.