Losing Me

by Scarlett Haven

  I turn around to face him, suddenly breathless, but not from the running. The running I am used to.

  “Not bad, Sinclair,” he says, backing away.

  He calls me Sinclair when he’s uncomfortable with how close we are. He’s done it a few other times.

  I take a step closer, mostly because I feel like messing with him. “I’m pretty sure I just beat you in a fight.”

  “That wasn’t a real fight,” he says.

  “Then what was that?” I ask.

  “That was us flirting,” he says, then runs a hand down his face. “Playing. That was us playing.”

  Flirting.

  Does that mean he’s admitting to flirting with me?

  “I was definitely flirting,” I say, then start walking back to the hotel without looking back. He doesn’t follow me for quite a few steps. And for that, I am glad, because after saying that, I need a second to compose myself.

  What do I know about flirting? Not a lot—only what I’ve read in books and seen in movies. I have no idea how to flirt. Was that even flirting? It seems like something a guy and girl would do in a book, but I don’t know for sure that things work like this in real life.

  I do know how I felt during that encounter.

  My heart is beating fast. Too fast. And there are butterflies in my stomach. But then again, that’s every moment I’m with Sebastian.

  “You want to change out of these wet clothes and go for a run?” Sebastian asks, breaking the silence between us.

  “Yeah,” I answer.

  After being locked up in the car yesterday, a run would be nice.

  “I know we probably should run on the hotel gym treadmills, but I really want to go running on the beach,” he says.

  “Uh, ditto,” I say. “Please don’t keep me inside today.”

  “But no more flirting,” he says.

  Instead of answering, I just grin and walk inside the hotel lobby, Sebastian on my heels.

  Dangerous woman.

  Sebastian and I go running on the beach together. Both of us have headphones on. When he told me he was listening to music, I knew he just wanted to avoid talking to me. I crossed some kind of invisible line he has drawn for me when I told him I was flirting with him. I knew I had, but I don’t regret saying it.

  I should be honest with him more often.

  After our run, I got a shower, and was ready for the night. Sebastian says we’re going out for dinner. It’s probably safer for us to stay inside the hotel and do nothing, but neither of us want to do that.

  I consider fixing my hair somehow. I mean, don’t most girls fix their hair? But I get frustrated and decide to just blow dry it and leave it down.

  Why am I so bad at doing girly things, like fixing my hair?

  I look through the duffle bag that Sander gave us when we met him in Massachusetts and find an orange sundress—like he knew we’d be heading south eventually. Maybe he did know.

  Orange is my favorite color, so I’m excited.

  After getting dressed, I come out of the bathroom. Sebastian is relaxing on the bed, watching something on TV.

  “Took you long enough,” he says, and looks at me. “Wow.”

  “I am the most un-girly girl ever,” I say, playing with a strand of my platinum blonde hair. “Do you remember the girl who dyed my hair? She made it look all pretty afterwards. Why can’t I do something like that?”

  “You don’t need all that extra stuff,” he says. “You’re perfect just like this.”

  My heart warms.

  But, still. He’s a boy, so what does he know?

  “Maybe someday I’ll have a girl friend who can teach me the stuff my mom never got to,” I say.

  “My mom would love to fix your hair,” he says, shaking his head. “She always fixed my little sister’s hair. She had all the pretty, frilly dresses and her room was so pink that it was actually gross.”

  “I never even owned a dress until I moved to Switzerland,” I say. “I like dresses. They make me feel pretty.”

  He looks at me for a second before getting up. “You ready to go to dinner? We ran by this seafood restaurant today that I want to try out. It an outdoor restaurant and it looked pretty cool.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I grab my purse before we walk out the door.

  I’m scared to leave without my purse anymore. Last time I did, I was chased down with no way to defend myself. I keep a gun in there at all times, just in case. I also have a few different passports.

  I am looking down, so I don’t see Sebastian come to a stop at the elevators and I run into his back, nearly falling over.

  He snickers. “Chewing gum again?”

  I narrow my eyes. “Hey, I took you down today on the beach. Don’t make me do it again.”

  “You just caught me off guard,” he says. “We were just messing around. If we were being serious, you wouldn’t have gotten close to laying a hand on me.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” I say, as the elevator doors open. I walk in, followed by Sebastian.

  A tall guy is standing there. He nods at us then looks forward again.

  Why is it so awkward to be on an elevator with a stranger?

  “You kids on Christmas break from college?” the guy asks.

  His deep voice startles me.

  But that’s because I’m paranoid.

  “Yeah,” Sebastian says, putting his arm around my back. He pulls me closer to him.

  “You got family in the area?”

  “No,” Bass answers. “Just vacationing.”

  “Lucky kids. I couldn’t afford to do stuff like this when I was in college.”

  The elevator comes to a stop at the bottom.

  “See you later,” the guy says, and walks out.

  We follow him off, but he walks on ahead.

  I grab Sebastian’s arm to get his attention. He jerks slightly.

  “Hey, not everybody is a bad guy,” I say.

  “I know,” he says, but his jaw is still tight.

  “Let’s just enjoy the night,” I say, trying to smile at him. “I just… want to feel normal sometimes. We can be cautious without letting this completely control us.”

  “Okay,” he says, then grabs my hand. “Don’t forget, if anybody asks, we’re college students at FSU, on vacation.”

  “I know,” I say.

  “Yeah? Well, what is your cover name?” he asks.

  “Um…” Crap. I forgot. I search my brain for something. Anything. “Caroline!”

  He rolls his eyes. “That was last time. You’re… actually, I forgot, too.”

  I stick my tongue out at him. “See, you forgot, too.”

  “Whatever,” he says, and then holds my hand as we walk.

  He does that a lot.

  Holds my hand.

  And I get it. Our cover is that I’m his girlfriend. But my heart sometimes forgets that this is all just for pretend.

  We walk out the front of the hotel and down the sidewalk along the beach.

  “I hope we get to stay here awhile,” I say, looking at the ocean as we walk. “It’s so beautiful here.”

  “I do, too,” he says. “It’s a smaller town, so I’m hoping it’ll take him a little longer to find us.”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  The both of us walk hand in hand towards the restaurant. There aren’t a whole lot of people out tonight. I figure most people are on their way home from Christmas vacations.

  “This doesn’t even feel real sometimes,” Sebastian says.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, glancing over at him.

  “I don’t know. Just being here. It feels like we’re on vacation and not running for our lives,” he says.

  I smile. “I feel like that every time. At least until…”

  “Yeah,” he says.

  Until Sebastian’s dad finds us.

  Then reality slaps me in the face.

  When we arrive at the restaurant, there aren’t a lot of people insi
de. The hostess seats us at the edge, where we have a great view of the ocean. I notice the guy from the elevator is also here. He’s sitting at the bar with a Red Bull in his hand. He sees me looking at him, so I look away, towards Sebastian.

  “I don’t like him,” he says.

  “You don’t like anybody,” I say.

  “True,” he says. “Except you.”

  “That must mean I’m pretty special.”

  “I think so,” he says.

  My face grows warm.

  Why does he have to say stuff like this to me? It only makes it worse.

  Somebody walks up to our table and I assume it’s out waitress, but it’s not. It’s the guy from the elevator.

  “You kids look familiar,” he says. “I’ve been trying to piece it together… where I’ve seen you.”

  “We’re not from around here,” Sebastian says to him. “So, you wouldn’t know us.”

  “No, I swear, I know the two of you,” he says, then looks directly at me. “I wouldn’t forget a face like yours.”

  What is that supposed to mean?

  Sebastian stands up abruptly, getting between me and the guy.

  “Don’t look at her,” Sebastian says.

  “You need to see this,” the guy says, pulling something out of his back pocket. I see Sebastian reach for his gun but stops when the guy pulls out his phone.

  I stand up, staying hidden behind Sebastian.

  The guy types something into his phone and then turns it around for us to see. I peek around Sebastian to see the phone.

  It’s a poster with Sebastian and my face on it.

  “Five million dollars,” I say, reading the words. “Your dad is psycho.”

  Seriously.

  Sebastian’s dad is offering five million dollars to anybody who helps capture us.

  Capture, not kill.

  At least there is that.

  “This is your dad?” the guy asks, shaking his head. “I don’t know what beef you’ve got going on with him, but your dad is a dangerous man. You need to make up with him.”

  “Are you going to turn us in?” I ask.

  “No,” he answers. “I’m not part of this world anymore. But you need to get out of here. Not everybody round these parts is as nice as I am.”

  “We’ve got to go,” Sebastian says, grabbing my arm. He pulls me the opposite way of the hotel, away from the guy and away from the restaurant.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “We have to go. Now,” he says.

  “What about our stuff?”

  “Forget it,” he says.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” he answers. “Just… we’ve got to go.”

  I walk beside him in silence, trying not to let my thoughts get me down.

  This was supposed to be a vacation. This was supposed to be a happy place. But once again, his dad ruined that.

  We walk about half a mile up the beach; then he walks over to a car parked on the side of the road. He does something on his phone and the car unlocks.

  “Are we stealing a car again?” I ask.

  “No. This is a car your dad dropped off for emergencies,” he says. “I just didn’t bring my keys tonight. I didn’t think we’d need them so early.”

  He opens the door for me and I get in. While he’s walking around the car, I take the moment to just take a deep breath.

  Once again, we’re on the run.

  He gets in and starts the car with his app. “Put your seatbelt on.”

  I reach over and put it on, hating how completely numb I feel.

  “Serenity,” he says.

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I say.

  “I know. But I’m still sorry.”

  At that, we take off.

  Prostitute hotel.

  Later that night, we pull into a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere. I nearly bail when the guy asks if we want to rent for the night or by the hour.

  “Can I just sleep in the car?” I ask Bass, as we walk away from the receptionist window with keys in hand.

  Yes. WINDOW. Most likely, the glass is bullet proof.

  “I must say, even I’m tempted to sleep in the car,” he says, holding up the key. “What kind of hotel actually uses keys?”

  “What kind of hotel rents by the hour?” I ask. “Who is going to rent a hotel to take an hour nap? That’s just dumb.”

  Sebastian laughs so hard that he’s clutching his abs. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “What?”

  “Serenity,” he says, trying not to laugh. “You know what… never mind. You’re so innocent. I don’t want to be the one to corrupt you.”

  My eyes widen. “Ew! That’s… gross. Okay, no way am I going anywhere near those rooms. I’ll be in the car.”

  “Fine,” he says. “I’ll go turn the key in and meet you at the car.”

  I can forgo a shower until we get to wherever it is that we’re actually going.

  A few minutes later, Sebastian gets in the car and we drive to a rest area we passed a few miles back, and stop there for the night. Sebastian gets out of the car and starts folding down seats in the back.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “It’ll be more comfortable back here,” he says. “Get out so I can put our stuff in your seat.”

  “Okay,” I say, getting out of the car.

  He moves all the stuff from the back into the front. Not that we have much in there. Dad made sure the car had a couple of duffel bags with clothes in it. But there are also pillows and blankets, for which I am grateful.

  “See,” he says, showing me the bed he set up in the back.

  “Better than the prostitute hotel,” I say, climbing in.

  He laughs.

  He climbs in the back, and I only feel slightly uncomfortable. We’ve always had our own beds, and being this close to him while we’re going to sleep is going to feel weird. He shuts the back hatch and lies down beside me.

  We both turn to face each other.

  “This is weird,” he says, breaking the silence.

  “Very,” I say.

  “Still better than the prostitute hotel?”

  I nod.

  I’d rather sleep in a tent than at that hotel.

  “You’re safe with me, Princess,” Sebastian says. “Go to sleep.”

  When he calls me princess, it makes my heart flutter.

  Gosh, I have it so bad for this beautiful boy.

  I shut my eyes, expecting it to take a while to fall asleep. Instead, I pass out nearly the second I shut my eyes.

  Wednesday, January 3

  Awkward?

  When I wake up on Wednesday morning, my head is no longer on my pillow. Nope. Instead, I am using Sebastian as my pillow. He has his arms wrapped around me and our legs are very much tangled up together. I try to move away without waking him, but instead he pulls me closer, holding me tighter.

  I panic.

  Oh, my gosh.

  What am I supposed to do now?

  “Sebastian,” I say, shaking him gently.

  When I shake him, he suddenly opens his eyes.

  “Um, hi,” I say.

  Because, what else are you supposed to say to the guy you’re sort of accidentally cuddling with and it’s kind of awkward, but also kind of nice.

  Sebastian looks at me for a few seconds before he removes his arm from around me. We both scoot away from each other and I wonder if this moment is just as awkward for him as it is for me.

  We both sit in the back of the car, neither of us saying anything for a solid minute.

  It’s super awkward.

  I break the silence.

  “I guess we have another long day of travel ahead of us,” I say.

  “Not super long,” he says.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see,” he says, scooting to open the back hatch of t
he SUV. “Let’s go get dressed. We can take a shower when we get where we’re going.”

  “Um, okay,” I say.

  We get out the back of the car. Sebastian starts folding up the blankets and fixing the seat, so I grab my bag from the front and go towards the bathroom so I can get dressed for the day.

  Thankfully, this rest area isn’t super gross. We stopped at one in Virginia that still gives me shivers when I think about it. I use the bathroom, get dressed, and attempt to brush my hair. I also brush my teeth using a bottle of water.

  When I come out of the bathroom, Sebastian is standing there, waiting for me.

  “Ready?” he asks.

  I nod.

  For some reason, I thought he’d just be waiting at the car if he finished before me, but I should know better. He opens the passenger side door for me and I get inside, thinking that someday, when this is all over, and I find a guy I want to date, he’s going to have big shoes to fill.

  “Am I going to need a jacket where we’re going?” I ask.

  “No,” he answer. “Probably a hoodie.”

  I reach into the back, grabbing my orange hoodie from my bag.

  “How long of a drive?” I ask.

  “It’s about eight hours,” he says. “We’re going to meet up with somebody who might be able to help us. I don’t know what else to do.”

  “Who are we meeting up with?”

  “You’ll have to wait and see.”

  Of course I will.

  I relax back into my seat and enjoy the warm sunshine for as long as I can.

  Lake Burton.

  I’ve seen a lot of really beautiful places in the United States since I met Sebastian. I mean, this is the third road trip we’ve taken together. But I’ve got to say that this part of the country is the most beautiful I have seen yet. We are somewhere in the mountains of Georgia.

  It’s a little bit cool—fifty-five degrees. But it’s definitely better than the single digits we encountered in New York.

  “It’s so pretty,” I say, looking out the windows.

  I know we’re close to our destination. And wherever we’re going, Sebastian is super nervous about it.

  “It is,” he says.

  We’re on a super winding two lane road. I feel a little bit nauseous, so I try to keep my eyes on the road. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a curvy road before. I’m used to just riding on the interstate where it’s straight and flat.

  I glance over at Sebastian, who has his eyes on the road ahead. His face is pale and he’s got both hands on the wheel. He never drives with both hands. He looks like he’s concentrating hard on something.