PAIN

by Wheels, Ashley

  After cleaning up, I leave the room and go back to Abigail. I hope sitting with her and being near somehow gives her comfort. It makes me feel better at least, letting her know I’m there. And that I’m not going anywhere.

  I talk to her, hoping she can hear me. "You know, when you wake up, we need to get your room painted, and get you some new stuff in here. The Hello Kitty theme looks a little outdated, and you're older now. You need a more mature room." I go on with colors and patterns, just nonsense, really.

  It scared me to death when her heart rate went so high. She so sensitive to Chalk's moods. I've seen her get upset when he does, even if she isn't around him. It's like some kind of crazy twin connection. Chalk is technically old enough to be her father, but he's more like a big brother.

  In some ways, Abigail is the luckiest girl in the world. She not only has Chalk and me, but also more than twenty big, tough bikers wrapped around her finger. Any one of the guys would do absolutely anything for their baby girl. She knows it, but she's not spoiled. She's always been such a sweet kid.

  After a while, Tank comes in and asks to sit with her, so I head back out to the living room to see if there's any news about Chalk. The look on his face when he left scared me. He's devastated about what happened, but this was more than that.

  Hound looks up from his ever-present lap-top when I come out. "Any change?"

  I shake my head, sad. "No. Anyone hear from Chalk?"

  Everyone shakes their heads. I sit for a bit, then wander back to Abigail's side. I can't stay away long. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I know, the alarm on her monitor is sounding off again.

  Jumping up, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and stare at the screen. Her heart rate is going up again, as I watch. Dread tightens the pit of my stomach. This is not good.

  "Hang in there, Abby, it's going to be okay. I just need you to hang on." I give her more medication, and hope like hell it works.

  The number continues to climb.

  Abigail's cheeks are flushed with the first sign of color in her face since we found her. If it weren't for that monitor, I might think she was improving, but I know better. Taking out my phone, I text Tank, asking him to come. Next, I call the Doc and ask him to come.

  He taps at the door a few minutes later, and I go out in the hall to talk to him. "She's getting worse, Tank. I called Doc, but it's bad."

  His face, bronzed by wind and sun, pales drastically. "Shit. I have to get Chalk back here. He would never forgive himself if he wasn't here for her and something happens."

  I nod in agreement. He's right. Chalk would kill himself if, God forbid, Abigail dies and he's not here with her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chalk:

  The road flies by under my tires, and I let the wind carry away all the fear and pain. I have no idea how far I've gone, but my tank is nearly empty. I pull into the first gas station I see, and check my phone while the tank fills.

  There's a text from Hound. Mongol Horde did this. There's nothing else. No need for anything else.

  Fury rushes through me. I should have known. This goes back to Vince and the bullshit he tried to pull all those years ago. When he set up that ambush, he must have told them about the whole deal with Abigail. The only question I have is what took them so long to act on the info.

  Never mind. I don't need to know that. They're still dead.

  I pay for my gas, and make my plan. Ice flows through my veins. I don't need to think very hard to know what to do. The gas station shrinks in my rearviews as I race toward the storage place.

  I made plans for a situation like this years ago. The time always comes when a man is forced to act on his own.

  The rusty lock on the door gives me a minute of trouble, but finally flips open, and I pull the door up. Inside, along with fragments of my past are the things I'll need to take the Mongol Horde down, once and for all. Without hesitation, I fill my saddlebags and hit the road again.

  I push my bike for all it will do and make it to Mongol Horde territory in just over three hours, instead of the usual five. My anger grows with every mile that passes, and by the time I cross their border, I'll take out anyone who gets in the way of my revenge.

  Oddly enough, when I get to their town, I have no trouble finding them. Over a dozen bikes are parked outside The Lively Lady. The damn building is still painted that horrendous shade of pink.

  With everything stuffed inside a duffle bag, I head inside. The bikers are nowhere to be seen, and the rest of the place is empty, too. Fuck. Have I missed them? The bartender is the only other person in the joint.

  She looks up with a smile as I approach. "Hey there, you're late. They're already all in the back."

  I give her my most charming grin. "I got a little lost. First time here. Can you show me where to go?"

  She blushes a little and comes out from behind the bar. "Of course. This way." She glances over her shoulder at me as she leads the way. "So you're new?"

  "Kind of. Visiting from another club to help out with some stuff." Hopefully that answer will put any suspicions to rest. I'm so close now, I can't let something that small get in my way.

  She pauses and points down a hall. "Right there at the end, past the rest rooms. I guess just go on in."

  I smile again. "Thanks, sweets." I wait until she goes back to the bar.

  After a full minute, I shove the mens room door open. It doesn't take long to assemble and place the C4 and get everything set. The little detonator switch will allow me to set it off from enough distance to be safe. I survey my work. That much explosive should take out the whole fucking club. Satisfied, I head back out to the front.

  The bartender looks up from behind the bar again. "Hey, honey, need something?"

  Shit. I can't leave her there. She didn't do anything wrong. "Yeah, I just remembered. I need to show you something out front. Someone tagged the building."

  "Shit." She bustles from behind the bar and right out the door.

  I follow and catch her elbow, leading her further away from the building.

  "What's going on?" Her confusion bothers me, but I refuse to answer.

  I have no idea if we're at a safe distance or not, but I'm not taking any chances of getting too far away for the detonator to work. I press the button and throw the bartender to the ground, shielding her with my body.

  The ground rumbles and the air pushes out in a hard wave, strong enough to knock over the bikes. Dust chokes me and I can't see a damn thing. I push myself off the screaming bartender, and sort of feel my way toward where I left my bike. Hopefully, it's not damaged.

  Sirens sound in the distance as I get my first good look at what's left of The Lively Lady. A pile of pink rubble sits there, the dust still settling around it. Nothing could be left alive in that mess.

  I climb on my bike and get the fuck out of town.

  ***

  A few miles down the road, I stop at a fast food joint to wash some of the dirt from the explosion off my face and hands. A cold drink washes some of the debris from my mouth as I check my phone.

  Fuck. There's a missed call from Tank. I click to hear the voice mail.

  "Chalk, you need to get your ass back here, man. She's getting worse. Get the fuck out of your head and get here for her. Now!"

  My fingers go numb and the cup falls, splattering sweet tea and ice all over the floor. The fucking door moves too slow when I hit it, and my bike refuses to start fast enough. Finally, I'm back on the road, heading back to Abigail.

  Sick dread sits like a damn brick in my stomach, and I push the bike even harder than before. I have to get back in time.

  ***

  Fianna:

  The Doc examines Abigail and just shakes his head and starts taking the monitors off her. Hot tears fall from my eyes. Unless we get a miracle, this is it. The Doc says her heart can't possibly sustain this rate much longer.

  When he's gone, I fall to my knees by her bed, praying hard for Chalk to get here. I beg
Abigail to hold on long enough for him to see her. I'm not above using guilt at this point. I remind her how troubled he is, and how horrible it will be for him if he doesn't get to say goodbye to her.

  One by one, the other guys come in and say quiet goodbyes. Some of them don't bother to try and hide the tears. It kills me. Every one of this big, tough men love this tiny girl with all their hearts. I like to think she gave them something they wouldn't have experienced without her.

  There's nothing soft about these men, except when it comes to Abigail. She's given them a taste of how it feels to care so deeply for another person. They've all seen that it's possible for a person to be nothing but pure goodness. My heart breaks for them, as much as for myself. They'll never recover from the loss.

  Tank comes in last and sits on the side of her bed. "Baby girl, I don't know how you did it, but you reached all our hearts. You gave my brothers a taste of true goodness. Thank you. And you saved Chalk. Well, you and Fianna did." He sighs and scrubs dampness off his cheeks. "I wish things were different. I always hoped you would keep proving the doctors wrong. And you did for a long time. Baby girl, I swear to you, those men will pay for hurting you like this. For hurting all of us."

  I feel like a voyeur, watching him pour out his grief, but I can't leave either.

  "Fianna, come here!" Tank's harsh whisper startles me. "She just fucking squeezed my hand."

  By the time I make it to her, her eyes have started to flutter. "Chalk?" Her voice is so thin and frail, I can hardly make out the word.

  "It's Tank, and Fianna, baby girl." I grasp her other hand, praying even harder for her to get better.

  "I need to talk to Chalk." If anything, it sounds weaker.

  "He's on his way, sweetie." I glance at Tank for confirmation, and he nods. "He'll be here soon."

  A soft smile curves her lips. "Fianna, Tank, I want you tell all the guys how much I love them. Tell them don't be angry with me. I had to protect Chalk."

  "I know, baby, it's okay." Tank touches her cheek softly. The sight nearly breaks me.

  She nods her head just barely, before softly speaking again. “Fianna, don’t forget our promise. And take care of Chalk, he loves you so much. Even if he doesn’t say it, ‘k?”

  “I will Abby, I will. I love you, Abigail.” I try to hold back more tears, and fail.

  Abigail's eyelids flutter some more, and she goes silent again. A commotion sounds from the front of the house, and I hope like hell Chalk has made it home.

  The thought no more than passes through my head than the door bangs open and Chalk rushes in. Tank backs away as Chalk falls to the side of Abigail's bed. Her tiny hand disappears in his big one.

  "Abigail, wake up for me, baby girl." His voice shakes, but he keeps talking.

  I move to his side and rest my hand on his shoulder. "She came around for a few minutes, Chalk. She said tell you she loves you."

  "Nooo!" The word is agonized, ripped from his heart. "You can't leave me, baby girl. I need you here." He takes a deep, shaky breath. "Fuck. Abigail, I love you. I did from the moment you burrowed your little head into my neck when I took you out of that car the first time. I'm so fucking sorry I never said it."

  My heart is in shreds for him.

  Abigail makes a soft sound, and her lips curve back into that little secret smile she gets sometimes. Then her thin chest stops moving.

  Chalk sobs his misery as I check for a pulse and find nothing.

  Abigail is gone.

  Epilogue

  Chalk:

  The sun shines brightly, almost happily, as we’re all outside getting ready for a small ceremony. Abigail had told me once she loved the old oak tree in the backyard. I couldn’t bear to take her to a funeral home, so we made all the arrangements to take place here. It took quite a bit of red-tape getting shredded, but we managed to get a permit for a family plot.

  We have a huge cook out to celebrate her life that she graced us all with. BBQs were her favorite, and there was no better way to send her off. I look at everyone here, and think on how we’ll survive the pain without Abigail.

  An odd sense of peace came over me as we said our goodbyes. The pain is still there, still horrible, but I know Abigail is okay. Messer, and his girl Natalie are making some flower settings we can place over Abigail's grave. He’s holding up pretty well, thanks to his girl. Roadkill, the youngest of us, is almost taking her death as hard as I am. I can only hope he’ll remember her sassy ways to help him through the dark times. He always got such a kick out of her. Tank still hasn’t found that special one, but Abigail was able to teach him love comes in all forms. He'll be ready when the time comes.

  Brax, the badass of the bunch, is still banging two girls at a time. Abigail always gave him hell about it, too. I guess some things never change. He's across the way with a chick on either side of him, both hanging on his every word.

  Astro, he found his ol’lady a few years back. They recently got the news that she’s expecting. And they couldn’t be more thrilled. After everything with Abigail throughout the years, he really hoped to have one of his own. He'll be a good dad.

  Karate Joe, that dude is the softest of us all. He’s over there making sure the spot where Abigail lies is perfectly smooth, and without any weeds.

  Every face around me is marked by sorrow, and changed by love. Abigail taught us so much more than we could ever teach her. She changed us all. But most of all she’s changed me. She taught me how to love, to be compassionate. To know that no matter what, I deserve it, too.

  That’s when I look to Fianna, and her beautiful self. Without Abigail, I would have never had the chance to meet her. I won’t make the same mistakes I did with Abigail. I watch Fianna pass the food to the guys, making sure they all got enough to eat before she even thinks about sitting down.

  “Fianna, sugar. Come here.” She looks up, and her eyes sparkle with the sunlight hitting them just right. Fucking perfect. She heads my way, across the yard.

  I look up to the sky, whispering. “Baby girl, thank you.”

  “What’s the matter?” Fianna steps up in front of me, worry marring her face.

  “Nothing’s the matter. Well, at least I don’t think so.” I say, starting to second guess myself. A sudden breeze blows through the back yard. And I know it’s Abigail, letting me know she’s here. With that, there’s no more waiting needed.

  "Fianna. Sugar. I made some mistakes over the years. I’ve done things I’ve regretted. The last thing Abigail taught me is that time is not always promised. And that love is unconditional. I’ve been afraid to accept your love fully. But no more.”

  “Chalk, what is this about?” She’s looking confused.

  “I’m rambling, sorry. Just hang on, one more second. I need to tell you something.” I take a deep breath and just go for it. “Fianna, I love you. And I don’t want to live without all of you, in every way. Would you be my ol’lady, and my wife?” I feel the panic rise in my chest, I close my eyes and wait for it to subside.

  She’s not responding, maybe she doesn’t want that, this life, or fuck, even me?

  I close my eyes again, trying push back the dread and panic, but then I open them to see tears falling down Fianna's face. I brush my thumb over her cheek, wiping the tears away.

  She has her head tilted down, shying away from me. I cup her chin, angling her head up. “Please, Fianna. I can’t lose you, too,” I say softly.

  “You’ll never lose me. I’d thought you never ask. I love you, too, Chalk.” She sighs happily.

  Happiness surges through me and I can’t contain my excitement. I pick her up and spin her around. As soon as she's back on her feet, I lean down to claim her mouth. She sighs and melts against me, those curves fitting even more perfectly than ever.

  Need rushes to my cock. It's been way too long. “Let’s go make it official, first sex as the Prez and First Ol’Lady of the Death Jokers.” I lift her up again, not bothering to make a quiet exit. I want the whole damn world to know
how much I love this woman. And that she loves me back.

  I pause outside our room and fumble with the door. It isn't easy to unlock something when you're totally absorbed with kissing the hottest woman on earth. I finally manage it, though, and carry her in to our bed.

  I want to take my time with her, make it sweet and romantic. But blind need pulses through me, and I strip her clothes away. Breathless, I stand there and stare at her beauty.

  "Fuck, Fianna, you are so perfect."

  She smiles that little secret smile of hers. "Chalk, get those clothes off and make love to me."

  She doesn't need to tell me twice. Everything hits the floor and suddenly, we're skin to skin. There is nothing better in this world. I kiss her, pouring every bit of love, and grief for Abigail, into it. When I finally leave her mouth and kiss down her neck, we're both panting with desire.

  Her beautiful nipples beg for my touch, and I pull one into my mouth, scraping my teeth gently along the sensitive skin. Fianna gasps and clutches at my shoulders. She raises one leg to rest around my hip, and I help, lifting her to bring both legs around my waist. With my woman wrapped around me, I crawl up onto the bed and lay her gently in the middle.

  When I move to pull back so I can taste more of her, she refuses to let go. "Now, Chalk. I want you inside me."

  I slide into her, feeling like I'm finally home. This is how it's meant to be. I try to go slow and easy, but her body drives me. She cries out with every thrust, and tightens around my dick. All too soon, that scorching heat has me driving into her, chasing us both to the edge, and over.

  Later, once we've made love again, and I've told her over and over how much I love her, Fianna leaves our bed. "Chalk, I have something." She goes to her dresser and comes back with an envelope. "Abigail wanted me to give this to you."