Fix Me Not

by Carey Heywood

  Instead, she's there and I'm here, missing her.

  Granted, the original three weeks she agreed to work isn't up anyway, but the way we left things, I don't know if she'll ever come back. Why would she? What do I have to offer her other than my love?

  The night I told her to take the job I should have told her I loved her instead.

  Everything changed the instant I said it, affecting each moment that followed. We swam, both going through the motions of having a good time.

  When I kissed her, there was a melancholy desperation to it. Each time I touched and caressed her body I did it fearing it would be the last time. She was changed as well. From the moment I arrived here, she seemed lit from within, single handedly able to light the sky.

  That night the opposite was true, she pulled light from around us, consuming it like the deepest darkest cave. I caused that.

  “Knock, knock,” Millie calls from my front door.

  A million questions well up within me.

  How is she?

  Have you talked to her?

  Did she take the job?

  Is she coming back?

  I ask none of them. “Hello.”

  “Paige emailed me pictures of the arch you fixed,” she says.

  Moving to the door, I offer to help her bring in the groceries. “She did?”

  Millie passes the armful of bags she has to me. “You did such a good job. I even got out my magnifying glass to look at the spot you fixed and couldn't tell what was new.”

  I follow her into my kitchen, and set the bags on the countertop. “Are there more in the car?”

  She nods, already pulling cans from the bags. “A few.”

  “I'll get them,” I reply, grateful for the distraction she offers but still hating the way she reminds me of Paige.

  Pushing through my front door, I round her Explorer to the back and jerk to a stop.

  Paige is standing there, looking so beautiful I fear she's an illusion.

  “Hey,” she says.

  I gulp. “Hey.”

  She clenches her fists, tears brimming in her eyes. “Would you be disappointed in me if I didn't take the job?”

  I close the distance between us and sweep her up into my arms, my lips finding hers.

  Letting out a sob, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me back.

  “I told you so,” her mom shouts from my door.

  We both laugh, breaking our kiss. Leaning down, I gently set her back onto her feet, and wipe away her tears. It's one thing to make out with her, it's another to do it in front of her mother.

  “Why are you crying?”

  My question only makes more tears form. “I’ve been miserable without you. I never should have stayed but I wasn’t sure you’d still want me.”

  Cupping her face, I ask, “How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?”

  Her hands cover mine. “You told me to stay.”

  I lean down to press my forehead to hers. “I didn’t want to stand in the way of your dreams.”

  Her hands squeeze mine. “Dreams change.”

  “All I want is you to be happy.”

  “You don't care that I'm a waitress?” she asks.

  “Paige, I didn't fall in love with you because of your job,” I reply.

  She swallows, blinking up at me. “You really love me?”

  I laugh, and decide I also don't care that her mom is watching, and kiss her again.

  When I lift my head, I nod and ask, “Are you here for good?”

  She wets her lips. “If you'll have me.”

  “Well, you will need to move,” I explain.

  Her mouth falls open in surprise and she says, “Right, of course, I wouldn't presume I could use the cabin forever.”

  “Into my house,” I finish.

  “You want me to move in with you?” She gasps.

  I nod and then point out, “All of your stuff is at the cabin so it won't be much of a move.”

  “But you love your privacy,” she argues.

  I hold her even closer. “I like being private with you.”

  “Hey kids, the groceries are all put away so I'll be on my way so you can, you know, keep kissing as soon as I'm gone.”

  Paige laughs, pressing her face into my chest. Walking both of us backwards, I shift us out of the path of Millie’s SUV. It would be rude to toss Paige over my shoulder and carry her into my house in front of her mom. I wait until she's pulled away and out of sight.

  “Asher,” Paige yelps. “Where are you taking me?”

  “To my bed,” I reply.

  She doesn't argue.

  When I reach my room, I think of all the times I imagined the two of us here like this. We’re alone, and have nowhere to go anytime soon. I'm finally going to take my time and enjoy every second of it.

  At the foot of my bed, I shift her weight from my shoulder and toss her, following her down to cover her body with mine.

  “What made you come back?” I ask.

  She presses her palm to the side of my face. “I fell in love with you, and in doing so, everything I once thought was important changed.”

  Dropping my head, I press my lips to her neck and ask, “What’s important to you now?”

  She squirms beneath me, tugging at my shirt. “I can tell you what’s not important; exclusive restaurants, high heels, fancy clothes.”

  Leaning back, I pull my shirt off over my head. “I didn't ask you what's not important.”

  Her eyes move over my chest. “Things aren't important, people are. You are important to me. Having the time to spend with you is important to me.”

  “I don't want to be the reason you give up your dreams.” I shake my head, not wanting the moment to end but needing to know for sure that she’s here because she wants to be, not because she feels like that’s what I want, even though I do.

  “I'm not giving up anything being here with you.”

  Satisfied with her answer, I drop my mouth to hers. She coils her arms around me and holds me tight. My hands move to the buttons of her shirt. Her hands move to my belt. Between kisses, we slowly strip each other bare.

  This isn't the first time I've held her naked body in my arms, but it is the first time she's been like this in my bed, and in my home. The difference is significant somehow.

  Our time together at Haven was wonderful but never felt like it was completely ours. That place was always temporary, and my land is anything but.

  She’s also anything but temporary. She's here to stay.

  It’s no longer my home, but ours.

  We don't just make love; we take turns worshipping each other, each kiss and caress bringing us both closer to mutual release. Her skin is like smooth silk against mine. I lose myself in her, and revel in the way our bodies fit together.

  She was made for me, every part of her drawing me in. We’re a beautiful tangled mess of arms and legs.

  “You came back to me,” I say, driving deep.

  “I thought it was what I wanted but I was wrong,” she replies.

  “You'll be happy here?” It's as much a question as it is a demand.

  Her hips buck up to meet mine. “Yes.”

  She shudders beneath me, gasping out her orgasm. It's a miracle I outlasted her at all. Since we have all day to celebrate her homecoming it will be the first of many. That thought has my release powering through me.

  As the midday sun streams through the windows of my room, I continue to hold her close. She stares up at me, her eyes wet.

  “I was nervous when I got here you'd change your mind about me.”

  Pushing her hair back from her face, I ask, “Why would you ever think that?”

  She shifts her shoulder to shrug. “You told me to take the job. I started to wonder if it was because you didn't want me to come back.”

  Threading my fingers into her hair, I don't let her look away. “There's a difference between wanting you here because you want to be here, and forcing you to be here
because I wanted it.”

  She slides her hands up my arms to link behind my neck. “I'm exactly where I want to be.”

  “That's good since I'm exactly where I want to be too,” I reply, lowering my lips to hers.

  Half an hour later, she tries to get out of bed. “Where do you think you're going?”

  “We can't stay in bed all day,” she laughs.

  “Oh yes we can,” I say, and then silence her with a kiss, and then I ask, “Did you happen to bring that naughty gift basket with you? There are a few things we still need to try out.”

  Epilogue

  ~ Three Months Later ~

  Paige

  * * *

  Dragging my finger across the plan in front of me, I ask, “And the new plantings are going?”

  “Right here,” Gideon points to the area he cleared in the summer.

  “Perfect,” I murmur. “The chairs will be set up here.”

  The door opens behind me and Asher strolls in. God, even living with him the past two months has done nothing to dull my attraction to him. When our eyes meet, he grins at me.

  “Mom sent me to check on you two. Dinner's almost ready.”

  Gideon’s ears immediately perk up at the mention of food, and after giving me a quick smile, is gone in a flash.

  Asher was smart enough to step out of his path, moving behind me to circle me in his arms. I lean back against him, letting his warmth seep into my back.

  “Is my mom behaving herself?” I ask.

  With our gorgeous view, it wasn't a shock Asher’s folks suggested we host Thanksgiving. We have the space and since neither of us are great cooks, his mom was going to handle all the cooking. That is, until my mom caught wind of it.

  After years of coming here, it turns out she's gotten territorial over Asher’s kitchen. Thankfully, since Finley is an amazing cook, she's been helping out and keeping them from waging war over mashed potatoes.

  I would have helped her, but Gideon wanted to clear some things for Noah and Finley's wedding with me. In the end, I was grateful for the excuse to be out of the way. Besides, my mom will come over another night and boss me around our kitchen.

  “How are wedding plans coming?” he asks, leaning even closer to peer at the plan on the table.

  “I've never had a landscaper in the family who was willing to provide his services. Poor Gideon, he might regret that after he's done with everything I've planned.”

  “He won't mind. In fact, I think he likes being ordered around by you and Finley,” he chuckles.

  I laugh, he's probably right.

  “You know, if you needed his help with your other events I’m sure he’d say yes.”

  My other events, I grin to myself at the thought. A lot has changed over the past three months. Not only are Asher and I blissfully enjoying cohabiting, but I officially started another event planning business.

  There’s no way I’ll go under this time around since I’ve learned from all of the mistakes I made the first time. Especially since my average events nowadays are kids’ birthday parties.

  Asher reaches for my hand. “Come on. They're waiting on us.”

  Gideon and I were in his workshop, using one of the big tables in there to spread out the plans for the wedding. Together, we make our way through the walkway back to the house.

  There, at the big table seated in front of the picture window that overlooks the lake, is all of our family. Or almost all of it. Brooke and the kids are having Thanksgiving with her family.

  Abby is sticking to Eli like glue to try and keep his mood up. So far, she's succeeding. That, or he's faking it.

  Asher tried talking to him earlier but was brushed off altogether.

  What would a holiday be without some family drama?

  We find our seats and Mrs. Thompson says, “Let's all take a moment to give thanks for the blessings that surround us on this day.”

  My eyes move around the table and onto my mom. It’s with Asher’s help that, slowly but surely we’ve been building a new relationship, one that isn't based off of trying to change the other but accepting each other instead.

  If I was with anyone other than Asher this might not be going so smoothly. She’s still his number one fan and might be seeing me through his eyes now. That and wanting to live a more simple life here with him is a choice she not only agrees with, but also understands. We couldn’t relate to each other when I lived in New York. I get that now. From my mom, my gaze travels over Asher’s family.

  They settle on Abby, her sad expression the only thing marring this happy day. One by one her brothers have been settling down. She jokes about becoming a cat lady to hide how lonely she is. I need to figure out a way to cheer her up.

  That’s what being a part of Asher’s life has done for me. Never did I imagine I would be so unconditionally accepted by his family. The Thompsons have made me one of their own. Finally, my eyes land on Asher.

  I was lost when I met him and in some ways so was he. He was hiding from life, while I was trying to live someone else’s. Together, we found the place we were both meant to be.

  “Before we start eating, I have a question for you.”

  Everyone goes quiet as he pushes his chair back and lowers to one knee in front of me.

  Throwing myself at him I don’t even give him a chance to ask.

  “Yes.”

  * * *

  The End

  Keep reading for the first chapter of Fix My Fall (Abby’s book)

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  Fix My Fall

  One

  Abby

  “I want to watch Moana,” Connie, my seven-year-old niece, shrieks.

  “We’ve already seen it a hundred times,” Aidan, her older brother, groans.

  My eyes dart to Ethan, the oldest of the three, for help. He glances between his younger brother and sister before rolling his eyes and looking down at his phone.

  Crap.

  “Maybe we can watch another movie,” I say, trying to encourage sibling peace.

  “I want to watch Stranger Things,” Aidan replies.

  My mouth falls open. “No way, that’s too scary for you and way too scary for Connie.”

  “They’ve both already seen it,” Ethan mumbles, eyes still on his phone.

  My eyes widen. “No way.”

  Both Aidan and Connie nod in confirmation.

  “It wasn’t that scary,” Aidan replies.

  Connie tugs at one of her braids, freeing strands at the back. “I don’t like the monster.”

  I motion to her, my eyes on Aidan. “See? Scary.”

  He crosses his arms over his chest and looks into my dining room.

  “Have any of you seen Naruto?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  In unison, they groan and rustle with annoyance in their seats.

  “We don’t like ninja stuff,” Ethan says for the three of them.

  Ugh.

  “How can you not like ninja stuff? Ninja stuff and this anime show in particular is amazing,” I reply, standing to somehow make my argument stronger.

  “Where’s your cat?” Connie asks, not caring.

  I wave my hand toward the stairs. “Emo’s probably on the kitty playhouse in the spare bedroom.”

  Before I say anything else, Connie scrambles off of my sofa and out of the living room.

  I toss my remote to Aidan. “Try and find a movie everyone will like while I serve up the pizza.”

  He focuses his attention on my TV and starts scrolling through the available titles.

  “Ethan.”

  When he looks up, I tilt my head toward the kitchen. “Want to give me a hand?”

  Shoving his phone into the front pocket of his hoodie, he pushes up off of the couch and trails me to my kitchen. It’s crazy how much he looks like Eli, my older brother, when he was Ethan’s age.

  At twelve years old, he’s too cool for bear hugs from me. That doesn’t mean I do
n’t want to do it anyway.

  Especially with all of the problems his parents have been having recently. For the sake of these amazing kids, I wish they’d get their shit together already. It has to be confusing to the three of them.

  Problem is, I know how much Eli and Brooke still love each other. If they could stop fighting and focus on that love, maybe they could work their problems out.

  Not that I can tell either of them that. Nope, I keep my mouth shut to stay in their good graces so I can still spend time with my niece and nephews.

  “How are things at home?” I ask, once I’m sure Aidan can’t hear us.

  Ethan shrugs, walking past me to pull plates down from my cabinet. “Dad moved back in but is sleeping on the couch. They don’t know I know but I went downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink and saw him there.”

  At this point, I’m not sure if that’s progress or not. The fact that he’s back in the house is good. For a few weeks he had been crashing at Gideon’s.

  Still, sleeping on the couch doesn’t sound like a good thing.

  “You know your parents love each other very much,” I tell him, making eye contact.

  “Yeah, yeah,” he murmurs.

  Deciding a subject change is in order, I ask, “How’s football going?”

  He opens the lid of the pizza and slides a slice onto the top plate. “We didn’t make it to the playoffs. Are we eating while we watch the movie?”

  I nod and he sets the top plate aside. Once he has a slice on the next plate, he says, “I’ll take these in for Aidan and me. Want me to go get Connie?”

  I guess that means question time is over. “Yeah buddy, thanks for helping me.”

  As he walks away, I get plates ready for Connie and myself.

  “What about Guardians of the Galaxy Two?” Aidan asks when I walk into the room.

  “I like Groot,” Connie replies from the stairs.

  “Work for you?” I ask Ethan.

  He shrugs which I take as a yes.

  “Go ahead and start it Aidan. I’ll be right back with drinks.” I say, after setting Connie and my plates down on the coffee table.