The Do Over

by A. L. Zaun

  As I looked back to him, his eyes caught mine and held the stare. I hadn't been this close to him in years. When he reached down, grabbing my hands, a shiver traveled up my arms. I looked away.

  "Cariño, relax. Why can't we just be old friends grabbing a bite to eat?"

  I gently pulled my hands away. "Because we're not old friends," I said softly. As I tucked my hair behind my ears, I could feel the beating of my heart in my throat. He shouldn't have this effect on me.

  "Then, let's be new friends." He cocked his head and gave me his signature dimpled smile.

  For a brief moment, I wanted that.

  "Come on, there's a bookstore over here that sells breakfast," he said, leading the way.

  When we arrived, he ordered at the counter while I secured a small bistro table outside. I settled into my chair and took in the surroundings. It was a beautiful day. The palm trees swayed to the soft breeze against the backdrop of the bright blue sky. The color of Liam's eyes. I sighed as my stomach dropped.

  Rick walked over with his food and our drinks. He set the tray down on the table, opened my can, and poured it into a cup. He looked up at me and smiled. I didn't know what to make of him. I always knew he had it in him to be that guy.

  I sipped my soda, looking up at him through my lashes. "Thank you for the drink."

  "Are you sure you don't want something to eat?"

  I shook my head.

  "This is nice. I miss this." His eyes were sad.

  A part of me missed it, too. "Please, we can't go there. I have a boyfriend." Bringing the straw to my mouth, I sipped my drink.

  "You have a boyfriend. You keep saying that. Who are you trying to convince? I already told you that I'm not a threat. Or am I?" His eyes danced as they locked on mine.

  "No, you're not. I don't want you to think that you are just because I'm sitting here. You're not. It's just that I don't think Liam would appreciate this. In fact, I know he wouldn't." I started to push back from the table.

  "Wait, don't go." He started to get up as he reached his arm out to stop me. "Please. I give you my word. There's nothing inappropriate going on here. I just want to eat my granola and yogurt and catch up as much as we can in the next fifteen minutes."

  "As long as we're straight, okay? I love him, and I don't want to hurt him." I looked at Rick with pleading eyes. "I suppose we can't really do anything inappropriate in fifteen minutes."

  "That's not true. There's plenty I can do in fifteen minutes." He had a mischievous smirk and a sparkle in his eyes.

  "Stop it!" I said, rolling my eyes. "And when on earth did you start running and eating yogurt? Really? Wild berries? Granola? You?"

  "I run every morning and eat healthy. I won't lie. On occasion, I might cheat and have a pastelito de guava y queso. I recall someone loved those."

  I couldn't believe he remembered. Then again, who doesn't love those? It might have been a lucky guess.

  "I already told you that I'm reinventing myself. Now, it's your turn. Tell me something," he said as he looked down at his watch.

  Ordinarily, I would've been offended, but something in his eyes told me he was aware of how much time we had left.

  "I'm still trying to figure out this coincidence that doesn't feel like one. I've been coming to this area every Saturday for more than a year, and I've never seen you here before. Now, surprisingly, I see you three weeks in a row. That just seems suspicious."

  "Let me see if I follow your logic. Just because you've never noticed me before, you think I'm stalking you." Sitting back, he put his arms behind his head as he laughed.

  I was amusing him. We quickly fell into the old pattern of his laughter disarming me.

  "I didn't say that exactly. When you put it that way, it does sound creepy and pathetic," I said.

  "I'm glad I ran into you. Maybe this doesn't feel like a coincidence because it's fate. Why complicate things? Just enjoy the moment. Who knows? Maybe this'll be the last time we see each other. We have this moment, so let's enjoy it."

  Something about potential finality made me sad. As crazy as it sounded, spending this time with Rick felt therapeutic.

  "I'm not buying it. Fate? No, you're stalking me. Just so you know, I'm here every Saturday." Shit. I did not just say that.

  "What a coincidence, I run here every Saturday. Come on, Cinderella, our time's up."

  He pulled back my chair and walked me back to Van Dyke's, and true to his word, my table was waiting for me.

  "It was great seeing you. Thank you for breakfast," he said.

  He leaned in and grazed my cheek with a light kiss, sending tingles throughout my body. I stood there, stunned. He turned around, placed his earbuds in, and ran into the crowd.

  He was still the man I had known, but there was a glimpse of the man I'd hoped he would be. I quickly released those thoughts. I just couldn't let myself go there.

  As soon as I sat down, Françoise came back with a fresh diet soda and a menu. I settled into my chair, staring at the sweating glass. A droplet rolled down and puddled on the table. I flashed back to the bead that traveled along the side of Rick's face. Quickly, I banished that image. I didn't have the luxury of remaining in this Rick-stupor. It was bad enough that I'd gone and kept him company. That would not be happening again. I was not about to allow him to invade my thoughts, too. That train had left the station. He'd had his shot. I didn't know what his agenda was, but if he was as sincere as he claimed to be, then I figured this was harmless.

  I had more important matters to contend with, namely the brunette that was walking in my direction. She was wearing a maxi dress and toting her Louis Vuitton. Macy had tried to apologize earlier this week. Basically, she had told me to get over it because it wasn't a big deal. In the past, this approach would've worked because I'd always known that her intentions were either good or benign. She had crossed the line this time, and I was tired of taking it.

  Candace was walking next to her. She was a sight of perfection. Candace's minidress, brown leather belt, and the most amazing wedges showcased her runway look. Glancing down at my effortless look, I was grateful for the effort I'd made in leaving my hair down, especially since the lip gloss had since faded.

  I motioned for Françoise as the girls made their way to the table. He quickly brought them menus. Macy sat across from me as Candace sat to my side. The tension between Macy and me was thick. We barely greeted one another. We both wore our sunglasses intentionally to avoid making eye contact. Maybe I had taken things too far. Although I missed my sidekick, I didn't trust her. This clearly was going to be a battle of the wills. When we closed our menus, Françoise came back. He refilled my diet soda and then took our orders. I had to admit that he required no training.

  Candace obviously came with an agenda as she quickly brought our meeting to order. "I hate it when any of us fight, so the two of you really need to stop this. I refuse to take sides." Bringing her blonde hair over to the side of her shoulder, she started playing with the ends.

  This was a first. Candace was being neutral. She was always strongly opinionated, even if she presented herself in the most polished ways. Her behavior was out of character. First, she hadn't responded to my text when I was returning from the Keys with Liam, and now, she wasn't taking sides.

  "Candace, what's going on with you? The woman who staged a Kindle intervention and confronted me about my lack of a sex life is now not taking control of the situation?" I raised an eyebrow, even though it was hidden behind my sunglasses. I thought it would've been more effective if I took them off, but the moment was lost now.

  Macy just sat in her chair, playing with her earring.

  "You guys need to learn how to talk it out without my arbitration. I've been mediating between the two of you for too long. List your grievances, hash it out, and make it work. You can't count on me to fix everything."

  "Oh my god, Candace, are you dying or something?" Macy asked, placing her hand on Candace's arm.

  "I'm not dying," C
andace said, giving Macy a surprised look, "but thank you for your concern."

  Macy sat back as Candace fidgeted in her seat. I sat immobile. She wasn't dying, but something was definitely going on.

  "What's it going to take for the two of you to make up?"

  "Fine," Macy started, "I shouldn't have said anything to Chris. I don't know what the big deal is. I won't tell him any more of your shit." Macy rolled her eyes.

  I didn't know what hurt more—the fact that she didn't respect my boundaries or that she didn't care that she hurt me.

  "You want to know what the big deal is? I'll tell you." I straightened up in my seat as I put my sunglasses on the top of my head. "You're supposed to be my best friend. I'm supposed to be able to tell you anything and know that you'll keep your freaking mouth shut. You're supposed to have my back. Instead, you went and told the flavor of the month, who happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, about my condition."

  "Flavor of the fucking month?" Macy huffed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry that I was excited that after a lifetime, you were actually getting laid. That asshole Rick fucked with your head and broke your heart. You're finally living again. So what? I told Chris because he was there. I wasn't trying to hurt you."

  "Both of you stop this already!" Candace shouted.

  "No, I'm tired of stopping every time things get uncomfortable," I said, my voice cracking.

  Macy and Candace looked shocked. I had not fallen under the command of our calm, assertive pack leader.

  I looked to the side to control my intensity. "Macy violated the code of sisterhood. I'm always being cool. You guys stage a damn intervention in front of everyone, and I listen and look for the positive. I don't hold it against you. But when I stage a confrontation, I'm told to stop it. I don't think so. Macy let me ask you something. What personal information has Chris leaked to you about Liam? I'm curious because he tells Liam the tidbits you share with him. So, what aren't you telling me?"

  Macy just stared at me with tears pooling in her eyes. Candace shook her head. Françoise brought our food and quickly dashed out of sight.

  I continued, my voice shaking, "Did Chris tell you that Liam loves me? Or how about Liam's past with Natalie? You know, his dead fiancée?"

  Their mouths dropped.

  "Did Chris tell you that Liam gave me a key to his apartment? I'm wondering how much Chris is telling you since you feel the need to feed him information. For the record, Chris has Liam's back. Maybe the next time you're on your back, looking up at him, you might take notes on what it's like to be a real friend. Right now, I need someone to talk to, someone I can trust, and, Macy…that's not you."

  Sitting there, Macy batted her eyes, trying to keep her tears from escaping. "I cannot believe you said that. You're my best friend. I would do anything for you. You're right. I should've kept my mouth shut. I messed up. I used bad judgment. I'm sorry. I was excited, and sometimes when I get excited, I start to babble. I can't control it, but I would never say anything that would be a true violation. Geez, I didn't let Liam tell me anything about his past, not that I thought he would, but I stopped him, just because it would've been wrong. See, even when I ramble and get nervous, I do exercise correct judgment. I made a mistake. I didn't think you'd be this pissed off. My god, Dani, come on. I'll stop seeing Chris. That way you won't have to worry about me telling him anything else."

  "I'm not asking you to stop seeing Chris. You like him. I don't want to hurt you. I just don't know if I can trust you with the heavy stuff." I closed my eyes before I looked away.

  "I know you're not asking me to do that, but I will. Yeah, I like him…a lot. Maybe I talk about you because it's easier to talk about you than it is to talk about me. Sometimes, I think I like him more than he likes me. Then, other times, I don't know. Maybe I do need to cut him loose, but the sex is so good. I swear the orgasms are out of this world. Just thinking about the things he can do with his tongue is making me horny right now. Is it horrible that I want to finish this conversation and go have sex? I don't care where he's at. I'll meet him on the corner. I'm addicted to his dick. I want the whole package though. His junk and his heart. But, Dani, I'll pick you over Chris. I will. Penises are a dime a dozen, even if Chris is special."

  "Macy, keep your dick. You're just going to have to earn your way back into the circle of trust. But I don't want us to fight anymore." I didn't. I realized that I'd overreacted a little. I had reached my boiling point, and as was typical for me, I pushed too far and came out swinging.

  "I miss my friend, Dani. I swear that I'll find a way to make this up to you. I really am sorry."

  We all got up and had a group hug. I really loved my girlfriends.

  Macy looked at me with hopeful expectation. "I know that this is probably off-limits, but please tell me that you're addicted to Liam's dick."

  Turning a bright shade of red, I threw my arms in the air. Publically, I admitted, "Yes, I'm totally, completely, and madly in love with Liam and his dick."

  Right there on Lincoln Road, three grown women proceeded to scream like schoolgirls in giddy delight.

  "Are we all better now?" Candace asked.

  Macy and I nodded in agreement. I forgave her, but I wasn't going to blindly share all my deep concerns with her for quite a while.

  As we sat back down, Candace said, "Now that that's settled, I have some news to share with you."

  "You're pregnant?" Macy asked as she started eating her breakfast.

  I almost dropped the syrup on the table.

  "No, I'm not pregnant." Candace laughed nervously.

  She wasn't opposed to the idea of pregnancy and family. She and Jeremy had been dating for years. Her career though was her number-one priority, and it worked for them.

  Candace said, "While that would be exciting news in two to three years, I have sensational news now. I've been asked to sit in on a very high-profile case. It's an incredible career opportunity for me. The only downside is that it's being tried in Jacksonville. So, while I'm away, I need to know that my besties are going to be okay."

  Candace had been a part of my entire adult life. Selfishly, I wanted her to stay. I had to tell myself that it was just for one case. Maybe it wouldn't last long. Considering all the things I needed to process, the timing of this career opportunity was awful. I should've been happy for her. Instead, it felt like a punch in the stomach. I lost my appetite. I put my fork down and pushed my plate away.

  "When's all of this happening?" I asked. As I ran my finger over the condensation on the glass, my eyes fixed on the melting designs.

  "I leave a week from Monday. I'll be back Christmas week. In fact, let's make a date." She pulled out her phone and checked her calendar app. "On Friday, December 28, let's have a girls' night out." She was trying to be upbeat.

  I nodded as Macy shrugged her shoulders.

  We quietly sat there. Macy played with her food, moving it to one side of her dish and then back to the other side. Candace twirled her hair while her food got cold. Françoise came by once again to take away our plates.

  After we paid for food we didn't eat, we strolled down Lincoln Road. As we were approaching the parking lot, I asked Candace if we could talk.

  Macy gave little protest. "I'll let you have this today. I have plans anyhow. Don't think I'm going to take a backseat. I'm riding shotgun. I'll prove to you that you can trust me, so deal with it." Macy leaned in for a quick hug before heading off to her car and god knows what with Chris.

  Candace and I continued walking. I had taken her for granted. Macy and I had spent countless nights, rolling our eyes at the way Candace had bossed us around. We let her do it, but like spoiled girls, we resented it. Because of Candace, I had been pushed out of my comfort zone the night Liam and I'd reconnected at the nightclub. She'd always had my back, and she'd never steered me wrong. I could always count on her.

  "Penny for your thoughts," Candace said.

  We stopped at a boutique and began browsing through the clothes.
Pulling out blouses, we held them in front of us.

  "I'm thinking that I'm a shitty friend, and I need to update my wardrobe." I put the blouse back and continued looking around the shop.

  "You're a great friend, and I think we just need to find you some nice accent pieces. Like this." Of course, Candace pulled out the perfect blouse. "Tell me about the fiancée and the key."

  "No, I'm a selfish brat, but thank you for knowing me so well and still loving me." I pulled out a couple more blouses before I went to try them on. "The fiancée died. It was a very tragic story. It's weird. On some level, I'm totally okay with it emotionally, but on another level, I'm jealous." Sighing, I looked over at her with stars in my eyes. "I'm so in love with him. I don't want to screw this up."

  "That blouse goes back, this one stays, and I like this one over here for you. We need to find a dress or two to show off your legs." She handed me the clothes she was picking off of the racks as if she was a personal shopper. "You've been in love with him since the beginning. It's obvious. I've never seen you this way, and I'm so excited for you. Of course you don't want to think of him loving anyone else. I don't know if that's selfishness or jealousy. It's just natural. The positive is that he knows how to love. He loved someone and was ready to commit. Focus on that. Now, the only thing you're going to screw up is this outfit with that belt."

  I went into the fitting room. I started trying on the clothes that Candace had selected for me. They were perfect. "Candace…" I said through the door. I needed to tell her about my run-ins with Rick. I could count on her to give me some insight. I just had to figure out a way to tell her. "I told Liam about my breakup with Rick." I came out and modeled the outfit.

  She nodded with approval. "And what did Liam say?" Candace sat back in the chair outside the fitting rooms.

  "He wants to beat him up."

  "I like how he's protective of you. That's a good thing, but you really need to let go of this Rick thing. You've exhausted the acceptable amount of time to mourn a relationship, Dani. Liam shouldn't have to pay for Rick's crimes."

  I headed back into the fitting room. "You're right. It's not fair." From behind the curtain, I said, "You know, I'm not hating Rick as much anymore." I closed my eyes tightly, bracing myself for Candace's response, but there was silence.