by Sam Destiny
“There’s a photo booth on the way, too. It might not be a bad idea to get some pictures of you two together,” his mother explained and Jazz loved that idea. He kissed Tessa’s forehead, a little worried because she was totally silent, but then she noticed the way Kris was looking at her. That was obviously one of those women-conversations where they conveyed everything with only a glance.
“Could you talk out loud?” he pleaded and Tessa instantly shook her head against his side.
“You and Tank didn’t speak out loud yesterday, either,” she protested.
“Tank and I have known each other for years. If he groans I know that he is too lazy to get to the bathroom and lose all the beer he inhaled. But you two just met,” he accused and Kris finally smiled a genuine smile.
“Tessa and I are sisters at heart already. We don’t need years to guess the other one’s thoughts,” Kris explained, turning to march out of the hotel with his mother.
Tessa and Jazz followed in silence. He really wanted to ease her mind, but what exactly could he say?
Tessa felt terrible for her breakdown. She wanted Jazz to leave with the thoughts of her being strong instead of what he had seen earlier. Even now she worried that the moment she opened her mouth, the tears would be back.
Kris and Ela stood next to the photo booth, already collecting their change.
“Let’s go, soldier boy,” Tessa grinned, pulling him inside. She sat down on his lap in the tiny room, having the feeling as if Jazz was taking up the whole space. They threw in the first coins and she looked at him, cupping his cheek.
“What you want to do?” she asked, expecting a voice to announce whenever they’d be ready to have their picture taken.
He just shrugged, brushing some lose strands of hair behind her ear before kissing her on the lips and then focusing back on the screen.
“God, guys, those pictures are so cheesy,” Kris called from the outside and Tessa arched a brow.
“I didn’t hear anything,” she said and Jazz leaned closer to the instructions that seemed to be almost rubbed off.
“It says that you have ten seconds after throwing the coins in,” he read out and she sighed.
“Okay, let’s look this time,” she ordered, planting a smile on her lips so he’d have something to take with him.
The screen actually showed the numbers and Tessa felt Jazz kiss the side of her head just when the ten showed and the first flash appeared. She turned to him, shaking her head before focusing back on the screen, seeing the last of the four pictures taken. Not once had Jazz faced the screen.
“One more time, then we are done,” she promised, her voice loud enough so the two outside heard her.
“Please, for me, look at the screen and let me capture your beautiful face,” she pleaded and he nodded.
She threw in the coins, watching his face to make sure he was looking where he was supposed to.
Tessa loved his profile as much as she loved looking at him directly. He was just too damn handsome. She brushed a kiss over his cheek and he turned to her, looking at her for a moment before kissing her again.
Again there was no picture where they were both looking at the camera, but once outside Tessa didn’t care anymore.
Both Kris and Ela had tears in their eyes.
“They’re exactly right,” Ela said, clearing her throat. Tessa took the little picture strips from her and had to agree. It was pretty obvious how much they meant to each other just by the expression on their faces.
“Which ones do you want?” she asked and he reached for one strip only, tearing it apart between two pictures. One was her looking at him and the other one was her kissing his cheek.
“Those two,” he decided and she wanted to give him more, but he gently pushed her hands down. “They fit exactly in the pocket of my shirt. More and I’d either ruin or lose them. Besides, I want you to tape some to your bathroom mirror, and to your fridge, and to your bed,” he pleaded, his eyes intense.
“Everywhere,” she agreed and he kissed her another time. With each kiss, each word, each look she felt time slipping by.
Quietly the four made their way over to breakfast, but it was a rather somber affair and Tessa barely got any food down; her stomach queasy with his fast-approaching departure.
Still they drug the whole thing out until it was time to get back to base since Jazz still had to pack his sea sack and sign some papers.
The ride was silent, everyone hanging onto their own thoughts. Even Jazz finally seemed to lose his calm demeanor and that was what made Tessa want to be strong even more. For all of them, because in the rearview she could already see tears falling down Kris’ cheeks. The girl was good at crying silently, but Tessa sure noticed Jazz’s worried glance. She knew this was the last thing he had wanted.
Under different circumstances he would have told them bye on the phone and probably would have sent Tank to make them feel better. It just seemed like the thing to do.
Once they reached the base, Jazz left while Tank greeted them. He had promised to take Ela and Kris back into town while the girls would pick up Tessa. And, to her surprise, right behind Tank was Evy. She had come alone.
“I figured that you could use some minutes after that,” she told her quietly and Tessa instantly went into her open arms. “This sure is what great drama is made of,” Evy went on and Tessa pulled back, looking at the families getting out of cars. By the way it looked at least twenty men and women were leaving that day and the people that were there to wave them off were about three times that number.
“I need to be strong until we sit in that car together. Pinch me if it’s necessary, but don’t let me break down,” Tessa pleaded.
“Promise,” Evy nodded, then they both turned to Jazz’s family so Tessa could introduce her best friend.
“This is a voluntary mission, Corporal Connor, you can still chose to stay state bound,” the Colonel offered.
Jazz could remember the last time the Colonel had been there. That must have been at least a year ago. Since it was seldom that high people like him showed up, his presence changed the whole mood. This mission was declared from somewhere high up.
“Sir, I’m going,” he replied even though his heart was begging him to step back.
“You and the rest of your team will meet all of the other soldiers in Atlanta. From there a military aircraft will bring you to your final destination. As usual, our mission is classified. Always remember that this is a rescue-mission, but no one can know our location. We know what position you hold, but sometimes they will need you in the field. Do you understand?”
Jazz nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“The final briefing will happen on the plane from the States to your designated drop-off. There will be little to no contact to the outside world. No one will be able to write you back. Letters will not be brought in order to keep this mission safe. Letters getting out might be another thing, but I can’t promise you that. Thank you, Corporal, for your dedication to your country. May God be with you at all times.”
Jazz saluted, then he finally left to pack his stuff.
These were most likely the last minutes he would have alone for the next months and even though there was so much he should be focusing on, all he could do was worry that he wouldn’t find the right words to tell Tessa bye.
Once Jazz came back, Tessa had a grip on herself, managing to lighten the mood enough so no one would be bursting out in tears as long as Jazz was there. It was hard enough for him to leave like that, but she could understand his motivation, and while talking to Ela she had realized that his mother, too, could understand him.
Of course that didn’t change the fact that they all hated him leaving.
“Ten minutes, soldiers. Get ready,” a cold voice called out from somewhere and panic seized Tessa, but Evy instantly squeezed her hand.
Jazz started with Tank, hugging him and telling him bye. It was short and manly, yet there was no doubt about the closeness those two shar
ed. Next was Kris, who bit her lip hard enough to draw blood in order to keep herself from crying.
“Come back soon, and make sure you call me up the second you have American ground under your feet,” Kris ordered and Jazz nodded, kissing both her cheeks before leaning down and pressing his lips to her forehead.
“Watch your back, Jazz. I’d prefer a chicken to a dead son. I’m your mother. I wouldn’t survive losing you,” Ela said, hugging her son next. Tessa forced herself to take a few calming breaths. She could get through ten more minutes for Jazz.
“I’m not gonna keep you long. You should have a minute to kiss Tessa goodbye,” she heard Ela say and then Jazz’s mother stepped back, starting to cry. It was hardest on her and Tessa would never blame her for not being able to hold the tears in.
To her surprise Jazz went over to Evy, pulling her in his arms, too.
“Watch her until I’m back. I’ll make it up to both of you,” he promised and when he stepped back, Tessa saw that Evy, too, had blurry eyes.
Finally he looked at her and she saw a single tear roll down his cheek, ending its way in the corner of his lips, where he licked it away.
“Careful, soldier. That almost looked like a tear. One could think you’ll miss me,” she teased and still couldn’t get a smile from him. He drew her in, hugging her so close to his body that the pressure almost hurt. She gave the gesture back, kissing his neck at the spot where it met his shoulder. Going through his hair, she held on as tight as she could.
“It’s gonna be a fucking eternity, Tessa, but I’ll make it worth the wait. Once I’m back, I’ll make all the pain count. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you, and once I’m there, on my cot in the middle of some strange base, you’ll be all I’ll see. You’ll be all I’ll think of. You’ll be all I hear. I just…” His voice broke and she felt him draw a few shaky breaths.
“I just, too, remember?” she asked and he nodded against her shoulder. She had no idea how she managed it, but she actually held up her strength for both of them. Even when he pulled back and picked her up. He kissed her and she still managed not to cry while tasting his tears on their lips.
“I’ll be back,” he promised, finally putting her down as someone called out that a minute was left to get on the bus.
“I count on it,” she replied, hugging herself as he shouldered his sea sack and then leaned in again to give her one last kiss. Once he was on the bus and out of sight, Tessa turned to Ela and hugged Jazz’s mother, holding the crying woman while Tank stood next to her, holding Kris. Jazz’s sister almost vanished in his arms. It took Tessa a second, but then she noticed that he actually just held her with one arm. The other was by his side, holding Evy’s hand. Her friend was crying, too, but until Ela had calmed at least a little, Tessa wouldn’t let her go.
Jazz boarded the bus and went to the back, moving as deep into the seat as he could. Placing his cap on his head he pulled it in his face until he couldn’t see much anymore, then he pressed his thumbs to his closed eyelids. The tears didn’t stop and he didn’t care.
By the sounds filling the bus, he wasn’t the only one, either.
It was the first time that a goodbye had been like that for him. He had been on missions before, even in dangerous areas, but never had the trip felt more wrong than it did this time.
As the bus rumbled to life and passed the waiting people outside, Jazz swore to himself that this was his last tour ever. After that he would work for the military and make sure that Tessa would become his wife. He could have both, but only if he cut back on his military services.
Just get through this, he told himself, taking a deep breath and wiping away his tears. It would all work out. It just had to.
She had no idea how she did it, but she stayed strong until Tank had loaded Jazz’s family into the car. Tessa wished she could do something, and as much as she thought that a night with the girls would distract those two, she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to put on a strong smile. She was trembling all over and her body was ready to drop from exhaustion.
“Hey, lost girl,” Tank said, surprising her another time with compassion. “Keep your head held high. You are important to him and he always returned in one piece.”
She didn’t say anything, just kept watching his face. He nodded as if he knew exactly what she couldn’t say.
His eyes went passed her to Evy and even though Tessa felt almost numb, she still noticed the way he looked at her best friend. Not that Evy replicated the notion. Her eyes were trained on Tessa.
“Let’s go, the girls are waiting already,” Evy said instead of reacting and Tessa couldn’t help but feel sorry for Tank. As quick as the feeling had come though it vanished again after she remembered the way he usually treated her.
“I’m ready,” Tessa lied. She wasn’t ready to go anywhere since she had that spark in her heart that hoped Jazz would stop that damn bus and just return to her.
It was funny seeing Evy in Hilary’s big car since Evy was more a girl of a tiny car girl. She still maneuvered the thing as if she had never driven anything else in her life.
“I brought my iPod. I figured you could use some music,” her best friend explained quietly and Tessa took a deep breath. Music usually calmed her; there was no denying that, but right now she wasn’t sure she could handle any of the songs she usually loved.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” she said quietly and Evy sighed, turning off the radio she had just switched on.
“Fine, then I thought of another topic to talk about. When we get back you’ll have that job interview. I was thinking I could help you develop a concept. I want to take your mind off Jazz a little and I figured this could actually calm you down,” she announced and Tessa looked at her. This was most likely the only thing that seriously could distract her because if she scored that job, it was a dream. She had been hoping for a chance like that ever since she had been old enough to realize that she didn’t want a normal office job.
“Okay.” She actually had had an idea last night after they had found out Jazz was going to leave. She didn’t know if it was any good, but she was willing to risk it.
“I was thinking about doing a show that I would call Tagged for Life. There are so many women out there, men and children that have someone in the military. We’d play songs that remind them of their loved ones … or songs those people love. Maybe we even get as far as having interaction one day and I could read out letters or send greetings. I originally had planned on doing this for lovers, but now I am kind of wondering if maybe I should have a specific target audience. Maybe they can share stories. What better thing is out there than knowing you aren’t the only one feeling terrible? I want people to feel as if they have a place to go to once they don’t have much hope,” she explained, actually feeling how she got excited. She had no idea if maybe this was too specific, but for some reason she knew she would be listening to something like that, so she thought it was a good idea.
Evy though stayed silent, making her worry. She knew better than to push and she was convinced enough of her idea to not get defensive.
“Women will go crazy! Men surely, too. God, there are so many suckers for romance out there. Tess, this idea is … amazing! I don’t think you need much brainstorming anymore,” her best friend finally mumbled, sounding awed. “And you can always expand it later on and cover all love stories. But for now I’m actually pretty sure that there are a lot of people ready to listen to that because they will need the comfort it offers to know that others feel like you.”
“It’s what I’m counting on. And if we can get online coverage, even the Americans might tune in…”
Evy parked the car and Tessa hadn’t even realized that they had arrived already.
“You’d have to do it either late or really early,” Evy mused, turning off the car.
“I know, but right now, I have nothing to sleep for … no arms to hold me, no dreams. All I have is hope that this will work out just the way I want.
Let’s go inside to stop all those girls from coming outside.”
“Will you be okay?” Evy asked and Tessa sighed.
“You mean with seeing all their puppy eyes and the compassion they feel? We’ll see,” Tessa replied honestly and the two girls got out. For a few seconds Tessa hesitated instead following Evy inside, but then she did, hanging up her coat before walking over to the living room.
“What the fuck?” she asked, staring at the little living room table that was covered in food: chocolate cake, chips, cinnamon buns, and burgers.
“Something doesn’t add up,” Tessa grinned, having to hold back tears another time. This time though they were happy tears because she had the best friends ever.
“You like burgers and sweet stuff always helps. Hilary made them herself. You’ll love them,” Aimie announced proudly and Tessa nodded.
“I have no doubt,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I love you all so much,” she then added and went to give the girls a group hug.
Nothing would ever be the end of the world as long as those girls were in her life. Waiting for Jazz would hard, but she knew in the end it would definitely be worth it.
Epilogue
Three months later
Taking a deep breath, Tessa closed her eyes, kissing the dog tags she had hung over the microphone.
“Hi everyone. This is your very own TR. We’ve had an awesome day so far. I guess people really want to hear what we have to say. You’re in for another treat. This is my radio show for you, Tagged For Life, and now, January twelfth two thousand and fifteen, eleven pm British time, you will hear me for the first time ever on radio. I will bring to you all the cheesy stuff you need in your life. At least I hope there is a ‘you’ out there, because otherwise I’d be talking to myself. I have two weeks to convince my bosses that you really want to hear this, so let’s make it count. I want to hear your military love story. Why military? There’s a story there, too, but I have to keep some secrets tonight, right?” She laughed shortly, moving away from the microphone to make sure that she wouldn’t be too loud. “Call the radio station under 3-3-3-0-1-0-2. You can find the number on the page if I was too fast, and while being on there, mail me your love story and song request to [email protected]. We will share them all because you need to remember that somewhere in this world a person feels exactly how you do. I’m now gonna play my first song to you tonight and I’ll start really cheesy. Ladies and gents, this is TR and I’m bringing to you Bob Dylan’s Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door. Enjoy.”