by Abbey Foxx
“Get out of my fucking sight.”
Jasper and Topher look at each other and then both of them look at me, but there is nothing I can do. Dad continues.
“You heard me, get out of my fucking sight. Go and train, or go home or go to the fucking bar, whatever, I don’t care. Get out of my fucking sight. Both of you are worthless excuses for athletes. You wonder why the fuck Moxlin are in this position, why you, Topher, can’t throw a ball straight any more and you, Jasper, have been sent here for bad behavior? You’re a fucking mess, the pair of you. Get out of my sight.”
“Go”, I add. “This isn’t a joke.”
“Pen”, Topher whimpers.
“Go home, Topher. We’ll talk there.”
“This is bullshit.”
Topher gathers his bag and makes for the door, while Jasper hangs about half a second more before following him.
“This is on you”, Dad says, when they’ve gone, his finger now pointed accusingly at me. “You knew what he was like.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
“The first game, Pen. We didn’t even win and this. All over the papers, the joke of the fucking country again.”
“We’ll change it.”
“How the fuck are we going to change it? You’ve seen what I’ve seen. None of these players care anymore, it’s getting harder for me to do so too.”
“Play him.”
“Your boy is a drunk, Penny, not an athlete.”
“All he wants to do is play, play him.”
“That’s not what the reports from last night are telling more, nor the ones from his illustrious career in England. All Jasper seems to want to do is drink and fuck. If throwing and catching a ball fits into that then so be it.”
“I think you’ve got him wrong.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours of course, Moxlin’s. This club is everything to me, which is why I think you should play him. He’s got drive Dad, he’s got energy and desire. You know Topher made him run into training twice this week. Did you even watch him? He ran twice as far and twice as hard as anyone else.”
Dad drops his eyes. He goes to the window, hands in his pockets, eyes out towards the turf he’s collected so many memories on.
“He’s trouble, Penny.”
“This?” I hold up the paper. “Running down the street without his clothes on. This is what a fourteen year old boy does. He’s immature, bored probably.”
“It doesn’t look good.”
“So dock his wages, just don’t tell him he can’t play. If he sits on the bench, frustrated, he’ll take it out on the street. The more you sit him out, the more he’ll fuck around.”
“That’s not my problem.”
“Dad, he’s as good a player as any we have, even better probably. You can’t just not play him because you don’t like him. We brought him here to use him, not to have him sit out a ban cleaning boots and getting drunk.”
Dad growls. He turns away from the window and back to me.
“Why are you so confident in him?”
“Because I’ve seen what he can do on the field.”
“This club, Penny, this fucking club used to mean something.”
“I know, and it will again. It’s not over yet, Dad. Far from it. Just give him a chance.”
“One month, Penny. I’m not backtracking on that.”
“I know and you’re right, he has to be punished.”
“Topher too. He’s the captain, I put Jasper under his control.”
I hold up my hands. “You have to do what you have to do.”
“And the rest. When you find Mosley, he’s not escaping punishment either. As for Link and Greenberg, those fucking amateurs.”
“They’ll be dealt with, Dad. Greenberg’s still only young.”
“He doesn’t fucking drink either.”
Dad and I catch eyes for a moment and for some reason his lips curl up into an ironic smile. It makes me smile too even though I feel like I probably shouldn't.
“One week.”
“I know.”
“I thought they didn’t even like him.”
“Maybe they changed their mind.”
“And you?”
“If he behaves himself and works hard, which I think he has the potential to do, then I’m happy. If he doesn’t, and he turns out to be just another drunk womanizer, I’m going to be very disappointed.”
Dad mulls this over for a moment.
“And Topher?”
“What about him?”
“Is he behaving himself?”
Shit quarterback, even shittier boyfriend. “He is now.”
“He’s a good kid.”
Dad and my opinions differ a little about Topher’s inability to keep his dick in his pants. I haven’t told him that Topher didn’t come home at all last night, but I don’t want to give him even more shit to worry about. I’ll talk to Topher. I’m sure there is a perfect explanation for his absence.
“Just make sure Jasper doesn’t lead him astray. He seems to have a bit of influence.”
“Believe me, Topher’s not the one to get easily swung.”
“I know you guys haven’t always been solid, but Topher is definitely the one. I can see you’re in love with him.”
Rose tinted glasses. I don’t want to tell him because I don’t really know myself, but the more I think about it, the less I think it sounds right. Topher and I have never been solid. I mean, when Topher was throwing well and the Tigers were winning and Topher wasn’t cheating on me, I suppose we were alright, but since then and recently, even though he’s stopped steppin out, I don’t know, for a long time it feels like something’s been missing.
***
Jasper is waiting for me by my car. Casually leaned over the roof, the fading sun lighting up one side of his face just enough that he needs to squint, he looks like he’s about to pick the thing up, put it in his pocket and run home. If anything, I expect to see Topher, but perhaps he doesn’t want to face me. I was here before he even got home, in position next to Dad behind the desk, the face of the team, while Topher, finally pulling himself around enough to answer the phone, batted out excuse after excuse to get here and face the music.
I get close to him before either one of us speak, and then there is a moment of silence, the both of us just standing there looking at each other. He’s big enough to block out the sun, big enough to break down walls, to flatten me.
“Taking that tape home?”
“Excuse me?”
“You seemed to get a kick out of watching it. It’s better live-.”
“Now’s not really the time, Jasper. What do you want?”
“I wanted to apologise.”
“You know you fucked up, right? You let me down. I’m the only person here singing your praises and then one week after you arrive, the day of our first game, you get so drunk you end up in almost every single national newspaper.”
“I-. Things got a little out of hand.”
“Moxlin are being fined, you know that?”
“I figured they might be.”
“They might even dock us points. That’s never happened before but Dad reckons they’re going to talk about it.”
“Harrison’s pissed off right?”
“Pissed, Jasper. Dad’s pissed.”
“I’ll pay the fine.”
“You know what you can do? Stop being a dick.”
“Come on, it was only a bit of fun.”
I shake my head. Only a bit of fun. If he wasn’t one of our players I might be able to laugh along with him.
“I’ve got to get home.”
“Can you give me a ride?”
“Are you serious?”
“Come on, Penny. Listen, I’m sorry I fucked up. I hold my hands up and take full responsibility. I’m sorry, truly. I’m sorry for disappointing you, I’m sorry for disappointing your father and I’m sorry for making Moxlin look like a bunch of animals. I’m even sorry for thinkin
g that the Switchback was a pro move.”
I can’t help but smile at that. “That’s better.”
“No more, Jasper. Final warning.”
“That mean you don’t want to get a drink with me?”
“Jasper-”
“Come on, it was a joke, lighten up.”
“Prove to me we can trust you.”
“Play me, Penny.”
“I’m working on that.”
“You put me in the side I’ll have something else to focus on.”
“Instead of drinking and chasing women.”
“You know you’ve already forbidden me from doing that.”
“Don’t look at me like that, Jasper.”
“Like what?”
“Like that. Like you’re flirting with me.”
“I am flirting with you.”
“Yeah, well, don’t.”
“I’m banned from that too now?”
“You were banned from that always. I have a boyfriend remember.”
“Yeah, right. I’d forgotten.”
An awkward silence hangs between us and that thought intrudes into me again, this time with a naked Jasper, his thing jabbing into my back as we sleep alongside one another.
“I know what you are thinking.”
“What am I thinking?”
“You’re thinking you wish you didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“Don’t embarrass yourself any more than you already have, Jasper.”
“Whatever, Penny. Just tell me when you are ready and I’ll be here for you.”
“That’s extremely kind of you.”
“I’m a generous man. People always tell me so.”
Arrogant, forthright, way too confident, hot as hell, huge, toned all over, single, potentially dangerous, wait, very fucking dangerous. Heart breaker.
“Get in the car if you want a lift back.”
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.”
Jasper pulls the door open with such enthusiasm it almost breaks away from the housing. I get in and sit alongside him.
“So what really happened last night? You know, away from the cameras.”
“What really happened? We got drunk, we got naked, a few of us got arrested.”
“And Topher?”
“Topher?”
“Yeah, you know, your captain, my boyfriend?”
Jasper holds my gaze for a moment before looking away.
“I didn’t see much of him the whole night. He kind of kept himself away from me.”
“He didn’t come home.”
“Right. Yeah, you know, I didn’t either. There was talk of a casino. We were out pretty late. What does he say?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“You two love each other right?”
“We’ve been together for three years.”
“Well then.”
“Well then, what?”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
I only wish that were true. I only wish that I really did have nothing to worry about. Instead, I’ve got a football team falling apart in front of my eyes, my relationship doing the same. When was the last time I wasn’t worried about Topher and me? When was the last time we had fun?
I have a sudden urge to ask Jasper out for a drink or to go one better and just drive to the bar right now and insist he sit alongside me and get drunk. I want to feel free and easy and happy, what I don’t want to do is confront Topher about where he ended up last night. I’m sick of the conflict we have in our relationship. I’m sick of not knowing if that bastard is cheating on me.
We’re at Jasper’s hotel already and the moment has passed.
“You know one way you can keep an eye on me is to be there when I’m having a drink.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what I’ll have to do.”
“Just don’t tell your dad. I think he already hates me enough.”
“You’ll have to promise not to flirt with me.”
“I don’t make promises I know I have no chance of keeping.”
I have to ask. This is ridiculous and I feel ridiculous, but I have to ask.
“Jasper?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you flirting with me so much?”
“Because you and I both know that you and I both like it.”
I let his response hang in the air to a curled smile.
“Thanks for the lift, Beautiful.”
“Don’t call me that, Jasper.”
“Thanks for the lift, Penny.”
“Ten o’clock tomorrow, don’t be late. You want me to send Topher?”
“You don’t want to come yourself?”
“I’m thinking that maybe I shouldn’t.”
“Enjoy the tape.”
“What?”
“The tape. It’s poking out of the top of your handbag.”
Motherfucker.
“Get an apartment, Jasper. You can’t live out of a hotel for a year.”
He holds his hand up in the air to acknowledge he’s heard me, but doesn’t look back. I guess he feels like he doesn’t need to. That asshole. I can’t believe he saw the tape in my bag. I can’t believe I’ve actually brought it with me either. It’s to see if I can spot Topher, but there’s no reason why I shouldn’t look again at Jasper, if only to point out he’s doing the switchback all wrong.
This is not over at all. If anything, I have a feeling it’s just begun.
Five.
Jasper
I want her. A thousand times over I want her. Penelope Grace Locke. Just another girl like any other, but completely different too. Out of my league, quite literally. At least for now. At least until she realizes that Topher is cheating on her again, or she has the balls to confront him about it and leave if she knows. I don’t know whether to tell her. I don’t give a fuck about bro codes, but I do care about her feelings. I don’t want to make things even worse for her than they already are. I need to think about it some more, not for me, because if it was for me I’d tell her straight away, but for her, for her relationship, her heart, her wellbeing.
But I want her, and every day I want her more. She’s cute, independent, intelligent, strong, weak, broken, fragile, delicate, imperfect and perfect all in one magical way. I have no idea how Topher can treat her the way he does - I don’t know how anyone can cheat on anyone else at all period, but this girl, this absolutely perfect girl that he has and doesn’t realize how lucky he is for having, I don’t know how he does it.
I don’t know what the hell is going on inside his head that makes him think that behaving the way he is is ok. She dotes on him too, at least that’s the version I get from Topher. She’s all over him with affection and he’d rather fuck someone else. He doesn’t deserve her. I don’t know if I do, but if I had her I’d definitely treat her with respect. I can be a bit of a handful, but I don’t cheat. I respect women and I’d definitely look after Penny. She’s one hell of a catch and Topher is obviously too blind to see it. I don’t know why he doesn’t just let her go if he wants to fuck other women. The problem is, he just wants to have his cake and eat it too, like the spoiled, middle class motherfucker he is.
I’m early to training every day this week. I even train on days we aren’t meant to, just to show Penny and Harrison I’m serious. I study his book too. I study it so fucking hard the pages begin to fall out. I even start coming up with my own plays, and even though Topher dismisses them I take them to the top. Harrison snarls, Harrison spits, but eventually he begins to listen.
“Where did you learn that?”
I tap the book.
“Good work, Jasper. Now get back to the field before I think you’re serious about changing.”
We work hard, all of us. Even Topher begins to animate himself again. He’s confident and cocky in the locker room, he’s boastful about the weekend, the bad press and the twins he fucked and didn’t get found out about. He cusses Penny and Harrison and I have to step up to him on more than one o
ccasion to bring him back into line.
“Why are you still with her if you treat her like that?”
“Why are any of us still here? Sticking around is worth it, I told you that before. Plus Penny’s got a pussy so tight it makes you think she’s got a second ass-hole.”
That gets him a round of high fives.
I sack him six times on the field. The last time I put a knee high into his chest it winds him so much he has to lie on the ground for five minutes coughing his lungs back into position.
I take the ball and I run, and I don’t stop until I go through both sets of goalposts, thirty people giving chase and none of them able to catch up with me. I throw, I catch, I battle and I run my way through training, and I make every single member of that team respect me. I make them step up a gear too, it’s me that get them playing again, me that get them caring. Penny and Harrison watch on from the touchline, Penny’s eyes all over me, Harrison’s too, but in a different way, snarling, reluctant to give credit, happy, but surprised too, as though he’s unable to believe what he’s seeing. As though he doesn’t want to.
For the first time in a long time the team is organized. For the first time since I’ve been here they seem interested in training. The fuck up of last weekend seems a hundred miles off and I’m not the only one who can see the change. I feel like a fucking general on the field, and unstoppable off it. I’m focussed, and I’m getting everyone else around that way too. I’m going to make this team win if it kills me, and I’m going to win too. I’m going to win Penny if it takes me all year. I watch Topher wrap his arms around her, pull her tightly against his body and wink at me over her shoulder and I want to kill him.
I will. I’ll pull him apart when the time is right, but now isn’t that time. If Moxlin are going to win they need Penny, they need Harrison, they need harmony and equilibrium and they need their quarterback firing again even if I have to suffer because of it.
She’ll come to me, I have every faith in that. She’ll fall into my arms when the time is right, and when she does, nothing will be able to stop us.
Finally, in the last quarter of our second game, after Tate gets pulled off with a twisted knee, when every other option has failed him and the answer is staring him in the face, he reluctantly puts me on.
We are losing, of course. Not as badly as we did before, but the bears are arguably an easier opponent. We’ve actually played well so far, even though we are 28-3 down, Topher’s been sacked a bunch of times and not only Tate but Sparks too have both been pulled off with injuries. We look ragged, but not as ragged as we did last week and certainly not as bad as the scoreline suggests. We’ve been upbeat but unlucky, organised but outplayed and Harrison has given me less than three minutes to make an impact. We are going to lose, there is no doubt about that, but I plan to make these three minutes the most memorable of any game yet this season or the last. Topher has other ideas completely though. For two of those minutes he doesn’t even look at me. Harrison sets a play to put me in and Topher changes up at the last minute, sending the ball on a third down high into the air and out of bounds. On the fourth down he dummies me a pass, and runs the ball himself, for a loss of two yards into a wall of opposition players.