Because of you

by J. , Lea

  Mirage is packed full again. I hurry from one side to another to get everyone their drinks, but my ankle is not on the same page with me. It’s swelling up and I can hardly stand, but a long night is still ahead of me. Addison and her group are already here.

  “Hey, Al,” Addison greets me as I come to take their orders. Everybody is chatting, Ryder is sitting on the other side, so he hasn’t noticed me yet. Paris is sitting beside him again, her hand on his shoulder. Ugh, I hate this girl so much.

  “Hi, what can I get you?” The music is so loud nobody hears me but Addison, since she is standing beside me, and my eyes are still trained on Ryder and Paris. She looks at me, then Ryder and back to me.

  “What is going on here?” she points her finger at us.

  “Umm…eee… We kissed.” She looks at me, surprised.

  “Who? You and Ryder? Oh, wow, that’s why you’re shooting daggers at Paris. So, how was it? Don’t tell me the details, because he’s my brother and yuck… I don’t even wanna know,” she raises her palm, shaking her head. I laugh at her.

  “It was just for a second, Jayden…um…interrupted us. I don’t even know if it meant anything to Ryder. I mean, I haven’t heard from him since this morning.” I look at Ryder and our eyes meet. We are looking at each other, the world around us disappears. He gives me his beautiful wide grin and starts walking toward me. He puts his hand on the small of my back and looks at my feet.

  “How’s your ankle?”

  “I’ll live, it’s not as bad as it seems,” I respond unconvincingly.

  “You shouldn’t walk.”

  “I know, but I don’t have a choice, I have a shift to complete. It’s not that bad, look,” I say and attempt to jump up and down, but I lose my footing and fall into Ryder’s strong arms. His nose grazes my forehead, past my ears to my chin.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you.” He admits. I stare at him with wide eyes, caught off guard by his admission. I don’t know what to say, even though the voice in my head is screaming I should tell him I’m also thinking about him all the time.

  “Aaliyah, come on, it’s crowded, I need your help!” Noah yells as he’s waiting on the table next to mine. Shit.

  “Umm, I have to go,” I tell Ryder and hurry back to the bar.

  Karaoke is in full swing, when I hear a familiar voice on the stage. I quickly raise my gaze and there’s Ryder, grinning, but nervous, shifting from one leg to another.

  “Hey everyone, today I chose a special song for a very special girl, Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars.” His eyes are inspecting the crowd, searching for me, and when he finds me, he stops, gently smiles and starts singing, all the while looking me straight in my eyes. He sings about eyes that shine brighter than the stars, hair that is perfect without even trying. My knees start shaking and I slow down my breathing. He’s still singing confidently about me not believing his compliments, that it’s sad I don’t see what he sees.

  I barely notice he’s singing out of tune, I’m watching him, watching how his eyes never leave mine as he is singing. It looks like he’s singing to me, telling me something, and I can hardly comprehend what he’s trying to tell me. I’m standing still, shocked that he’s expressing his feelings toward me in front of everybody. He has me under his spell when he sings the chorus, about my smile that makes the whole world stop and stare at me in amazement, because I’m wonderful the way I am. My lips turn upward.

  When he finishes his performance, a tear slides down my face. I’m breathing hard and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart, so I run to the exit as fast as I can with my injured ankle to get some fresh air and collect my thoughts. I sit down on a step and breathe deeply. No one has said anything this nice to me. I hear the door open behind me and I find Ryder standing there.

  “Are you okay?” he asks hesitantly. I nod and get to my feet. Without saying anything, I throw myself into his arms and just hold him for a minute.

  “Thank you,” I say, once we break the hug, grateful for his song, his words, which I know he was singing from his heart. He puts his hands on my cheeks.

  “And I meant every single word,” he says, putting his lips on mine. The kiss literally takes my breath away. Slow, sensual, strong, yet soft, even better than described in the books or seen in the movies. So warm and sensitive. He puts his hands on my hips, pulling me to him, while I knot my hands into his hair, messing it up. I feel a tingle between my legs and a swarm of butterflies flutters in my belly. After long minutes of kissing, we finally separate. We’re breathing heavily.

  “Wow,” I say, brushing my fingers across my lips.

  “Yes, wow,” he repeats, putting a hand behind his head. “This was incredible. I think I need more, I’m addicted.” We both laugh, and he holds my hand. We lace our fingers together and go toward the door to the club.

  “Aaliyah, how nice to see you again,” we hear a voice coming behind us. I am transfixed with horror when I hear the voice. Still holding Ryder’s hand, I slowly turn around, unable to let go of his comfort. Ryder is looking at me with surprise, a million questions in his eyes. Caden throws the cigarette butt on the ground, steps on it and walks up the step toward us. “Thank you for the memory card, you freed me,” he says, winking, and measures Ryder from head to toe. “Who’s this dummy?” he says with disgust. Ryder lets go of my hand and curls his hands into fists. He steps in front of Caden.

  “Who are you? What do you want? We don’t have anything of yours.” Caden tilts his head forward and laughs out loud.

  “Seriously? Aaliyah, where did you find this clown?” Just as Ryder moves to punch Caden, I stop him. I grab his hand that’s already halfway to Caden’s face, and pull him back.

  “Please, don’t, you don’t know what he’s capable of. Just leave him alone.” There’s still an angry expression on Ryder’s face, but it softens when he looks me in the eyes. “Leave me alone,” I tell Caden as I open the club door.

  “I’ll be back, honey, you can be sure of that.”

  The door closes behind us and I lean my back on it in relief, my eyes closed. When I open them, I see Ryder watching me with worry and anger.

  “What was that?” he asks, approaching me. I put my hand on his strong chest to stop him. A tear runs down my face.

  “Nothing,” I respond.

  “What the hell? Don’t tell me it’s nothing. It’s obvious he knows you. Tell me! What did he want?” he demands and I shake my head.

  “No,” I say sharply, looking away. He is watching me with a quizzical expression on his face. He removes my hand from his chest, steps closer, holds my chin and tilts my head up.

  “Who… was… that…? And don’t tell me it’s nobody. I saw and felt how scared you were. Tell…me!” Tears are running uncontrollably now. I shake my head.

  “I can’t” I let out a quiet cry. His face softens and he gently places a kiss on my lips.

  Chapter 13

  Ryder

  “Why not? You can trust me,” I try to assure her. She’s shaking in my arms, barely able to stand on her feet.

  “It’s better if you don’t know. I don’t want to mix you up with my problems.” I roll my eyes.

  “Baby, I’m already involved, one way or another, you’re not going to get rid of me.” I gently wipe off her tears with my thumbs. What is happening? I don’t have a clue what memory card the guy was talking about or where Aaliyah knows a scum like him from. “I’ll take you home, okay?” She doesn’t object as I carry her to my car. I notify Patrick that she’s leaving early. I tell him she’s feeling sick and add a few white lies so he’ll believe me.

  “Tell her I hope she gets well soon,” he yells after me as the door is closing.

  “You should have avoided me, you must stay as far away from me as possible,” she tells me after thirty minutes of silence. I put her on the bed when we came into my room. She quietly went into the bathroom and after ten minutes came out and sat on the bed again.

  “What are you talking about?
Why would I avoid you? I’m not going anywhere.” Closing her eyes, she shakes her head.

  “You don’t know me or my past, you don’t know what I’ve done – I’m a terrible person.” She lies down on the bed and puts a pillow over her head, crying hard.

  “Shhh,” I comfort her and take the pillow away. I stroke her long hair, and my heart is breaking when I see her suffering. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily. I’m worried about you and I want to help, but I can’t if you don’t tell me anything. And what’s that about you being a terrible person? You’re the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met, you’re nothing like other girls, you’re always putting other people before you.” A weird snort emerges from her throat.

  “Yeah, right, you have no idea who I am. As soon as you find out what I’ve done, you’ll hate me.”

  “Stop it!” I say sharply. “Stop thinking so poorly of yourself.”

  “What? You think I’m a good person? What do you have to say about this—the only person who took care of me my whole life is dead, and it is all my fault. I didn’t even try to put her killer behind bars. I was so frightened I put my tail between my legs and ran. And now it’s too late—I failed her. Do you still like me? Am I still the most selfless person you know?” Her fists are tightly clenched, buried in her hair, and she turns around as she gets up. “Damn it, I didn’t even attend her funeral because I was so worried he was going to hurt me. You see, that’s how selfless I am!” she yells, collapsing to her knees. I quickly come closer. “You don’t have to say anything, I’m leaving.” She wipes at her tears, gets up and searches for her bag.

  “Hey, hey,” I hurry to her and grab her wrist. “You’re not going anywhere, not in this state, you’re totally crushed and I won’t allow you to go out like that. Something could happen to you, you’re too vulnerable right now.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?” she asks wearily. “You don’t have to pretend, I completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.” She speaks in a small voice, almost inaudibly, and my heart is breaking when I see her suffering. I decide to shut her up by kissing her deeply. I don’t end the kiss. I want to show her she can still rely on me, that I won’t desert her. When we finally pull apart and she’s no longer resisting, I carry her to the bed and lie down next to her. She turns to me, hugging me tightly. “I’m sorry,” she looks at me sadly. “I never wanted to involve you in my shitty life, but you unexpectedly slipped into my heart and I can’t keep you away … I don’t want to keep you away, because this feeling, what I’m feeling right now, is something that gives me hope, and I’m clinging to it with all my strength.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, I told you that already. I just want to understand what is happening. Does this have anything to do with the break-in?” She closes her eyes and nods. I angrily run my hand through my hair. “Son of a bitch,” slips out of my mouth. “Was it him?” Her hesitation tells me I’m right. “Fuck, why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  “I didn’t want anybody to be mixed up in this mess. You don’t know what he’s capable of. He’s a murderer.”

  The air is knocked out of my lungs. I watch the expression on her face. She covers her mouth with her hand. “Shit, I said too much already.”

  “What are you talking about? Who did he murder?” She bows her head, a tear sliding down her cheek. She grabs the hem of her shirt, stretching it.

  “My sister.”

  “You had a sister? Oh my God, I’m so sorry. What happened?” She sniffs and raises her gaze to mine.

  “He strangled her, I found her just minutes after it happened. He was just returning to get rid of her body—if I hadn’t escaped him, I wouldn’t be here today,” she spits out the last words with disgust.

  “Shit, and who is he?”

  “His name is Caden. He’s my…” she draws a deep breath, gathering the courage to continue, “uncle.” Shocked by her disclosure, I run my hand through my hair, furious that this happened to her.

  “Why didn’t you go to the police after he killed your sister?” She shakes her head.

  “I did go. I ran there after everything happened. When I got there, they just laughed in my face. Caden joined them and told them I was delusional, that I took some drugs and don’t know what I’m babbling about. Of course they believed him—he’s their boss, the chief of police—no one would doubt his words. After that I just ran away. Ran like some coward and left my sister with that…that…monster.” I hug her tightly again, trying to console her as much as I can. “Hope—that was her name—was five years older than me. We did everything together, she was like a mother to me. She took care of me and protected me. We had a big fight the day she died. I didn’t have the chance to tell her how much I loved her.” She’s banging her fist on my chest, crying inconsolably.

  ”Shhh, she knew that. I’m sure she did and still does. She’s watching over you, protecting you, and she’s proud of everything you’ve accomplished.”

  I’m still shocked by what Aaliyah told me. We’re lying, pressed tightly against each other, her back to my front. I listen to her peaceful breathing and feel the beating of her heart. She’s finally fallen asleep. She was exhausted by everything that had happened. I have many questions I hope I’ll get answers to, but I’m not going to bother her now, she needs sleep. I don’t even know how she managed to sleep for the last few months with all that has been happening to her. And her uncle—I can’t even find words for him. How can you hurt your family so much?

  Aaliyah

  I am awoken by feathery-light fingers on my skin, running through my hair, neck, all the way to my hip, and then back up again, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” Ryder says as I press closer to him, and his fingers are replaced with his mouth, showering my neck with kisses.

  “Mmm, it is a good morning,” I respond with a smile on my face. I turn to him, and he caresses my cheek with his thumb.

  “How are you feeling?” He is watching me with concerned eyes, so I reach out with my hand, stroking his cheeks.

  “Better,” I assure him, smiling.

  “What memory card was Caden talking about?” The smile that adorned my face moments ago, disappears from my lips, replaced by worry.

  “I don’t want to talk about this now. I’ll tell you everything, just not right now, okay?” He clenches his teeth together and puts his hands behind his neck, scratching gently.

  “Want some coffee?” I nod and give him a loud kiss on the lips. He moves off the bed, reaching for the sweats, draped over the chair. He’s standing in front of me in boxer shorts that show off very finely sculpted muscles of his butt. Watching a man get dressed shouldn’t be that sexy, but I feel butterflies fluttering in my belly, doing flips and sending electric pulses all over my body. I’d like to touch him, explore his body with my fingers and kiss him all day long. It should be against the law to have a body like his, seriously, it’s perfect. I wipe my lips with the sleeve of my shirt because I’m certain I’m drooling. I am awakened from my daydreaming by his ‘I know you’ve been ogling me’ grin. “How do you take your coffee?”

  “Huh?” I ask, raising my gaze to his. “Oh, sorry, umm, with milk.” When the door closes behind him, I let out a breath I was holding. Get it together, Aaliyah, he’s just a man. Oh, but what a man. I’ve never desired someone more. I need him more than my next breath. I can still barely believe I told him about Caden yesterday and he’s still by my side and didn’t send me away. I plop back on the bed and stretch. The door opens and Ryder steps in with a big tray in his hands. I quickly try to get off the bed, but the pain in my ankle stops me, and Ryder shakes his head. We sit by the table in his room and the enticing aroma of the breakfast he prepared teases my senses. “Wow, it smells nice,” I compliment him as I feast my eyes on the goodies on the tray. It is laden with croissants, strawberries, salami and different pastries. “Did you rob the store?” I tease him as I put a strawberry in my mouth a
nd close my eyes. “Mmm, it’s delicious.” Once I open them again, his eyes are trained on my lips, watching them with interest.

  “Damn, that was really sexy,” he says, gulping.

  “What was?” I ask with a raised brow.

  “You’re so sexy, and you don’t even realize it,” he shakes his head and puts another strawberry in my mouth. I touch his finger with my tongue and I can hear him gasp. His playful look turns to lustful in an instant. He approaches me like a lion about to pounce on its prey. He grabs my neck, pressing his lips on mine. I sigh and his closeness, his smell and his tongue, playing with mine, makes me want him even more. Grabbing the hem of my shirt with both hands, he grazes the skin of my stomach as he pulls it over my head. I cross my arms over my chest in embarrassment, looking toward the floor.

  “No,” he says, grabbing my wrists and putting my palms on his muscled abdomen.

  “Don’t hide from me, you’re gorgeous, I can’t take my eyes off you.” He grazes my neck with his lips, takes the lobe of my ear in his mouth, nibbling it lightly. He doesn’t even realize he’s setting my whole body on fire. Finally he reaches my lips that fit his like puzzle pieces. They are a perfect match. His strong hands slide to my back and he has my bra off in seconds. I break the kiss and extend my hand.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not ready for …umm…anything more. I’m sorry.” I quickly reach for my shirt and wrap it around myself.

  “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he holds my cheeks in his hands and looks me in the eyes. “Don’t be sorry.”

  “Not that I don’t want to, it’s just that…umm...” How can I tell him this? I think it’s best if I just blurt it out, there’s no other option. “Umm… I’ve never slept with anybody.” He looks at me with surprise.

  “Seriously? Wow, okay.” I look at him with uncertainty.