Inescapable

by C. J. Fallowfield

  Alex

  I watched him eating the simple salad I’d prepared, with a seared fresh tuna steak and sautéed potatoes, feeling my heart thudding rapidly against my ribcage. Just one look at him made my pulse spike, but those lips … every time I looked at those lips of his I recalled how they’d kissed me into a daze last night. They looked soft and gentle, but I had first-hand experience of how firm and demanding they could be.

  And I wanted more. I wanted them on mine again, burning a heated trail across my skin, sucking my nipples to sharp peaks before moving between my thighs to bring me to orgasm. I shifted on my seat, just looking at him made me feel as though a thousand fire ants had bitten me. My skin was burning up, my breathing was impaired and I felt dizzy, intoxicated at the memory of how kissing him last night had made me feel. I could only imagine how it would feel to experience his touch on my naked skin.

  ‘Do I have something on my lips tonight?’ he asked with a knowing smile as he set his cutlery down and pushed his empty plate away.

  ‘No,’ I replied breathlessly.

  ‘They’re here whenever you want them, Alex.’

  His response, in that sexy husky tone of his did nothing to ease how flustered I was feeling in his presence. And it wasn’t just sexual attraction I felt for him. It was something deeper, something that challenged the deep-rooted belief that I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, ever trust another man again. And that unsettled me. My future had been carefully mapped out the moment I left Richard. And it hadn’t included anyone of the opposite sex in my head, my heart, my bed, or my life. But here I was, falling further down the rabbit hole with each second that I spent with Tate Castle.

  He slowly licked his lower lip, then reached up to run his thumb along it, the way I ached to feel him touching my painful nipples. But he showed no sign of making any advance on me as he set his napkin down on the table and pushed his chair back to stand up.

  ‘That was delicious, thank you.’

  ‘It was nothing compared to Sarah’s cooking,’ I muttered, embarrassed at my feeble attempts to impress him. I’d learned to be a good cook to avoid displeasing Richard, but I’d been intimidated competing against Sarah, and had taken the easy option of a salad with some protein each time he’d joined me for dinner.

  ‘I love the dressings you prepare, and, as ever, you cooked the tuna to perfection,’ he said in a sincere tone, as his long legs ate up the short distance from the outdoor dining table to put his plate in the kitchen sink. ‘How did your painting go this morning?’

  ‘Really well thank you, though I had to tone down some of the angry brush strokes I’d slapped on this morning due to the whole misunderstanding. I’ve nearly finished the cliff vista and will be able to start your next soon. How was the rest of your day?’

  ‘You mean after I’d taken out my aggression on my trainer?’ he chuckled.

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ I hung my head in shame and knotted my fingers in my lap. I knew that fully trusting someone again was going to take time, however I thought I’d moved past the ball of anger I’d held in my gut for what I’d allowed Richard to do to me, but my reaction last night told me that I still had a lot of anger to displace.

  ‘There’s nothing to apologise for, Alex.’

  ‘Yes, there is. I just worry that I’ll never heal emotionally and always question people’s motives.’

  ‘It takes time,’ he reminded me, coming to sit back down next to me, the slight ocean breeze ruffling his dark hair. ‘I still let my emotions rule me from time to time, ask Jason after I nearly broke his ribs this morning.’

  ‘Teach me to fight.’

  ‘What?’ he shot me a surprised look.

  ‘You want me to be a tiger, help me become one. I spent years cowering from him, too scared to try and fight back. If he finds me again, I don’t want to be that pathetic feeble little girl.’

  ‘Alex,’ Castle breathed, lifting his hand to gently palm my cheek. ‘You’re not pathetic or feeble, and I’m not going to let him get close to you ever again.’

  ‘I know you believe what you say, Castle, and that you want it to be true, but no one can promise to keep me safe for the rest of my life. I just want to learn to protect myself, even if it’s only to give me a fighting chance, that’s more than I’d have now.’

  ‘Learning to fight the way I do takes time, patience, and blood, sweat, and tears.’

  ‘I have enough of all of those things to give,’ I replied adamantly, leaning into his hand, his thumb feeling like the gentle caress of a feather as it ran back and forth along my cheekbone.

  ‘It also involves bodily contact, kicks, punches, and grappling. Can you honestly tell me that wouldn’t put you right back to a time that you’re desperately trying to forget?’

  ‘No.’ An involuntary shiver ran down my back at the thought of a man’s fist coming towards me, or being trapped beneath him, terrified of what might come next. ‘But I can’t keep trying to outrun my past. Better I freeze up in a training room, so that I have the chance to deal with whatever painful memories it brought up in my next session with Ester, than in a life or death situation.’

  ‘And you wonder why I chose the nickname tiger for you,’ he said quietly, something akin to awe in his eyes, his hand still pressed against my skin.

  ‘I’m not there yet, I’m just a cub, teach me to fight and maybe I’ll become one,’ I pressed.

  ‘I could ask Jason to fit you in each day after your sessions with Ester.’

  ‘No,’ I shot back, pulling myself away as I sat up straight. ‘I don’t know him. It has to be you.’

  ‘Alex, that’s not a good idea, not when–’ He broke off and ran both hands over his face, burying it in them.

  ‘Not when what?’

  ‘We have something, Alex.’ He sighed heavily and pushed his hands up into his hair, before dropping them to the table in front of him and fixing his concerned gaze on mine. ‘And I already feel like I’m walking a tightrope with you. One false move and it’s over. I don’t want to take any risks, and being in a fight or flight situation with you daily is one hell of a risk.’

  ‘If I can do that with you, I can do anything with you,’ I stated firmly. If I couldn’t cope with him grappling with me, how was I ever going to even think about having sex with him. Because I did think about it. Far more frequently than I should. But the thought of being that vulnerable with someone again terrified me. ‘Let me be a tiger, please.’

  ‘You don’t need permission to be one, Alex. You either are, or you’re not. You really want to do this?’

  ‘Yes,’ I shot back without hesitation. He smiled, but I didn’t miss the fleeting look of disappointment that flickered across his face first.

  ‘Very well, if you insist. Three p.m. after your session with Ester. I’ll meet you outside her house.’ He stood up abruptly, taking me by surprise. ‘It’s time I left.’

  ‘But you only just got here,’ I replied, wondering why the sudden turnaround.

  ‘As I said earlier, I promised to take Rosie shopping in Tortola tomorrow morning, and when she’s excited, it’s an earlier start for me than normal. Thank you for dinner, Alex, I can see myself out.’

  ‘But I–’ I drew in a quick, sharp breath of anticipation as he leaned down towards me, my heart skipping wildly at the thought of him kissing me again. It plummeted rapidly, dropping like a meteor from the sky, as his lips connected briefly with my temple.

  ‘Good night, Alex.’

  I shook my head, confusion settling over me like a heavy sea fog as he strode away, the door clicking open, then shut, taking all of my visions of how the night would progress after we’d eaten along with him. Goddamn him, he started this, he kissed me first and left me with an unsatisfied hunger and now he was never going to kiss me again? I glared at the door for a second, furious with him, then used that anger to power me up. I ran to the door and threw it open, a bright moon illuminating the surf and sand ahead of me. He was ankle deep in the water, seconds from
hitting the shoreline.

  ‘Stop,’ I yelled, running along the deck, and pounding down the steps to feel the warm water wrapping around my lower legs. ‘Stop!’

  He turned to face me as I stepped down, the water reaching up to my thighs and lifting my T-shirt from my body. He stood silently with his hands on his hips as I tried to power my way towards him, moving faster as the water level receded the closer to the shore I got. I slipped on a smooth rock surface below the water and fell forwards, going under for a moment and came up spluttering.

  ‘Alex,’ he yelled as he started running back towards me, effortlessly powering through the shallows. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I gasped, sweeping my wet hair back from my face as I surged onwards, determined not to let my courage leave me now. He pulled up when he realised that I was okay and stood waiting, an unreadable expression on his face.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked as I approached him. I saw his eyes widen as his gaze dropped, and I swallowed some anxiety at the thought that my white T-shirt was soaked and currently clinging to me like a second skin. Probably see-through.

  ‘I forgot something,’ I told him as I tried to catch my breath, before I ate up the short distance that remained between us.

  ‘What?’

  ‘To make it happen.’ I threw my arms around his neck, reaching up on my tiptoes and kissed him. No tentativeness or hesitation, I kissed him urgently, full of hunger and need. I vaguely heard a groan escape his mouth as it responded in kind. Then gentle hands palmed my backside and I felt weightless as he hoisted me up his body. Angling my head to deepen the kiss, I wrapped my legs around his waist, trembling as I felt his erection at the apex of my thighs. I lifted myself up, then slowly lowered myself, rubbing my aching clit against his steel length. I cried out and he grunted as he pulled his hips back, removing all contact, then pushed them forwards again as I flexed shamelessly against him.

  ‘Alex.’

  ‘Don’t stop,’ I warned him, hearing a sense of hesitation in his voice. I clasped his face in my hands and pulled my head back to hold his hooded gaze. Slowly and deliberately I ground against him again and took a stuttering inwards breath as he swallowed hard.

  ‘Fuck,’ he ground out as I did it again. He hadn’t even touched me, not where it counted, but I was so close to orgasm already. Sparks of sensation were firing off in all directions through my body, a heavy pulsation deep in my belly as I masturbated against his straining cock. ‘Fuck, if you don’t stop I’m going to … Alex,’ he warned, closing his eyes and hissing through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw.

  ‘Watch me,’ I whispered as I rocked my hips faster. ‘I need you to watch me trusting you.’

  ‘Alex …’ His voice was a desperate plea as his eyelids fluttered half open. The look in his eyes almost made me combust, no one had ever looked at me with such hunger, yet showed so much restraint. I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to. And I didn’t. Years of need in me exploded in haze of white and blinding stars as our hips moved against each other’s and tremors rippled out through my body, shaking me to my very core.

  ‘Castle,’ I cried, my fingers reaching for his hair, desperate for something to hold on to as I reached the point of no return. Wave after wave of sensation stunned me and saturated my already damp knickers. I felt my eyes starting to close, needing to give in to the waves of bliss battering my body.

  ‘Stay with me, watch me lose control with you,’ he growled, pumping his hips harder as I forced my eyes open and let them meld with his.

  ‘I … I … oh God.’ My voice was high-pitched and unrecognisable as I shattered from the inside out and quaked in his arms.

  ‘What the hell are you doing to me, Tiger. Fuck!’ His body jerked as one of his hands clamped down on the back of my head and his mouth took mine, his tongue thrusting furiously into my mouth in time with his hips. I kissed him back just as urgently, closed my eyes and gave in to the warmth coursing through my body, basking in the afterglow of the best orgasm I’d ever had.

  Suddenly I was falling and there was a loud splash to accompany the heavy breathing as our lips parted. I opened my eyes to find I was straddling him as he lay on his back in the shallow water, his hands on my hips, looking as dazed and spaced out as I suddenly felt.

  It was a startling shock that took me out of my bubble of bliss and back to reality. I shook my head vigorously. What the hell had I just done? What must he think of me?

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ I spluttered, using my hands on his damp chest to push off him. I turned and started running back towards the house, desperate to avoid having to look him in the eyes again.

  ‘Alex, wait,’ he called.

  I didn’t. I fled from him, moving as quickly as I could through the water, totally ashamed of myself. I could still hear him calling after me as I threw myself through the front door and slammed it shut, then flicked the lock into place before sliding down it into a puddle on the floor with my head in my hands.

  Chapter Twelve

  Castle

  I PACED BACK AND forth outside Ester’s house waiting for Alex’s session to finish. I’d only just made it back from my morning out with Rosie, which had, as ever, been a great distraction from the confusion raging in my head.

  Whatever I’d expected from pushing Alex to take charge of her desires, it hadn’t been a dry humping session that resulted in me busting my load in my boxers, like a teenager with no self-control. When it came to Alex Bishop though, it seemed I had very little self-control at all. Watching her face as she lost herself and took her pleasure from me had been one of the most gratifying emotional and sexual experiences of my life. Watching shame settle onto it when she realised what we’d just done, wasn’t. I hated that bastard for what he’d done to her. He hadn’t just fucked up her body, he’d completely fucked up her mind as well.

  My breath caught in my throat as Ester’s door opened and Alex appeared with a tear-stained face. Her eyes widened as she saw me waiting, a look of mortification settling onto her pink cheeks.

  ‘Please go away,’ she whispered as she tried to hurry past me.

  ‘No.’ I reached out and gently circled her wrist to stop her, grimacing as she immediately tensed up. ‘I can’t let you hide away, Alex. I saw the look on your face when you ran from me last night and you have nothing to be ashamed of.’

  ‘I am ashamed,’ she said quietly, yanking her hand out of my grasp and holding it protectively against her chest as she stood with her back to me.

  ‘I loved every goddamned second of it until you ran. Don’t be the woman he turned you into, be the woman who knew what she wanted last night and came and took it. There’s nothing wrong with acting on your sexual impulses, Alex. Hell, if anyone should be ashamed of themselves it’s me. It’s hardly a testament to my sexual prowess that I not only came after a few grinds against you, but that my legs turned to jelly afterwards and I couldn’t even get up to run after you.’

  ‘You–’ She hesitated, and slowly looked over her shoulder.

  ‘Had to hand wash my boxers myself,’ I grinned, cutting the tension with some humour. ‘It’s one thing you knowing I can’t contain myself, quite another to let Sarah see the evidence.’ Honestly, I was pretty amazed I’d lasted as long as I did, after seeing her rising up out of the water like a “Miss Wet T-shirt” contestant, her top doing nothing to hide the perfect contours of her breasts and protruding nipples. ‘You wanted to train. I’m ready and willing, if you are?’

  ‘I’m not dressed for it, I thought … well I …’ she blew out a quick breath.

  ‘You were hoping to go and hide and not have to face me? You wanted this, Alex. Here, as you were so unprepared for a holiday in the sun, I doubted you had any exercise gear with you.’ I held out the small bag, containing some Lycra shorts and a crop top that I’d purchased for her this morning, along with a pair of trainers, after asking Sarah to check Alex’s wardrobe for her sizing. ‘Now you’ll look churlish if you refuse,’ I added.

&
nbsp; ‘Are you always this persistent?’ she sighed, eyeing up the bag, but making no move to take it off me.

  ‘Yes. I’m even considering throwing you over my shoulder, if that’s what it takes to get you to come.’ Her eyes shot up to mine, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. ‘Sorry, poor choice of phrase in the circumstances.’

  ‘Maybe you were right, maybe it’s not a great idea to train with you. You said yourself it could ruin … whatever this is.’

  ‘I didn’t think you were ready for close body contact. But that was before you launched yourself at me like a nuclear missile last night.’

  ‘I didn’t launch!’

  ‘Yes, you did, not that I’m complaining. Happy to brace for impact any time you’d like to target me in future.’

  ‘Stop teasing me.’ She gave a scowl and snatched the bag out of my hands.

  ‘Alex,’ I said gently. ‘I’m still affected by the fallout of last night too, but if you can handle being that close to me when you’re vulnerable, training will be a walk in the park. So, are we doing this?’

  ‘We’re doing this,’ she said, bracing her shoulders and looking me squarely in the eye.

  Fuck. Reality hit me in the chest like a wrecking ball, to see the steely look of determination in her eyes.

  I’d said I didn’t want another woman like Imogen in my life, one who was prepared to give up on life. I’d thought Alex had been cut from the same cloth. I was wrong. She might need reminding of the fact from time to time, but Alex Bishop was a fighter. One who had the ability to knock me out without even lifting a hand against me.

  And I wasn’t already falling. I’d goddamn fallen.

  ‘Focus, Alex,’ I barked. I wiped some sweat off my brow as I bounced on my toes on the mat. Every time I feigned a punch towards her, she flinched and closed her eyes. The sheen of perspiration on her skin wasn’t from the heat, which the air-conditioning counteracted, or from exertion, it was sheer terror. It was taking more strength to keep pushing her, knowing I was causing her anxiety, than I was putting into my fake punches.