Surviving Regret

by Smith, Megan

  She just shook her head and walked over to her dresser, her back turned towards me. I placed my hand on her shoulder, and she broke down.

  “Please, sweetie, tell me what is wrong.”

  She shook her head again. I pulled her over to the bed and she curled up in a ball with her head on my lap. We stayed like this for a while. She cried and I ran my fingers through her hair. I knew she would talk to me when she was ready.

  Finally, she started to calm down. I reached over and handed her a tissue. She wiped the remaining tears, sat up and played with the tissue in her hand.

  Then she said so low I barely heard her, “I love Mason.”

  “Oh. Hails, I know.” I reached over and hugged her. “You think I didn’t notice all the sneaking around you were doing back home?”

  She shrugged her shoulders.

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  Sighing, she looked up at me and said, “I didn’t want you to get upset with me and freak out that I had a crush on your brother. I know you hated all the girls fussing over him in high school.”

  “You are my best friend, and you are nothing like those girls. I’m glad you finally told me, but what about Zeke? You guys have been seeing each other a lot.”

  “We are just friends, and most of the time Hunter is with us. Zeke is fun to hang around with, and he helps keep my mind off Mason.”

  “So, I guess you’re excited Mason is coming?”

  “Hell yeah, I can’t wait to see his sexy ass.” I cringed and she started laughing.

  Groaning, I said, “Ok, here’s the deal, if you’re talking to me about my brother, I only want the PG version. I don’t want nightmares.”

  She got serious. “So you are seriously ok with me and Mason? He seems to think you’re going to have a problem with it.”

  “He may think I have issues, but I don’t. I love you, Hailey. I know you’ll take care of him and that’s all I can ask.”

  “I love you, Kenzie.” She hugged me again. “How are things with Dominic?”

  “Surprisingly, we haven’t had any drama lately, and things are good. He’s a little worried about me spending time with Hunter when he’s not around.”

  “Well that’s good.” She looked down at her lap again and then back up at me. “Hunter misses you like crazy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this, not even after last summer.”

  I sighed. “I miss him too, but to keep Dominic happy, and my heart intact, I can’t hang around him like I did anymore. He made it perfectly clear there could never be a him and me. Time will tell if Dominic and I will last, but for now, I want to be with him. He stood up to my brothers when he wanted to date me. Hunter would never do that.”

  “I get it, I do. I just wish he would pull his head out of his ass and figure his shit out. He looks like someone kicked his puppy.”

  “He’ll figure it out. He’ll meet someone who will take over the feelings that he has for me.”

  Hailey fell back on her pillow and said. “I hope it’s soon. He is such a downer. I thought I was bad. He’s got it way worse than I do.”

  My phone pinged. Cooper texted me that they just got to Hunter’s. They were going to swing by and pick us up.

  Hailey and I got ready to spend the night with my brothers and Hunter. I made sure she looked extra hot for Mason. We straightened her long blonde hair and did her eye makeup dark to bring out her eyes. She dressed in a pair of black shorts that were tight and short, along with a hot pink halter top that made her boobs look great.

  After we got her dressed, she helped me straighten my hair. I picked out something a little less sexy, but still super cute—a short spaghetti strap sundress and a pair of peep toe wedges. It was the end of October but, thankfully, it was still warm enough to wear my summer clothes.

  I stopped by Dominic’s room before I headed out for dinner. He told me to have fun, and that he would see me at the party at Hunter’s later on tonight. I stood on my tiptoes, gave him a kiss, and told him I loved him.

  As soon as we walked out of the doors to our dorm, Hunter’s head shot up, he nudged Mason and lifted his chin in our direction.

  “Damn, he’s hot,” I heard Hailey say to herself. I laughed.

  “What?” She asked, with a smirk on her face.

  “Not a thing. Now go get your lover boy.”

  “Don’t have to tell me twice.” She took off running to Mason and leaped on him. He caught her and swung her around.

  Cooper and Hunter both looked at me. I assumed they were waiting for me to have some kind of reaction. What was the big deal? They are adults. He is my brother and she is my best friend. Even if things didn’t work out for them, I would still have them both in my life. Yeah, it may get weird but it is what it is.

  Cooper wrapped me up in his arms. I gave him a kiss on his cheek and giggled.

  Hunter waited. I gave him a hug too. He wrapped me up tight, as if I was going to disappear. He took a deep breath, like he had been holding it forever. “I’m sorry.”

  I pulled my face back, and looked into his bright blue eyes, the same eyes I dreamed about every night, even if he was the wrong person to dream about. I sighed, “It’s ok. Stop saying that.”

  “I have a lot to be sorry for.”

  Mason and Hailey were still wrapped around each other. I cleared my throat. “Um, hello?”

  Mason lowered Hailey to the ground. “Hey, sis.”

  I grabbed him and hugged him tight. “Love you, Mase.” I lowered my voice so only he could hear me. “Don’t hurt her, ok?”

  “So you’re ok with this?” He dropped his arms from around my waist, and took a step back. “It’s not going to be weird or anything?”

  “I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m going to have a problem with this. If you ask me, I think it’s awesome. I may actually get my best friend as my sister-in-law.” I winked over his shoulder to Hailey, and she smiled back at me.

  “Whoa.” Mason’s voice caught. “Who said anything about getting married? Let’s not get carried away.”

  We laughed and rushed to get shotgun in Mason’s car. I won, but Hunter grabbed my elbow and lifted his chin towards his bike. My helmet sat on the seat.

  “Go get it, girl,” Hailey said with a smile.

  How could I say no? I loved riding with him, loved the adrenaline rush from feeling free. I wish I had worn shorts, but I wasn’t about to back down.

  Hunter sat on the bike and balanced it so I could climb on behind him. I did it as gracefully as I could. Once I sat down and had Hunter between my thighs, I tucked my dress under my legs so it would not fly up. I squeezed my legs around his hips, and wrapped my arms around his stomach. Hunter’s stomach muscles tensed. I loosened up my hold, but he put my hands right back.

  What was I thinking? This was not a good idea.

  He took a breath, then let it out, and started up the bike. We took off, leading the way to Raven’s with Mason following behind us.

  Dinner went great. Everyone was having a good time laughing and joking with each other, just like old times. Hunter and I even got along great, as if nothing had happened.

  “Why didn’t Jaylinn come?” I asked the boys.

  “She had a soccer game this weekend.” Cooper answered me, but glanced at Hunter making him appear guilty for going to her games.

  Huh…

  “Are you spending a lot of time with her?” I asked.

  “Yeah, he is. He goes to every one of her home games, and tries to go to the away ones too,” Mason piped up. I glanced over at Hunter who was glaring at Cooper while Cooper glared at Mason. I found this entertaining.

  “So, how are the parties down here, Kenzie?” Cooper asked, trying to break the weirdness going on.

  “Oh, you know normal college parties.” I laughed, remembering the aftermath of the last party at Hunter’s house. “The last party at Hunter’s was a little crazy though. The house was trashed. There were people duct taped to couches and doors and peop
le colored with a Sharpie marker.”

  “No shit!”

  “Yeah, you’ll see the craziness tonight. Speaking of craziness, we should get over there.” Hunter said while getting up from the booth.

  Cooper paid the bill and I followed Hunter to his bike.

  “Glad you got on with me,” he said. “I didn’t think you would.”

  What the hell did I just see?

  “Stick your tongue out.” I told him.

  He wiggled his eyebrows at me and smirked.

  I put my hands on my hips. “Stick your tongue out or I’m not getting back on.”

  “Why?” Then he ever so slowly stuck his tongue out, and licked his bottom lip.

  I whimpered. Dear God, he got his tongue pierced.

  Mason beeped the car horn at us. Everyone was in and ready to go. Hunter smiled.

  “Now, get on so we can go for a ride.”

  Fuck me! I wanted to ride more than just his bike. Shit, I couldn’t be thinking of him like that.

  We pulled into his driveway, and I climbed off before he maneuvered his way through the cars and into the garage. Last thing I wanted was to be cornered by him. Alone. With a tongue piercing.

  Everyone but Hunter walked down to the beach where the fire pit was burning.

  “So, everything ok with you guys? It seems like everything is finally getting back to normal.” Hailey said. Mason and Cooper were talking about baseball to some guy sitting near us.

  “It seems that way, but we’ll have to wait and see. Oh, by the way, when the hell did he get his tongue pierced?”

  She snapped her head in my direction. “Did you kiss him?”

  “Hailey!” I yelled. “Christ, no. I saw it when he was talking to me.”

  Hailey sipped her beer. “Oh, okay, he got it that night we got ours done.”

  A variety of chimes, and beeps, echoed over the beach. Hailey, Cooper and Mason’s phones chirped. Hailey read hers, squeezed her eyes shut then turned to look at Mason.

  I stood up, and so did everyone else. “What the hell is going on?”

  Mason spoke up first. “Nothing, we’ll go handle it. Stay here with Hailey.” Cooper and Mason walked off towards the house, leaving me standing there with Hailey.

  “Hails, what’s happened?” If someone didn’t tell me what was going on, I might really lose it.

  “Just let Mase and Coop handle it. They’ll come back in a few minutes and everything will be okay,” she said.

  She would not look me in the eyes. Something had to be wrong. We had only been here for all of twenty minutes. What could have happened that fast?

  Then I remembered that Dominic was here. Oh God, he must have seen me on Hunter’s bike. I didn’t wait for Hailey to explain before taking off after Mason and Cooper.

  I made it inside and searched for them, but I couldn’t see past all the party guests. I finally caught sight of the back of Cooper’s shirt heading up the stairs.

  I pushed my way through the crowd and made it halfway up the steps before I heard the yelling. Shit, this was not good.

  Mason saw me first. He held up a finger telling me to hold on. I stopped and waited for a second. A girl was crying. I edged closer.

  “FUCK!”

  Dominic’s voice?

  I froze in place. Mason snapped at me.

  “Stay there!”

  “What did you think would happen, Dominic?” The girl spoke again.

  “Not this. We were fucking careful. This isn’t happening.” Dominic shouted. There was a loud bang as if he punched something.

  “Watch it, Dom.” Hunter warned.

  “Yeah, I’m about to watch my girl walk out of my life for fucking good this time.”

  Oh God, what did he do?

  “You should have thought about that before you knocked me up, jackass,” the girl said.

  Wait.

  What?

  She’s knocked up? I’m about to walk out of Dominic’s life?

  Then it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I blinked away a wave of dizziness and reached out for Cooper. He grabbed me before I tripped backwards down the stairs.

  Dominic, Brittany, Hunter, Mason, and Cooper stood in the hallway. I met each of their stares.

  “Baby, oh God, baby,” Dominic said, walking towards me.

  I put my hand up. “Stop, don’t you dare come near me.” I snorted. Brittany sat on the floor, mascara and tears spotting her face. “Your roommate’s girlfriend, huh?”

  Brittany laughed bitterly. “So that’s what he told you.”

  “Shut up!” Dominic screamed at her.

  “Baby, I can explain…”

  “There’s nothing to explain.”

  I couldn’t handle everyone staring at me. I had to get out of there.

  “Mase, give me your keys,” I said.

  He reached in his front pocket and handed them to me.

  “NO! Baby, wait….”

  “Let her go, Dom.” Cooper said.

  I ran down the steps, pushed my way back through the crowd to the front door and right to Mason’s car at the end of the driveway. Hailey chased after me but I didn’t stop.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I didn’t go home right away. I couldn’t; they would be looking for me there. Normally I would have run to Hunter to vent, but not this time. I drove down Atlantic Avenue to the parking lot for the beach. I locked up the car, walked down to the ocean, and sat down in the sand, trying to process everything that had just happened.

  Dominic cheated on me. He got Brittany pregnant. Brittany, his roommate’s girlfriend, or at least that was what he had told me. He said he loved me and would never hurt me. Ha! I was stupid for believing him. I knew better. All the signs were there, but I chose to ignore them.

  I was hurting, but I think what surprised me the most was the fact that he was stupid enough to get her pregnant. He came here on a full scholarship to play football. He barely had time for me. How would he have time to help raise a baby? Idiot!

  He was not my problem anymore. He had made his bed and now he could lay in it.

  Just when I thought things were going great with us, this had to happen. I had not seen Brittany since the day I had run out of the dorms, she had been outside crying. I bet she was on her way up to see Dominic. I thought back to that first night when I was with him. SHE had knocked on the door and he had told her that he was busy; I had known then that something was up, but I ignored it.

  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

  I bet he cheated on me with Alexis too, after he told me there was nothing going on with her.

  I sat there for a while, throwing myself a pity party. I knew I needed to pull my big girl panties up and face the music. I just hoped I have the strength to keep up my brave face for everyone. Times like this, I wish I were home, in my own room, where I could block out the rest of the world.

  When I got back into Mason’s car, I lost it. Who did I think I was kidding? There was crushed, and then there was ground into a fine dust. I had thought things would work out with Dominic in the long run. I had really wanted things to work out between us.

  I took a few deep breaths, wiped the tears from my face, and drove back to my dorm. Everyone was there. I knew they would be. Hailey curled up with Mason on her bed. Cooper sat with his head in his hands. Hunter paced back and forth.

  “I’m fine.”

  That is all I said, all I could say as I tried to hold back the tears. I would let myself cry again when I was in the shower.

  Hunter stopped pacing. He motioned to me. I nodded my head. He was waiting for me to give him permission to comfort me. He came over, wrapped me in his arms and rocked me slightly back and forth, just as he had done all those times before.

  “You ok?” He whispered.

  “I will be.”

  I dropped my arms from around him. Cooper pulled me over to the bed and slung an arm around me with a kiss to my forehead.

  We sat there for a little while,
no one talking, everyone in their own world. This was not helping me; I needed to do something to keep myself busy.

  I needed a shower. I needed to wash this whole night away. I got up from the bed, grabbed my things from my dresser but stopped when I looked in the mirror and saw Cooper’s face. A thin gash marred the skin above his eyebrow.

  He looked at me when I asked, “What happened?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing.”

  His answer didn’t surprise me. He had been protecting me.

  “Tell me, please.” I finally said, breaking the eye contact in the mirror.

  “Nothing happened, Kenzie.” Mason spoke up for the first time since I walked in the door.

  I looked over at him. He hadn’t fared any better. His shirt was torn and stained red.

  “Whose blood is that?”

  Hailey untangled herself from Mason only to wrap her arms around me. I didn’t hug her back. I was pissed off that she didn’t try to warn me about what was about to happen with my brothers and Dominic. She may not have known exactly what was going on, but she knew it involved me.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “You could have warned me that something was going down with Dominic.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. I was trying to look out for you. You would have gone after them if you knew.”

  She was right, but still, it hurt.

  I walked into the bathroom to take a shower, and I hoped when I was finished, everyone would be gone.

  I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it and got in. I stood there, letting the water run over my body. I finally cried all the tears that I had tried so hard to hold inside me. I curled up into the fetal position on the shower floor and stayed that way until the water ran cold. I got up, quickly washed myself, got out of the shower and threw on my sweat pants and hoodie.

  When I finally worked up the courage to walk out of the bathroom and face everybody, I was surprised that no one was in the room but Hunter. I didn’t say anything to him as I walked over to my bed and climbed in. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, and snuggled into my pillow. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget today even happened.

  Hunter walked over and turned the lights off. I waited to hear the door open but it didn’t. He pulled my desk chair over to my bed and started to rub my back, trying to comfort me.