Goodnight, Elsie

by Tony Apperley

  She smiled and said, “I’m okay, I’ve had a bath and I don’t feel any pain now.” She looked at Tracy standing by the door, “who’s that over there?”

  Frank said, “I’d like to introduce you to someone, come over Tracy. This is Tracy from the club.” He looked at Tracy, “this is my wife, Elsie. I’ll leave you two to get acquainted. I’ll be back soon.”

  He left the room to go and talk with Janine who he thought had done a good job on Elsie. She was finishing up in the bathroom when he entered. “I like what you’ve done here. Elsie looks really good and the house smells fresh. And the bathroom here is like a new one. We didn’t ever disinfect anything.”

  Janine smiled when she said, “well, maybe you didn’t, but the disinfectant was in the laundry cupboard and had been opened, so Elsie must have done it some time. We need to have a talk about a few things. Are you free to do that now?”

  Frank was up for a talk, “yes, when you’re ready is fine with me.”

  She gathered up her cleaning products and said, “okay, I’ll just put these away first then I’ll see you in the kitchen.”

  Frank went into the kitchen and noticed there were several things missing; he wondered where they had gone.

  Janine entered and said, “I’ve put a few things away somewhere else, there were a few possible dangers here. The knife block is now in the top cupboard. You had six very sharp knives sitting in the block, with the block sitting next to the fridge door. It would be easy for someone to take food out of the fridge and cut it, or their fingers. I’ve also moved the containers of nuts and bolts and screws you had sitting on the window sill. I put them in the garage just inside the door. The idea is to just keep what’s relevant to the kitchen, in the kitchen. Having different things scattered around could get confusing. I’ve also moved the pill bottles. I put those in the bathroom on the top shelf. Speaking of pills, I took note of Elsie’s medications and noted the dates on the bottles, and how much she is meant to take and when and how many pills were still in the bottles. The pain relief bottle didn’t have enough tablets in it. According to the date and how many you got and when they were meant to be taken, there was some missing. Do you give them to her?”

  Frank looked serious, “yes I do give them to her, but the right amounts at the right times. I don’t exceed the stated dose.”

  “Okay, but maybe you go outside or do something where you’re not observing her. If you have given her a dose, but she’s still hurting and you’re not here and she’s forgotten she had a pill, then she may come and get one or two herself. You need to keep the medications somewhere safe, not just sitting in the kitchen by the empty fruit bowl.”

  Frank wasn’t at all angry or annoyed; he was pleased to hear this. Janine obviously knew her job.

  “I don’t think she’s as sick as you think she is. I just think her mind isn’t being stimulated as much as it could be. Our minds are powerful tools that can shut us down or wake us up. I know eventually she will shrink a little but for now she’s not at that stage. You told me she seemed more alive when she was discharged from the hospital. That may have been because she had people around her each day, and things were going on around her, so there was activity and life that stimulated her brain. If she just sits around here all day reading or watching TV, with an occasional comment from you, then why would her mind bother to recharge itself? Have you considered taking her out to dinner or to somewhere there is activity? Perhaps a walk through the central city would stimulate her. Later on that may not be a good idea, but for now I think it would help. You could also get her some crossword puzzles to do, that may help to stimulate her brain.”

  Frank replied, “but she doesn’t seem interested in doing anything, she just sits around without any enthusiasm for anything at all, except her magazines. I don’t know where I could take her.”

  “You could take her for a drive somewhere nice; the public gardens on a warm day would be pleasant. They’re not overcrowded and are relaxing, you could have lunch there. If she’s been a keen gardener all her life she may enjoy that. She may just be sitting around without any enthusiasm because she’s bored; some pleasant activity may just help stimulate her mind again.”

  Frank looked thoughtful and said, “yes, I would like to do that but I thought it wouldn’t be good to take her to a strange place, it might upset her. She didn’t respond well at the club.”

  “Did you know that the club has Wednesdays specifically for those who aren’t well? The other days of the week are for anyone who wants to spend some time there. So if you took her on a Wednesday she would have been around many others with the same problems. That may be why she didn’t respond well. Also, the club may have been boring for her, a bunch of people she didn’t know doing things she didn’t want to do. It’s important to remember what it is that she likes or dislikes. If she would have liked the gardens several years ago but not liked the club, then she will feel the same way now. She’s not well, but she’s still the person she was before. By not stimulating her mind, she has no reason to want to do anything. She’s only in the early stages of Alzheimer’s; the later stages will get more serious, but there’s no reason to encourage those stages before they’re due. Also, I cut her finger and toe nails, long, sharp nails can cut skin. That wouldn’t have been good for her if she was itchy and started to scratch herself. There really is more to care-giving than just cleaning up and feeding someone.”

  Frank replied with a smile, “yes, I’m learning that. Cutting her nails isn’t something I would ever have thought about doing. You’ve done well here.” Because he hadn’t ever had children to care for, he had no idea how to care for someone who was unable to care for themselves. He thanked her for her input then looked at clock and said, “I need to get Tracy back to the club so I can get back home before you leave. We had better go now.”

  Janine said, “okay, I’ll start getting Elsie some lunch. We need to have a talk about her diet, and yours sometime. But that can wait.”

  Frank went to get Tracy and heard her talking to Elsie without actually giving Elsie a chance to talk back. He stood at the door and listened while Tracy was going on about how it would be best for Elsie to give up this useless life. He walked in and said, “Its time I got you back, come on.”

  He smiled at Elsie who seemed to have shut down again; he liked how nice she looked. Tracy was looking intently at the house as they walked outside. Once they were back in the car and heading off again she expressed her thoughts, “I think Elsie’s past it, it’s time to put her down or put her into permanent care. Here’s the good idea I had. You must be paying that woman to come to your house to look after it. I have to pay to live with my daughter in a busy crowded house. If I moved in with you, I would look after your house for free, as if it was my own. I wouldn’t charge you, if you didn’t charge me for being there. That way I get free accommodation and you get a cleaner house for free. Also, I’m only sixty-five and you’re seventy-eight. When you get past it, I’ll still be young enough to take care of you. Think about it, when you hit ninety, I’ll only be seventy-seven, younger than you are now. And if you get lonely at night I wouldn’t mind if you wanted us to share a bed. All you’d have to do is lovingly remove your wife. But you’d have to make sure it was permanent. She’s not any good for you the way she is, I would be far more cooperative and useful to have in the house than she is. It would be a good choice to make, you should just do it, and then everything will work out well for you. What do think? Or do you need time to think it over and organize it?”

  As Frank had been listening to her, she hadn’t noticed that he had increased his speed in order to get her back quickly. He would’ve liked to have just pulled over and ordered her out of the car but that was not his way of behaving. He wasn’t going to be a part of this. He wondered how on earth this woman could have even come up with such a scheme after having only just met him again a few hours ago. It told him that she was never to be trusted; he wondered about her past and if anyt
hing she had said to him about her life was true. He didn’t reply to her suggestions, he didn’t speak to her at all during the drive back to the club. He thought she must be either unwell to talk about such things to a person she only vaguely knew from years back or else she was a very shady character with a shady past. Either way, he didn’t care. They arrived at the club and he pulled up and said to her, “please get out of my car, I’m disgusted with what you’ve said. I won’t be speaking to you again.”

  Tracy said, “that’s okay, I thought it might take a while for you to work it out. I’ll come and see you sometime soon and we can make a deal”.

  Frank wondered if her husband really did have a heart attack, or if perhaps it was induced. “No, don’t ever come to my house, you’re not welcome there.”

  He had been thinking how euthanasia would benefit certain people in various different ways. If people like Tracy could use it to improve their own situation, then legalizing it would be a mistake. Children could remove their parents in order to get an earlier inheritance. A husband could remove his wife in order to have someone else in his life, as could the wife to get a new husband. It could indeed be used in negative ways.

  Tracy still hadn’t opened her door to get out, so Frank got out and went around to her side and opened the door, which got her moving. She got out and walked away without another word spoken between them. Frank then headed home, to his clean home and wife. He thought having Janine there on a regular basis, at least once a week, would be good.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  As Frank was wondering what he could do to acquire some lethal drugs to end Elsie’s suffering, if he ever decided to actually do it, a friend, Ann, who had pets, arrived for a visit. The three of them made themselves comfortable in the sitting room and she told them about how a vet had recently put down her small pet dog. The dog was old and wasn’t well so the vet had given her options on whether to treat its condition or terminate its life. She had decided that as the dog had led a happy life, but was now old and sick, it was better for it to be put down while it was still happy.

  Ann said, “The Vet was very thoughtful and considerate, he said sometimes it’s for the best welfare of animals that we put them to sleep. My dog, Molly, wasn’t able to move as well as she could when she was younger, and she was peeing a lot and sometimes threw up after a meal. You saw her a long time ago; when she was still well and active, remember? But she seemed to get old really quickly once she got sick. She was nine-years old, that’s old for such a little dog. So I agreed and the vet gave Molly an injection and she simply went to sleep. Problems over, Molly was put to rest and won’t be suffering anymore now. I think the vet was being kind to Molly; I felt a bit sad but also know it was the best thing to do. It was me who was suffering the most, so now Molly’s gone, I’m relieved of that stress.”

  Frank took note of that, then he made a joke about Elsie being a sad, old dog who could be put down in order to ease her suffering; they both laughed, but Elsie didn’t. She didn’t appear to be paying any attention to what anyone was saying; she just sat there expressionless and seemed to be uninterested. But she had been listening. She stood up and said she was going to have a lie down, and then went off to the bedroom. She had heard them, but wasn’t too sure what they were going on about. She didn’t think the joke about her being an old, sad dog was funny at all; if she was an old, female dog that would make her an old bitch, that’s was what she thought Frank was referring to.

  As they hadn’t seen Ann for over three years, Frank started to fill her in on the events concerning Elsie’s health. Ann replied coldly, “well, that’s not right, pets get put down if they’re suffering. So if we’re kind to animals, why do we let humans suffer? If we can’t bear to see our cats or dogs in distress, why should we let our loved ones live in discomfort? No one cares if we shoot our horses or put our dogs and cats to sleep, so why not go to the vet, and get some horse tranquilizer or something else you could give her? They would have lots of substances there that would do the job for you; it would be easy to do.”

  Frank didn’t like that idea. “I don’t think any vet would give me anything, they work for the welfare of animals, but I don’t have an animal. I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t sell animal drugs to someone without a pet who just casually walked into their treatment center to shop for drugs. They would sell me supplies off the shelves, but lethal injections aren’t for sale. They may if I had a history with them and they knew my animals and had records regarding them, and if they knew me. But no vets know me. It’s not a good idea, I don’t think it would work as they are highly trained professionals, not shady drug dealers.”

  Ann offered to help. “I have pets, and I know someone who has horses, perhaps I could get some for you? It shouldn’t be too hard; I know how to make up stories if I need to. What if I asked my friend to get me some? Then I could pass it on to you. It would probably cost a lot though, but if you love Elsie, just give me the money and I’ll get it for you. That way you could put her to sleep while she’s comfortable in her own home. If the drugs can put down a horse, it would definitely put her to sleep forever. You could give it to her and lovingly kiss her goodnight. When you say, ‘Goodnight Elsie’ that would be the last thing she hears. It would be a nice way to enter into the eternal sleep. All her problems would be solved.”

  Frank looked a bit annoyed. “No thanks. Thank you for offering but I won’t do that. It would end her problems, but they wouldn’t be solved, just ended. We’re talking about my wife, not a horse. Besides that, you’re talking of dealing in death drugs, whether it be for horses or humans. Are you really sure you know what you’re offering to do? I know what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s an option. I was only joking about putting her down; I’m not serious about it.” Frank realized he had been speaking to too many people about his thoughts. There weren’t a lot of people who had heard what he had been saying, but even a few was a few too many, it was time to shut up about it.

  Ann replied calmly, “just trying to help out. I wouldn’t have mentioned it if you hadn’t.” She stayed a little longer, then left as she had really called around to Elsie. But after hearing what Frank had said, and seeing her expression, then her leaving to go to bed, Ann knew that wasn’t the Elsie she knew. The Elsie she had come to visit would have been far more friendly and talkative. Elsie had gone to bed as she didn’t want to be the butt of their jokes or the topic of conversation; she was tired of being talked about.

  Later on, Frank had a thought, what about drug dealers? Perhaps he should pop down to the seedier side of town late one night to see how he could get some morphine or some other drug. He knew that his clean life had kept him out of the picture as far as illegal activities were concerned, he was thankful for that, but now needed to know some shady sort of people. He had never walked the city streets alone late at night or early morning, so perhaps he could take Dave with him. Dave had been a bit of a wayward soul at one point in his life; he still had contacts and knew his way around parts of the city Frank would never know of. He had several times over the last few years talked to Frank about his former life and what his past associates were up to. Frank thought they couldn’t have been past associates if Dave was still in touch with what they were currently doing. So he was sure Dave would know where to go, and at what time, and who to approach, and how to approach them. But for now, it was just a thought, he wasn’t ready to proceed any further with it just yet. All he was doing was organizing his options in his mind, so when he made a decision about what to do, he would be able to do it. He was still in two minds about this, it was easier to talk about it than actually do it.

  But there was also the autopsy to consider; if she had a large dose of morphine, or another drug, in her system but had not been prescribed any, then they would certainly look at him concerning where it came from and how she had taken it. If it were in tablet form, then he thought they may not look his way, but if it was taken intravenously they may come knocking on his do
or. But whether it was intravenously or orally taken, if she hadn’t been prescribed any, then they would surely want to talk to him about her death. Especially if it was horse tranquilizer, that had killed her.

  Several days later as he was talking with Dave about how to polish timber, Frank raised the subject of acquiring medical drugs without prescriptions. Dave mentioned that there were very few medications out on the street, there were lots of illegal drugs but normal drugs didn’t have a high price tag with them, so few street people bothered with them. They were also harder to acquire than street drugs. Besides that, the people who needed medical drugs could get them legally from their doctor. He made several comments about the types of drugs available and what they would do to someone if they took too much. Frank noticed he knew a lot about such things. Dave wondered why Frank had brought up the subject of illegal drugs and where and how to get them. He knew Frank as a law-abiding stable citizen who had never committed a criminal offence, so why then was he talking of getting drugs; he assumed it was for Elsie’s sake.

  Dave mentioned to Frank, “why would you ever want to go through that part of town, at a time when you should be sleeping, to meet people you don’t want to know? What do you think they would think of you? A conservatively dressed, well-spoken, older man they had never met before wandering through their territory looking for a drug dealer; it wouldn’t be a safe option for you. It’s unlikely that they would trust you; they would probably think you’re some sort of police informer looking to attach a label to a dealer. So you’d better be sure it’s what you want to do since you’re a bit old to get tagged by them as either a customer or an informer. There are different rules in that kind of life, good guys don’t win. When you’re ready, if you ever are, leave it to me to get what you want. I have people I could ask to go and ask other people who would then find what you want. It would come back to me and I would pass it on to you. But don’t try it yourself; you wouldn’t want to get involved with them. Besides that, they don’t just hang around town waiting to sell a stash to strangers, you need to be involved in the scene to get what you want. Don’t go randomly asking people if they sell drugs, it wouldn’t be a wise thing to do.”