Her brows lowered in a frown at that. Her gaze was filled with earnest intent. “I know, but I had to say it again because it’s possible I didn’t make myself clear. You could have thought that I meant I like you as a friend, which I do. But I also like you as more than that. I like you, Spencer. A lot. I like you so much.” Her words tumbled out and she reached for his hand again. He pulled it away out of habit. Self-preservation kicked in when everything else had gone into a catatonic state at her words.
His rejection didn’t deter her. She leaned forward and placed her palms on either side of his face. “I didn’t want you to think that my interest was fake. Because it wasn’t. The way I felt around you was the most real thing I’ve felt…maybe ever.”
He stared at her. Her words were killing him. They were pounding against the logical part of his brain, the part that told him she couldn’t be trusted, that this was a mistake.
At his silence, she continued with her litany. “I like you, Spencer. I really like—”
He pulled her forward and kissed her with everything he had. Every last bit of frustration and pain made the kiss messy and passionate as she responded in kind. She pressed against him, drawing herself up and maneuvering into his lap.
He pulled her closer. There was no way he could ever get enough. He was a drowning man and she was oxygen. He didn’t even notice when the furious passion eased and the kiss turned sweet. Intimate.
His brain had officially handed over the reins and his body took control, moving her into position as though she’d been made to fit against him. His lips moving over hers with the leisurely idleness of one who had a lifetime to explore.
She broke the spell. Pulling back slightly to rest her forehead against his. “I’m sorry, Spencer. So sorry.”
That was it. A cold flood of reality washed over him and the moment was gone. His chest ached as he did what needed to be done. He pushed her away, gently but firmly setting her away from him.
This was wrong for so many reasons. He’d spent a lifetime learning to keep people like her away—people who would use him or lie to him. People who would betray him.
If he was the kind of guy who believed in the devil, he would have thought that she’d been sent by the sneaky bastard himself as his own special form of temptation. But she hadn’t been sent by the devil. She’d been sent by his father.
Even worse. Regret and something far worse threatened his resolve as his gaze met hers and he saw the questions there. The pain. The guilt. The shame.
He hadn’t meant to make her feel worse. He brought his hands up to scrub his face, hoping to bring himself back to sanity. “Look, I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. Why you did what you did, I’m sure you had your reasons.”
She didn’t try to justify herself. He wished she would. Excuses would make it easier. People always had their reasons. When he dropped his hands he saw her coming to stand, turning her back to him. “You’re not mad?”
He shook his head and then realized she couldn’t see him with her back turned. He hated the fact that he couldn’t see her either. He’d come to rely on the fact that her face was an open book. Even if she didn’t give herself away every time she lied, her true emotions were always right there, just under the surface. “I’m not mad,” he answered.
Just hurt.
Those were words he’d never say out loud. It was admitting too much, handing over far more power than he could spare with this woman. She’d have all the ammunition she’d need to wrap him around her little finger.
She turned then, spinning quickly to face him, her expression pained. “Then…do you forgive me?”
Her features were pinched with fear and worry as she waited for his answer. With a sigh, he nodded. “Sure, yeah, I forgive you.”
The words came out heavy and clunky. No one had asked for his forgiveness before and it made him uncomfortable. Who was he to judge? He’d had his fair share of scrapes with the law when he was younger. His hands weren’t exactly clean.
She nodded and some of the concern seemed to ebb. But then she studied him. Whatever she saw in his expression, it made her seem infinitely sad. “But that’s not enough, is it?”
He knew what she meant. He might be able to forgive her and he wasn’t mad, not anymore. But it didn’t change things between them. He couldn’t pretend like it had never happened. Their “relationship,” for lack of a better word, had been based on a lie. Maybe he’d known it was a lie but it didn’t change the fact that she’d been out to use him for her own gain.
So he shook his head even though the pain in his chest begged him not to. “I’m sorry, Holly. But we can’t go back to what we were doing.”
He saw the tears in her eyes again. Her tears would be the death of him. “But maybe we could—”
“I don’t trust you.” His interruption was rude but it was better than listening to her quiet, pleading voice asking for another chance. Her eyes widened in surprise at the harshness in his tone. He had to end this once and for all before he caved. So rather than relent, he pushed forward. “I don’t trust anyone, but I especially don’t trust you.”
She nodded. “I understand.” She might not have intended to sound pitiful, but her voice was choked with tears.
He hated himself at that moment. He’d hurt her. And much as he told himself she’d hurt him first, that knowledge did nothing to make him feel better as he watched her slip past him and heard the door click closed behind her.
It was done.
Chapter Eight
When he finally got his act together enough to leave Jenna’s office and rejoin the party, he realized it wasn’t over quite yet. He and Holly might be finished but he still had to deal with his father.
Any moment now his father and his friends could be attempting to hack into his clients’ information. Since his clients included major retailers, that information included credit card numbers as well as other personal information. If it had worked they would have gotten a payday while singlehandedly destroying his reputation in cybersecurity.
A new thought occurred to him and it left him feeling cold. They might have figured out that their information was useless by now. And once they knew, they’d be angry. His gut clenched in fear at the thought that his father—or worse, one of his employers—would take it out on Holly.
That thought had him heading for the door. He had to deal with his father before they got Holly involved any further.
He kept his head down as he headed through the crowded apartment, hoping to avoid the awkward goodbyes and questions about Holly’s sudden appearance and even more sudden departure.
“Leaving so soon?” Kate’s voice came from behind him.
He winced. He could keep going, pretend he didn’t hear her….
“Are you seriously going to ignore me, Spencer?” Her sweet voice had taken on a note of amusement and he came to a grudging halt.
“I mean, we practically dated,” she continued, outright laughing at him now.
He turned his chair so he could face her. She was standing in the archway leading to the kitchen. “How do you figure?”
She shrugged, a smile taking her from pretty to stunning. “I’m guessing Andie tried to talk you into asking me out just like she kept trying to sell me on you.”
Despite everything going on in his life, he let out a short laugh. She’d nailed it. “In my defense, I’d never even met you so my reluctance to ask you out had nothing to do with you.”
Her head fell back with a laugh. “And in my defense, I’d never met you either so my resistance to the idea was definitely not personal.”
“So you didn’t want to go out either?” he asked. Not that he was shocked, his ego wasn’t that big. A cranky recluse with a dodgy background didn’t exactly scream boyfriend material.
She shook her head. “Andie tried her best to get us together.”
He hesitated, not wanting to be rude to Andie’s friend but eager to be on his way.
“The thing is,” she con
tinued, “You could have been Prince Charming himself and I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you.”
He arched his brows. “Gee, thanks.”
She smiled but her gaze had turned serious. “I wasn’t really open to meeting someone new. I’d built this sort of...cage around myself.”
Uh oh. From the way she was looking at him now—vaguely pitying and totally understanding—he had a feeling this little conversation was for his sake, not hers.
“I’d built it to keep myself safe,” she continued. “But once I met Eric I realized that it wasn’t really keeping me safe, it was just keeping me lonely and living half a life. I’d made myself a nice, comfortable prison.”
Yup. She was definitely talking about him.
He nodded. “Really? That’s interesting. Look, Kate, I’ve got to get going….” He turned his wheelchair and headed for the door again but he hadn’t gotten far before she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
He looked up and found that she was giving him a wry smile. “Okay, maybe that was a bit heavy-handed. I just…I see myself in you, I guess, and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes.”
He nodded. “I get it.” And he did get it. He’d heard all about her miraculous transformation after some cruise she’d taken. Andie had spared no details. He reached out for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “And I’m happy for you. I’m just not sure that kind of happiness is in the cards for me.”
He saw her lips compress into a thin line and he knew she wanted to argue. But she didn’t. She gave him a small nod and squeezed his hand in return. “We’ll see,” she said, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
He laughed and headed toward the door. “Yeah, I guess we will.”
A little while later he was back in his apartment building. He refused to go back to that bar and see his father, but that meant he’d have to do some digging to figure out where the old man was living these days.
He stopped when he got out of the elevator.
Or not.
There was Jack, leaning against his apartment door, that irritating amused leprechaun look finally gone for once.
“Merry Christmas, Pop.” His tone dripped with sarcasm as he wheeled his way to the door and opened it for them both. “Make yourself at home,” he said. “Again.”
His father stopped in the hallway and sighed. “So you know.”
He turned to face him. “Yeah. I know.”
His father shook his head, almost like he was disappointed in Spencer. As if he was the one who’d done something wrong.
In Jack’s eyes, he probably was. He looked up from beneath furrowed brows. “My boss isn’t gonna be happy.”
Spencer shrugged, a lifetime of bitterness and anger raging just beneath the surface. But he’d never let his father see that. “No, I don’t suppose he will. But that’s not really my problem.” A hint of anger threatened to heat his words but he held it back with force. Anger did nothing to his father. It rolled off his back. But indifference? Scorn? It would eat at him and make him furious. “You should have known better than to mess with me. You’re the one who always called me the bad luck charm, after all.”
“And that’s exactly what you are,” his father sneered.
For the first time in a long time, the insult didn’t sting. He was done with this man who’d never really been a parent.
“Since you were willing to ruin my reputation and my career with this poorly planned job, I hope you don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.”
His father’s snarl was a response in and of itself, he supposed.
“Right, well once you’ve finished with your little temper tantrum, let’s get down to business, shall we?”
Jack’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Spencer drawled. “You didn’t think you’d get off that easily did you?”
His father might not have actually turned pale at that veiled threat but he lost a lot of his swagger. “What did you do?”
Nothing. But Jack didn’t need to know that.
“I set you up, of course.” His smile was cruel. “You didn’t actually expect me to fall for your little decoy, did you? The moment Holly walked into my apartment I knew you were up to something. It wasn’t difficult to figure out what.”
“What did you do?” Jack asked again.
“I merely caught you in the act.” He smiled up at a video camera he’d only installed the night before, but he was certain his father wouldn’t know that.
Jack turned to him with a smug look. “You’re bluffing. If you had evidence you’d know I wasn’t the one who broke in. He just told me about your creepy little lair.”
Spencer grinned. Creepy little lair. He liked that. He’d figured his father might have hired a pawn to do his dirty work—a pawn who knew a stick of RAM from a motherboard. “You might not be on camera but my friendly, attractive neighbor and I are willing to swear that we saw you skulking around when my camera was offline.”
The smug look vanished. “What do you want?”
“To be left alone,” he answered. “And for Holly to be left alone.”
His father eyed him. “That’s it?”
That was it. Then it would be over. He’d go back to his regularly scheduled programming. Talking to Andie every week, Hunter when they worked together…and that was it. No surprise visits from Holly, no dinners spent nerding out together, no kissing or touching or…oh man, he couldn’t go there right now.
His father was waiting for an answer. Was that it? What else did he want? He didn’t want anything from his father. Nothing he could ever give, anyway. It was too little too late for them. But for Holly…
He spoke without thinking. “There is one more thing. I need you to do something for me.”
His father didn’t seem surprised when he told him to contact Holly and tell her there’d been a change of heart regarding her fee. Jack just shook his head in a pitying manner. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”
Spencer shrugged. “Maybe.” Definitely. But the idea had come to him quickly and it felt right. It alleviated some of the ache in his chest. He didn’t know why she needed that money, but she needed it. And he had it. So he’d have to put his dream house on hold, the market wasn’t great for buying anyway.
Jack let out a short laugh and shook his head. “You’re the smartest guy I know but you’re also an idiot.”
He was and he knew it. But to his father he said, “This coming from the man who got caught red-handed by his own son.”
Jack laughed again, this time with actual amusement. Apparently he was already over his resentment at being caught. If there was one thing he could say about his father, he knew how to roll with the punches.
Now he turned to Spencer with a decidedly paternal look—“paternal” being a nice way of saying “condescending.” “No risks, no reward, kid. I thought I taught you that.”
Spencer didn’t know whether to laugh at his father or punch him. He settled for a laughter but there was no humor there. “You’re kidding, right? When have your risks ever paid off?”
Jack shook his head again and Spencer hated the defensiveness that stole over him. He knew where this conversation was going and the topic was too close to Kate’s little lecture just a little while ago. But Kate’s speech had been well-intentioned. Off base, maybe, but he’d known she meant well. His father on the other hand… Spencer didn’t have to explain himself to his absent father, not now, not ever.
“If the reward is big enough, any risk is worthwhile,” Jack said.
“You sound like a fortune cookie,” Spencer muttered.
“You never understood that,” Jack continued as if he hadn’t interrupted. “You always played the safe bet.” His father looked around the apartment with a critical eye. “And what’s it gotten you?”
“Uh, a good salary? Amazing benefits. Great dental,” Spencer rattled off.
Jack ignored him again as he walked away toward the f
ront door. “I feel sorry for you, kid, I really do. Look around. What do you really have?” He stopped and turned around. “You’re smart, but lonely. You’ve always been a loner, but this is pathetic.”
Anger surged through him. “I’m not the one who’s spent half his adult life in jail, Pop. That’s pathetic.”
His dig had no effect. The old man was too busy looking around the apartment with a critical eye. “What do you call this, kid?”
Holly should have been happy. She was happy. Her sister was finally awake.
Kind of. Well, she had been for a little while there, though she’d been too out of it to talk.
Still, it was progress and the doctors seemed happy.
Of course they seemed happy. The price of Eve’s treatments could buy the hospital a new wing. Maybe they’d name it after her.
She and Lexy still sat beside their sister’s bed even though she was back to sleep. At least now it was just a sleep and not a coma. Progress! That’s what she should be focusing on.
Lexy leaned forward and refilled her plastic cup with the champagne she’d smuggled in an hour before when they’d first gotten the news. Lexy was already three sheets to the wind so her grin was slightly sloppy as she raised her plastic cup in salute to Eve. “Cheers!” she sang out, far too loudly for a hospital. “To our very own Christmas miracle!”
Holly cheers-ed her sister and took a swig, telling herself once again that she was happy. Her sister was awake. Of course she was happy.
But she was also miserable. Her heart was broken, something she’d thought was just a turn of phrase or a metaphor. Right up until it happened to her. The moment she walked out that door she’d known that heartbreak was a real phenomenon.
It made her feel just as maudlin and sappy as she’d been led to believe it would. For the first time in her life she felt the urge to listen to a good angsty ballad. Maybe even an old country song. And if the heartbreak had ended there, she might have been okay with it. It was a unique experience. One she could check off the list of things to do before she died. Go skydiving—check. Experience New Year’s Eve in Times Square—Check. First real heartbreak—check.
Enchanting the Beast Page 13