“Upstairs?” she squeaks, staying planted by the door as her eyes widen.
“Yeah…the television is in my room.” Jon and I don’t have one in the living room because we never saw the point. We don’t watch much TV and aren’t the entertaining type of people, so we didn’t need one for company. I purposely kept this fact from Lizzy when I invited her over.
“You don’t have one down here?” she rasps, her eyes scurrying around the room.
“Nope,” I reply, unable to keep my lips from curving into a smile as her mouth hangs open. “Come on,” I grab her arm, pulling her into the kitchen, “don’t be a weirdo.” I hand her the pizza box and plates before grabbing the beer from the fridge and turning to head for the stairs.
It takes her a moment, but she follows me. Setting the beer down on my desk, I gesture for her to do the same with the pizza, feeling uneasy as her eyes take in every inch of my bedroom.
“So,” I say, clapping my hands together, “what should we watch first? Say Anything, Can’t Buy Me Love, Some Kind Of Wonderful, When Harry Met Sal—”
“Not that one!” she answers in a rush, her voice raising and face turning a deep red. I will be checking that one out later to find out what that’s about.
“Okay…want to start with Say Anything?” She nods, shifting on her feet and avoiding eye contact with me.
I shake my head, but don’t comment on her odd behavior as I put the movie in. Once that’s done, I hand her a beer and a slice of pizza before getting my own and plopping down on my bed. She stays glued to her spot, beer in one hand and pizza in the other, breathing like she just finished a marathon.
“You going to sit down?” I tease, chuckling as I reach for the remote. With the rest of her body remaining still, she moves her head, looking around the room. She spots my desk chair and promptly sits in it without responding. “That chair isn’t very comfortable,” I tell her, raising an eyebrow. I’m torn between finding her need to keep her distance from me adorable and offensive, but ultimately, feel it has more to do with concern over her own willpower than mine.
“I’m good,” she answers with a tight smile before taking a bite of her pizza. I shake my head, but don’t push the issue, hoping she’ll eventually relax.
Twenty minutes into the movie and after finishing her first beer, Lizzy starts acting more like herself, laughing and giving me hell like normal.
By the time the second movie is underway, she is unmistakably tired and uncomfortable, yawning and rubbing her neck.
“You should let me take care of that,” I offer with a grin.
“What?” she asks, her back straightening as she drops her hand.
“Your shoulders. You should let me rub them for you. Come on,” I say, patting the mattress in front of me as I sit up, placing my back against the headboard.
“I’m okay.” Her tone is soft, her words shaky, and even though it’s dim in my room, the slight blush on her cheeks is still visible.
“Don’t be silly. You’re clearly tired and uncomfortable over there. I’m only offering the massage, not the happy ending. I promise.”
She looks back over at me, smiling this time, her posture taking a more relaxed stance. Patting the spot in front of me again, I motion with my head for her to come over. She stares at me for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek while turning the idea over in her head.
Something I’ve learned about Lizzy: once I can get her to at least consider something, I’ve won. It isn’t long before she joins me on the bed, scooting in beside me.
“Come over here so I can rub your shoulders.”
“Really, it’s okay. You were right. I was just uncomfortable sitting in that chair.”
I sigh in frustration, but don’t bother to argue with her further and take matters into my own hands. She gasps in surprise as I scoop her up and position her between my legs. Pulling her to me until her body is flush with mine, a heat-filled need rushes through my veins.
Her shoulders are squared with tension, her arms tight at her sides as she remains starkly still. Not even the rise and fall of her chest is detectable, as if she’s stopped breathing altogether.
“Relax,” I whisper, placing my hands on her shoulders, my thumbs skirting beneath the collar of her shirt before I apply light pressure and begin rubbing her. My request has the opposite effect at first, her spine straightening as she takes a sharp breath, but after a few moments, the muscles in her shoulders become softer in my hands and she begins settling into me. My own breath catches as my heart swells with contentment and happiness. “Isn’t that the mom from Back to the Future?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the need building in my body.
Her chuckle radiates through me as she replies, “Yeah, that’s her.” Her voice is thick and sexy from her sleepiness and I pray she doesn’t feel the involuntary twitch in my pants responding to it.
“And that dude, where do I know him from?” I ask, keeping my voice low as I remove my hands from her shoulders.
"Casey Jones, Ninja Turtles,” she answers on a yawn as my arms cocoon around her. Humming with contentment, she nestles her head on my chest and I wonder if she can hear the heavy beats of my heart.
When the weight of her body increases and her breathing settles into a rhythmic pattern, I gently roll her to her side, pull my leg and arm from beneath her, and lay her head on the pillow. After covering her with the blanket, I lie on my side, wrapping my arm around her and spooning my body into hers.
Unable to focus on anything other than the smell of her hair and the beat of her heart, my eyes begin to close. I tell myself I’m only going to enjoy this piece of heaven a little longer before I wake her up, but sleep is already taking over my consciousness.
Just as I’m drifting into oblivion, Lizzy snuggles further into my body, pulling my arm tighter around her as she presses herself into me. I think I even hear her say my name as she moans, but this all feels like a dream—a beautiful dream I don’t want to wake from.
Heaven and Hell
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he rasps, tucking my hair behind my ear and caressing my cheek with the back of his hand before pulling me into him. “I love the way it feels having you in my arms.” After a deep inhale, he lets out a needy groan, his tongue brushing my neck as he begins to suck on the sensitive flesh.
I pull him closer, pressing myself into him, wanting and needing more of him. My skin tingles with anticipation as I try to catch my ragged breath. “Brenden,” I moan as his hand cups my breast, his thumb grazing over my nipple.
His other hand glides down my body toward the painful pulsing between my legs. “Do you want me, baby?”
“Yes,” I answer in haste as the tension builds inside me.
“All of me?” he breathes into my ear as his hand slips beneath the fabric of my panties.
“Oh God, yes!”
I awake on a start, gasping for air, my body throbbing to the speedy beat of my heart. His scent continues to surround me, the image of him lingering in my mind as I try to grab ahold of reality. The phantom weight of his body still feels like it’s pressed against me, my skin warm from the contact, and I find myself torn between wanting to hold on to the feeling of him and knowing this can’t be real.
But it feels so real.
I stretch into the bed, lengthening my body, but the pressure and weight adding resistance makes me halt. I run my hand over the presence, not ready to open my eyes and let the image of him go yet. My fingertips float over the smooth expanse of warm skin before skidding across gruff hair—my eyes shoot open and I blink several times before Brenden’s face comes into view.
He looks so peaceful and content, his features soft and still, only the slight rise and fall of his chest from the patterned breathing keeping him animated. His hair is matted and clumped together in some places, but even with bedhead, he’s breathtaking—perhaps more so.
The realization of the situation begins to seep in with my increased consciousness, my breath catch
ing from the icy panic running through me. I’m not sure how I ended up in bed with Brenden, but worse than that, how we ended up with our bodies intertwined—my head on his chest, my arm stretched across it, my legs threaded with his, and his arms caging me in.
Searching through my hazy, lust-filled brain, I remember getting in the bed with him after we started the second movie, my discomfort and tired state taking precedence over my goal to keep my distance. My stomach flutters as the memory of Brenden lifting me so he could rub my shoulders filters in, and how good it felt having his strong hands massage my muscles, but I couldn’t grasp onto anything after that.
I know I hadn’t been drunk. I made sure to only have two beers so I could drive home. So, there was no way that… My heart stops as my dream comes flooding back. It had only been a dream though, right? Surely we didn’t...
I gaze down his body and then mine, verifying we are both fully clothed. Sleeping with Brenden would be bad, but not remembering it would be a damn crime.
Concluding nothing dream-worthy actually happened between us, I allow myself some time to enjoy lying with him—acknowledging how completely content I feel. I’ve missed being held and having this kind of intimacy with someone, but the way I’m feeling goes beyond that basic human need—this is because of Brenden. Our relationship has developed into something I hadn’t expected, or planned for, and my feelings for him are beyond friendship, but how can I be sure I’m ready for more?
I snuggle deeper into Brenden’s hold and close my eyes, deciding worrying could wait until later. I’m not willing or ready to leave the safety and warmth of his arms. As the sound of his breathing and steady heartbeat begin to lull me back to sleep, a bright glimmer of light hits my face. I reopen my eyes, finding the source of the gleam streaming in from his bedroom window, the warm, beaming sunlight curing me of my dazed state as my blood starts coursing through me at an alarming rate.
I slept in Brenden’s arms all night, which meant my time with him like this was over. The magic was about to wear off. I’ll be turning back into a pumpkin soon, and I don’t know where things go from here…or where I even want them to go.
Dread burns in my chest knowing I have to leave. Thoughts of Julianna waiting for me at home in the kitchen, locked and loaded with questions I am not prepared to answer, haunt me. Lifting my head, I take another good look at Brenden’s peaceful face and brush my hand across his cheek as he so often does mine before trying to disconnect our bodies. In hopes I can avoid waking him, I shift in imperceptible movements. I’d have to deal with him and talk about all of this at some point, but I’d rather it be after I’ve had time to think—perhaps even brushed my teeth and combed my hair.
Brenden’s arms slip off me as I pull away, but his grip quickly tightens, becoming nearly suffocating as he presses his nose into the top of my head. He inhales a deep breath, as if trying to take in my scent, and my heart hammers in my chest. His fingers seek out the heat of my skin underneath my shirt, caressing my back. “Lizzy,” he moans, his hardness lengthening higher up my body as he pushes it roughly into me.
“Brenden!” I shout, trying again to separate our bodies as electricity reignites the painful ache inside me, but my legs squeeze around him on their own accord, needing to release some of the mounting pressure.
“Lizzy,” he moans again, his other hand latching onto my ass as he rubs his body against mine. My head spins, my pulse racing and center throbbing.
“Brenden! Wake up!” I shout in strained, staggered breaths, trying again to move, but no longer certain whether I’m trying to move away or closer to him.
“Lizzy?” I blink, her wide green eyes the first thing I see. Blinking again, I take in her pale skin, plump lips, and dark hair. I still don’t believe what I’m seeing is real until I breathe in her scent. The memory of falling asleep with her in my arms hits me, the sensation of pleasure and agony consuming me.
I wouldn’t have thought it possible to know both heaven and hell at the same time, but that’s what holding her is like—feeling euphoric while coping with the pain of knowing she’s not mine and may never be.
“Well, good morning,” I coo, my entire body springing to life. My heart races and crotch twitches as I realize she’s in my arms, her body threaded with mine. “Brenden,” she sighs, “will you please loosen your damn hold on me?”
I laugh as she unsuccessfully attempts to sit up, reluctantly releasing her when she cuts her eyes at me. She shoots upright, her eyes fluttering and her cheeks flushed. “How the hell did this happen?” she asks, adjusting her shirt and smoothing her hair. Narrowing my eyes, I join her in sitting up on my bed.
“What?” I ask, wondering what exactly she thinks happened between us last night.
“This!” she says, gesturing between us.
“Uh, we fell asleep,” I scoff.
She huffs, “Yeah, I got that part, Captain Obvious. How could you let me fall asleep like that?”
She shoves at my shoulder and I smile, grabbing ahold of her hand and pulling her closer. “You hadn’t exactly done anything to keep me awake either,” I retort, winking.
Her eyes dance around and over me, her mouth open though she doesn’t make a sound before she scoots off the bed and out of my grasp.
“Where are you going?” I sulk, watching with amusement as she turns in circles, looking around the room for her things.
“I need to go.” She stills, taking a deep breath as she runs her hand through her hair.
“What’s the rush?” I ask, getting up from the bed to fetch her shoes.
“I just, I have to…” she stutters as I move toward her, shoes in hand, her eyes running down my body and her skin going flush. Interest is clear in her glare as she bites her bottom lip. Realizing it’s the lack of restraint my sweatpants are providing for my erection that’s caught her attention, I step closer, invading her space. She inhales a sharp breath, as if my closeness is painful for her. “Here,” I say, holding up her shoes.
Her breathing grows heavier as she reaches out to take her shoes and I jerk them back, jolting her forward, her body dangerously close to mine now. My pulse skyrockets and head spins as my raw need to touch her, taste her, heightens to a painful level. It takes all my self-control to keep from giving into it, but I have to know for sure she wants this as much as I do—as much as I think she does. She has to make that move.
“Don’t do that,” I sigh, sweeping her hair over her shoulder before placing my hand there and slouching a bit to lock my eyes on hers.
“Do what?” she breathes.
“Overthink this. I can practically hear those wheels turning in your brain. We just fell asleep while we were watching a movie. It doesn’t have to mean anything more,” I tell her, letting go of her shoes, even if it’s not truly how I feel.
Last night meant so much more to me—for us. It was a step forward; it was her trusting in and accepting our relationship for what it is instead of trying to make it what she thinks it should be.
She nods, dropping her shoes to the floor before slipping them on. “All right, but I should really get going. I’ll talk to you later. Okay?”
After a curt nod of my head, she turns to leave and my chest begins to tighten. I don’t want the bliss I’ve felt from this time with her to ever end, and as soon as she walks out that door, I’m terrified it will erase it all—that it will end up being nothing more than a frail memory of a dream I once had.
“Hey,” I say, catching her arm to stop her. “Come here.” Spinning her back around and into my arms, I wrap them around her.
“Jesus, Brenden!” she squeals on a laugh. “I need to be able to breathe, you know.”
When I lighten my hold on her, she wraps her arms around me, returning my embrace and snuggling into me. The heaviness of my heart begins to lighten, feeling more secure in the state of our relationship. She may not be ready to fully admit her true feelings yet, but she isn’t running or pushing me away. I can handle that—for now.
&nb
sp; Enlightenment
I practically tiptoe in my front door, hoping to make it inside without detection, but when the smell of coffee hits me, I know there’s no point. Bracing myself to face Julianna, I remove my coat and shoes, and place them in the closet before setting my purse down on the entry table. With lead in my steps, I walk to the kitchen where I find her sitting as expected. She smirks at me as I move past her to get a cup of coffee, but doesn’t comment, much to my surprise.
I grab my big mug from the cabinet and fill it to the brim before joining her at the table. She eyes me cautiously, her head tilted and features drawn as I release a long breath and take a sip.
“Go ahead,” I say with a wave of my hand after I set my coffee down.
Her lips curl as she sits back in her chair and crosses her arms. “What do you mean?”
“Oh please,” I groan, frowning, “like you aren’t dying to ask me about last night.”
“Are you saying there’s something to tell?” she retorts, raising her eyebrows.
“No,” I scoff, shaking my head adamantly.
“No?” she repeats. “So, you’re telling me you spent the entire night with that gorgeous man, who you spend most of your free time either being with or talking to, and nothing happened?”
“Exactly,” I answer, averting my eyes to my coffee as I pick it up to take another sip. It’s not a lie, but being with him in such an intimate way changed things—or maybe it just opened my eyes to the way things have been all along. I’m not sure anymore.
“Oh, come on,” she huffs. “Are you seriously not going to tell me what happened?”
“I told you,” I moan, shaking my head, “there’s nothing to tell. We just fell asleep watching movies.”
“Where?” she asks as I take another sip of my coffee and nearly choke on it.
“What?” I gasp though my coughing, heat painting my face.
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