“Seriously,” she scoffs. “Stop trying to be a killjoy. I’ll spoil my niece and nephew any way I see fit. Did you call Mom and Dad back last night?”
“Yes, Cat,” I answer, my tone laced with annoyance. “I’m next in line, I have to go.”
“All right. I’ll call you when I’m ready to bring the kids home. You just relax and enjoy your day. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Guilt gnaws at me as she disconnects the call and I make a mental note to do something nice for her later. I’m so lucky to have a sister like Cat. She’s been good to me—better than I deserve, for sure.
Coffee in hand, I make my way out to the patio, eager to enjoy the lovely day. Fall weather in the south can be quite beautiful, especially in early October. I love the crisp air and the way it smells. It sets a charming scene with the vibrant colors of the changing leaves and the way they dance in the wind. Nothing feels better than the way the warmth from the high autumn sun mixes with the slight chill of the fall air so perfectly.
Snagging a seat at one of the empty tables, I take my book out of my bag before sipping on my coffee. The caramel goodness slides down my throat as I begin reading my book, humming with contentment.
I’m already lost in the pages when the screeching sound of a chair moving across the patio catches my attention. I look up through my lashes and drop my book onto the table as I do a double-take. The same cocky smile from last night greets me and before I have a chance to stop it, I find myself shrieking, “You have got to be kidding me!”
“It’s nice to see you too, Lizzy,” Brenden replies, unfazed by my outburst as he makes himself comfortable in the chair across from me.
Sitting back in my chair, I cross my arms, trying my damnedest to hide any evidence of my increased heart rate. As a flutter takes flight in my stomach, a traitorous flush crawls up my neck to my cheeks.
His laughter fills the space between us as he eyes my demeanor, and damn if it doesn’t make me want to laugh right along with him. Holding my breath, I bite down hard on my lip to keep my composure. This guy seriously needs to back the fuck off. His charm is alarming and I’m disturbed by how well it seems to work on me.
“What the hell do you want from me?” I ask, cutting my eyes to him.
“I just wanna take your time,” he answers smoothly, a slight melody to his tone. It reminds me of a game I use to play with Xander. Emotions threaten to take over, but I take a deep breath and push them away.
“Sam Hunt fan, are we?” I scoff.
“Nah...he stole that line from me.” His answer has so much conviction behind it, I can’t seem to catch the smile that spreads across my face in time to stop it.
“Look at that!” he exclaims, his eyes glowing with excitement. “She does know how to smile, and damn, it’s beautiful.”
I purse my lips in an attempt to remove the smile from my face, but have to avert my eyes as my lips spread wide again. It’s unsettling how easily he seems to break through my walls—how I feel more like myself right now than I have in years.
Maybe I’ve officially gone crazy. I don’t even know this guy and he keeps showing up everywhere I go, but instead of running away screaming, I’m sitting here thinking about how oddly comfortable I feel around him.
When laughter comes bubbling out of me, solidifying my thoughts, Brenden freezes for a moment, his eyebrows lifting in surprise before his lips curve into a lazy smile.
“Wow...and she has an amazing laugh to match that beautiful smile,” he comments, shifting his body forward a bit.
“Do you always hit on married women?” I snap as my body becomes heated, hoping my harsher tone will mask the heaviness in my breaths.
“No,” he says with a nervous chuckle, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck. His face falls, his eyes darkening as he looks off into the distance. By the time he brings them back to focus on me, his cool demeanor is back in place. “Just calling ‘em like I see ‘em. I’ve been wondering about that smile since the first time I laid eyes on you, and I have to say, it exceeded all my expectations.”
Unsure of what to say or how to respond at this point, I stay quiet, allowing silence to fall between us. Brenden’s eyes never leave me even as I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. The softness emanating from him tugs at something in my heart, stirring things inside me that have been dormant for a very long time. Ready to bolt, I move to stand, but my head spins and chest tightens, making it hard to breathe. I don’t realize what’s happening until everything begins to go black.
“You know, the party’s inside,” an unfamiliar male voice says, taking a seat next to me on the front porch of the frat house.
I ignore the guy in hopes he will go away, but he only tries again.
“I, uh...I think we have bio together. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with Professor Pratt at ten-thirty.”
Not allowing my eyes to land on him, I turn, raising my eyebrows as I frown. If ignoring him hadn’t worked, perhaps being a bitch will. Sighing, I wish for the hundredth time I hadn’t come to this damn party in the first place and return my attention back to the banister. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?” he asks, humor in his voice. Too bad I’m not amused. After being ditched by my roommate and having a drink spilled on me, all I want is to be left alone.
“Perhaps you need to learn how to take a hint,” I reply, sitting straighter in my seat as I position myself farther away from him.
“Perhaps,” he responds, chuckling again, “but I tend to go after what I want, and I’ve been dying to talk to you for weeks. There is no way I’m walking away without giving it my all, so you might as well give me a chance.”
I can’t help but laugh at his audacity as I whip my head around, wanting to get a better look at the guy who’s so sure of himself—which is a bad idea. He is beautiful—breath-catching, heart-fluttering, mush-mouth beautiful. From his finger-roaming shaggy hair to his deep brown eyes and full, plump lips.
Without a word, I rotate away from him, wanting to hide the blush on my face from the heat spreading through my body.
“I’m Xander,” he says, positioning himself back in my line of sight.
“Xander?” I sneer, allowing myself to look at him again. “What kind of name is that?”
“Okay, you got me. It’s actually Alexander, but I’ve been going by Xander since I was like twelve,” he admits. His lips curve into a sheepish grin and he shrugs his shoulders, making him appear even more attractive—a feat I thought impossible.
“What? Were you like a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan or something?”
“Maybe...” he answers, laughing at himself as he shakes his head. “We can’t all have beautiful names like Elizabeth to go along with our beautiful face.”
My eyes wide, I ask, “How the hell do you know my name?” Butterflies flutter in my belly as his compliment continues to bounce around my head.
“I told you, we have class together. Three times a week,” he answers with a lopsided grin.
Crossing my arms, I scowl at him. “So, we’ve gone from ‘I think we have class together’ to you knowing my name?”
“Okay...you’ve got me again,” he chuckles as he holds his hands up. “I may have done some digging to get some information on you, and I may have asked around about you while trying to find a way to run into you outside of class, which may be why I’m at this stupid party in the first place.”
I’m both floored and flattered by his confession. I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would go to such great lengths to meet me.
“Stalker much?” I ask, pulling my features together in an attempt to appear upset rather than show the excitement I’m feeling.
“Perhaps,” he says, laughing as he rubs his jaw. “What can I say? You’re an extremely beautiful girl. I know a good thing when I see it, and I was not about to leave meeting you to chance.”
“Lizzy?” I call out as her eyes go unfocused and breathing labors. Goosebumps form on my
skin when she doesn’t respond. I’ve seen one of my kids have a panic attack and it looked very similar to what is happening with her now.
“Lizzy, are you okay?” I try again as my palms become sweaty. My blood rushes through my veins and heart rate increases as my own panic begins to set in. When her breathing becomes more erratic, I move to a seat closer to her, pull her chair away from the table, then rest on my haunches in front of her. The breath she takes in is sharp while the ones coming out remain short. She’s struggling to calm herself.
“Take deep breaths, Lizzy,” I coach, my voice low and soothing. Taking her hands in mine, I guide her closer until her head is resting on my shoulder, willing her to use my strength for support. “Breathe. Slow, deep breaths,” I continue, moving one hand to run up and down her back. When her breathing becomes steadier, although still shallow, the weight on my shoulder increases. Lifting her hands to grasp my shirt, she pulls me closer, pressing herself harder into me. The act makes my body stiffen. My chest tightens as my heart stutters, but I shake it off.
“That’s it, Lizzy. Focus on each breath, okay? You’ve got this, beautiful,” I murmur, calming her until her breathing is more regulated and I feel confident she isn’t on the verge of passing out. After a few moments, she lifts her head from my shoulder and peers into my eyes. Red streaks stain her porcelain skin from the tears still rolling down her cheeks. Her glossy green eyes move back and forth over my face, haziness remaining heavy in them.
“Xander?” she whispers with so much sorrow, my own heart seizes. Not sure how to respond, I place my hands on her arms and stroke them for a moment before pulling her back into me.
Muddy Veins
“Shhh...you’re all right.” A deep male voice coaxes me into consciousness, and the present begins to seep its way back in. His voice soothes me while other’s chatter in the distance. Staying focused on my breathing, I try to make sense of my surroundings. “No,” the strong voice replies to the distant muttering, “she’s fine. I have it under control.”
My vision starts to clear and the fuzziness lifts from my mind. I take in my surroundings as my mind processes the warm arms around me and the hard chest under my head. When I take another deep inhale, a mixture of leather, the outdoors, and the faint aroma of masculine soap washes over me.
As everything begins to click into place, my heart stops and my muscles go taut. I just had a panic attack for the first time in months. Not only had it been in a public place, but it was Brenden’s arms offering me so much comfort. Icy guilt runs through my veins and I launch out of my chair, effectively knocking myself to the ground. It’s perfect, actually, since I hadn’t made a big enough fool of myself already.
Brenden jumps to his feet, his eyes wide with concern. “Shit! Are you okay?” he asks, extending his hand out to help me back to my feet.
“I’m fine,” I reply, ignoring his hand. The hot sting of embarrassment burns in my chest once I’m standing and looking him in the eyes.
“Are you sure?” He places his large hands on my shoulders as he leans in to study my face.
“I’m okay.” I nod, though I think I’m trying to reassure myself just as much as Brenden.
“Is there anything I can do or get for you?” he asks, keeping his voice low and smooth.
“Not unless you have a hole I can crawl into or a rock to crawl under,” I reply, offering him a pitiful half-smile. There was a time when moments like these were common for me, but I haven’t had to deal with this type of embarrassment for months now.
Once the dust from the chaos of Xander’s accident settled, I started having panic attacks. It was like every time my mind tried to process what was happening, it would go into freak-out mode.
I thought they would get better as time passed and tried to deal with them myself. For six months, they plagued me, impacting my daily life. By then, I finally realized this wasn’t something I could control and sought out professional help—Dr. Christine Gentry. I’m still not sure I trust her. In fact, I’d say she’s a complete quack if her techniques hadn’t worked so quickly and efficiently.
“I’m afraid I’m all out,” he quips, shrugging as his mouth quirks up in an encouraging smile. I stand stock-still as he tucks a stray hair behind my ear. The contact feels like a tiny electric shock and I gasp inaudibly from the sensation.
“I should go,” I rush out, stepping around him before reaching to grab my things from the table.
“I'll walk you to your car.” His firm, matter-of-fact tone tells me he isn’t asking, and I’m too embarrassed to argue. Instead, I head toward my car as fast as my legs will carry me with Brenden hot on my trail.
I hit unlock on my key fob the second it comes into view and make it to the door in record time. As I reach to open it, Brenden brushes past my side and grips the handle, opening the door for me. Something like that may not seem like a big deal to him. In fact, it could very likely be common practice, but I’m not happy with his gesture. My interactions with him are bizarre, inappropriate, and confusing. I need him to leave me alone.
When I swing around, ready to give him hell, the look on his face makes me pause. He’s regarding me as if I’m someone he cares for, even though he doesn’t know me at all. His hair and clothes are little more disheveled than they were when he arrived and there’s a wariness in his eyes. It almost appears as if my panic attack impacted him just as much as it had me.
“I brought your coffee,” he says, holding it up. “You didn't get a chance to drink much of it and I figure a person who drinks a coffee this big is pretty serious about it.”
A smile spreads across his face as I grab it from him and take a big gulp. “Thank you,” I hum, the fight draining out of me as fast as it arrived. He’s been so kind to me today and doesn’t deserve me acting like a bitch.
“So, you do know how to be polite,” he teases.
A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth, but I press my lips into a hard line, shutting it down cold. This friendly flirtation with him is getting out of hand, and now he’s seen a part of me that should have remained hidden. In the span of three days, he’s gone from a strange man in the library to Brenden, the random guy who hits on me. Now, he’s the guy who held me while I had a panic attack. It’s too much.
“Why are you here?” I ask, furrowing my brow. Running into him three different days in a row can’t be a coincidence. I should probably feel more concerned, but I highly doubt someone like Brenden would need to stalk anyone—especially someone like me. Though, you never know. I believe it was Ted Bundy people referred to as the boy next door.
“Because you are,” he replies, his features remaining smooth, not even a hint of humor in his tone.
“Excuse me?” My words come out weak as fear takes hold of me. I couldn’t have heard him correctly. He either just quoted my favorite book or is in fact a stalker—the latter being more likely. I step back and scan our surroundings.
“No, no, no,” he says, laughing and stepping forward to bring us closer again. “I didn’t mean it that way. I swear, I’m not a stalker or anything. I was trying to be clever and impress you.”
I shake my head, still not understanding. “How is presenting yourself as a stalker supposed to impress me?”
Laughing again, he runs his hands through his hair. His movements draw my eyes to his body and my stomach clenches as my skin heats. “I guess that did sound a little freaky. Sorry. I was referencing your book,” he explains, pointing to my hands. “I've read it. I was just...” Shrugging, he trails off again. When he rubs the back of his neck, I have to force myself to keep my eyes on his face. “It's a line from the book.”
“Yes…I realize it’s a line from my book,” I scoff, my lips curving into a smirk. “It’s one of my favorite books. What I’m having a hard time understanding or believing is how you know that. Did you read this book?”
“Yeah...” he sighs. “It probably wouldn’t have been something I would have chosen for myself, but it was given to me by a fr
iend.”
“And—what? You felt obligated to read it?”
“No.” He scratches his chin, his eyebrows drawing in as his mouth perches to one side. “I’m not really an out-of-obligation type of guy,” he retorts, flashing me a sheepish grin. His admission makes me grimace, and my walls go back up in a snap.
“She thought she was being funny, but the joke was on her because I ended up really liking it.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from making a snide remark about his “friend” as a strange tinge of jealousy leaves a vulgar taste in my mouth. “Look,” I say, my tone much sharper than a moment ago, “I appreciate what you did for me back there, but you're barking up the wrong tree.”
A wide smile spreads across his face, revealing those perfect white teeth. “Are you calling me a dog, Lizzy?”
“If the collar fits,” I retort, unable to keep the corners of my own mouth from curving into a smile. He lets out a light chuckle as our eyes lock. My heart flutters, a lump forming in my throat as his eyes move from mine, down to my lips, then back. “I need to go,” I squeak out before breaking eye contact and turning to get in my car. I take my seat at the wheel and try to tug on the door to close it, but Brenden doesn’t release it.
My head snaps up to look at him, my shaky hands reaching out to grip the steering wheel. I can't even process why he would still be trying to pursue me after what he saw today. Why would he be interested in a broken mess with two kids? What the hell is he doing?
“Lizzy?” he says, leaning down to get closer to me, his eyes locking on mine again.
His gaze is too intense. His face is so close to mine, I can feel his breath on my cheek. My pulse races, unsure of what he’s doing and confused by why I’m not trying to stop it. “Yes?” I wheeze out, sounding every bit as breathless as I feel.
“It’s okay, you know? We all have one.” His eyes appear to grow darker as they peer into me, the haunting effect causing goosebumps on my skin. It as if he’s seeing past my flesh and bone to examine my very soul, and I feel more vulnerable and exposed than I ever have.
In This Moment (In This Moment #1) Page 4