Refusing to give in to her incessant stabs, I turn to retreat down the hallway.
“You know I’m right, or else you would have fought for yourself just now,” Raven calls out after me with an infuriating amount of self-assurance in her voice.
I whirl around to face her for one final statement. “You’re wrong. I just choose to fight my battles on the stage instead of behind other people’s backs.”
She has nothing to fire back at me as I make my quick escape.
An hour has passed, and according to the program, our turn is coming up right after Raven performs “I Look So Good (Without You)” Jessie James style. As she walks onto the stage, a part of me can’t help but envy her looks and self-confidence. She does look perfect up there. Just like the pop star I’m sure she was destined to be.
Even though she should be expelled for what she did, no one has the guts to stand up to her. All of us are too afraid of her to step in her path. No one has heard my side of the story about the diary incident yet because I didn’t want to speak out for fear of retaliation. The results of the court case were public for anyone to see. I’m innocent in the world’s eyes, yet I still feel weakened by her, trapped. I’m always walking on eggshells, waiting for the next attack. When will it end?
When she opens her mouth, the audience draws in a collective gasp, and I hear suppressed squeals from girls who obviously need a better role model to look up to. The song fits her perfectly, and even though it’s a good one, I can’t help but notice that it points out everything I hate about her—the way she’s skin deep. The way she thinks she’s better than everyone else. How willing she is to toss people aside after she ruins their lives.
By the time she’s done, I have so much pent up anger inside of me that cowardice is a thing of the past. I’m raging and ready to talk to this audience. No one is going to be able to stop me from speaking my mind this time. The world needs to hear my side of the story for once. It’s time to be my own superhero, just like I promised myself I would.
Logan brings his drum set onto the stage just as Raven is walking off. The cheers for her have still not died down as the four of us get into position. As I adjust the mic in its holder, every thud roars in my ears. This is my moment—not just to debut my true talent, but to tell the truth, once and for all. It’s my moment in the spotlight. Their love for her is about to be tested. Whatever the outcome, I’m confident I’m doing the right thing. I’m standing up for myself and everyone I love.
“Hello, everyone.” Hearing my voice loud and booming across the auditorium throws me off for a second, so I jerk away from the mic. Light laughter ripples across the audience. I spot Dad and Cass front and center, where I expected them to be. Dad waves at me and Cass holds up a thumb in approval. I smile down at them, forgetting all the pain of the last few weeks and remembering only how much they love me.
“Sorry, I’m not used to being up here. Before we get started, I wanted to say thank you for being our first audience. If all goes well, we’re hoping you’ll get to see a lot more of us in the future.”
Far in the back, I catch a glimpse of Jess in her wheelchair with her oxygen tank. Even through her pain, she’s smiling at me. Flashing her a slight smile, I fight the guilt assaulting my chest. I know it hurts her when I encourage this stupid feud between Raven and myself, but I can’t remain silent any longer.
“Also, I wanted to clear up some things you may have heard about me. As some of you may know, my diary was hacked recently, and Ra…the person who did it changed the content. My Dad is awesome. Cass is amazing and also my inspiration. I’ve never had a bad word to say about her. What you read in my diary about her was not from me. Another person you need to know about—and keep an eye out for—is my boyfriend, Logan Caldwell.”
I gesture back to Logan, who waves and elicits applause.
“This person is my rock, my love, and I would never use him for anything, much less as a stepping stone to get to his cousin, who happens to be one of my best friends, nothing more. The person who changed my diary did it with malicious intent. Please don’t believe everything you hear about me. I’m just a girl with a dream from Kentucky who wouldn’t hurt a fly and lives for the guitar. I also sing. Here’s ‘Masked Girl’, an original.”
I start out the song singing along with a soft acoustic guitar riff. Then as the music joins me and the song lyrics get more intense, I shed the acoustic guitar and give it my all. I search the audience for Raven, especially when I sing the lyrics:
Sing me the song of betrayal and lies
Show me the fear underneath your disguise
She’s nowhere to be found, which I expected, but the audience must have connected with my quest, because they’re eating it up. After the song, people spring to their feet all over the auditorium and scream as they applaud. Blushing and trembling, I smile and tip my head slightly.
“Thank you, everyone.” I kiss my fingers and hold them out to the audience before grabbing my guitar and heading backstage again with the guys.
After a long wait, the principal calls us all on the stage to await the declaration of the winner. He opens a piece of paper at the mic and grimaces.
“Well, it looks like the original winner, Raven Redinger, is disqualified. We received word she was using illicit means to secure her win. She will be disciplined accordingly.”
My heart jumps. I look to both sides of me, and the guys shake their heads, letting me know they didn’t do it. None of us ratted her out. Someone else must have decided to expose her to the school staff.
“Now, without further ado, allow me to announce the winners of this year’s talent show—Madison Daley’s and Dalton Jacobs’s band, Rejects Royale!”
All four of us scream and grip each other, jumping up and down as the crowd erupts in applause. The fact that we would have been second without Raven’s poor judgment doesn’t faze us. We won something on our first try. What a way to start an assuredly killer career.
The principal approaches Dalton and me with a modest trophy. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Dalton and I accept it, then make sure Logan and Max have a chance to grasp it before we turn to the audience, basking in another round of applause. Logan leans down and sneaks a kiss from me, grinning from ear-to-ear. I glance down at Dad and Cass, certain I see tears in their eyes.
It’s a victory, even if it’s a small one. Hopefully there are more to come.
After a long night of “thank yous” and talking about our band to complete strangers, all of us head out of the auditorium, meeting Ana, Chandler, and Devon out in the lobby. The three of them pull me into one gigantic hug.
“We’re so proud of you!” Ana squeezes me within an inch of my life.
“You guys were great.” Devon’s dark eyes sparkle with unshed tears as her attention flits between Dalton, Logan, and me. “I’m so proud to call you my family.”
“Great job, guys.” Chandler’s voice trembles, and she mashes her lips together. The way her eyes are glittering makes me curious about what she’s been up to. I know that mischievous look.
“Chan? What’s going on?”
Her mouth bursts into a grin. “I know a secret, and I’m not telling.”
“What? Well, now you’ve got to tell me. What’s going on?”
Chandler pulls me aside, away from the boisterous crowd that my friends and family make up. We lean against the wall together.
“Full disclosure, I missed your part of the show.” Cringing, her eyes plead for my forgiveness. “I drank a whole bottle of water during the first half of the show and by the time Raven came on the stage, I had to go so bad I couldn’t hold it in.”
“Aw, Chan…”
“So sorry! Anyway, when I came back, I heard Mari and some of the other girls giggling about how they’d given everyone liquor so they wouldn’t perform well. I overheard their whole conversation. Immediately, I found where the principal was sitting in the back of the auditorium and asked to talk to him outs
ide. He made sure to inform the judges of what Raven did, and not only was she disqualified from winning, she’s no longer a Wilcox student. Bullying you had already put her on probation, apparently, and distributing alcohol to minors on school property was the last straw. Our halls are safe again. Raven Redinger is out of here for good.”
A huff slips out of me. I expected to be thrilled at this news. When Raven fell, I thought I’d be rejoicing in her wake. Now that the time has come, I feel broken and empty. That’s my sister who got kicked out of school. Now on top of being ill and dying, Jess has to deal with this.
“What’s wrong, Mads? I thought you’d be whooping by now.”
Sighing, I say, “I thought so, too. This is not how things were supposed to be. My mother’s dying, my sister’s a lost cause, and I’m just…lost.” My voice cracks. “This should be the best time of my life. We won the show. I’m going to prom with Logan soon. I’m graduating in May. But they’ve put this damper on my life, this poisonous gas cloud over my head that I can’t seem to shake—”
“Then get rid of them.” Chandler lays a gentle hand on my arm. “Winning against Raven doesn’t have to mean a crushing defeat, like the one I just dealt her.” She grins, proud of herself. I smile back at her. Chandler deserves to gloat. She beat her bully, stomped her to the ground, and lived to tell the tale. “For you, it might mean letting her go. Letting it all go.”
“What are you saying?” I furrow my brows, genuinely confused.
“I’m saying you need to move on. Enjoy your life, and don’t worry about her. The truth is, she isn’t worth the trouble. She’s never going to be a person who’s worthy of you. Toxic people belong in your past, not your present or future.”
A strange sense of relief washes over me at Chandler’s words. She’s right—I’ll win by letting Raven go. Not by beating her or crushing her, but by living better without her. There are still some things I feel are unresolved between us—like why she hated me in the first place—but I don’t know if the answers to those questions are going to make me feel better.
Nothing is going to feel okay until she’s out of my life for good. That’s the real victory.
February 5
We Are the Champions
Wow. Nothing compares to the rush of winning. I don’t care we won by default. We won. All the people in that auditorium found out who we really are and that we’re a band to watch for. We got a standing ovation when our names were announced. I can’t wait to see how people respond to us in concert.
Raven’s little stunt with the vodka-filled “water cups” got her expelled. She’s not allowed on campus at Wilcox anymore. Her psychosis must have reached unmanageable levels for her to do something that obvious and stupid. Hashtag karma! Her loss is our gain. A talent agent was definitely in the audience. We didn’t get to find out who it was, but they know how to reach us. Even though we didn’t get to meet the person, I’m hoping we left an impression on them. You never know who it’s going to be. Some people were taping us, too, so there’s a chance our video might end up on the web somewhere.
No matter what happens, I know Logan, Dalton, Max, and I have this in the bag. We’ve got the “stuff,” according to Dad. He and Cass were so proud when they met us after the performance. I think my public confession of my love for Dad and Cass helped break down the wall between us. Chandler was right all along. I was the only person who could save myself and get the world to see me differently.
Chandler and I also talked last night about letting Raven go. She’s absolutely right. My life is perfect. Why should I waste my time worrying about someone who’s never going to be as happy as me?
I’ve got so many amazing things going for me. It’s time to let the toxicity drain out of my life. I hope that’s not one of those things that’s easier said than done.
Ttyl,
Mads
Strong hands hold my arms in place and warm lips trail kisses down my neck as I blend the cookie dough, being careful not to mix it too fast. Logan insisted I go out to the store, in the middle of our Valentine’s Day, to get some cookie dough ingredients. I’ll admit to being a little pissed about it until I came home and saw how romantic baking together can be. The closeness and the rich smell of the semi-sweet chocolate chips breaking in the dough intoxicates us, bringing us together over something we have in common—a love for desserts.
He has taken every opportunity to shower me with affection today, and I am loving every second of it. This morning we shared one of his delicious breakfasts together and spent the rest of the day wrapped up in each other’s arms, watching chick flicks I know he would never watch unless it was Valentine’s Day and he was trying to spoil his girlfriend.
When I feel his hands trailing up my arms and into my mass of hair, I release a moan, barely keeping my composure enough to turn the egg beater off as I relax into his touch.
“You know I love it when you play with my hair.”
“There’s a lot to play with,” he says with a chuckle. “It’s so soft and inviting.”
“Yeah, but this is not fair. You’re tearing me apart between having my hair played with and having fresh-baked cookies in the oven.”
Logan drops his hands to his sides. “You’re right. Let’s get this finished.”
After checking to make sure the batter is thoroughly whipped, Logan and I scoop small portions onto a clean, non-stick cookie sheet and open the preheated oven. The warmth sweeps over us, reminding me of a wave of summer heat. I carefully place the cookie sheet inside the oven and close it, loving the accomplished feeling of putting a dish in the oven. Logan doesn’t let me cook much, and neither do Dad and Cass, so I had forgotten how good it can feel to make something from scratch.
“Well, there we go, babe.” I turn to Logan with a smile. “Fresh—”
I’m interrupted by my favorite pair of lips on mine. Still smiling ever so slightly, I lean into his kiss, enjoying his burst of passion. Logan scoops me up by the legs and places me squarely on the clean part of the counter. I feel his arms squeeze around my core. He pulls me so close I can feel his thundering heartbeat against my chest.
“I thought I could wait,” he rasps, “but I can’t.”
Lifting me easily, as if I were a ragdoll, Logan carries me back toward the bedroom. As willing as I am, my body stiffens at the thought of losing the cookies we just baked.
“Logan, we need to wait a few minutes until the timer goes off.”
“I can run back in here to get them. First, I want to show you something.”
We arrive in front of our bedroom door in no time at all, and Logan pauses before opening it. I feel the tremble in his limbs as he takes in a deep breath.
“I’m about to show you the real reason I sent you out today. I looked way back in time at some earlier entries of your diary that weren’t edited and saw the real you. The one who wanted to wait for something special before you got in bed with a guy. So I decided I was going to do it up right.”
I gasp, my heart pounding as I wait to see what he has in store for me.
Logan pushes the door open to show me the bedroom filled with lit vanilla candles and decorated with scattered rose petals. The aroma fills my senses, mixing with the smell of melting chocolate wafting in from the kitchen.
Logan brings his lips to my ear and kisses it before whispering, “I love you, Madison Daley. I always will.”
Tears flood my eyes. He read the entry where I wrote how I wanted to lose my virginity and is now reenacting the scene I described word for word. What did I ever do to deserve him?
He carries me over to the bed and lays me down amidst dozens of soft, fragrant red petals. I close my eyes to relish the smell, expecting his kiss. It doesn’t come for several seconds. Opening my eyes, I question him without words. He shakes his head as if I’ve woken him out of a trance.
“Sorry. That was just such a pretty picture.”
Smiling, I pull him down by the neck into a kiss that tells him I feel exactly fo
r him what he feels for me. Whispered words of love drown out the street noise and the sound of footsteps in the apartment above us. Our consciousness fades until we’re only consumed with each other. He lets his body weight down on his elbows on either side of me. I feel the strength of his body as well as his love, his self-control, and his sacrificial nature.
The kitchen timer interrupts us just before he reaches for the button on my jeans. Logan presses up onto his knees despite protest from me.
“Sorry, sweets. Be back in a second. Get comfortable.”
He darts out of the room so fast that all I see is a blur. Squirming, I push up into a sitting position while I wait for him. Now that I’m in this situation, I don’t have a clue what to do. Should I go ahead and undress myself? Should I wait for him to undress me? This is all so confusing. I had no idea sex could be this complicated.
My shirt is half on, half off when Logan comes back into the room. I pause, waiting on his response with bated breath. He grins and peels his shirt off, enjoying the way I lick my lips at the sight of him.
“God, it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for this,” he says as he kneels on the bed in front of me. His core bends, showing off the chiseled rack of muscles I knew were hiding under there.
Taking both my hands in his, he leans forward and kisses me. I lean back until I’m lying down on the bed, shaking like a leaf.
He pulls back, looking concerned. “Babe, are you okay?”
“I just don’t know what to expect,” I admit.
He leans over me and moves one hand over the curves of my body, taking his time and never letting his eyes leave mine. “Just leave it to me, sweetheart. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
I smile and let out a breath. Logan kisses me as he pulls my shirt off, only breaking the kiss to lift it over my head. Then we take turns unbuttoning each other’s jeans and pulling them down, leaving us only in our underwear.
D.O.R.K. Series Box Set Page 59