Tagged for Life

by Sam Destiny

  “I realized that, too. It’s weird, really.”

  “Maybe she thinks I can’t handle it,” Tessa whispered, feeling slightly hurt that her friend didn’t think she could be honest around her. “Or maybe she thinks I’ll judge her, or … I don’t know. After all I…” Tessa shrugged. “I have no idea.”

  “Maybe she just was glad you weren’t there because she knew you always considered her bright and strong, whereas last night showed how much she wasn’t all you made her out to be,” came Hilary’s voice from behind her.

  Tessa spun on her chair, seeing Hilary in the doorframe. Her friend was pale and obviously had been crying again.

  Tessa didn’t think twice, she went over and hugged Hilary for a long time.

  “Stop! You’ll make me cry again,” Hilary sobbed and Tessa hugged her even tighter.

  “I always consider you strong because no matter what you still manage to make us all smile. All the time. That’s what makes me say you’re strong. You hurting, or you crying just makes you human. Seriously, I wish I could have been here because I would have liked to give that guy a piece of my mind. And, girl, remember, you made him go. That is what takes the most strength,” Tessa reminded her.

  “I didn’t want him to leave,” she admitted quietly and Tessa wasn’t so sure if that hadn’t been intended for her ears only.

  “We know, honey, but that doesn’t change the fact that you did make him leave,” Emma commented from the table and Hilary held onto Tessa, starting to sob again.

  “He was an idiot, but I might never find someone else and … all those times I couldn’t understand how you can doubt yourself like that, Tessa, I can finally understand. How could you deal with all that, not taking back your ex?”

  Tessa laughed, tears blurring her vision though. “I didn’t deal. I met him again and again and just never told you. I let him back in and then pulled back because I know it was utter bullshit what I’m doing. And then I landed here and my entire world changed since suddenly I knew that I don’t need to settle. There’ll be someone coming along who’ll open your eyes.”

  “Yeah, and give you hickeys until you look like you partied with vampires,” Evy commented from the table and Tessa pulled back, seeing Hilary laugh through her tears.

  “She’s right. Damn, he must have been really happy to see you,” Hilary teased and Tessa blushed scarlet, feeling the heat creep up her cheeks.

  “The way he held me when he met me at the gates. I swear, it felt as if he was drowning and I was all that kept him afloat. There were a bunch of guys sitting together and by the looks of it, trying hard to keep themselves from crying.” She almost felt tears come to her eyes as she recalled the guys from his unit that Jazz had introduced her to the night before.

  “I bet he was glad to have you there,” Hilary mused.

  “He looked at me as if I was a hallucination,” Tessa admitted, remembering that moment she had wanted to run. Happy sure was different, but then he had opened his arms for her and she had willingly gone to him.

  “Look at her, you can tell he was very glad she was there,” Emma pointed out and Tessa rolled her eyes, but Hilary laughed even more, ending up pinching her cheek.

  “Whoa, stop, okay? I know you get all touchy because I’m so cute, but pinching my cheek is where it ends,” she announced and Hilary wiggled her eyebrows.

  “I guess it depends on who is pinching which cheek, huh?” she grinned and Tessa couldn’t help but groan.

  “And y’all are asking me how old I am,” Tessa fussed, laughing along with them though.

  “You all have a party going on and no one bothers to wake me up?” Aimie called from the top of the stairs and Tessa looked up. She had wanted to get a word alone with Aimie.

  “I’m gonna change into sweats and then we’ll start organizing our clothes for the weekend!” She was excited about for the trip, but her heart still felt heavy because she knew she was going to see even less of Jazz now. Another three days where she wouldn’t get to see his smile.

  “Aims, thank you for supporting me last night,” she whispered as she met her friend on the stairs.

  “You are welcome. It’s kind of sexy he wanted to put his mark on you,” Aimie grinned and Tessa couldn’t help but smile.

  “Right?” she asked, touching her cheeks because she knew they were heated again.

  “I’m happy he was glad to see you,” Aimie admitted and Tessa nodded.

  “He missed me as much as I missed him. I shouldn’t have let him stay away that time. We don’t have much of it anyways and I knew I was a goner even before Evangeline started to worry about it,” she explained and Aimie picked up a brow.

  “Evangeline, huh? She was a naughty girl if you call her by her full name. But yes, for once I am glad you are done listening to her. We’ll all be there to help you pick up what’s left of you after you have to leave and you know that. But I think someone out there thought you needed Jazz, and badly. Even if it only was to make you realize your own value,” Aimie insisted and Tessa took a deep breath.

  “Exactly. But for now I am glad I am here. I heard you had a rough night?”

  Aimie shook her head, sitting down at the stairs. Tessa settled down next to her.

  “He called her a whore after telling her they didn’t have enough sex. He told her about all the good fucks he’s had since leaving her and then he literally fell to his knees and told her that he still loves only her and hates sleeping on his brother’s sofa. Following that he pointed out that she always was the one for him and how he never forgets to mention that to all the women he sees. Hils asked if he was still chatting with a lot of women and he told her that they were only friends and that they knew that she was the one he wanted. I swear, I could feel how much she wanted to believe him,” Aimie reported and Tessa pinched her bottom lip, lost in thought.

  She never would have thought that Hilary would believe something like that, but then, she maybe didn’t know how much that dude seriously meant to Hilary. “We can’t chose whom we fall for,” she whispered and Aimie nodded slowly.

  “Sometimes love just is not enough. You know that better than anyone. Did you think about what you want with Jazz? How you want this to proceed after you leave?” Aimie wanted to know and Tessa shrugged.

  “I don’t think we should take it anywhere because that way I won’t hurt endlessly. As it is right now, I cannot imagine ever finding someone like Jazz again, but neither can I imagine keeping him from being happy. Do I hope that he’ll hurt once I leave? Hell yes! But I still want him to find someone from around here so that he can make her happy and, in return, be happy, too. He makes the world so much better because he’s the way guys everywhere should be and I don’t think I should take that away from any woman out there.

  “I have no doubt I’ll be hurting when I go back because Jazz sure is someone you don’t easily forget. I just can’t promise him anything, because I’m out of a job, which means I don’t have any money and no chance to save up anything. I couldn’t tell him when I’d be back, and he’s leaving the country in the spring anyways. Do you think it would be fair of me to ask him to stay away from any woman just because I might eventually see him again one day? No, I don’t think it’s fair at all. I want him to be happy, I truly do.”

  It was the truth, Tessa knew that in her heart, but she already knew that she’d be shattered if she ever heard he had found someone else, someone new.

  “Will you at least try to stay in contact with him?” Aimie wanted to know and Tessa ran a hand through her hair, sighing.

  “Only if he offers it because I won’t force anything on him. I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything if he cuts me off. I don’t want this to be out of guilt or obligation,” she whispered, wondering if staying in contact with him would be a good idea. After all, she’d constantly be reminded that he wasn’t by her side, and it would be hard keeping up a friendly appearance if it felt like a long-distance relationship instead of an affair.

&nb
sp; “Didn’t you once think about what you want from this? You sure that you only want to worry about him?” Aimie reassured herself and Tessa shook her head.

  Jazz was loyal to a fault. If he thought they were in any relationship, he’d stay true to her no matter whom he’d meet. He would never consider cheating on her, even if someone came to mean more to him that he wanted. Tessa had absolute faith in that, but again, it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him to be free if he needed it.

  “I cannot be selfish with him, Aimie,” she whispered.

  “Are you ever gonna come back down?” Hilary called from the kitchen and Tessa got up, but Aimie held her back.

  “You wanna know what I think?” Aimie wanted to know and Tessa shook her head before looking back, prompting Aimie to go on.

  “He’s going to think exactly the same thing about you, you know? We’ve met him, we’ve seen him, and we got to know him through you. As different as you may be, in that you don’t differ at all. He’ll want you to be happy. Did you consider that maybe you won’t ever be truly free if you left him without at least trying? What if you actually could work it out? He could come and see you and you could go and see him. I’m being serious. Maybe he waits for you to take the first step because he doesn’t want to put pressure on you? What if he starts resenting you for not being ready to pursue this?” Aimie suggested and Tessa swallowed, before shrugging.

  “Maybe it’s better if he’s resenting me when I go back. That way he won’t miss me too much,” Tessa gave back, then she went up the stairs and vanished into her room. She really wanted to see a happy end, hoped there could be one, but their stars just weren’t the luckiest and she knew that. It wasn’t wrong though to pray for a miracle, and Tessa had a feeling she’d get on that praying stuff soon. Maybe for once in her life she’d get a break and would be able to keep what she longed for.

  Jazz never had found out what Tank had meant with his jealousy – comment because a few soldiers came to pick up two jeeps and then brought in a truck that had been in a crash. Tank fortunately decided to work alongside Jazz to help him figure out all that needed to be done in order to get the truck back on track, but the talk had ceased then.

  Funny enough, even though Tank was his best friend, Jazz had no idea how to approach that topic anymore. After lunch he figured he’d just ask.

  “Tank, about earlier…”

  Tank groaned, but nodded. “I figured we could finish that talk later, but you’ll be back seeing Tessa tonight, won’t you?” he asked and Jazz nodded. He was itching to get in his car so he could see her. “Well, I guess I might as well tell you now,” Tank conceded and Jazz sent a silent thanks to whoever was listening.

  “You’ve never been jealous of me, Tank, and you’ve never had a reason for it, either,” Jazz mumbled and Tank straightened, moving to the inside of the car they were working on.

  “I’m gonna start it up, step back,” he called and Jazz did, but besides a few clicks there was nothing.

  Tank came back to his side and then leaned against the car.

  “Well, most of the time I don’t envy you, that’s true. You don’t have a life and all you want is the Army. But then she came and suddenly you have it all, you know? I didn’t think I would ever want to be the guy who wins a girl over because he’s nice, but I guess if you want to win her instead of fuck her, nice is the only way. And you do it with ease. I feel like throwing up whenever I pay a compliment,” Tank explained and Jazz couldn’t resist rubbing his ears to make sure they were working right.

  “When did you ever bother with honest compliments?” he asked, surprised, and Tank shrugged.

  “That’s exactly what I mean. I never have, and I have never worried about that, either, but … let’s pretend last night I did something really stupid like calling up a woman that I don’t even know really because, in my absolutely drunken stupor, I felt something that sure came close to missing her.”

  “Okay, we pretend that. What did you have with that pretend girl? Like where do you know her from?” Jazz asked, having a feeling that this was absolutely no theory at all, and worse, that he actually could guess pretty easily which girl they were talking about.

  “A party, of course. Where else would I meet women?”

  “Okay, so you met that pretend girl at a party, and then what?” Jazz wanted to know.

  “I tried to be me, but that didn’t work, so I tried to be you, but that worked even less. I was all cheesy and…”

  “Thanks, man,” Jazz laughed, not even being able to feel insulted because he could tell that this seriously was bothering Tank.

  “I was nice and sweet like I knew you’d be. I was attentive and all that shit, but she just totally saw me as a buddy. I might as well have tits for all she cares.”

  “We’re still pretending this didn’t happen and you’re not talking about Evangeline, right?” Jazz clarified and Tank glared at him.

  “We’re talking theory here and her name in the theory is Cynthia, thank you very much,” he snapped and Jazz nodded, hiding his smirk.

  “So, Cynthia wasn’t ready to jump into bed with you?” he asked and Tank nodded.

  “I offered her distraction from all the shitty things in her life and she didn’t want it. Even after I was being nice.”

  Jazz nodded. “So the girl, Cynthia, who is pregnant with some asshole’s baby wasn’t ready to jump into bed with you after what happened after her last roll between the sheets?” he asked, baiting Tank.

  “Exactly what I wanted to distract her from!” Tank fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

  “I mean Cynthia is not pregnant. Can you please remember that we’re not talking about Evangeline here?” Tank snapped and Jazz exhaled.

  “Listen, buddy. I’m not dumb. I might be nice, but I’m not falling for this bullshit. So you called Evangeline yesterday. I assume you exchanged numbers when you took her to get food. Besides the fact that this is slightly disturbing because usually you don’t take or pass out numbers, I can’t believe you thought she’d jump into bed with you. Or that you’d want to. She’s pregnant,” Jazz accused and Tank threw up his hands.

  “I never handled the good girls, Jazz! I have no idea what I’m doing, and I can’t even tell you why I can’t stop thinking about her! Girls like her never pick the douchebags, so how come she got herself pregnant by one? What did he do to convince her he was being serious?”

  “Maybe she genuinely liked him?” Jazz suggested, but Tank’s expression instantly let him know that this was the wrong thing to say.

  “Well, she can like me then, can’t she?” he asked and Jazz was seriously out of his element. Never in all the years that they had been friends, had Tank been so self-conscious about whom he was.

  “That’s not the way it works, Tank, and you know it! You don’t like one girl just because you liked her friend, too. Or a brunette just because you liked another brunette. You don’t know that guy. You’ve never met him. You’ve no idea what he’s like. But can we please talk about you calling up Tessa’s best friend in the middle of the night? What the hell did you say to her?”

  Tank pressed his lips together, his jaw working hard.

  As he stayed silent, it dawned on Jazz. “You have no idea what you said, do you? Because you were drunk. You just saw it this morning when you checked your caller log.”

  Jazz felt like tearing out his hair. Evangeline definitely wasn’t a girl that Tank could mess with, especially since she had a baby on the way.

  “Maybe,” Tank conceded and Jazz focused back on the broken car in front of him. He really wanted Tank to change, and find what he thought Tessa meant to him, but with Evangeline? A girl that lived just as far away as Tessa?

  There was no doubt that Jazz could be true to one woman, but Tank? And a girl like Evangeline didn’t deserve being treated anything but right.

  “You know, Tank, you should get her out of your head because she’s going back just like Tessa, and unlike Tessa and me you don’t have the
slightest chance, okay? She’s not a fuck or an fling or whatever you want from her, so please, forget it and don’t call her again!” Jazz couldn’t believe he was saying those words because he wasn’t the guy to stop serious things from happening, but he honestly doubted that Evangeline was thinking about Tank like that.

  “I cannot change it, okay? She’s constantly present in my thoughts and it’s so bad I drunk dial her number. I never call anyone drunk. I send messages asking for sex. I never call. Most of the time I don’t really have anyone to call, but I wanted to … have … ah shit, I wanted what you got last night.”

  Jazz didn’t even look at his friend. What exactly was he referring to?

  “I can’t follow,” he admitted and then leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms in front of his body.

  “The way Tessa held you, or looked at you. The way she touched you was so gentle and sweet, you didn’t have any chance but to feel better. No girl would ever do that for me…”

  Jazz laughed, not sure if he should be relieved or disappointed.

  “So you don’t want Evangeline. You just want someone who goes all soft with you,” he clarified and Tank glared at him, making Jazz instantly sober up.

  “I don’t want any girl to be nice to me. I want Evy to be nice to me. I want her to just show up when she realizes I’m not feeling good. I want what you have, but I think I mentioned that before,” Tank growled and Jazz ran a hand through his hair, thinking that they were back to square one.

  “Well, then we’ll find you one here,” he offered, shrugging, but Tank only threw up his hands in surrender.

  “And this is exactly why you and I never have these girl-talks. Because we just can’t do it. We talk around each other or what do I know…” Tank all but screamed.

  As much as Jazz wanted to deny that, he knew it was true. And the problem was that he couldn’t tell Tank to go for it because somehow he was sure there really was nothing to go for. Evangeline had so much stuff in her head that a guy was probably the last thing she really needed. Before Jazz could say something more though his phone rang.