You Before Me

by Lindsay Paige

  “Good lord, Gabe,” she breathes, her eyes tightly closed as I move slightly faster, kissing along her jaw. Ryan arches her back when my pace picks up even more, my thumb aggressively moving over her clit. She grabs onto my shoulders, squeezing. “Harder,” she pleads.

  That one word as she pulses around me, releases an animalistic vigor within me. I slam into her relentlessly, deeper and harder. When her hands reach down, the tips of her fingers digging into my ass as she tries to push me even further, I lose all control. I drive into her with everything I have, kissing her with all the passion I can muster.

  She bites my lower lip, clenching around me, her legs tightening around my waist, and a throaty groan pushes its way out as she shudders beneath me with her climax. I don't stop, can't. Not until I find my own release. Ryan squeezes around my cock and I explode with a grunt, slowing down dramatically to prolong our orgasms. Her legs slip off my hips as I pull out and fall next to her.

  I'm drained, so I go to the bathroom to clean myself up. When I come back, Ryan is snuggled underneath the covers, which are pulled all the way up to her neck. Her smile grows when she sees me. I crawl in next to her and she cuddles up to me.

  “Today has been fantastic,” she whispers. “Thank you.”

  “You're welcome,” I answer, my eyes already starting to droop. It's been a long week, and I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. Twenty minutes later, I'm dozing when I faintly hear Ryan talking.

  Her voice is soft and low with a hint of fear. “I think I'm in love with you.” My heart stops, fully awake now, but I don't stir. “I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do about that, Gabe. That's why I'm terrified. You hold a power over me and don't even know it.” She wiggles to get closer to me and without thinking, I tug her tighter against me. Ryan sinks into me, oblivious that I'm not, in fact, sleeping. It's not until I feel her breathing even out that what she said hits me.

  She's in love with me? Is that what she was on the verge of saying earlier? I almost don't know what to do about it either. This wasn't something I was expecting and especially not to hear it this way. I've learned so much about Ryan since we've started seeing each other. Her feelings kind of worry me. Only because I don't want to hurt or disappoint her. She deserves so much more than that, and I don't want to be one more person on her list of people not good enough for her.

  I'm not about to let Ryan slip away from me, though. Like I was thinking earlier, she's mine. I don't want her going anywhere. I only want her where she is right now. In my arms. As I fall asleep, my last thought is that maybe it is time for Ryan to meet my mother.

  Chapter Ten

  Ryan

  I wake up at four in the morning, my dreams terrible as I professed my love for Gabe, and he turned me down. Over and over. I didn't sleep well at all. You know, it's one thing to have your thoughts consumed with worry over a realization, but it's entirely another thing when you voice them. Even if it was barely a whisper, and Gabe was sound asleep. This massive piece of information has me completely clueless. What am I supposed to do about it? Wait until Gabe falls in love with me? What if that never happens? What if I disappoint him and he realizes I'm not good enough for him?

  I remember Gabe saying something about how he thought I was intriguing when we first met, but that doesn't prove anything about him or his feelings for me. Maybe that means Gabe knew there was something about me the moment we met. Or it can mean nothing at all. It doesn't matter because I know without a doubt, I've fallen in love with him. There have been bits and pieces about Gabe along that way that sunk me into this quicksand of love for him. We shared moments together that would make me slip and fall a little further for him. There were moments, like yesterday, when I didn't fall, but I tripped and rolled down a hill, building speed along the way, helpless to stop it.

  With all these damn thoughts in my head, more sleep is a hopeless wish. Remembering that there's a mess out there waiting for us, I quietly get out of bed, slipping on the first thing I find, which is Gabe's t-shirt. I silently close the door behind me and walk to the end of the hallway. Looking at the balloons, the streamers, the broken seahorse, and the array of silly string everywhere, my heart swells again. He did all of this for me. The least I can do is clean it up, so he won't have to come home to it after work. Besides, cleaning can help me relax, and I'm on pins and needles.

  It doesn't take but maybe an hour to throw away the trash, wash the few dishes, and put the games neatly on the kitchen table, which is my current task. Thankfully, this busy work has soothed me a bit.

  “Ryan? What are you doing?”

  I nearly jump out of my skin with a scream as I hear Gabe's gruff, sleepy voice. My heart pounds against my chest, wanting to break out and run away. Swiveling to face him, I see he's found a pair of pajama pants to wear. “God, you scared me,” I say, my hand over my heart as if that would still it.

  Gabe smiles slightly, his eyes still squinting as they try to adjust to the kitchen light. “What are you doing?” He repeats, looking around at his clean house.

  “Oh, I woke up and couldn't sleep, so I picked up our mess.”

  He shakes his head, walks over, and takes my hand. “You didn't have to do that,” he mumbles sternly, leading me back to the bedroom.

  “I'm not tired,” I object, knowing there has to be more to clean out here.

  “Too bad. You're coming back to bed with me.” He flips the switch to turn the light off and then we're in the bedroom. I lay on my back as Gabe slips underneath the covers next to me. Just like the first time we slept together, only this time he's awake and consciously doing this, he throws an arm over my waist and uses my chest as a pillow. “Now you can't go anywhere again,” he says smugly. I laugh, twirling a curl from the top of his head around my finger. “Fall asleep with me, Ryan.”

  It's a simple request. One I would love more than anything. Not sure that it'll happen though.

  “Okay,” I answer, feeling the need to say something at least.

  A few minutes pass, and I think that Gabe has drifted off, but his head lifts suddenly to look at me. I couldn't fake sleep if I wanted to. My eyes are wide with surprise at his movement.

  “You're not even trying.” He frowns.

  “It's useless. I'm too awake.”

  Gabe thinks about something for a moment before scooting up to lay beside me on his side. He holds his arm out, lifting the covers as he does so. “C'mon.” I move into his arms, one tugging me close as the other slips underneath my neck, working as my pillow the closer I get to him. Gabe intertwines our legs, and I'm cocooned in his warmth from head to toe. “Sleep, all right? We have to be up soon.”

  So I press my forehead to his chest, over his heart. I force my eyes to close and my mind to shut off, thinking only of how warm he is, his heart pulsing next to me. Gabe glides his hand up and down my back. Before I know it, I'm falling asleep with him.

  All too soon, Gabe's voice cuts through my sleep as he says, “Ryan, it's time to get up.”

  “Mmm,” I hum, not moving at all. Being nestled against him has me warm and toasty. No way in hell I'm getting up.

  “You'll be late for class,” he tries.

  “Ugh, I don't want to go. It's terrible, dreary, and cold outside.”

  Gabe chuckles. “Have you been out there yet? How do you know?”

  “I watched the weather yesterday,” I tell him simply, dragging a laugh out of him. Lifting my head, I continue, “Can't we stay here today? As a birthday present?” Maybe that will work. Doubt it, but worth a shot.

  His eyes widen. “Hold still. Don't move, okay?”

  “What? Why?” I call after him, but he's already out of bed and out of the room. What did I say? Where is he going? Moments later, he comes back with a gift bag with Happy Birthday written all over it and white tissue paper sticking out the top. As I sit up, I'm practically dumbfounded as to what this is.

  “I forgot about this yesterday,” he says, sitting back down next to me. “It's not m
uch because it was last minute, but I hope you like it.” Gabe puts the bag in my lap.

  I stare at it before looking at him. “You got me a present?” Sure, I've received presents before, but never an actual birthday present. One that wasn't just money. My throat constricts as tears threaten to fall.

  Gabe nods. “Open it.”

  Wanting to take my time and remember everything about this moment, I gingerly pull the tissue paper out. I peer into the bag, pulling out the first thing I see which is a pair of black protective earmuffs.

  “Now you have your own for next time,” Gabe says.

  “Thanks.” I smile and then reach in, pulling out an orange gift card to the grocery store.

  “It's orange because it's for you to support your Sunkist addiction.”

  Laughing, I thank him again. The next thing I pull out is a gift card to the movie theaters.

  “There's a horror movie coming out soon, and I thought you might want to go see it. Should be two more things in there.” Left in the bag is a small square envelope and a larger one for a greeting card. “Open the little one first.”

  I slip my fingers underneath the piece of tape and open it. Inside is Gabe's business card and I flip it over to read his handwriting.

  “One Get Out of Jail Free Card?” I burst into a fit of giggles, leaning on Gabe before I fall over.

  “You've been behaving, but never know when you might need this. It's legit too. If you ever get in trouble, you can call me, and I'll come bail you out.”

  “I love it. Hope I never have to use it, though.” Placing it next to me with everything else, I open the final envelope. Inside is a birthday card, and I silently begin to read it, my eyes drawing in on Gabe's handwriting first.

  You deserve to feel special every day of the year, but especially on your birthday. That's the day you came into this world, making it even more beautiful.

  You're a wonderful person, Ryan, and I'm thankful you were speeding that day. Hope I was able to make your birthday one to remember.

  Happy Birthday, Ryan.

  -Gabe

  My eyes scan over the rest of the words printed on the card, even more sweet sentiments. I know Gabe is watching me, but I can't seem to look away from his scrawl. Finally, I look up, swallow hard, and throw my arms around his neck.

  “Thank you, Gabe. Thank you so much.”

  “You're welcome.” I pull away to kiss him, but he mumbles against my lips, “You need to get ready.”

  Jutting my lower lip out ever so slightly, I wish I didn't have to leave. “Sure we can't skip?” One last try won't hurt.

  Gabe chuckles, finding my attempts amusing. “Not today, Ryan. Believe me, if I could, I most certainly would.”

  “Okay, fine. I have one last special request.”

  “Oh yeah? What's that?” Gabe smiles.

  “Kiss me.”

  Gabe holds my head in place in between his hands. He leans forward, gently brushing his lips over mine as my eyes flutter to a close. My mouth parts in the slightest. Gabe sweeps his tongue over the entrance, and I open wider to let him in. I love these kisses from him. They're slow, delicate, and attentive yet so passionate, so heady that we immerse ourselves in one another wholeheartedly. Time stops. It's as if nothing else exists except for our lips, our tongues, and Gabe's hands on my face.

  When Gabe stops kissing me, his lips resting against mine, it takes a moment for me to come back to the present and open my eyes. I feel his lips quirk into a smile, his cheeks rising as well. He's so freaking adorable.

  “I better go get my shower now,” I tell him.

  Gabe moves away as I start putting my gifts back into the bag. A glance at the clock tells me I have to seriously put a move on it if I don't want to be late. Being late is nothing new, so I'm not that concerned about it. Still, I make my shower quick because if I'm running late, then Gabe will be too. Once I shower and get ready, about to leave, Gabe asks if he can see me Thursday night.

  Smirking, I say, “Sorry, Gabe. A damn cop gave me a ticket, and I have to go to a four hour defensive driving class to avoid getting points on my license.”

  He laughs. “All right. I'll talk to you later. Go before you're late.”

  I leave him behind to drive to school. There are a couple of texts from my parents on my phone when I look, but they can wait until later. I scurry across campus, knowing that Viv is waiting for me. When I spot her, I practically run to her.

  “We need girl time, stat,” I rush.

  Her brows raise. “Why? What happened? You look... frenzied,” she finishes.

  Immediately, I smooth my wavy hair, trying to tame my now obvious frayed nerves. The past twenty-four hours, Gabe, and my crazy realization have me all over the place. I don't like it. Normally, I would consider myself confident without a care in the world. Gabe has, in a way, shattered that for me. At least until I figure out what I'm supposed to do with what I'm feeling.

  “Let's get these classes over with and then we're going for a massage. I'm long overdue for one anyway.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Love isn't a bad thing, right? It's massively scary with a huge potential for pain, but it's supposed to be better to love than to never experience it. At least, that's how that old saying goes. I should be just fine either way then. If I could only stop feeling out of place and crazy.

  Viv nods, satisfied with my answer, and in the moments before class, I manage to get us appointments for later today.

  * * *

  Even though I feel a bit greasy from the massage oil, my mind and body are in much better states after our massages. Viv and I are now getting a mani/pedi.

  “Okay, Ryan. What the hell is going on?” She asks curiously, waiting for me to explain things.

  I don't look at her because for some reason, I feel weak for admitting this. Not because of it, but more because I'm scared. The more I think about it, the more terrified I feel. Gabe does have the power here, he always has, and even though he doesn't know it, he has the capacity to ruin me. To damage me more so than I already am.

  “It's Gabe,” I mumble, watching the woman work on my feet. In between classes, I already told her about what he did for my birthday, so she's rooting for Gabe. From the corner of my eye, I can see Viv perk up, eager to hear what else I have to say. But it won't happen that easily. So I do what I do best.

  Ramble.

  “I've never met a guy like him. One that wants me for more than what my body can offer. I mean, even I never wanted more than that. Not at this point in my life anyway. I was happy with that and more than happy to offer it. It's not like it was a one way street, you know? I wanted to give it as much as they wanted it, but Gabe,” I shake my head, “he makes me think about the possibility of more, to want more.” I pause to take a deep breath, still occupied with the woman's work on my feet. “It's weird,” I chuckle in disbelief.

  It is weird. I've never wanted more than sex. Never really thought about it. And now, it's all I can think about. What does more even mean? Do we keep going as we are now? How would things change with love involved? Will everything go down in a disaster like with my parents? I pause my inner thoughts and continue talking to Viv.

  “Sex has always been my go-to and all I wanted from boys. Anything more could wait until after college at least. Then Gabe waltzed right in, and I'm fumbling to figure out what the hell I'm doing. He's sweet, thoughtful, good. He's throwing me off my game, Viv. I want to know everything to the last detail about him. I stupidly want to meet his parents and have them like me, which is already nearly hopeless. I want to give him every part of me to the fullest.

  “He makes me feel like I can openly voice my opinions without blatantly being turned down. This is new territory for me, and I don't know how to operate. I feel like I'm walking through a minefield and to make matters worse,” I stop, taking a moment to recollect myself. “I think I'm in love with him, Viv.” Finally, I cut my eyes over to her, and she's grinning.r />
  “Does he know?”

  “Hell no!” I screech, causing heads to glance at us. Calmly, I add, “Do you really think I would tell him this until I can get myself under control? Besides, aren't guys supposed to say it first or something?”

  Viv laughs. “There are no rules, Ryan. Love has its own set of secret rules. I'm happy for you, though. This means you'll stop sleeping with all the guys on campus.” I can't help my giggle. “In all seriousness, Gabe at the very least cares for you. I think you should tell him, find out how he feels, and then go from there.”

  “And if he doesn't feel the same? Won't he feel pressured to say it to me?” I grimace at the thought. “Or he'll stop seeing me completely, thinking I'm fucking crazy.”

  “No, he won't. If Gabe is the kind of guy he sounds like he is, then he'll appreciate your honesty and won't freak out. Hopefully.”

  “Hopefully,” I grumble.

  “Wait a little longer though. You need to be sure of yourself.”

  So over the next few days, I do a lot of thinking, trying to make sure that I'm sure. All it does is confuse me. What does Gabe expect from me? That's what I need to know. It all comes down to that one question, and I want an answer. He's never told me his expectations. If I knew that, then I would feel a hell of a lot better about us. Whatever we are. I would know how to move forward and whether I bury my feelings or go with the program to let the pieces fall where they may.

  My stomach sinks because whatever Gabe is hoping to gain from me, I'm sure this will end up like everything else. I won't be good enough. Not for a relationship, not for him, and certainly not for his love. Everyone expects certain things from me, expectations I've never been able to reach. The odds have been against us from the start. His parents don't think he should be seeing me. My parents don't think so either because he's too old. Could something last between us if we're doomed to fail from the start according to those around us?