Surviving Regret

by Smith, Megan

  I just shook my head. “Like, really wrong! That is just disgusting. No one wants to hear about that shit!”

  As I got the door opened, Hunter stepped in and put Hailey down on her feet. She started jumping up and down, screaming she had to pee. After she had taken off towards the bathroom, I took a few steps towards my bed. Hunter grabbed my hand, and turned me around to face him. He whispered, “CC, you look so damn sexy tonight.” Then he leaned in, and kissed my forehead.

  He was giving me whiplash. He wanted me, but didn’t want me at the same time. After a few seconds, I heard him curse under his breath. “I’ve got to get out of here before I do something I shouldn’t. If Hailey becomes too much for you to handle, just come get me or one of your brothers.”

  Looking puzzled, I said, “Goodnight, Hunter.” Then he left.

  About an hour later, there was a knock at the door. I got off my bed, and found Dominic leaning against the wall.

  I was furious. “What in hell took you so long? I thought you would have been here hours ago?”

  He was standing there, looking at me as if I was crazy and being unreasonable. “Can I just come in, and we can talk?”

  I walked back in my room, and he followed behind me. “Just be quiet. Hailey isn’t feeling good. She had too much to drink.”

  “You couldn’t put her in her own damn room? I haven’t seen you in two weeks, MacKenzie.”

  I shook my head, “No, I couldn’t. Hunter is in the spare room, and you know I always share this room with Hailey and Jaylinn.”

  He cocked his head at me. “Why are you being such a bitch? It was just a question. I drove all this way just to see you; you could have at least made sure we had our own room.”

  “You know what? Just leave. I don’t even know why you bothered to show up this late. You didn’t have practice today, so there is no excuse for why you were late.”

  “Fine. I don’t know why I bothered to drive six hours just to come to this stupid ass party anyway.” He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

  Hailey walked out of the bathroom, shaking her head. “I don’t know why you stay with that asshole, Kenzie.”

  “He never used to be like that.”

  ***

  When I woke up the next morning, everyone was still sleeping. I decided I would make breakfast since I bailed on them early last night. I looked around the place, and it surprised me that the house was actually fairly clean. I thought there would be a giant mess to clean up. At least now, I didn’t have to tip the housekeepers any extra.

  As I was making the last of the pancakes, Hunter escorted some girl from his room out to the front door. How did he turn his feelings for me off and on like that? Not that it mattered but still, I couldn’t figure it out.

  Hunter grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and asked, “Need any help, CC?”

  “Nope, I’m good.” Yeah, I want you to explain to me what you were doing with her!

  “Alright.” He went back towards his room, but then stopped before he opened the door. “Did Dominic ever show up last night?”

  I pulled the last pancake out of the frying pan and put it on a plate. “Yeah, but not for long.”

  He shook his head at me, “What did he do this time?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it with you.”

  “Fair enough. I’m going to pack up all my stuff.” He went into his room, and I didn’t see him again until we were all about to leave.

  Everyone else, including the girl who Cooper had hooked up with, made his or her way downstairs to have breakfast, and talk about what Hailey and I missed last night. After we ate and cleaned up, we all went to pack and get ready to head home.

  As Jaylinn and I were walking out to my car to put our bags in the trunk, Cooper came up behind me and hugged me. “Thanks again for throwing us the party. We love you, lil’ sis.”

  “Love ya too; I’m glad you all had fun. You know, it’s not easy to surprise you and Mase.”

  Nodding his head, “We had a blast. Have you seen Mason or Hailey?”

  “Not since breakfast.” Jaylinn answered.

  Shutting the door to his truck, Hunter stepped over to us. “You know, she did get her chocolate milk this morning. I wonder if she is getting Mason’s…”

  I punched him in the arm, and started yelling. “Stop! Just stop. I don’t want to hear about that shit, jackass.”

  While Hunter and Cooper were laughing their asses off, Hailey and Mason walked out of the house, both with big-ass grins on their faces.

  I walked over to the driver’s side of my car and got in, while Jaylinn got in the passenger side, and we took off for home.

  When I got home Sunday afternoon, I was still pissed off at Dominic for the way he acted last night. He tried calling me all morning, but I kept sending his calls to voicemail. Around dinnertime, my mom yelled up the stairs to tell me that Dominic was here. Sighing, I got up and went downstairs to find out what he wanted.

  He didn’t come past the door.

  I didn’t bother greeting him. “Haven’t you noticed I was avoiding your calls all day?”

  He looked over my shoulder and then back at me. “Can we go out front and talk?”

  Cooper and Hunter loomed from the kitchen. I grabbed Dom and took him outside.

  We sat down on the porch swing. Dominic ran his hand through his hair. “I know I fucked up last night, Kenzie. I shouldn’t have left like that. I’m sorry. I just wanted to spend some alone time with you.” He let out a loud sigh. “I don’t get to see you every day anymore, and I’m frustrated. We’ve been together for a year now. I thought you would be ready to take that next step. Now that we don’t see each other as much as we did, I just miss you. I want to feel close with you.”

  I knew it. I knew this would happen. This is why I had told Dominic before we started dating that he would have to wait until I thought the time was right. I was not going to whore myself out. I saw what my brothers did to all the girls they messed around with and I didn’t want to be one of those girls.

  “So, because I’m not putting out, or we aren’t messing around, you’re going to act like an asshole? That’s fucked, Dominic. You said you would wait until I was ready, and if you can’t accept that, then you need to leave.”

  “I’m not leaving, MacKenzie. You’re mine.” He pulled me over to him, wrapped his arm around my shoulder and then kissed the side of my head. “I love you.”

  “Then you need to respect what I want. I told you I wanted to wait. You said you would wait.”

  He smirked. “I’ve waited this long. What’s a little bit longer, right?”

  I looked up into his eyes. “Right.”

  He kissed me lightly on the lips. “I have to get on the road. I have practice tomorrow morning.”

  We walked over to his car, and I gave him a hug and kiss. “Okay, I’ll see you next weekend.”

  Dominic sat in his car, and slid on his sunglasses. “Love you.”

  I waved, and started back towards the house.

  Did I love Dominic? Yes. Was I in love with him? No, I don’t think so. Would I ever truly love him? Maybe, one day I would. Dominic was my first serious boyfriend. I didn’t seriously date anyone because everyone in school knew my brothers and no one messed with them. No one. When I was in seventh grade, I had a crush on this boy—Ryan. We started going out, mostly talking on the phone and going to the movies occasionally. Right before winter break, he said he didn’t want to go out anymore. Ryan broke my heart, and, at thirteen, I thought my life was over. My brothers found out about what happened, and when we went back to school a week later, Ryan had a broken nose and two black eyes. To this day, when I see him, he will look the other way, or cross the street if he sees me coming. I asked my brothers what they did to him, and they always said they didn’t know anything about it. Somehow I’m not buying that.

  I headed back upstairs to take a nap, and I heard Cooper talking to Hunter.

  “Dude
, you better look out for my sister while you guys are away at school. I don’t like that asshole.”

  “I know. I don’t like him either. I’ll keep her safe.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Over the next few days, I was busy packing up everything I was bringing with me to Old Dominion, and doing some last minute shopping with my mom. I was both nervous and excited to start this part of my life.

  Friday afternoon rolled around, and I had just finished packing my last box when Hailey came into my room. “Are you ready, Kenzie?”

  “Just about.” I told her, with a huge smile on my face. “Jackson, Mason and Cooper want to take us for lunch before we head out tomorrow.”

  She huffed at me. “They act like we’re going across the country and are never going to see them again.”

  I’m sure they were glad Hunter was at Old Dominion, too. They knew he would not let anything happen to us. In addition, the Harvard baseball scholarships they both received gave them little to no choice.

  “When are we going? I still have a few things I need to pack.” That didn’t shock me. Hailey was a procrastinator.

  “Around one, and I guess your ass needs help packing?” Hailey sucks at packing, always has. Every time we would go down to the shore house for the weekend, she would always forget half of her bathing suit, her toothbrush or her shoes. It was always something.

  “You know it. I’ll text Mason, and tell him we will just meet him there.” She was tapping away on her phone. “When is Hunter coming?”

  “He asked me to dinner tonight, so I guess tomorrow morning when he picks us up.”

  Hailey’s mouth dropped open. “Just the two of you are going to dinner?”

  “Yeah, why?” We go out to dinner all the time. She quickly diverted her eyes back to her phone, “Oh, um, just wondering.”

  “What the hell, Hailey? It’s not the first time I have been to dinner with Hunter.”

  Still not meeting my eyes, she said, “Nothing. Let’s go.”

  Huh? What the hell is going on? “I’m not leaving this room until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  “Nothing. Just forget I said anything.” She grabbed her purse, and started towards to the door.

  “Whatever, but I’m not forgetting it.”

  We left and headed to Hailey’s house. Just as we were getting out of the car in her driveway, Hailey’s head whipped around, and she cursed under her breath.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked in a panic, thinking I had done something wrong.

  She looked straight ahead. “Nothing. Can you just pull into the garage?”

  Looking at her skeptically, I said, “Yeah. Your parents aren’t going to block me in though, right?”

  “Umm, no, we’ll be OK. I can always have them move if they do come home.”

  I turned the car back on, and moved it into the garage. She had been acting strange all day, but I thought maybe it was just the fact that we were leaving tomorrow morning.

  “Kenzie, I need to tell you something, and I don’t want you to get upset.”

  “How can you say that and not expect me not to get upset? What’s going on?”

  “Have you talked to Dominic?”

  “Yeah, this morning.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  What the hell is up with the 20 questions? “Just the usual. We talked about football, and how excited he is that I’ll be there with him.”

  “He’s home.”

  No kidding! “Yeah, I know. He has practice tomorrow morning.”

  “No, he’s home.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because he’s next door, at Alexis’ house. I saw him pulling up when my mom and I were leaving. I asked him what he was doing there. He said he had something to take care of, and then he was heading back to school.”

  No way. “You’re sure it was him?”

  “Kenzie, I talked to him. Of course, I’m sure.”

  “Is he still over there now? Is that why you had me pull into the garage?”

  Nodding, she turned to get out of the car. “He said he didn’t have anything to hide, so that is why I’m telling you. I don’t believe him.”

  “Well, if he didn’t have anything to hide, why didn’t he tell me he was coming home? Why the fuck is he with that bitch? He knows I hate her for starting all that shit last year.”

  “That’s what I was wondering.”

  I got out of the car, walked out of the garage door and looked over at Alexis’ house. Dominic’s car was not there. I quickly sent him a text message.

  Me 10:58am: Hey, where u @

  Dominic 10:59am: Home

  Me 11:01am: @ ur house or school

  Dominic 11:03am: House, was on my way to surprise you

  Me 11:04am: Nice surprise it was 2 see u leave Alexis’

  Dominic 11:06am: She said she needed 2 talk 2 me, she caught me on my way out

  Me 11:08am: Y didn’t u tell me u were coming home

  Dominic 11:10am: Where r u

  Me 11:11am: Hails

  Dominic 11:13am: On my way

  I looked up at Hailey and said, “He’s on his way here; he said she caught him on his way to surprise me.”

  “You believe him?”

  I just nodded at her. “I don’t exactly have a reason not to.”

  Shaking her head, she huffed and said, “I’ll be in my room.”

  I sat on her front steps for about ten minutes before he pulled up. I walked over to his car. He motioned me to over to his window.

  “Hey, baby.” He leaned out of the window and kissed me.

  “So, why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”

  “I told you, I wanted to surprise you. I thought maybe you needed some help packing.”

  Did I believe that was the reason he was here? No, not really, because I knew he was up to something. He had changed so much after having only being gone a few weeks. “Oh, well, I wish you would have told me last weekend that you were coming home. I could have used some help this morning.” I tapped my finger on the door of his car. “So, what did Alexis want?”

  “Sorry, I guess maybe I should have told you. She just wanted to talk about the party last weekend. She asked if I had been there cause she hadn’t seen me.”

  What the hell! “Why would she care if you were at the party? She’s trying to start shit again.” The more I thought about her, the more pissed I got.

  “I said the same thing to her.” He turned his head to stare out the front windshield. “She was going on about seeing Hunter with his hands all over you, and you guys walking out of the party by yourselves.” Then he turned back to me. “I don’t care if you did. I told her I trusted you.”

  “That’s good, because you should trust me.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m not worried about it.” He didn’t sound very sure of himself. Dominic knew I had feelings for Hunter. He knew what happened between us last summer.

  “Good. Look, I have to go help Hailey pack, and then we are going to lunch with my brothers. I wish you had told me you were going to come home. Let me see if they would mind you coming to lunch too. Or, if you want, I can hang out with you when I’m done.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. It’s my fault. I’ll head back. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” He leaned out of the window again to kiss me. “Love you.”

  After he left, I went inside to help Hailey pack the things that she was taking with her. After convincing her she didn’t need to pack her whole room, we headed to the restaurant for lunch with my brothers.

  As nice as lunch with my brothers was, I couldn’t wait to see Hunter.

  He picked me up after six, and we went for pizza at my favorite place. It was just a little hole in the wall, but I loved it.

  I put my pizza down and wiped my face with my napkin, “I’m going to miss this place. Thanks for bringing me here.”

  “You’re welcome. So, Dominic is home, huh?” He asked, watching me take a b
ite of my pizza.

  “Christ! How did you know?” How did everyone know this, and I didn’t?

  “I saw him and Alexis together, walking into her house last night?”

  What! I snapped my head up to look at him, hoping he was joking. “What? He didn’t come home until this morning.” At least that is what he told me.

  Glaring down at his pizza, he said, “No, he was home last night, and he was with her.”

  “You must have seen wrong. He wasn’t home then.”

  He looked at me for a minute before he asked, “CC, can I ask you something?” I nodded at him. “Why are you with him?”

  “Why does it matter?” I wish I was with you is what I honestly wanted to tell him.

  He let out a sigh. “He doesn’t treat you right. Why would he not tell you he was home? Why is he even talking to Alexis after all that shit that went down last year?”

  I needed this conversation to end. “I asked him about that. He said that she told him you and I fooled around with each other at the party last week. I guess he wanted to see what she had to say.”

  “And what did she say?”

  “Hunter…” I said with a warning tone. “I can’t do this. I can’t have everyone questioning my relationship with Dominic. It’s my relationship, not anyone else’s. I’m finished eating, so can you take me home now?” I stood up from the booth, and headed towards the bathroom. I needed a few minutes to calm down.

  When I walked out of the bathroom, Hunter was at the counter paying for our food. I kept right on walking out of the restaurant, and waited by his street bike.

  He came walking over to me, but didn’t say anything at first. He put his helmet on, and then gently put mine on. He lifted my chin to snap the strap, and looked into my eyes. “I’m not sorry for caring about you, CC.”

  I didn’t respond. I didn’t think he wanted me to. He threw his leg on the bike, kicked the kickstand up and then steadied the bike so I could get on. As we took off back to my house, with the wind in my face and hair, I started to feel bad for blowing up on him the way I did, but I was tired of everyone worrying about my relationship. If I wasn’t worried about it, why were they?