by Abbey Foxx
When we take the field again, there are fifty seven seconds left, and we’re down another touchdown. This time, finally, after spitting a threat in his ear, he gives me the ball. It’s a simple play, not quite the switchback, but another similar one from the first few pages of the book. He dummies the ball to Jackson who runs into a crowd of people all of whom think he has the ball, while I spin around the defensive line, turning on my heels quickly to push into open space. Topher picks me out with a plumb pass that I pull out of the air with one hand, before spinning around two of their players, dodging another tackle that clips my heels and nearly sends me over and driving so quickly for the end zone that I don’t even give the clock time to tick past forty seconds before I’m standing underneath the goal posts.
It is Moxlin Tigers first touchdown of the season, my first touch of the game and the most points we’ve scored for two years. More than that, it’s a massive fuck you to Harrison, who stands at the end of the field clapping slowly, shock reducing him to absolute astonishment.
We haven’t won the game, far from it, but it feels like we’ve just won the superbowl. Our celebrations have to be cut short by the officials so the game can resume. I’m carried from the end zone, all the way back into my half and then off the field to the bench so the defensive unit can replace us. I’m hugged and high fived and then Penny comes rushing up to me, throws her arms round my neck and kisses me on the cheek. When she pulls herself away again, she’s a little red, embarrassed the moment’s overtaken her. Topher just smiles at us both, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, before Penny goes back to her dad, stands alongside him and flashes looks in my direction until the game is out.
We watch as the bears close in on our end zone quickly, before they are held at the fifteen yard line until the clock runs down. We’ve lost another game, but won so much on the way, and I’ve proved, in less than twenty seconds, that given the opportunity, I can do just about anything any one of these other players can do too.
I feel like I’m on top of the world.
Six.
Penny
It’s happening again. That fucking ass-hole is cheating on me. I can’t believe he’s stupid enough, insensitive enough, courageous enough to do what I always thought he had the potential to do again and fuck someone behind my back. Two people actually. It’s like I don’t even exist, and I really don’t need this right now either.
Moxlin are getting fined for the bullshit that Jasper and the rest of the team got up to after the first game of the season, and it’s not an insubstantial amount either. Jasper and Topher’s docked wages for the month won’t even come close to covering it, which means Dad and I have got to figure out a way of coming up with the shortfall, which will probably mean, in turn, that dad has to remortgage the house again. It’s fucked up and I’m super pissed at both of them for being stupid enough to let a whole town film them. It’s not just the CCTV footage either, there are eyewitnesses with phone camera footage, children crying, fans cheering them on, it’s all over facebook, twitter, the Moxlin Tiger’s unofficial forum. It’s a complete and total fuck up, to which Dad has already had to file an apology, Jasper and Topher have issued a grovelling sorry and a meeting with the committee board has been posted for as far away as they’d let me.
If that wasn’t bad enough, Tate is going to be out until at least Christmas with his knee, Sparks has concussion, Jackson hobbled out of training today, Jasper’s walking round like a God after his miracle touchdown pass, and Topher, my fucking douchebag boyfriend of three fucking years is cheating on me. Twice. Two girls. Two at once. It makes me want to scream not just at him for doing it, but for me for being so pathetic I let it happen by giving him another chance. Well I’m not going to give him a chance now. I’m going to have a drink and then I’m going to tell him exactly where to get off. Trust Jasper to spot that I’m not wearing my engagement ring - Topher didn’t.
“You should have told me.”
Jasper holds his hands up, before curling them protectively back around his pint.
“I’m sorry, Pen. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
I’m here with him because I want to know the truth. I want to know why they both lied to me. Topher will get his later, right now it’s Jasper’s turn.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“What was I meant to do? I didn’t want to fuck up the Tiger’s by giving you shit to deal with. I was thinking about you.”
“Were you thinking about me the night it happened?”
I’m upset now, and I can feel tears coming even though I don’t want them to. I have to sit on my hands to stop Jasper seeing them shake. He reaches out to touch my arm and I don’t tell him to take his hand away.
“I didn’t know until after it happened, seriously. I mean, I saw him chatting to the girls, fooling around, laughing, but I didn’t see him with them like that. Maybe it’s for the best, you know, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.”
I shake my head. I still can’t believe it’s happened, yet it happening is exactly where I knew at the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart we’d end up again.
“You should have told me.”
“Believe it or not, I was thinking about doing so.”
“You’re a coward just like everyone else.”
“I care about you, Penny.”
“Bullshit. You just care about Jasper Stone.”
“Come on, you know that’s not true. I know you’re mad, but you’ve got to be mad at Topher, not at me. I should have told you, you’re right, I’m sorry, I made a mistake. I didn’t want to hurt you, I know that sounds stupid now, but I was trying not to see you get upset.”
“Yeah, well, I am upset.”
“What does Topher say?”
My look tells him all he needs to know.
“That’s going to be a fun conversation.”
“It’s over, Jasper. That fucking ass-hole has cheated on me for the last time.”
This time it’s me that’s finished their pint first. Jasper goes up to the bar and brings me another.
“You not drinking?”
“I’ve got training tomorrow.”
“I thought you were a bad boy.”
“Maybe I’ve gone soft. I’m banned remember.”
“Since when do you take orders from coaches?”
“Since I started drinking with their daughters.”
“Well this time I’m overruling him.”
I go up to the bar, order a pint and bring it back to the table.
“You’re not letting me drink alone.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
“Thanks for coming out, by the way. I needed to get out of the house.”
“That’s alright. I know you haven’t got any other really good looking friends you can call on.”
“Careful, Jasper. I’m still mad at you.”
“Look on the brightside, at least you’re single now.”
“It’s not as easy as that. Topher and I have a lot of emotional shit-.”
“Then just concentrate on the physical, that’s the best part anyway.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“You still meant it though.”
“Have you ever heard the expression, jump in someone’s grave.”
“Come on Penny, Topher’s not dead yet.”
“He might be when I’ve finished with him tonight.”
“Go easy on his right arm, I think it’s just started to work again.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be too busy concentrating on cutting off his dick.”
“It takes a foolish man to cross you.”
“You’ve met Topher.”
“He’s an ass-hole, Penny. He doesn’t deserve you, seriously. I know you think I’m messing around when I say it, but I like you. I liked you from the moment I saw you walk up to me in the airport and I thought to myself, if all cab dri
vers look like this in America I’m going to have to move here permanently.”
I know he wants me to laugh, but the best I can do is a wry smile that makes his eyes light up all the same.
“Don’t they have woman working in sports in your country?”
“We do, we even have women doctors.”
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“You know a lot of people tell me that.”
“A lot of people must know you well.”
“Not as many as you think.”
“Not as many as the papers make out?”
“Nobody special.”
“Not yet.”
“I’ve got plenty of time.”
“You go back to England in seven months, and I’m engaged to be married. It would never work.”
“You think Moxlin can win a game this season?”
“They might have a better chance when I cut Topher’s dick off and get him focussing solely on his football career.”
“Then never say never. Plus, I thought you were recently single.”
“I’ve still got to break the news.”
“Then that gives us every chance.”
“Now’s not the right time, Jasper.”
He spins his pint glass, a moist circle carved into the beer mat. A silence filled with potential, but so not the right time to be thinking about it. My heart is sore, I’m tired, I’m embarrassed and disappointed and a lot more numb than I thought I would be. Part of me feels relief. Another part, somewhere dark and hidden deep within me, wanted this to happen, needed this release. Nothing to do with Jasper and his bulging biceps, his huge dick and his beautiful eyes and everything to do with me, my potential, what I needed and Topher was not providing for me. Sex? If you count two pumps and a squirt twice a month I suppose. Twins? It could have been hundreds for all I know. Perhaps I’ll never know but it doesn’t matter now. I’m so over Topher. I was over him the first time, I was just too weak to realize it. Now? Now I’m stronger, weaker, more apathetic. Now I have a drinking partner in Jasper. Now I have a new player I can lose myself in. What the fuck does it matter? Why not have a bit of fun for six months, Topher did. It didn’t stop him. So what if Jasper goes back to England after the end of the season? So what if Moxlin fall apart? So what if I do too and there is no-one there to catch me?
Now the tears come? Fucking hell. This is embarrassing.
“Make me laugh.”
“I’m not sure-.”
“If you don’t make me laugh I’m going to cry. People are going to start looking at us in a weird way and we are both going to feel embarrassed. Tell me a joke.”
“A joke?”
“Yeah, you have those in England, right?”
Jasper gives me a look that for no other reason than him giving it to me, makes me feel a thousand times better.
“Ok. It’s going to be a stupid joke.”
“The stupider the better.”
“You have to laugh.”
“I will if it’s funny.”
“You know you’re putting a lot of pressure on me right now. Forcing me to drink, forcing me to make you laugh.”
“Are you stalling for time?”
“No I'm just-.”
“I’m getting bored now. The moment is passing.”
“Ok. I said to the gym instructor, can you teach me to do the splits.”
“Go on.”
“Have you heard this?”
I shake my head.
“No.”
“Laugh anyway, even if you have.”
“I haven’t heard it.”
“So I said to the gym instructor, can you teach me to do the splits, and he said, how flexible are you?”
Jasper pauses to sip at his beer, the joke already making him stifle a giggle.
“I said, well I can’t do Thursdays.”
“That’s a shit joke.”
“Why are you laughing then?”
“Because it’s a shit joke.”
I am laughing, and it is a shit joke, and I’m laughing because it’s a shit joke.
“Your turn.”
“What do you mean my turn? You’re supposed to be cheering me up here.”
“I’m not even supposed to be here.”
“Well you wouldn’t be if you’d stopped Topher when you should have done.”
“If I had have done would you be here?”
“I’m not even going to entertain that line of thought.”
“Then tell me a joke instead.”
I look away and then look back to him, those perfect eyes of his boring deep inside me. I wonder again, briefly, what it’s like to lie alongside him.
“Alright. How do you kill a circus?”
“A circus?”
“A circus.”
“How do you kill a circus?”
“You’re ruining the joke.”
“I’m not the one telling it.”
“Exactly.”
“Go on.”
“You’ve probably ruined it now.”
“I promise I’ll laugh anyway.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course.”
“How do you kill a circus?”
Jasper shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Go for the juggler.”
I can’t help but laugh and Jasper joins me.
“That’s shitter than my joke.”
“At least you laughed.”
“Ok, I’ve got another one. This’ll make you laugh.”
“If anyone says that before telling a joke it means the joke isn’t funny.”
“Come on, don’t be a dick, just watch.”
“Watch?”
“It’s a visual joke.”
“Please don’t do the elephant.”
“Come on, Penny. I’m not that crude.”
“No, right, of course not. Rugby player that likes to get his dick out at any opportunity.”
Jasper frowns at me.
“You know, if you let me. I saw the way your eyes lit up when you were watching that video.”
“That was purely for work, I told you that already.”
“Alright, relax, I’m not going to do the elephant here. I will, however, do the elephant for you in the privacy of your home or mine if that’s something that appeals to you.”
“You live in a hotel room.”
“It’s still my home.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“You may have trouble resisting playing with the trunk once you see it. I know a lot of other girls have struggled.”
“That’s the funniest thing you’ve said all night.”
“I’m deadly serious.”
“That’s what makes it so funny.”
Jasper does that mock hurt look he seems to have perfected and I have to hold back another laugh.
“Alright, I’m going to do it.”
“Not the elephant, please, I might have trouble resisting.”
Jasper’s smile lights his whole face up.
“I knew it.”
“Come on, before I have to get another pint.”
“Alright, are you ready?”
“Whenever you like.”
Jasper composes himself. He squashes his cheeks in with his palms so his lips smush together and his mouth can barely open to push out the words. “Bus driver?” he says in a weird child like voice, and I can’t help but laugh.
With his hands momentarily away from his cheeks and his face back to normal, he says, “What?”
Again Jasper squashes his face together into a rumpled mess. “Bus driver?”
This time the voice is more insistent, a little more whiney.
“What” comes the level response, once he’s removed his hands once again.
Finally, for a third time Jasper squashes up his face by digging his palms into his cheeks. He pauses for a moment, making me wait for the word.
“Bus driver?” he says again, the voice strained and desperate. “Open the doo
rs.”
It’s so funny I can’t breath for laughing. My voice gets caught in my throat and tears come to my eyes, this time not because I’m upset. It’s funny anyway, but even funnier to see Jasper perform it. When he’s done, he’s smiling so much I can see both rows of his teeth.
“That was, unexpected.”
“I think brilliant is the word you’re looking for. I told you you’d laugh.”
“You’re right, that was brilliant. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I feel better now.”
“That’ll be the two pints.”
“Not just.”
“Now you just need to tell Topher.”
“And we can run off together into the sunset.”
“You make it sound like you had it planned all along.”
“Not with a season to win.”
“Or with a boyfriend of three years.”
I’m gripping the glass so tightly it’s lucky it doesn’t smash.
“Maybe it’s time for a new one.”
“Your words not mine.”
“Yeah.”
Silence drips over us like an old friend.
“I’m here when you need me.”
Jasper has his hand on mine and I’m not asking him to take it away. I’m just staring at it, wondering what it would look like if it stayed there for a lot longer.
“I should go.”
“Should isn’t always the easiest thing to do.”
“Graves, Jasper.”