Because of you

by J. , Lea

  “Look, I’ll find you, I have the means to find you, and when I do, I’ll take the footage from you and make you pay for playing with me.” He ends the call, and I’m staring at the phone, frozen. A hand on my shoulder pulls me out of my dark thoughts. I jump, letting out a piercing shriek, and drop my phone on the ground. I put my hand over my heart, terrified.

  “Damn it, you scared the shit outta me, don’t do that again,” I say to Noah a bit harshly, and he doesn’t know what to say. I let out a breath I was holding.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you—I thought you heard me approaching. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I wave my arm, kneeling down to pick up the phone, “you just startled me.” I slowly stand up, still a bit woozy.

  “Hey, are you alright? You look a little pale. Do you want to go home? I can take you.” Oh, Noah, always so nice and ready to help.

  “No, it’s okay, I could use some company. I’m probably just dehydrated—I haven’t had enough water today, I’ll feel better soon.” I try to give him my most convincing smile.

  We get to their house quickly. We settle down in the living room and the boys bring snacks. Sitting on the couch, we are chatting pleasantly. I made sure to sit as far away from Ryder as possible to avoid seeing his nasty glares. Having to pee really badly, I get off the couch and walk up the stairs to the bathroom. Ryder is watching me leave, but I ignore him. Shit, he’s probably thinking I’m going up there to steal things. I should’ve said I’m going to the toilet. I shake my head as I open the door to the bathroom. I don’t care, he can think whatever he wants. I know what kind of a person I am, and if he disagrees, it’s his problem. When I’m done, I wash my hands, wipe them on a paper towel and take a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Big blue eyes are staring back at me, and pale skin on the face could use some sunlight. I fix my ponytail, freshen up and open the door. My heart almost stops as I see Ryder standing in front of me.

  “I didn’t steal anything if that’s what you’re thinking,” I retort harshly. He’s still standing in the door, hands on the doorframe, blocking my way, just watching me silently. “What’s wrong with you, let me through,” I say desperately, and try to go round him, which is impossible to do without touching him. Pressing my palms against his hard chest, I try to push him away, but he’s like a statue. Muscles of steel must be hiding under that shirt. “What?” I demand angrily when he still doesn’t say a word. He shakes his head and looks me straight in the eye.

  “I came here to talk to you.” His voice is calm and not angry as usual.

  “Well, I don’t have anything to talk to you about, so get out of my way or I’ll scream,” I reply, still trying to get him to move. No effect. “Please,” I quietly say, “just let me pass, I don’t want to fight with you.” He closes his eyes and moves out of my way. “Thank you,” I whisper as I slide past him. Ryder grabs my hand, stopping me. He leans close to me and I gasp in surprise, because I don’t know what to expect, and he whispers in my ear:

  “We’ll have that talk whether you like it or not. I won’t give up.” I simply shake my head and run down the stairs, intoxicated by the smell of his aftershave.

  A good hour has passed since I came back to the room. Ryder still hasn’t come down. Addison is playing a console game with Jayden, Noah joins me on the couch.

  “Are you having fun?” He grins at me, two dimples appearing on his cheeks. I nod and return the smile. “Good.” He shifts a few times and then speaks again. “I’ve been thinking,” I raise my gaze to his eyes, which are full of hope, but there is also a flicker of fear. “Would you like to go out with me some time? To the movies or something like that?” I give him a look of surprise.

  “You mean, like a date?” He nods. Oh, Addison was right—he does like me. I don’t know what to do. Perhaps if I say yes to one date… I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt him, because I consider him one of my good friends. Maybe one date wouldn’t be so bad. Shit, I’m so confused right now. I would feel bad rejecting him, but I also don’t want to give him false hope.

  “So, would you?” he repeats, because I’m still hesitating. I take a deep breath.

  “Okay?” The response sounds more like a question coming from my mouth.

  “Really?” My answer totally surprises him. I nod and smile faintly. “Great. I’ll pick you up on Monday, okay? Mirage is closed then and we’re both free.” He kisses my cheek and hugs me tightly. Ugh, did I make a mistake by agreeing to this date? “Does seven p.m. work for you? We’ll grab something to eat and then go see a movie, okay?” He releases me from the embrace when I nod, and my eyes find Ryder, standing behind us, throwing angry looks our way. He gives us a final piercing glare before turning around and climbing the stairs, probably going to his room.

  Ryder

  Finally, my mind is a little clearer after our little confrontation in front of the bathroom. When I leaned to her, telling her I won’t give up on trying to talk to her, I was overwhelmed by her closeness. I couldn’t help myself—I took a deep breath, forever imprinting her magical, sweet scent in my mind. I don’t know why I’ve been such a jerk toward her, really. I can see now she’s a wonderful girl that helps everybody who needs a hand. For example, the other day in the cafeteria when we were waiting for our next classes, one of the students forgot her wallet at home and couldn’t pay for her meal. Aaliyah was kind enough to buy whatever she chose plus a bottle of water. Also, a few days after Paris, Britney and Scarlett purposely spilled their drinks on Kim, Aaliyah took a shirt from her backpack and lent it to her. She’s not just a beautiful girl, she has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen, and I’ll do anything to make her forgive me.

  I return to the living room and I’m shocked by what is happening. I hear Noah asking Aaliyah out. I clench my fists, my lips forming a straight line. I’m even more shocked when I hear Aaliyah agree to the date. She raises her blue eyes to mine and our gazes lock. In an instant, her smile fades away, being replaced by pain. I turn around angrily and stomp to my room.

  “Shit, shit, shit,” I shout, hitting the wall with my fist. Why do I feel like someone punched me in the stomach, knocking the breath out of me? Of course she’s going to go on a date with someone else. How can she like me if I’ve been acting like a jerk toward her, showing her nothing but disdain? I hurt her, and it is going to be very hard to gain her trust. “Shit!” I say, running my hand through my hair, and throw myself on the bed. I shove headphones in my ears and increase the volume on my iPod to the maximum. Bon Jovi’s I’ll Be There For You is currently playing and I can’t help but shake my head and snort. “Yeah, a totally inappropriate song for this moment.” I press stop, yank the headphones out of my ears and throw the iPod on the bed. I really haven’t been myself the last few days. I’m not usually this harsh, especially not to girls. I was blinded by her beauty and I came to the conclusion that she wanted my and my sister’s money because she looks good. What beautiful girl is normally kind and compassionate? All of them just look after their own interests and are always looking for a way to get money and free things. It’s true I only had bad experiences with beautiful women, mentally putting her in the same box with the gold-diggers before being able to see who she really is. As I promised her, I will never give up—I’ll apologize for my behavior, and as the song says, I’ll stand by her side.

  Chapter 7

  Aaliyah

  “When is Noah coming?” Addison asks as she appears behind my back, fixing the shirt I just put on. “It was crooked,” she says, and pats my hand. “Are you nervous?” She sits on the bed. I’m still standing in front of the mirror and thinking about my wardrobe choice. I’m wearing grey tights and a wide tunic that falls off one shoulder. I don’t want to try too hard, because I don’t want him to have false hope, but I still cannot go out looking shabby. I sigh, brushing aside a lock of hair that’s been bothering me, and join Addison on the bed.

  “You have no idea,” I tell her, looking her in the eyes. “I should’v
e said no when he asked me out. Now he’s so happy I don’t have the heart to tell him I only see him as a friend. He’s such a great person, a great friend—I don’t want to ruin that. But I’m afraid he’s going to resent me forever when I tell him the truth. Aah, I’m a terrible person.” I put my hands on my bowed head and shake it.

  “Hey, hey, you’re being too harsh on yourself. I’m sure Noah will understand—just don’t lead him on for too long, so you don’t break his heart.” I nod and we hear knocking at the door. I take a deep breath as Addison goes to open the door.

  “Oh, what are you doing here?” she exclaims in surprise.

  “Who is it?” I say, turning to her and looking at the visitor. My breath catches when our eyes meet.

  Ryder.

  I take deep breaths. I feel dizzy for a second and I clutch at the chair that’s in the middle of the room. I was sitting on it earlier when Addison was curling my hair for the date. Why does he have to look so good? And why does he hate me so much? I still can’t comprehend how it is possible to feel so strongly about someone and despise him because of his behavior at the same time. I collect myself and straighten up.

  “Hi,” I greet him, lowering my eyes. I look at the bed where my purse is lying. I’d rather wait for Noah outside, I’m not in the mood to fight.

  “I want to talk to Aaliyah,” Ryder responds to Addison’s question, but his eyes are fixed on me. He drops his gaze, checks out my body and raises it back to my eyes. “Can we talk?” he asks as I’m opening the door.

  “Ryder…” I say and fall silent for a few seconds. “Now is not the right time, I have plans, I was just leaving.” Addison hurries to her nightstand to grab her keys.

  “I’ll leave you two alone, I have…umm… I have to go somewhere.” And she’s gone. Ryder comes closer to me, surrounding me with the scent of his aftershave. He tucks a stray lock behind my ear.

  “Please, just give me ten minutes, so I can explain things. You can then throw me out if you don’t like what I have to say.”

  “I don’t know,” I say, shifting from one foot to another, my heart beating like crazy, palms sweating—all because he’s so close to me. “I’m really in a hurry, I need to go.” Shit, Noah will be here any minute, what is he going to think if he sees Ryder in my room?

  “I’ll be quick, I promise,” he says, still standing only a few inches away from me.

  “Look, Ryder, I don’t know what you want from me, I never did anything to you. I never wanted anything from you nor did I indicate I want anything. I don’t want your money or whatever you think I’m after.” I make quotation marks in the air as I say that. “I’m nothing like that.” I look him in the eyes, and he closes them.

  “I know…” he says, looking back at me. “I now know you’re not like that.” He steps even closer, closing the space between us. If he came any closer, we could kiss. Just as he opens his mouth to continue speaking, Noah enters the room through the open door.

  “Hey, what’s going on here?” he asks, startled. I quickly step away from Ryder and move to Noah.

  “Uh…nothing, nothing really, we’re just, umm…” I turn to Ryder and he interrupts me.

  “Hey, dude. I only dropped something off for Addison. I was just leaving.” I let out a breath I was holding. Noah steps inside the room, but I’m still standing in the doorway. As Ryder walks past me, he stops, leans his head on the doorframe and looks at me. Closing my eyes, I grab the doorknob and close the door behind him. Ugh, what am I doing? I don’t understand him, I really don’t. First, he’s so rude and harsh to me, and now he’s… worried? No, not that, it has to be something else. Why am I so confused? As I step toward Noah, my head spins for a second from everything that’s happening, and I grab the edge of the bed. He quickly moves closer.

  “Are you okay?” He gently strokes my hand and I nod.

  “Yes, I just got dizzy for a second, it’s alright.”

  “Are you sure? We can stay here if you don’t feel well.” God, how can he be so nice? I smile kindly at him.

  “No, no, it’s okay, let’s go.”

  We go to a nearby pizza place where a table is already waiting for us. He quickly pulls out the chair for me, and I sit. Tell him, tell him, I’m constantly chanting in my head. After dinner, I tell myself, nothing is going to happen if I wait a little. He sits down opposite me and looks at me, grinning, his dimples showing. A waiter approaches.

  “Can I get you something to drink before you order?”

  “Just water,” I respond and Noah orders a beer.

  “What kind of pizza are you having?” Noah asks, looking up from the menu.

  “I have no idea, which one’s good?”

  “Have you ever tried doner kebab pizza? If not, I recommend that, it’s really good.”

  When the waiter brings our drinks, we order. I take his recommendation and get doner kebab pizza. I’m sure I’m going to like it. While we wait for our food, we chat pleasantly.

  “So,” Noah says, before putting the first slice of pizza, that they just brought, in his mouth. “Why didn’t you mention you could sing? We were so shocked when we saw you on the stage. I had to rub my eyes a few times to make sure it was really you.” I also take a bite of the pizza. I quickly chew and wave my hand.

  “It was not a big deal. If Patrick hadn’t needed my help, I would never have sung. I’m not comfortable being exposed in front of people. I feel better when I’m not in the center of attention, you’ve probably noticed that by now.” He nods and takes a sip of his beer.

  “That’s true, but you still can’t stop performing. You sing really well, perhaps you should record a song and send it to someone from the music industry. I’m sure you’d get signed to some major music label.”

  “Oh, God, no, that was a one-time deal. Believe me—I’m not cut out for these things. What about you? Why aren’t you interested in pursuing a basketball career? Is there something else you’d rather do?” He leans back in his chair, putting his hand behind his neck.

  “Yes, if I want to become a doctor, I’ll have to put basketball on hold. The working hours will be brutal.” He winks at me. A doctor? Can he be more perfect? Where do they make guys like him? And why can’t I see him as more than just a friend? He’d treat me way better than other men that were in my life.

  “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” I ask with interest.

  “Actually I do—a brother and a sister. My brother is two years older, which makes him 24, and my sister is three years younger. Nate is working for some lawyer and Noelle’s a freshman in college, but on the other side of the country.” I smile, shaking my head. “What?” he asks with a raised eyebrow as he takes a sip of his beer.

  “Your names all start with an ‘N’.”

  “You noticed, huh?” He scratches his chin. “Yes, our names start with an ‘N’. Apparently, my parents didn’t have any better ideas what to name us. My mom’s name is Nadine and my father is Nick. Totally unoriginal, right?”

  “No, not at all,” I respond, “it’s actually quite charming.” Noah is great company and I like how relaxed our conversation is. The pizzeria is almost full. A waiter hurries past us to attend to a couple sitting across us.

  “How come you want to become a social worker? Any specific reason?” I shrug.

  “Yes and no. But I don’t want to bore you. I’d rather hear about what you’re doing in your free time, when you’re not working and training. There must be something you’re interested in.”

  “Actually, there is something, yes.” His eyes lock with mine and he shifts in his chair. I watch him with interest, waiting for him to continue. Because he’s still hesitating, I ask.

  “So? What is it?”

  “You,” he responds. I blush, dropping my gaze to the plate, then shake my head.

  “Noah,” I say, but he cuts me off with a raised hand.

  “The last few days all I’ve been doing was thinking about you. I can’t help it. I don’t know what you did t
o me, but I like the feeling and I don’t want it to stop. Your modesty, your smile, your eyes that are radiating warmth, and you’re so different from other girls I know—in a good way.” I don’t know how to respond to that. Nobody has ever said something so nice to me, and it feels so wrong. Ahh, I’m such a terrible person. Why can’t I tell him I only see him as a friend? “Umm, did I say something wrong?” Noah asks with confusion, since I’m still silent.

  “Thank you?” it sounds like a question. Thank you? Seriously? Couldn’t I think of a better response?

  “I thought you should know, that’s all.”

  “It’s okay, you just surprised me.” Tell him, tell him, the voice in my head is saying. Oh, why is this so hard?

  “Good, for a second there I was worried you’re going to run away.”

  After dinner we went to a movie and watched the newest Ben Stiller comedy. Even though the movie was great, I couldn’t focus on watching it. In my head I kept running scenarios how to tell him in the nicest way possible that I only want to be friends with him. I’m still chewing it over in my head on the drive home. We’re quiet, the only sound in the car is Rihanna’s voice singing Unfaithful. Even though Noah and I are not a couple, I feel exactly like the title of the song—unfaithful.

  “Hey, are you alright?” He looks at me and shifts to a lower gear. We’re nearing the parking lot in front of my dorm. I press my lips together, sighing. Noah parks his car and I stare out the window. I close my eyes. This is it. I have to tell him. I turn toward him as he turns off the engine. Opening my eyes, I suddenly feel his lips on mine. He gently kisses me. Surprised, I’m paralyzed for a moment, and then I return the kiss. What the hell? Why am I doing this? His soft lips are caressing mine, and I finally collect my thoughts and gently push him away. Noah presses his forehead to my forehead and closes his eyes, sighing. “Fuck, I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” I don’t know how to respond. My heart is beating like crazy. I know I should have told him, but I cannot gather the courage. “I had a nice time, I hope we can do this again sometime?” When I realize he asked me a question, I simply nod, open the car door and run to my room. What is wrong with me? With eyes, filled with tears, I step in the room and turn on the lights. Addison is not here, and that suits me. I slam the door behind me and throw myself on my bed, disappointed with myself.