by Sam Destiny
“I still think Jazz knows best what he’s doing, and it’s his decision,” Tessa replied.
“You should be the first to stop him,” Tank shouted and Tess turned to Jazz.
“No, I should be the last one stopping him.”
Jazz couldn’t believe she had said that. He didn’t know if she considered herself not important enough or simply thought that she couldn’t form any demands, but it somehow hurt him. She was damn important for him and nothing had changed that, yet they needed him and he was ready to do his part.
There was a hostage situation after a base camp was attacked and even though Jazz knew that he couldn’t tell Tessa anything about it, he still wanted her to understand that this decision had everything to do with her.
He was only a mechanic and they wanted either him or Tank because they were the best and they hoped that they could repair almost everything. They were good and it would fit well with Jazz’s plans of rising up, but more importantly, once he’d be back he wouldn’t have to leave again. He’d get off for two months without any interruptions and that would be time he’d use with Tessa.
Standing in that room he had realized that this was his chance. It might not be a help mission like they had planned for in Africa, and it sure was more dangerous, but he was a mechanic only. They stayed back most of the time and he’d be as safe as you could be in a war zone. Plus, no matter how long or short this would be, they’d count it as full deployment towards his promotion. The estimated time frame was a month, and even though Jazz knew that things could always change, he saw it as a chance. Even if it meant he had to leave sooner than anticipated.
“Bye, Tank,” he said and then started walking. He was half way angry and half way worried, and funnily enough that made him want for his guitar.
He wanted to take Tessa to the beach, wrap her in blankets and play soft, cheesy love songs for her.
“Jazz!” she said, but he just kept going. “Jesse!”
She really had made a habit out of calling him by his real name whenever she wanted him to listen to her.
“What?” he asked, knowing that she didn’t deserve the rough treatment.
She raked her hands through her hair, messing up the pretty blonde curls. “You … this thing between us is way too serious to think that I wouldn’t care about you, or think that you wouldn’t care about me, so stop acting as if I said something wrong.”
“So, what did you mean when saying you should be the last one to stop me?” he inquired, knowing that he was forcing the words that had almost slipped out just some hours earlier.
“It means that I care about you so much I would never ask for you to decide between me and your job. That statement means that I will always support your decisions no matter what you want to do. You feel like getting a naked woman tattooed on your beautiful chest? Go ahead. I might not like it, but if it’s what you want, then it’s what you want. All I was trying to say is that I have enough faith in us to think we can get through this if you want it,” she replied, her voice intense even while it was quiet. She had tears in her eyes, turning away from him while taking a deep breath.
He stared at the back of her head, speechless.
“Does this scare me? Of course it does. Am I naïve enough to think I’ll hear from you during that time? No. But this thing between us is strong enough to make me trust that you will contact me after you return,” she went on, turning back to him, her eyes clear again.
“What did I ever do to deserve you? Boy, I’m sure glad someone threw you in my way,” he mumbled and then he picked her up, pressing her back against the wall while he kissed her with all the feelings brewing inside of him.
“I’m gonna make this night unforgettable for you,” he promised and she smiled.
“Every night with you is unforgettable,” she replied.
“I just…” He grinned and she smiled wider.
“I just, too,” came her answer, making him laugh.
“Let’s go,” he mumbled against her lips, but they didn’t move until he had kissed her another time.
It had taken more than thirty minutes until the tension finally lifted, but then Tessa and Ela could talk almost normal again. There was no mistaking the way his mother looked at Jazz, the worries obvious in the lines of her face.
“He’ll come back,” Tessa said gently, placing her hand on Ela’s arm. It had taken a lot of convincing on Tessa’s part to not just go to some beach right away. Jazz wanted to spend his time alone with her, but she had insisted that his family had every right to see him, especially now.
“Of course, because now there’s you in the picture,” Ela replied, making Tessa feel fuzzy and even more scared at the same time.
“Mom, I always came back to you, too,” Jazz interrupted and both, Tessa and Ela, had to shake their heads.
“I know, son, but now the motivation is much prettier,” Ela grinned and Tessa blushed. “You know, the two of you can go and we’ll just have breakfast together tomorrow,” she went on and Tessa couldn’t help but give her a thankful smile.
“We definitely will, Mom,” Jazz said, getting up and kissing both his mother and sister on their cheeks.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tessa smiled and Ela pulled her in her arms.
“Bye, pretty girl,” she said and Tessa took a deep breath, It had been quite a long time since she had seen her own mother … or felt motherly love.
“Make sure he’s extra charming tonight,” Kris hissed as she came around to her, hugging her tight.
Tessa grinned to herself and Jazz took her hand.
“Ready?” he wanted to know and she nodded, leaning into him. When they reached his truck, he opened the backdoor and took out a sweater. “Put it on,” he said and she did so happily. It was one of his, of course, and there was nothing better than that.
The drive to the beach they once had been on was shorter than Tessa remembered, and her heart was in her throat as they got out.
It was not the first time they were alone, but she was strangely aware of the fact that this was their last night together. He surprised her by getting out many more blankets than he had the night they had picked up Evy.
They settled down on the truck bed and Tessa moved as close to Jazz as she could without interrupting him play his guitar.
The night was clear and a million stars seemed to sparkle above them while the almost full moon lightened up the sea enough to see it sparkle off the waves. It was just a gentle brush and barely a breeze, but of course the clear night led to cold temperatures. Not that Tessa felt much of it since Jazz had enough warmth to heat them both.
“Wow, it’s been too long since I played this thing,” he whispered, almost in awe of his own guitar. Tessa pulled a face, glad that Jazz wouldn’t be able to see it. If the guitar had been neglected for that long, it surely would be off-tune.
“Which song do you want to play?” she wanted to know, hoping it was a damn short one.
“Do you know Knocking on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan?” he asked and Tessa almost squealed. She loved that song, but worried more than a little about the notes now. She wouldn’t be able to stand it if he tore this song apart.
“Of course I do,” she replied carefully and he looked at her over his shoulder, the moonlight lighting up his face enough to make it clear that he was grinning and slightly embarrassed.
“I learned it back in high school because there was no better way to get a girl than this song,” he admitted and she had to laugh. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and then nudged him.
“Well, get the girl then,” she teased and he took a deep breath, nodding, before he began to play.
No wonder the girls fell for him. No wonder that song got them all. The guitar was perfect and Jazz could sing. His voice was soft and sweet, and even though some notes were off-key, there was no doubt that he knew what he was doing and loved it. His singing was smooth enough so Tessa totally got lost, noticing only that he had switched songs when s
he actually managed to sing along. If she wouldn’t already be totally crazy about him, she could see herself with pink glasses on Cloud Nine.
“Are you scared?” she asked quietly, knowing that this wasn’t just some other night they had together. There was so much she suddenly thought they had to talk through, it made her heart ache. Should she still mention that she wanted this to be more? Was he even in a frame of mind to think about this thing between them when obviously so much bigger things seemed on the horizon?
His singing ceased and only the music remained, making it clear that he was at least thinking about his answer instead of purely ignoring her.
“There’s nothing to be scared of, beautiful. I’m only a mechanic. Tank was right about that,” he replied and she knew that there was a lot he wasn’t saying. She knew little about Army protocol, but enough to guess that she would probably never figure out where they were sending him.
“Tank was scared out of his wits for you. His anger is proof of that. I don’t question your decision,” she whispered, wanting to make that clear.
“What do you question then?” he asked, his fingers almost automatically playing a rhythm while he looked at her. It was a haunting melody, sad to the core, and Tessa couldn’t help but think it was intentional. He felt just as torn about all of this as she did.
“Us,” she finally admitted, holding her breath while she waited for his reaction. She expected anger like he had displayed earlier when she had obviously said the wrong thing. Instead he put the guitar away and turned to her, kissing her even while gently forcing her to lie down on top of the mountain of covers. He blanketed her with his body, leaning on his elbows so he could still look at her and frame her face. His own was now fully covered in shadows and she regretted the loss of seeing his facial expression.
“Tessa Rowan, this thing between us might have been unexpected, but that doesn’t mean it was unwelcomed. I’m more than happy that I found you the way I did, and I would never ever give up the last few days with you. I may not know what you typically love for breakfast, but I know that I can always count on you to make me feel safe. I don’t plan on dying there. I don’t plan on staying forever. I do plan on coming to see you as soon as I’m back. It’s a lot to ask, but are you willing to wait for that? Even if we never shared every-day-life with each other?”
Tessa tried hard not to sob, even though silent tears were running into her hair.
“Stop crying,” he pleaded, kissing her tears away.
“I can’t,” she breathed, trying hard to gain control of her emotions.
“Why?” he asked and she could hear all his fears in his voice He was expecting her to turn him down and his shaking proved it.
“Because right now I have no idea how I should get up in the morning, knowing that it’ll be most likely months until I can hear your voice again. I don’t know how I’ll survive without being able to hide in your arms when things threaten to overwhelm me. I can’t stop crying because just the thought of seeing you every day with you fills me with so many conflicted emotions, I wouldn’t know which to address first.”
Finally he pulled back, sitting up, but Tessa instantly followed him, kneeling in front of him. “Don’t get me wrong,” she pleaded, knowing that she needed to clarify. “Conflicted because I want to jump up and down and scream out of happiness, but at the same time the rational part of my brain tells me to remember that you cannot even tell me when I’ll see you again. Conflicted because I shouldn’t want this as much as I do. It scares me how intense this is and yet my heart is allowing me to just throw caution in the wind. So, your answer’s yes, Jazz. I’m so willing to wait for you,” she promised, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply. He was trembling under her hands and it made her smile.
“Yes, I’m scared, because even though this mission could be over in weeks, it might take months.” She didn’t even probe him for information, knowing that he wouldn’t breathe one word about his mission anyways.
A shiver went over her body. It was getting cold even though Jazz held her close. Kissing her forehead, he sighed and pulled her on her feet.
“Let’s get back to the hotel. I want to be close to you all night and then wake up with you,” he said softly, rubbing his nose against her cheek before finding her lips and kissing her deeply.
This was what she always wanted and if it meant waiting, she was ready to do it.
Chapter Fourteen
Jazz barely had closed his eyes when Tessa already woke up next to him. He hadn’t gotten much sleep that night, but it wasn’t her fault. She was warm and soft, stretching a few times before cuddling closer.
“Are you awake?” he asked, kissing her bare shoulder.
“No,” she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. It made him take a deep breath and then embrace her until their bodies touched almost full length.
“No?” he laughed, and she stretched another time before turning in his arms.
“No, because if I wake up now you’ll be ready to jump out of bed,” she fussed, leaning in to trail little kisses along his jaw and then his neck. He checked the clock on the nightstand, hoping to be inconspicuous about it.
“I can feel that,” she growled and he laughed again, hugging her as close as possible, almost caging her in his arms. He wished he could somehow make them one because then he wouldn’t have to let her go.
“Mom and Kris are waiting for us with breakfast,” he said, his tone full of regret while his stomach dropped. His time with her really was coming to an end and as much as he wanted to stay in bed with her until the very last minute, he needed to spend time with his mother and calm her worries as well.
“Fine, we’ll get up,” she groaned, turning on her back while rubbing her eyes. Jazz had to smile as his glance fell to the dog tags she was still wearing.
“I’m gonna shower first,” he said, already pushing off the bed.
“Oh, shower,” she exclaimed, the excitement clear in her voice and Jazz had to close his eyes. He knew where this would lead, but they didn’t have time.
“First me, then you,” he protested and the smile slipped from her face. In two steps he was back with her, kissing her long enough to reconsider his earlier protest. But then they’d be really late and his mother deserved the time with him.
“Go,” she whispered, touching his lips. “Ela and Kris need to spend some time with you, too. This will be hard enough without me taking time away from them.”
“Sometimes it’s as if you can read my thoughts,” he said in astonishment.
“You’re a good man, Jesse, and your family loves you. They must be terrified for you. The least you can do is show them that you understand them,” she told him and he kissed her forehead, hating the sober expression on her face.
He decided to rush, because then maybe they could get some more heavy kisses in at least. It didn’t take more than five minutes and he pushed the bathroom door open, ready to say something, but then he heard quiet sobs.
“I know, Evy, but what am I supposed to do? Throw myself at his feet and beg him to not do this? No. If I want this to work, I cannot stand in his way, no matter how much the thought scares me.” She sniffled, quietly blowing her nose while listening.
“Twelve o’clock at the base,” she replied, listening some more. “I’m not gonna let him get away like this. Hilary knows where to find him once he’s back. I’m gonna show him that I was being serious. It’s just distance. In body we might be far apart, but we’ll always be connected at heart,” she sobbed, her voice breaking while she tried to regain composure. “He’ll be out of the shower soon. I’ll see you then. Tell Hilary I love her for this. See you in a bit,” she finished, hanging up.
Jazz found her on the floor, next to the bed, her back to him, her body shaken by silent sobs. He didn’t think, going over and pulling her in his lap.
She started to cry harder. It was something he knew from Kris. His sister always started to shed more tears if you hugged her, but Jazz
was ready to have her cry those tears now, where he still could dry them. He cupped the back of her neck, tugging her head into the crook of his neck while gently caressing her back.
“I never wanted for you to go through this right away. In fact, I never meant for you to go through it at all. I wanted to be on a help mission building schools. Until I would have left for that, we would have talked a lot, maybe even seen each other again. This wasn’t planned, but -” Jazz was in mid-explanation when Tessa interrupted him.
“I want to go through it because it means I’m part of your life,” she whispered barely hearable and his heart swelled with love for this pretty blonde.
“If you look at it this way, then I want you to go through it as well,” he admitted, hearing her giggle. It eased the aching of his heart and made the whole world seem brighter. “You are mine,” he promised and she just nodded, her breathing getting calmer. He still held her for a long moment, wanting to make sure she wouldn’t start right back up whenever he was out of sight.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized and he pulled back, wiping some stray hairs out of her face that had gotten stuck on her wet cheeks. Ugly crying was something women hated, but Jazz wouldn’t lie: She was still the most beautiful girl to him simply because she was his. All of the puffy-eyed, broken-looking beauty in front him was his.
“I’m not. I feel better knowing you’ll miss me,” he grinned, wanting to make her smile.
“You think you could shed a tear for me, too, then?” she asked, hopeful and he stuck out his chest.
“Baby, I’m a guy. We don’t cry,” he teased.
She rolled her eyes and then kissed his nose, leaving to shower. To his surprise she didn’t take long, either, and hand in hand they walked down to the breakfast area.
“You’re late, we won’t get any breakfast here anymore, but Mom and I already decided to get some waffles in the diner down the road,” Kris instantly exclaimed as she spotted them, putting on a strong front, but Jazz knew her better. He recognized the trembling in her lips and the way she constantly wore a smile. It was her way of keeping herself from crying.