Who I Am With You

by Amanda Lanclos

  “That’s not fair to you. I think if I go, we both need to accept that this is the end for us.”

  “Kennedy. You’re upset and you’re not thinking rationally. Baby, I love you.” My throat starts to close as she unfolds her hands from mine. Her beautiful blue eyes brimming with tears. “Well, looks like you’ve already chosen and it sure as hell ain’t me.”

  “Dallas, that’s not it.” She sobs as she looks at me. But, I’m done. I can tell by the way her body language changes that she’s made up her mind and this is goodbye for us.

  “Oh no? What is it then Ken? You push everyone away. You have since your Daddy died and I get it. I fucking get it, I’ve loved you through it ALL!” I yell at her, not even noticing when my dad comes outside to see what it’s all about. “Well, I’m done. If you want me away from you, then so be it.”

  “Dallas,” she calls to my retreating back as I storm past my father and into the house, climbing the stairs to my room so that no one can see me break down. I refuse to let them see my heart breaking into a million shattered pieces on the fucking floor. Because, without Kennedy, I have no reason to breathe.

  I snap out of it when my cell phone rings. Austin’s name shows up on the screen, but I don’t really feel like talking. I’m emotionally raw from the memories that seeing Kennedy has dug up, but if I am being honest with myself, I’ve never really gotten past them. That woman fucking owned me no matter how hard I tried not to let her.

  As soon as I walk up the steps of the porch my phone is ringing in my hands again. Austin. I hit the ignore button and instantly the man is calling again.

  “What?” I growl into the phone. “You’d think someone would get the picture when someone doesn’t want to talk.”

  “Dude, don’t be an ass. I’m your brother and I wanted to check on you.” Austin hisses into my ear.

  “And why would you care to do that?”

  “Come on Dallas, I saw her getting out at her mom’s.” He sighs as he continues, “I know you still care for her.”

  “Yeah, well it doesn’t matter.” I seethe, my breathing is erratic as I stalk up and down the porch. As much as I’ve done this in the past, I’m surprised that I haven’t worn the boards out yet.

  “Why not? This could be your shot to have her again.”

  “Remember someone saying she was in a bad accident?” I run my hand through my hair as my heart clenches in my chest. I can’t believe she doesn’t remember a damn thing. Not even the night we made love for the first time in the back of the truck on blankets. Wasn’t the way I wanted it to go, but when you’re seventeen and can’t sneak into your room with your girlfriend, it happens that way.

  “Yeah, I told you, idiot.” His voice comes through the phone cocky and arrogant and instantly I want to punch him in his damn jaw to shut him up.

  “Yeah, well undoubtedly she can’t remember the past fifteen years of her life.” That finally shuts him up as he gets quiet. I’m sure two minutes have passed before I speak. “Cat get your tongue?”

  “Dallas, I’m sorry, but maybe we can make this work to your advantage.”

  “And how do you figure that?” I snarl as I continue to pace back and forth. “She left me ten years ago and never came back.”

  “But that’s why it’s going to work for you. She doesn’t remember. Make her love you before she remembers why she left.” His tone is one full of assurance and confidence that his plan could work. I’m silent as I think about what he’s saying. If I really wanted to go through things with Kennedy again, I could make this work. “That cat must move quickly. He snatched your tongue up too, huh?” He lets out a chuckle before adding, “Or maybe you just don’t want to admit that your little brother is smarter than you give him credit for.”

  “Shut up,” I bark out as I hang up. “I’ll be damned if I ever tell him I’m contemplating an idea he had.” I laugh as I walk into the house, shaking my head as I really think about what he’s saying. Maybe, just maybe I can get her back. But, do I really want to go through the pain of what losing her feels like, all over again. Because, there is a chance that she’s going to remember that she left to make more of herself than what being my wife could give her.

  Even with everything that’s going on in my mind, seeing her and smelling that scent of strawberries and sunflowers has my damn cock rock hard. “Dammit Kennedy,” I grumble as I stalk into the house, down the hallway to my bedroom. Ten years and I still haven’t been able to let go of the hold she has on me. I don’t know if my heart can survive loving and losing her again. But, I don’t think either of my heads are going to let it go until she’s in my arms again.

  Now to devise a plan to make her see that being with me is worth not remembering the last ten years of her life. Because after just five minutes, I know that I am not going to be happy unless I am with her. Having her within thirty miles of me, I won’t be able to rest until she’s in my bed again, permanently. But first, I’m going to have to handle this damn erection putting a tent in my jeans.

  “Man, we’ve been getting a lot of action in the last twenty four hours, eh?” I shake my head after the words leave my mouth, slowly unzipping my jeans. I’m losing it. I am talking to my damn dick like he’s an actual person.

  Pushing my jeans below my hips, I fondle my balls with my right hand while my left hand grips my shaft and squeezes the base. I moan as a drop of pre-cum comes out of the tip. My hand begins to move up and down the smooth skin as my other squeezes my balls. Walking to the bed, I begin to lay down, but the scent on my sheets makes me halt my movement. “Oh hell no, I need to wash these,” I move away from the scent of Bailey by heading to my bathroom.

  Leaning against the sink, the cold porcelain chilling my heated skin makes me jump but I never stop the movement of my hand on my cock. I keep picturing Kennedy’s plump pink lips when she jumped in surprise at seeing me. It may be true that she doesn’t remember us as a couple, but she sure as hell remembers me and that works in my favor. Up and down my hand glides over my shaft, sliding up to the tip using the moisture to lubricate as I begin to push my hips into my hand. I groan as I lean my head against the cabinet, using it to help steady my body.

  My hips begin to buck as I feel the tingle along my spine, my balls tighten in my other hand as I turn quickly to let my release shoot out into the sink. As soon as the pleasure finishes its course through my body, I look up at my face. I expect to feel shame, but I don’t. It feels right and that scares me more than regretting it. All those other women can’t even hold a candle to her and I tried to use them to get over her. It took one look after all these years and here I am repeating shit I did in high school. “You’re fucking screwed,” I grumble to the man in the mirror. “So, totally screwed.”

  Two days seemed to fly by on the ranch, with Austin shooting out all kinds of ideas for me to win Kennedy back.

  “Well, what about asking her on a date? Take her to Swinney’s,” he yells over the hooves of the horses running around us.

  “You don’t take a girl like Kennedy to Swinney’s. You take her to the church and marry her,” I rumble as I pull the reigns on a horse and click my tongue, effectively slowing the horse from a sprint to a trot.

  “Oh damn,” Austin snickers as he continues to let Violet run in a circle around him.

  “What?”

  “You’re whipped.” He tries to pull the reigns on Violet’s harness to halt her, but instead he spooks her, sending her to a full-fledged run and pulling him to the ground. She runs around the arena, dragging him with her. “Dammit Violet, I said whoa!” He screams in a panic.

  “Let go of the reigns! You’re gonna get your ass all torn up by the dirt and have Momma yelling at me!” I scream out as I put my hand on Paisley’s nose, in way of saying good job for staying calm. “Dammit Austin! Let go!”

  “I can’t! It’s wrapped around my damn hand!” His voice is filled with panic as I get closer. “Don’t grab me!” His voice is high-pitched and I want to laugh because
he sounds like he got kicked in the nuts.

  “I’m not!” I huff as I run toward Violet. I miss my opportunity as she runs by with Austin dragging at her feet. It’s when she starts to buck that I know if I don’t calm her down, he’s going to be hurt.

  “Aw, hell no!” He screams out as he throws his other hand over his head to protect himself. “If I make it out of here. I. Quit!”

  I see the perfect opportunity to make my move, running and grabbing Violet’s mane, using it as leverage to swing my leg up and over her back. I don’t care what anyone says, no amount of riding an animal will take the fear out of it. I cling to her neck as I grab the reigns, pulling them to stop her. Finally after what seems like an hour, she comes to a halt. Jumping off of her back, I run to Austin, praying like hell that he’ll going to be okay.

  “Austin? You okay?” I untangle his hand, which is now battered and covered in blood.

  “Think it’s broken,” he gurgles as he looks up at me. The fear in his eyes instantly shifts to relief. “Thanks for saving me though. When she started bucking my life flashed before my eyes.”

  “I bet it did,” I lean forward heaving him off the ground as he winces in pain. “Let’s get you to the hospital so we can make sure you didn’t break anything other than your damn hand.”

  “Might have cracked a rib,” he wheezes as he clenches his side. “Mom’s gonna shit.”

  “That is putting it lightly. Way to go, dumbass,” I grumble as I walk him toward the truck. Once he’s in I pull my shirt off, wrapping it around his bleeding hand. “Hold that on there. I’m gonna grab another shirt in the house before we go. Don’t let it go.”

  “Thanks,” he says weakly as he holds the cloth to his hand. “For all of this.”

  “Anytime, it’s what big brothers are for,” I smile as I jump into the driver’s seat and floor it to the house. Looking back I see Violet and Paisley still in the ring. “Fuck, I gotta call someone. I can’t leave the horses out.”

  As I get closer to the house, I see that Tahoe coming back down the way, but I don’t have time for Kennedy today. Wait. Kennedy! She stops as she gets closer, climbing out of her seat as I exit the truck. Her legs stop as her eyes trail over my body and I smirk. That’s right baby. This is exactly what you’ve been missing out on the last ten years.

  “Kennedy?” Her eyes meet mine and she blushes. “You need anything?”

  “Yeah, some ice water,” she mumbles almost too low for me to hear. “Um, Stella sent me down here with some lemonade for y’all.”

  “Can you sit it down here? Austin broke his hand and I have to bring him to the hospital.”

  “Oh my God! Is he okay?” Her expression immediately turns from lust to concern in a matter of zero to sixty. “Please make him get a pink cast so I can pick on him.”

  “You remember that?” Damn, maybe she remembers everything, but then she wouldn’t be back. Or maybe that’s why she’s back. Running my hand over my neck I jump when Austin yells from the truck.

  “I’m coming! Hey, Kennedy?”

  “Yeah?” Her tongue dips out of her mouth and licks her full bottom lip

  Fuck me, I’m going to hell. I will my dick to stay limp because my brother needs me. “You still know how to handle a horse?”

  “I… I think so,” she hesitates to answer, but she’s all I’ve got.

  “Do you think you can bring Violet and Paisley into the stable from the training arena? You can drive back there.” Please say yes. Looking into her blue eyes, I see the moment she makes up her mind. Her back goes stiff and her eyes shine with confidence.

  “Yeah, I will. Now, you may wanna put on a shirt before you take him.” She bites her bottom lip as her eyes trail over my body.

  I want to say something smug, but I just nod. I’ve worked hard for this six-pack and I am glad she appreciates it, but as her eyes trail over my body again I have to turn around. If I don’t I will never get Austin to the hospital, because I’d have Kennedy’s back against the damn wall in the kitchen. I stalk down the hall into my bedroom, grabbing a shirt out of my closet, throw it on and walk back to the kitchen, stumbling right into the woman I so desperately need to get away from.

  “Shit, sorry Ken.” I grab her arms, to steady her before she falls over. Dammit, why’d I have to run into her? My body is on fire and the damn smell of strawberries has gone through my nose and affected my damn dick.

  “I’m sorry,” she stutters as she looks up at me with doe eyes. “I was just going to put the lemonade in your fridge so it didn’t get hot.”

  “That’s sweet of you. Maybe after all this is over we can talk?” My eyes search hers as she stands there like a deer in headlights before closing her eyes and sighing.

  “Okay, but Austin’s cussing like a sailor in the truck, so maybe you should go do that,” she pushes me toward the door as she puts the lemonade in the fridge. “I’ll tend to the horses and then head back to Stella’s.”

  “Thank you,” I nod my head in her direction as we both head out the door. I can’t help but take in the way her hips sway in those cut off shorts she’s sporting with her cowboy boots. I will my damn dick to go down as I grip the door handle outside my truck and climb in.

  “About damn time,” Austin hisses as I put the truck into drive and barrel down the driveway. “Next time, can we rekindle a romance after you handle your brother with the broken bones!” He seethes as I hit a bump in the road causing him to jostle in his seat.

  “Sorry,” I wince as he screams in pain. It wasn’t like I’d expected her to come down here today. I had all intentions of being the good brother, until the woman showed up.

  “Uh huh,” he grumbles as I speed down the road to the hospital. Let’s just say a prayer that Bailey isn’t working the emergency room today. That’s one of the bad things that sucks about a small town. Our doctors’ offices were in the hospital and sometimes they had to rotate to make sure everyone was taken care of.

  “Well, let’s go see the damage your stupidity has done this time,” I cackle as I kick the door open and jump down from the cab of the truck. The menacing look on his face is supposed to scare me, but it makes me want to laugh even harder. He can act like his stupidity didn’t cause this, but he knew damn well how to make that horse stop and not spook it.

  “You’re an ass. Shit happens,” he growls.

  “Did I say that last part out loud?”

  His look of distaste lets me know that I did and as much although I should apologize, it was the truth. So instead of speaking, I help him out of the truck and into the clinic to have his hand looked at, while praying Kennedy is okay with the horses.

  Chapter Seven

  Walking around the side of his house, I decide I’ll just head to the arena, it doesn’t look that far and I love the scenery around here. Maybe it will give me a chance to get to know Dallas a little bit more as I walk. I take in the beautiful sunflowers and other plants around the ranch. From what I can remember he’s always loved horses and being outdoors, so I’m not surprised he’s made this his career.

  I finally get to the arena, taking in the old rusty metal rails that make up this training area. Two beautiful horses are standing in the center of the circle staring at me. If I didn’t know any better I’d think they were sizing me up. I may be a petite blonde, but I had a damn backbone. Ok, I didn’t really know that, because I didn’t know a damn thing about me.

  “Oh stop looking at me like that,” I scoff before heading into the barn for the one thing I know these horses will want. I dig around in a couple of the barrels before I find exactly what I’m looking for. When I appear at the arena again, the beautiful solid black horse looks up, her blue eyes piercing into mine. I want to laugh when her ear perks up as I call her over, extending my hand.

  “That’s it girl, you know you want what I’ve got.” I let her get close enough before grabbing her reigns and offering the oat and apple treat. My Grandpa taught me that trick when my pony took off when I was seven, sa
id they’d always come running for these. Seems to be working again today. “So, are you the one that broke ole’ Austin’s hand?”

  She whinnies, which makes me laugh loudly as she nudges my hand looking for more treats.

  “Oh, no ma’am. You can have more when I get you into your stall.” I open the door of the arena to lead her out, thankful that the other horse is staying where it is. That must be the one that Dallas was training. If Austin was anything like the boy I remembered, he’d never done anything right. The horse follows me, staying still long enough to let me close the gate before I nudge her forward and into one of the open stalls in the stables. “Good girl,” I smile as I rub her nose. She nudges me back in way that is asking for her treat.

  “You sure are pushy,” I say with a laugh as I grab another treat from my pocket, handing it over. “Now, you be a good girl while I go get your friend.” I’ve gone crazy, talking to animals. Shaking my head, I walk back to the arena and walk right on in. If Dallas is training this one, I have little doubt that it would harm me. Just looking at the damn man with no shirt on, shows that he has the strength to tame a beautiful animal like this one.

  “Hi there,” I speak softly, trying not to spook it. It turns its beautiful brown face in my direction and I smile. I watch as it walks toward me slowly, nudging its nose into my pocket, smelling the treats that are there. “You want a treat?” It nods its head and I can’t help but let a giggle escape. I haven’t felt this at peace since the accident. I didn’t know myself anymore, but working with these horses was reminding me of who I wanted to be.

  Once I had both the horses back in their allotted stalls, I made sure Dallas’ house was locked up, then returned to the rental truck, and headed back to Stella’s. The old woman really knows how to piss a woman off, but she really is a good lady. She is funny and is teaching me ways to cook that I’d never have expected. I mean, how many people really fry bacon just to use the grease to make collard greens?