I hated her. It was like she couldn’t stand it if someone else had something good happen to them, or that she might’ve lost to me if I’d kept campaigning.
But then I remembered what Luke said to me, that I was a wannabe. That I never fit in with him or his friends. And that stung.
My arms clutched my pillow closer as I tried to muffle my cries. A knock sounded on my door. “Go away, Mom, I don’t want to talk. Maybe later.”
“I’m not your mom, and I’m not coming back later.” Chloe came into the room holding a box of Kleenex, a copy of the New York Times, and a Phantom of the Opera doll. “Scoot over.” She plopped down beside me and hugged me tight.
“Oh, Chloe. Everything is so messed up.”
“I know. But here’s a question for you—if you broke up with Luke, then why are you the one bawling your face off and hurting? What’s going on, Ay? And don’t you dare say nothing. Because I’m your best friend and I’ll know if you’re lying.”
Her wispy hair fell into her face from her loose ponytail. But the concern was evident in the way she rubbed my back, almost motherly.
At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her. What if she confronted Jenna before the election? Then Jenna would surely tell someone about Luke. But I needed to talk to someone. “J-Jenna found the video of Luke on my phone today. She said that if I didn’t drop out of the race and dump Luke, she’d forward it to everyone. I couldn’t let her do that and chance Luke losing out on his future at Michigan. He’d end up with a criminal record. I—I just wanted to protect him.”
Her lips pursed. “Jenna is such an effing a-hole. Someone needs to punch her. Like, yesterday. Why didn’t you just tell Luke? Maybe you guys could’ve figured something out.”
“Because if Jenna found out, she’d have handed the video over. She made it very clear what I had to do.” I took a Kleenex from Chloe and blew my nose. “There’s no way out of this. It was either a broken heart or a fucked-up future. And I’m not going to be responsible for him losing out on Big Ten basketball or going to jail. I mean, he’d be tried as an adult, not a juvenile.”
“Someday, someone’s going to take that girl down. Just wait and see.”
I sniffled. “I wish it was sooner rather than later. But for now, I have to do this, no matter how much it hurts.”
And it hurt like hell. I was already trying to figure out how I’d be able to focus on anything. How I’d pick up the pieces and be able to move on. One thing was for sure—Luke Pressler had made an impact on me. On my heart. And he wouldn’t easily be replaced—if ever.
“You’re in love with him,” Chloe said softly.
I swallowed hard, staring her in the eye. “I was—but this is for the best. I did it for him. Besides, he said I never fit in with him or his friends. And he’s right. I don’t fit in anywhere.”
Chloe frowned. “You fit in with me…and that’s all that matters. I’ve got your back, girl, for always.”
…
By the end of the week, Jenna had won the election. Again.
She’d continue to be class president and do nothing to help out the regular kids like me and Chloe. But to my surprise, there were a lot of write-in votes for me. And that almost acted as a Band-Aid for everything else. At least people had gotten my message.
I was only sorry I couldn’t do anything on their behalf like I’d planned. Since Jenna won, I knew the newspaper was done for, too. Mr. Leaver had already chatted to us about it. He said we’d print our final paper this Friday. But it’d be the paper we wanted to do. So at least we’d get to go out with a bang…
I did my best to avoid Luke. But today, we’d bumped into each other outside the library. I tried to apologize, but he only turned his back on me and walked away. Which was probably for the best. I didn’t need Jenna seeing us together. Not that it should matter now, since the election was done. But I didn’t want to chance it.
Lunch hours were pretty uneventful now. Chloe and I hung out in the library mostly, and instead of spending time with Luke after school and in the evenings, I focused on my play, as well as trying to find opportunities to work on writing projects that might help with Columbia. But so far, nothing had panned out.
God, I felt so empty. So alone. Breaking up with Luke shouldn’t have been this hard—but it was.
“Come on, everyone, we need to focus. Our first show is only a couple of weeks away. Ayla, Dre, let’s run through ‘Suddenly Seymour’ again. I really like how well your voices are blending on this number. But Ayla, you need to try to concentrate a little more. You’re all over the place with your lines.”
“Sorry, I’ll do better this time.” I had to. This was all I had left at this point.
We stood in front of the piano. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Landon waiting in the auditorium chairs. He hadn’t talked to me since Luke and I broke up. But he did glare. A lot. I’d attempted to speak with him yesterday during dress rehearsal, but he walked away. Luke obviously wasn’t the only person I’d hurt in this breakup.
We went through our music and lines from top to bottom, including our costume and set changes. Mrs. Parkins had invited a few more elementary kids and a couple of middle school–aged students to help fill in as our townspeople and shop goers. Which was nice—it made it seem like we had a lot more people than we did. When we finished with our final number, the “Little Shop of Horrors” reprise, Mrs. Parkins clapped.
“You guys and gals are fabulous! You nailed it. I’m so excited. Now, the preorder tickets have gone up for sale online. Some of the local stores have them, and we’ll be selling them in the cafeteria during all the lunches. The main office also has a stack. Make sure you start messaging family and friends on social media. Maybe if we can sell a lot of tickets, we can get a little funding for our spring show.”
We could only hope. But after my failure to keep the paper running, I didn’t have high hopes for this turning out well.
“Oh, and before you leave, I want everyone to see the fabulous playbills that Chloe designed to hand out to our audience. Her cousin did the printing for free as a donation for us.”
She held one up to show a picture of Audrey II, the killer green plant, on the front, along with a cartoonish version of us as the main characters.
“They turned out so awesome.” I squeed, giving Chloe a quick hug.
“I know! I’m totally proud of them.”
Mrs. Parkins helped pick things up then ushered us all out of the auditorium.
In a couple of short weeks, I’d be standing on this stage performing as Audrey. Excitement and nerves screamed beneath my skin. I only hoped we had people to perform in front of. It’d suck if only our parents showed up.
Chloe caught my arm before I could escape. “Nope, you’re going to go out with me tonight. I will not let you spend every night moping in your room, listening to sad songs.”
“Chloe, please, I just really want to go home.”
“I’m not hearing you…” She plugged her ears and started singing, “La, la, la, la.”
“Real mature.” I rolled my eyes.
She grinned at me. “I know. Now come on, let’s go grab some pizza.”
I stiffened. “No. I’m good.”
“Luke’s not working tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about. I think him and Brady are hanging out or something. I overheard them in the hallway earlier making plans. Besides, pizza is your favorite thing—you can’t just give it up.”
She was right, of course. I’d already given up everything else. Besides, it’d been a while since I’d shoved my face full of pizza. “Fine, I’ll go.”
So we drove over to Crusty’s. For a minute, I almost wished I’d see Luke. Just to make sure he was okay. My mind drifted to the times I’d come here to meet with him. How we’d sit out in my car during his breaks, just talking and joking around. How in those moments, I felt like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me.
“Earth to Ayla. Are you okay?” Chloe sai
d.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“How about I go in and order and we can just sit at the park and eat or something,” she said.
“Sure.” I owed it to Chloe to try to have a good time, since she’d been putting up with a very unhappy me this week.
About fifteen minutes later, Chloe came back out holding a pizza and order of cheesy garlic bread.
“So where to?” I asked.
“Let’s go to Statue Falls Park.”
I groaned. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. It’s actually a really nice place. We could hike back and sit by the falls if you want.”
“It’s dark, and you hate nature.”
“I don’t hate it, I just don’t like the creepy-crawly things that linger in it.” She laughed. “Humor me, okay?”
“Fine.” So I drove out to the park. The last time I’d been here, I’d shot the video of Luke and his friends. Tonight it was much quieter. There were a few streetlights on. I didn’t remember them being here before—maybe the city put them in after the vandalism. We hopped out of the car and trudged toward a path behind the statues.
Cool air nipped at my cheeks. Moonlight filtered in through the canopies above, and soon I heard the rush of water in the distance, the constant pounding of the falls hitting the rocks below.
Chloe turned on the flashlight on her phone and sat down beside me on a large boulder that was half-buried in the ground. Immediately, bugs seemed drawn to it.
“Ew, maybe I should leave the light off,” she said.
“I’m good with eating in the dark—we just need to make sure nothing gets onto our pizza,” I said, with a laugh.
“Great, now I’m going to be paranoid about that, too.”
“Hey, this was your idea,” I reminded her.
We ate in silence for long minutes before Chloe said anything. “So, I’ve been really worried about you lately. It’s like ever since you and Luke broke up, you can’t find yourself.”
I set my half-eaten piece of pizza down. “I don’t really want to talk about him. It’s better this way.”
“Better for who, Ayla? You? Because you’ve been miserable. You can’t lie to me about this…”
“Look, I have feelings for Luke, but we’re done. And you didn’t hear him that day. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, either.”
“Um—back that up a minute. You realize you just said that you have feelings for him, not had, past tense. I’m also willing to bet that he didn’t say anything about not wanting you around until after you told him you wanted to break up. It’s a natural defense mechanism. If you won’t listen to me about still having feelings about Luke, at least listen to yourself.”
I swallowed hard. Of course she was right. I still had feelings for him. But they were more than feelings. I was in love with Luke Pressler—but there was no way we could be together, no matter how much I wanted it to happen. It was better this way. Safer.
“You know, you don’t have to give up on him. We can figure this Jenna thing out together…”
“Maybe.” But there was no maybe about it. I really wanted him back, but I had no idea how to even begin to apologize. Problem was, he might not want me anymore, not after how badly I’d treated him.
This sucked. Could I really put myself out there if I wasn’t sure if he even had feelings for me anymore?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Luke
I watched Ayla walk across the parking lot with Chloe when I picked up Landon from play practice. My stomach knotted. I’d mostly managed to avoid her since our breakup a couple of weeks ago. A part of me missed her. Her late-night texts. Her jokes. The way she used to smile at me when we were alone. How could I miss her? It was ridiculous—she’d torn my heart out and stomped on it.
The wind caught her dark hair, and she raised a hand to smooth it back down, not even noticing me.
I should’ve known better than to fall for her, so in a way, it was my own fault. Besides, she’d been very up front with me when we broke up. Everything had been an act. She’d used me.
Not wanting to rehash it all again, I turned up the volume on my radio and stared at the school building instead, waiting for Landon to come out.
At least things at my dad’s had been going okay. So far, anyway. Landon had been doing so much better, as far as sleeping and eating. And if I was being honest, so was I. At least for the most part, when I wasn’t thinking about Ayla.
My phone buzzed, and I rushed to see who’d messaged me. Brady. For a brief second, I’d thought it might be Ayla. Which was stupid to even consider.
Brady: Want to meet up at my place? I’m having one last bonfire for the season.
I sighed and typed: Sorry, don’t really feel like it.
Brady: C’mon. I promise, it’ll just be us. No Jack. No girls. Just us, hanging out.
Did I really want to just go back to my room and think about the breakup all night? Because that’s exactly what’d happen. I’d try to focus on my homework, then something would remind me of her. Then I’d get pissed off all over again that we broke up, then I’d be up all night rehashing every single conversation we’d had. I needed a break.
I’ll swing by for a little bit, but I have to drop Landon off first.
Brady: See you then.
Landon came out the side door, and I pulled up to the curb. When he climbed in, he slouched down in the seat. “I hate this,” he said.
“Hate what, buddy?”
“Hate that you and Ayla aren’t together. Why’d she have to break up with you?” He turned his big blue eyes on me. “I miss her.”
I chewed on my dry lips, turning to face forward. “I do, too.”
“Can’t you fix this? Like you fixed us being able to be with Dad again?” He touched my arm. “Because I don’t think she really wants to be away from us—I mean, she wouldn’t have helped us all those times if she didn’t like us, would she?”
He didn’t understand that there were some things I couldn’t fix. Ayla had made it super clear that she didn’t like me. But Landon was right—why would she have gone to all that trouble of helping us if she didn’t care? It made no sense. Maybe he was onto something. Maybe I needed to confront her. But I didn’t want to get Landon’s hopes up.
“I would if I could, Landon. Trust me.”
“You miss her, too. You’ve been really sad since she’s been gone. So has she. She’s been messing up during play practice, and I saw her crying the other day. So if you’re both sad, that means you miss each other.”
I didn’t respond, but again, my eight-year-old brother seemed to have a lot more insight than I gave him credit for. Damn it. I didn’t want to think about Ayla. But could it be possible that she did miss me, too? If so, was I ready to really give up on us? Maybe I should fight for her, let her see I liked her and that it wasn’t about the video or the blackmail.
I had a lot of things to think about.
For the rest of the ride, he was quiet. When we pulled up in front of our house, I let him out. “Aren’t you coming in?”
“I’m going to head over to see Brady for a while. Can you let Dad know I’ll be back later?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he said. He grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat, then hurried inside.
I drove around the looping road until I reached Brady’s house. After I parked, I followed the path that led to the backyard.
The fire pit blazed with the bright orange and yellow flames. Brady sat on one of the benches, roasting a marshmallow. “Hey, man, you made it.”
“Yeah.” I plopped down beside him and grabbed a roasting stick. He handed me the bag of marshmallows, and I took two out and slid them down the metal prongs, then proceeded to hold it over the fire. “So how come you didn’t invite all the guys over?”
“Because I wanted to hang out with you,” Brady said. “Haven’t been seeing a whole lot of you since you and Ayla broke up. You’ve been hiding out.”
I shrugged. �
��Just didn’t want to talk about it. Besides, I’ve had a lot of homework.”
“Really? That’s your lame-ass excuse?” Brady snorted. “You do know we have almost all the same classes, right? And you’re not busting your ass at Crusty’s anymore, which means more free time.”
With a sigh, I took my marshmallows out of the fire and slid them onto a graham cracker that already had a square of chocolate on it. “Look, I don’t really want to get into this tonight. It’s been a long couple of weeks.”
“I know,” Brady said. He set his s’more down on a plate and watched me for a second. “So before you decide you’re totally done with Ayla—”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it. We’re done, end of story. I want to move on.”
“Damn, you’re being a stubborn ass tonight. Chloe told me today that Jenna found the video on Ayla’s phone, and that’s why she broke up with you. She was trying to protect you. She gave up the election—and you—in order to keep Jenna from turning us in.”
“Wait, what?”
Brady ran a hand through his hair. “Think about it—even you said the breakup seemed to come out of nowhere. And from what Chloe said, Ayla’s miserable, too.”
Could it be true? Landon had said something similar. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get my hopes up again. “She said she’d only used me for the election.”
“Then why didn’t she wait to break up with you until after she won? See what I mean? Doesn’t make sense. You have to fix this…I don’t care if there are consequences for us or not. You’re my bro, and I hate seeing you like this.” Brady stood and came over to me. He grabbed my arm and tugged me up. “Whatever you decide to do, I got your back.”
“Shit. How could I be so stupid? But I said some mean things to her, too. She hurt me, and I got pissed. I don’t know if I can fix that.”
“You can and you have to, because I’m sick of seeing you all depressed and shit.”
“Well, this definitely changes things. I’ve got to find a way to make this up to her. She took the fall for me. Well, I guess for us. Damn. I mean, the school paper got canceled. She’d planned on using her presidency to save it.” Which meant she and the others were likely screwed for their college stuff. “There’s something I need to do. Can I get a rain check on this?”
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