Change Partners

by Cathryn Cooper

  Josie’s expression did not alter. Mariana recognised disbelief when she saw it. She also recognised a challenge.

  One finger tapped at the handle of her coffee mug as she considered the situation. Eventually, she looked directly into Josie’s eyes.

  ‘Can I think about this and tell you later?’

  ‘Not really. You should tell all now, just as you persuaded me to do.’

  Mariana got up from her chair.

  ‘I don’t know that I want to.’

  She gave sure signals that she was off. Her actions were swift and agitated.

  Josie remained seated. Her eyes followed Mariana’s face. ‘You’ve broken your word, Mariana.’

  ‘I can’t help it.’

  Josie shrugged. Her green eyes seemed to cloud over. ‘Then you have a bigger problem than you think.’

  As Mariana drove away from her friend’s house, she felt strangely guilty, but also strangely weak.

  All her life she had been the strong one, the respected one, the woman who could organise and oversee everything. Josie had burst her bubble. Nothing seemed the same as it had been. Mariana had seen the true woman behind the meek and mild facade that was Josie, and what she saw frightened her.

  Chapter 19

  Something began and a memory started to fade on the day Mariana went alone to the country club.

  She’d left Jamie bound fast as he liked to be and chained tightly to a fixing within his own wardrobe. A few hours of contemplation and he’d be like a cringing boy by the time she got back. In the meantime, she had a few hours to kill and she wanted some time by herself. Today she would use the country-club pool.

  With a sweep of her hands, she gathered her hair on top of her head and secured it with a black velvet band. Before sliding her swimming costume up over her naked body, she studied herself in the ranks of shining mirrors that returned her reflection from the wall before her and the one behind.

  Her ribs looked good, she thought. No spare flesh and lean enough to exaggerate what breasts she had.

  A fine layer of golden hair formed a small triangle beneath her belly. When she moved, the light caught it and made it glisten as though it were wet.

  Sighing gently, Mariana ran her hands down over her body as she looked at herself. Eyes lowered, she patted her belly, then looked over her shoulder to view her behind in the mirror opposite. As she did so, she noticed a young woman dressed in a pretty pink swimming costume. She was sitting on one of the wooden benches that ran along the end wall. She was smiling and had glossy black hair and very dark eyes. She was looking in her direction.

  Their eyes met. A shiny brown face broke into a wide smile.

  ‘Hello. My name is Sharaz.’

  Without a hint of reservation, the girl got up and held out her hand. ‘How do you do?’ she said, her cheeks glowing and her bright eyes sparkling as she boldly ran her eyes over Mariana’s body. ‘

  ‘Mariana. My name’s Mariana.’ Did she sound surprised? She was. People did not usually make a big effort to speak to her. There was no big sign above her saying she was friendly, and she did not have the jolliest of faces.

  A barrier had been breached. The girl’s palm was warm and plump against hers. She took comfort from it and gripped it a little longer and a little more firmly than she should have done.

  There was only understanding on the face of the girl who had introduced herself as Sharaz. There was no embarrassment, no questioning look. The dark eyes blazed with a certain kind of understanding, a certain kind of affection.

  ‘You have a very trim body. You obviously take great care of it.’ Again the dark eyes swept over Mariana’s spare frame.

  ‘Yes. Yes, I do.’ Don’t fight this, Mariana told herself. She felt her face soften and break into a smile. ‘Are you coming for a swim?’

  White teeth flashed in a honey-brown face. ‘Love to. But hadn’t you better put your costume on first?’

  ‘Goodness me, yes!’

  They tittered like naughty schoolgirls. Mariana pulled on her plain black costume. Sharaz helped her unwind the straps which had twisted over her shoulder.

  ‘There. All straight and better.’ She puckered her mouth and kissed Mariana’s cheek.

  Mariana flushed. An awe-struck look entered her eyes as Sharaz, grinning girlishly from ear to ear, took hold of her hand. ‘Are you ready now?’ she asked as a daughter might a mother, or a woman a lover.

  Mariana, her gaze still fixed on the gleaming countenance of the lovely Sharaz, nodded. ‘Yes. I am.’

  Hand in hand, they passed through the foot bath and walked out onto the edge of the swimming pool.

  It was a Tuesday afternoon, the kids were at school, and those that worked were beavering away wherever they happened to be working.

  The pool and its ancillary area echoed to the sound of their voices. One or two older people swam with timorous strokes towards the shallow end. The deep end and the diving stages were virtually empty.

  Mariana asked herself why she did not draw her hand away each time Sharaz reached for it. Because I like it, she told herself. I like it. It’s affectionate. It’s pleasant.

  Self-control, the need to be in charge, the need to make someone suffer for the hurt she had experienced, fell away. This was no Jamie on whom she could take out all her frustrations, all her feelings of injustice. This was someone as dark and attractive as any Ahmed, though, of course, not a man.

  Their hips tapped gently against each other as they trod water beneath the overhanging diving stage.

  The moment lingered along with their silence. Sharing the same space, the same feelings, their eyes met.

  The sheer intensity of her emotions made Mariana’s legs weaken in their constant treading. At last, she had to break away.

  ‘Race you!’ she shouted, and her long arm curved into a crawl as her head dipped into the water.

  A sense of urgency seemed to dictate the pace of their continuous lengths. Up and down, up and down they swam.

  Water in her eyes and rushing past her face kept Mariana from seeing Sharaz too clearly. Because of the water and the distance between them, it seemed as if she were viewing her through a mist, and that mist must be agitated to stop it from melting away.

  But the moment came when breasts pushed tight against bodices and arms ached from continuous effort. ‘Enough for me,’ she heard Sharaz shout, and knew she would have to get out of the pool at the same time as she did.

  Mariana climbed out of the pool first, water dripping from her hair and her costume; running, converging down her inner thighs. Was that a stirring she felt with the fleshiness of her sex, or was it merely a confluence of excess fluid?

  What shivers she was feeling were kept firmly inside. Smiling, she offered her hand to Sharaz.

  Sharaz took it. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I don’t know who won but that was a good race. I need to relax now. Will you come for a sauna with me? I think we will be alone in there. I don’t think these other people will be joining us.’

  Sharaz jerked her head to where the older people were now gathered in a tight little group in the shallowest corner of the pool.

  ‘Neither do I,’ returned Mariana.

  Swimming costumes were cast to one side and heat clung to their bodies in the privacy of the sauna.

  Sharaz bent with her backside towards Mariana as she kicked the sopping wet costume away from her ankles. Mariana winced and absent-mindedly ran her hand down over her belly. A sudden tingle rushed up from between her legs.

  Sharaz straightened and turned around. ‘Thank you for coming in here with me,’ she said softly as she looked up into the taller woman’s face. ‘I much appreciate it. Will you let me show my appreciation? Will you let me kiss you?’

  Mariana’s mouth dropped open as if she were about t
o speak. Nothing came out. Her arms hung uselessly at her side, yet she was aware of the most deplorable twitching in her muscles. It occurred to her that a civil war was being fought within her flesh. Part of her body was saying this is not a man. The other half was saying who cares?

  The strong side of her, the same side that told her she was apart and above mere men, won the day.

  As her lips met those of the delicious Sharaz, her hands gripped the young girl’s waist.

  It came to her that if there had been a penis between her legs, she would have had an erection by now. There was a certain heaviness in her sex lips as she pressed her hands against Sharaz’s back.

  The girl’s opulent breasts were like cushions against hers. The sharp bones of her pelvis nudged into the plumpness of the dark girl’s belly.

  Just as if she truly had been born with the same equipment as a man, Mariana began jerking her hips in a constant rhythm against the body of this other woman.

  As Sharaz withdrew her lips from those of Mariana, a certain youthful nervousness came to her eyes. ‘What if someone comes in?’ she asked, her face a picture of wide-eyed innocence.

  ‘Who cares!’

  Now I know, thought Mariana, what it means to want a woman. Now I know what a man feels like.

  Desire was a burning flame within her that made her push Sharaz back onto the lowest bench of the sauna.

  The girl melted beneath her, submission quickly replacing her earlier bravado.

  ‘Oh,’ she squealed, ‘but you are so strong, Mariana. I feel unable to resist you.’

  Her voice was high-pitched and she sounded a little frightened. But it isn’t fear that’s making her open her legs, thought Mariana.

  All sense of who she was with and where they were seemed to whirl through her mind, then rush straight out of it again. Mariana was thrusting against Sharaz just as a man might do.

  Her golden-crested sex was beating time against the black-haired one of the delectable young woman. This was her, Mariana, lying between the open legs of another woman and they were thrusting against each other for all they were worth.

  Mariana braced her arms and raised herself up on her hands. Without interrupting the jerking of her hips, she looked down on the face and breasts of Sharaz.

  ‘Play with them,’ Sharaz implored as she pushed her large breasts together.

  As though she were doing a press up, Mariana lowered herself onto the young girl, kissed her lips, then rested her weight on her elbows.

  With fingers and thumbs, she commenced to play and pull on Sharaz’s velvet-soft purple nipples.

  ‘Are you enjoying this?’ asked Mariana.

  ‘Oh, yes. Are you?’

  Mariana nodded. You’re a fool, she said to herself. Of course she’s enjoying it. Can’t you tell that from her face?

  But of course she could. It was just that Mariana needed absolute confirmation that Sharaz was enjoying this as much as she was. It was like opening a gate on a favourite garden. You needed to know that what you had planted was looked on with as much favour by everyone else as it was by you.

  Eddies of sensation were radiating from that little jewel that sat adjacent to frills of pale pink labia. Should this happen? Must it happen? This was another woman, after all!

  But I can’t stop even if I wanted to, screamed a voice in Mariana’s mind. I just can’t stop!

  She closed her eyes and buried her nose in the cloud of thick, dark hair. Peaches came to mind. The girl’s hair smelt of fresh peaches. From lower down - somewhere behind her ear - Mariana detected the smell of flowers, a perfume manufactured chiefly from roses.

  All these things - the dark eyes of this girl, the tawny skin, the jet black hair, and the aromatic smells of Sharaz’s body - ate into Mariana’s very soul, and because it got that far, it also infused through her body. In response, her hips jerked that much more fiercely and her clitoris jumped as if it were trying to escape her body.

  Their breathing mingled as their arousal soared higher and, between kisses, Sharaz moaned with joy each time Mariana’s fingers tweaked and pulled at her rigid nipples.

  A climax was forming in Mariana’s loins. At least she thought it was. Inner confusion made her frown, but still her pelvis kept up its even tempo and her fingers continued to explore the ample bosoms of the woman beneath her.

  The dark eyes she looked into for explanation rolled up into Sharaz’s head before closing completely. Her mouth stayed open and let out low groans of ecstasy.

  Mariana’s eyes remained wide open. This was no dream. This was really happening to her. She caught her breath as Sharaz arched her back so that Mariana’s sex hit more fiercely against hers.

  A low moan started deep in Mariana’s throat and slowly made its way up to her tongue. Amazement in her eyes and a louder, more earthy cry now coming from her mouth, Mariana tensed against the supine body of Sharaz.

  She quivered from head to toe, the heat of the sauna causing rivulets of sweat to run from her spine and over her ribs. Her eyes stared as she gasped with unsurpassed delight.

  Never in her whole life had she experienced anything like this.

  Beneath her, Sharaz shimmered with sweat and the slow tremors of a controlled orgasm.

  Once the last shiver of orgasm had fallen away, Sharaz opened her eyes and looked up into those of Mariana. Her mouth parted in a wide grin. ‘Wasn’t that truly wonderful?’ Mariana paused. She knew what her answer would be, but she also knew she wanted to hold onto the truth of it.

  She had a need to savour how she was feeling, and she also knew she would very much like to do it again.

  ‘Truly wonderful,’ she repeated, her eyes blazing with excitement.

  ‘I think I want you to be my lover,’ exclaimed the smiling Sharaz.

  Some of the old firmness came back to Mariana’s face, though it wasn’t quite the same as before. This woman, she decided, needed someone to look after her, not to abuse her. In turn, she herself needed someone to look up to her, to love her for the strong character that she was.

  Mariana threw back her head and laughed. ‘A lover. What a wonderful word. Not a mistress, a wife, or even a sex object. A lover.’ She laughed again. ‘I think that’s a very good idea.’

  The benches within the sauna were wide, and as the sweat continued to run over their naked bodies, Mariana and Sharaz lay full stretch, their arms touching, their fingers entwined.

  ‘Men let me down,’ Mariana said at length. Then, in a last ditch attempt to unburden herself, Mariana told her of the event that had shaped her life.

  ‘It was after hearing my mother arguing with Ahmed, my stepfather, that I truly turned against men. Unfortunately, at the same time, I also turned against my mother.

  ‘I heard her saying that Ahmed had become too fond of me, that he preferred having sex with me than with her. I froze where I was. You see, I had been having sex with Ahmed. We used to visit a country villa he owned and, when my mother went outside to lie down on a sunbed and read one of her precious books, he used to take me upstairs and give me sweet drinks. Of course I know now that those drinks were drugged and allowed him to do anything to me he cared to. I used to watch him as though I were watching a dream, as though it wasn’t really me lying there naked as he tied my legs and arms to the bed.

  ‘As he kissed my nipples and lay his body flat on me, I could almost believe he was merely a load of heavy blankets pressing me against the mattress.

  ‘But afterwards, of course, there was always the soreness where his penis had been.

  ‘Strangely enough, I was never frightened by anything he did. Perhaps it was the fact that I was in familiar surroundings and my mother was not far away. It wasn’t because I was too young to understand, because I did understand. I knew what was happening to me. But I never protested. I never felt any great bit
terness until I heard my mother complain that he enjoyed sex more with me than with her.

  ‘That was the turning point. You see, up until then, I had not realised that my mother even knew Ahmed was having relations with me. The knowledge that she did ate into my brain.

  ‘I cried to my real father about what had happened. I tried to tell him and fully expected him to do something about it. I couldn’t understand him doing nothing at all. He stared at me with disgust. He called me a liar for saying such things and that I should not tell such childish tales.’

  Mariana sobbed and Sharaz kissed her cheek and stroked her arm.

  ‘There, there, my darling. There, there.’

  A tear rolled down Mariana’s cheek and she sniffed loudly.

  ‘I gradually realised that my father had been embarrassed by what I had told him. Not only did he not want to believe such things about my mother, he also seemed to find it difficult that his daughter could have been having sex with a grown man. The whole thing confused him.

  ‘I was desperate, I was frightened. I shouted at my mother, and she told me that I was only dreaming. But I knew I wasn’t. I knew what I’d seen, knew what she said. ‘She called the doctor and he put me to bed with a sedative. We were staying at the villa again, and whilst I was in bed, my mother and Ahmed drank loads of wine. ‘It was early morning when I woke up. The place was still in darkness, the room slightly blue by virtue of the moonlight that streamed in through the window.

  ‘Feeling thirsty, I got out of bed and made my way out of the room and along the landing.

  ‘I think my mother and Ahmed had quarrelled again because my mother was asleep in the master bedroom and Ahmed was in the bed where he used to have his way with me.

  ‘His bedroom door was open and I stopped when I saw him there. He was naked, I remember, and his bottom looked very bright in the moonlight. The sheets were lying crumpled around his ankles. The straps he used to restrain me with were still there at the head and foot of the bed.