Miz Scarlet and the Bewildered Bridegroom

by Barton, Sara M.

  Looking at Max, I realized that underneath that friendly facade was a man who had spent decades tracking down killers and hardened criminals. He was used to doing his job in that rough-and-tumble world, where split-second decisions sometimes meant the difference between life and death. I decided to forgive him. “Sure, Max.”

  I left him to his duties, withdrawing to my attic sanctuary. Pulling the shades down on all the windows, just in case the masked marvels were watching from their perch in the pines, I turned on the taps of the tub and treated myself to a long bath. I read four chapters of Little Red Riding Hood and the Secret Cookie Recipe while I soaked away most of my worries. By the time I stepped onto the bath mat, I was feeling more like my old self again. I towel-dried my hair, slipped into a cotton shift and sandals, and then headed back downstairs to get things set up for breakfast.

  In the pantry, I checked the supply of mini cereal boxes, restocked my selection of bottled juices, and added packets of sugar and sweeteners to the crystal bowl on the counter. Satisfied, I flipped off the light switch. Heading into the kitchen, I pulled a loaf of raisin bread from the freezer for tomorrow’s French toast and tossed it on the counter. As I did, I thought I heard a slight muffled noise behind me. It sounded suspiciously like a sneaky cat on a mission.

  “Don’t climb on that dining room table, Scrub Oak, or you’re toast!” I warned him.

  “Psst!” Startled, I jumped at the hissing sound that emerged from shadows of the now dark butler’s pantry. It was definitely not feline.

  “Max!” I whirled around quickly, on alert.

  “No, no. Don’t talk to me. Just listen, but look like you’re doing something. There’s a guy in the backyard. I want to get out there, so I can follow him, but I need a distraction. Do you think you can keep him occupied while I get into position?”

  “What do you want me to do, sing?”

  “It doesn’t matter to me, as long as he doesn’t hear me leave the house. Do anything, but give me five minutes of cover.”

  “I’ll take out the trash,” I told him. “I should be able to make enough noise to wake the dead.”

  “Great. Count to a hundred and then get very busy, so he comes closer for a better look.”

  I did as Max asked of me, grabbing the blue handles on the bags from the recycling and trash bins. Making a big show of it, I snapped a couple of fresh bags in the air and relined the trash cans before making my way to the back door. I swung it open in dramatic fashion and tossed the first bag out. Thwack! It landed on the walkway, where I half-expected the bag to pop, but it turned out the company was telling the truth about the strength of their “invincible” plastic.

  “That’s a shame,” I muttered, shaking my head in dismay. So much for my plan to make a fuss over cleaning up the mess of escaping trash, I thought to myself. Any other time it would have worked.

  It was time to improvise. If Max needed a distraction, I was prepared to go the distance and it now looked like I had no choice but to put some muscle into it. I turned around, scooped up the recycle bag, and with an exaggerated effort, rattled every bottle and can as I stepped outside. To my ears, it sounded like a gang of raccoons was raiding the trash cans behind the Quickie Mart in search of yummies. I judged my action to be a great success -- a great loud success -- even more annoying than fingernails down a blackboard. It was time to head for the bins by the carriage house.

  “Un-freaking believable! I bust my hump to get all this crap done, and I get nothing but bellyaching from everybody! What is wrong with these idiots? Don’t they know how hard I work?” I made a point of stumbling halfway down the driveway, scattering the cans and plastic bottles from the recycling bag, and then I let out a loud curse.

  “Son of a....Of all the stinking....” I pretended to be frustrated, kicking a couple of cans to scatter them in different directions, and then busied myself retrieving them. So convincing was I in my performance, Bobby Zarelli never realized I spotted his silhouette as he stood observing in the shadows of the garden, any more than he noticed Max creeping down the driveway. I kept up my running commentary, complaining about non-existent problems, until I knew Max was tucked behind the bushes, ready to tail Bad Boy Bobby back to his rock and watch him crawl back under it.

  And then it happened -- an unexpected streak of white flew by me, heading straight for Bobby Zarelli.

  “January!” I hollered. “No!”

  Leaving the trash where it lay, I strode purposefully towards the agitated Jack Russell terrier, now yapping just a mere ten feet away from the creep. It pained me to correct her behavior, especially since I really wished she would nip Bobby Zarelli’s derriere, or at the very least, his ankles.

  “I said no!” I reminded her. Max must be plotzing in the pansies. I’ve got to get that dog out of here, so Bobby will come out from under the troll bridge. “Leave that cat alone this minute, young lady! Come on. Let me pick you up.”

  I bent over to scoop the little dog up and that’s when I saw headlights in the driveway. Jenny and her date were back. I pretended not to hear a disgruntled Bobby moving deeper into the shadows. As the car rolled slowly down the pavement, I heard the big lug softly mutter, “Cripes!”

  Eureka! I know what will make him crazy. I just have to make him think he’s about to get caught and he’ll freak out. This little piggy will probably go wee-wee-wee all the way home.

  “What’s going on?” Jenny hurried to meet me. “Were we attacked again?”

  “No, I dropped the trash and January came charging out here to save me, only she saw the cat and it all went downhill from there.”

  “Thank goodness! I thought you were going to tell me someone beat you up with a Glad bag.”

  “Would you please do me a favor, Jen, and take the dog in? I just have to tidy up here.”

  “I was planning on taking Mozzie out. Want me to take January and Huck, too?”

  “What a dear you are! Can you walk them out front, on their leashes?” I handed over the tenacious terrier just as Shark Boy joined us.

  “Sure. Come on, Hammerhead. You can help me.”

  “Does that mean nothing bad happened?” he inquired. I thought I heard tension in his tone. “Everything’s okay?”

  “It does. Miz Scarlet just lost her grip,” my assistant replied, pausing briefly for comic effect before adding, “on the trash.”

  “That explains it,” he grinned. “That explains a lot. You can tell just by looking at her that she’s the type.”

  “Yes, indeed. You always want to stand as far away from her as you can when she’s taking out the trash.”

  “Very funny!” I shot back. It was obvious they were relieved, after the nerve-wracking events of the day, so I let them have their laugh.

  Shark Boy reached down to collect the stray cans, carefully tucking them back into their plastic shroud. I bent over beside him, making quick work of it.

  “Thank you, Michael.”

  “You’re welcome. Where’s the trash can, Miz Scarlet?”

  “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it,” I told him, relieving him of his burden.

  “In that case, I guess we’ll walk the tiny terrors. Oops, I mean terriers.” He gave me a big grin.

  “Oh, you’re cute,” I laughed.

  The teenagers made their way into the house through the back door, January nestled in Jenny’s arms, while I took the two bags to the carriage house, turned on the lights and made a noisy effort to deposit them into their respective barrels. When that was done, I shut off the overhead fluorescent lights and made sure the door was secured, before I strolled back to the house, lost in thought.

  Max must have been thrilled by the ruckus I raised. There was no way our unsuspecting intruder caught onto the security man’s plan to tail him. I just hoped we’d finally have some answers about what was going on. Was this the tide turning in our favor? I hoped so. At least Jenny was in better spirits. She and Shark Boy must have had a good time on their date. I had t
o admit he seemed to be a good influence on her.

  Once inside the house, I did the nightly rounds, making sure all of the doors and windows on the first floor were locked, and then I joined the crowd in the living room. I was just in time to find out the Sox took the game 3-2 in the tenth inning.

  “You missed some ‘beanballs’,” Bur crowed, “and some brawling.”

  “Aw, gee. That’s a real shame,” I remarked, rolling my eyes. I’d be lying if I said I actually gave a flying fig about baseball.

  “It was a game to remember. Some of the boys got themselves ejected. That’s why we call it Beantown,” Ruth smirked. “You’re likely to get beaned, especially by the Sox.”

  “Big Larry must be thrilled with the win, though,” said Edna. “He’ll be in a good mood for tomorrow’s game.”

  “Does that mean it’s an auspicious time to go visit him in Boston?” Lacey wanted to know.

  “Oh, I think so. I’m taking this as a sign.”

  “As long as you don’t get yourself tossed out for fighting,” I grinned, knowing Edna and Big Larry’s track record for pointless arguments. Those coal black eyes turned in my direction and locked on me with all the precision of a laser death ray. I found myself withering under her disapproving glare.

  “I have no intention of being ejected,” she sniffed. It was obvious I had offended her, and judging from the frowns I got from the Googins girls, I was out of line. How could I smooth it over?

  “When all else fails, pour on the charm, Edna. Dazzle him,” I suggested.

  “There’s a thought,” Lacey agreed wholeheartedly. “What’s your strategy?”

  “Strategy?” Edna apparently didn’t have a back-up plan.

  “You can’t go in there cold. You’ve got to cover all the contingencies.”

  “I do?” Big Larry’s ex-wife seemed confused. “Oh...right.”

  “No self-respecting baseball team ever takes to the field without practicing,” Ruth pointed out helpfully. “They work at it, in the batting cage and in the field. They even study the opposing team’s weaknesses, so they can exploit them. That’s how they win the game.”

  “Why should love be any different?” my mother wanted to know. “You’re in this to win it, aren’t you?”

  “I guess so.”

  “You guess so? What does that mean? You’re going to wing it? Leave it all to chance?” the other Googins girl demanded.

  “Well, I....”

  “You and I are definitely going to have to talk about this,” Lacey insisted adamantly. “You can’t go in unprepared.”

  “I just thought I’d get all dolled up and....”

  “And Big Larry would pledge his undying love?” Laurel rolled her eyes at the thought. “That’s rather naive, don’t you think? You’re dealing with a man who’s a sports nut. He’s used to competing. He wants a challenge.”

  “Oh, I’ll challenge that old goat!” Edna replied. “I’ll have him eating out of my hand by the time I’m through with him!”

  “No, no, no! You have to be more subtle than that, more mysterious.” Laurel maneuvered her wheelchair around the coffee table. “You don’t want to hit him over the head and drag him home like some cave woman. You want him to want to come after you because you’re irresistible.”

  “You’re not out to win just one game,” Lacey added. “You want to take the championship. That means you’ve got to play your best again and again, and show him you’re worthy of the title.” She put a protective arm around her romantically challenged protégé. “Now, you don’t want to appear too eager. That’s never a good thing.”

  “I guess not.” Edna didn’t seem all that convinced.

  “You’ve got to entice the guy and make him see you’re the best damn thing that ever came down the pike. Come with me, dear. We’ll start with your clothes.”

  They headed upstairs to review Edna’s wardrobe. Ruth got to her feet, ready to follow. I thought I saw a twinkle in her eye.

  “Goodnight, folks. I need to get some quality sleep. It looks like I’m going to have my hands full tomorrow.”

  “And then some,” Bur concurred. “You might want to bring some earplugs with you, because it’s going to get loud at some point.”

  “I was thinking more along the lines of a tranquilizer or two,” Ruth replied, giving us a mischievous wink.

  Chapter Twenty --

  Kenny and I retreated to the library to watch old classic comedies. Stifling a few yawns an hour later, I took a deep breath and decided I finally had to call it a day.

  “That’s it for me,” I decided.

  “So early?”

  “Early? Are you kidding? I have to be up in a few hours!” I groaned, eliciting a laugh from him.

  “It has been a long day, hasn’t it? Come on. I’ll walk you upstairs, gorgeous.”

  I left Kenny at the door to the third floor after a kiss that made my head swim. Climbing the stairs, I found Jenny, Mozzie, and Huck on the sofa in our shared sitting room.

  “Where’s January?”

  “Your mother wanted the dog to sleep in her room tonight,” Jen announced, glancing at me before turning her attention back to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. “I think she’s nervous.”

  “I can’t blame her for feeling that way. It’s been a tough week.”

  “At least the guests will be clearing out tomorrow morning, Miz Scarlet. We’ve got to get all ready for that wedding.”

  “Yes, we do. Better get some rest, kiddo.”

  I woke up at half past six, feeling refreshed. No incident in the middle of the night pushed my nerves to the breaking point. No blood-curdling scream set my heart pounding. No thug tried to penetrate the sanctuary of the Four Acorns Inn. The birds were chirping in the garden below, greeting the morning sun joyously. How could it not be a great day?

  Once we sent the baseball gang off to Boston just after ten, the Googins girls and Jenny joined me for a meeting in the dining room. We went over every facet of the Pinault-Magnusdotter wedding, from the room accommodations to the receptions on Friday and Saturday night, as well as the Sunday brunch.

  There was still a part of me that dreaded the return of the Kradic and Zarelli tag team. That lingering fear wasn’t something I needed as I prepared to host the first of possibly several Four Acorns Inn weddings. Monday came and went without incident; I confess I thought it was just a fluke. Tuesday rolled around and I steeled myself for unpleasant surprises, but there were none. Wednesday was the same, save for the phone call from Edna, announcing that she was staying in Boston for a couple of weeks. She had gotten a temporary job working for the general manager of the Red Sox while his regular housekeeper was recovering from surgery on her shoulder. By Thursday morning, Kenny was convinced the bad boys had given up their antics in favor of some other pastime.

  “I’ll stay one more night, love, and then I’ve got to vacate my room for the wedding guests, but I’m fairly confident we’re now on solid ground. No one is likely to pull the rug out from under you.”

  “But how can you be sure?” I wondered. I admit I liked having him around. “With my luck, they’ll show up in the middle of the ceremony and ruin everything!”

  “Have a little faith, Miz Scarlet.”

  “How can I? I still don’t understand why they did it or who was paying them,” I reminded him. “And Max never said a word about what he found out the other night, when he followed Bobby.”

  “Is that what’s eating you?”

  “Well, yes.”

  “If I tell you that Max has a handle on things, will you trust us to watch out for you?”

  “But how can you....”

  “You don’t trust me to know my job?” Kenny’s eyebrows shot up as his expression darkened. “You think I can’t take care of my clients?”

  “I...I didn’t say that,” I offered, suddenly feeling like I was in the hot seat. Kenny clearly had confidence in his ability to handle this crisis. Why didn’t I?

  “Perhaps yo
u’d like to take over?” he glared at me.

  “Ah, no,” I quickly backpedaled. “I’m...uh, sure you’ll do everything right, Captain Peacock.”

  “You’re just saying that because you feel guilty that you don’t trust me.” That glower didn’t fade, a sure warning that we were in for stormy weather. I hated the fact that he knew me so well.

  “It’s not you I don’t trust, Kenny,” I responded hastily. “Honestly. I was a teacher for how many years? These guys were in my class. I never turned my back on them. They were always doing things they shouldn’t do.”

  “Either you trust me or you don’t. Which is it, Scarlet?”

  “Oh, cripes!”

  “I mean it!” The arms folded across his chest, defiant and determined. I couldn’t believe he was backing me into this corner.

  “Fine,” I groaned, rolling my eyes. Two can be dramatic, fella. “I trust you to have my back. The wedding will be a great success.”

  “That’s more like it.”

  You think you can keep those twits from wreaking havoc with the wedding. I’m not going to hold my breath on that, Captain Peacock.

  “Excuse me, but are we done fighting now? If we are, I’d like to kiss and make up.” I offered Kenny my lips, but he barely brushed them with that luscious pair of his own. “You call that a kiss?”

  “You call that a vote of confidence?”

  “But....”

  “You’ll get your kiss when the bride and groom hit the road, not a moment sooner. And then, when the families ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after, you’ll owe me a big, fat apology.”

  “Will I?”

  “Yes, you will. And I’ll expect payment in full at that time.”

  “You’ll what?” My mouth dropped open in disbelief.

  “You heard me. I want a gracious apology that leaves no room for doubt that I am a man of my word, a man who has spent his life keeping people safe.”

  “You get us through the wedding successfully and I’ll do better than that. I’ll climb to the top of White Oak Hill and I’ll sing your praises at the top of my lungs.”