by Dyanne Davis
Sated yet still aroused Imran wondered how to approach the subject. Then he thought of a way. He began singing to her, pouring out his words of love in song. He gave her a smile as he sang to her, watching her, seeing her eyes pool with tears. That touched him and made him acutely aware that she now owned his heart. He was singing to her in Urdu and she understood every word of love. He used the pad of his finger to brush away her tears. He kissed the trail the tears had taken. When he was done he pulled her close, into his arms. She took a deep shuddering breath and he closed his eyes. She loved him. He felt it. It was now time to tell her.
“Tanya, I don’t want us to end,” he said suddenly. “I have feelings for you.” He smiled. “I’m falling in love with you.”
Tanya pushed off from his chest. “Damn, Imran, why couldn’t you just leave it alone? We said no ties, remember? This was just a fling. Now you’ve ruined it. Damn!” She grabbed for her clothes and began putting them on. “Get up,” she ordered. “Take me home, back to Heaven’s. I want to go now.”
“What did I do? Why are you acting so crazy? All I said was that I was falling in love with you.”
“There you go again. Stop it. I don’t want you in love with me.”
“But you love me also. I feel it.”
“I don’t want to love you, Imran. Don’t you understand that? I can’t be falling in love with you. I have to go home, back to Chicago. You couldn’t leave well enough alone could you? You had to ruin things.” She threw a pillow at him. “I want to leave.”
“I have to bathe first and so should you.”
“Fine.” Tanya glared at him. “But we won’t be doing it together.” She stripped her clothes away and went into the bathroom filling the massive tube with fragrant bubbles, ignoring Imran as he walked in and got in the shower.
“You’re crazy,” Imran yelled out. “You’re a crazy American and I’m crazy for having gotten involved with you. I knew you were trouble the moment I laid my eyes on you. To behave in this manner simply because I tell you I love you is irrational. I will be more than happy to take you back to my cousins.” Then he became silent.
***
For several long minutes Imran had been pacing in his cousin’s kitchen. He’d needed someone to talk to. He’d never been in love before, had never told a woman that he loved her and definitely had not expected the reaction he’d received from Tanya on telling her. Maybe it was just American women. He didn’t know. That was the reason he needed to ask Hamid.
“Hamid I can’t believe her reaction. I told her that I was in love with her and she went crazy, demanded that I bring her back here. Was Heaven this bad?”
“Worse. She beat me up.” Hamid laughed at the look on Imran face. “I’m not kidding,” he continued and told the story.
“Is it all American women?”
“I think its women in general,” Hamid admitted. “But as for Tanya, she knows she’s going home to face a lot of problems. Heaven told me that Tanya’s cousin is in the hospital. She’s promised to care for her children— six of them, Imran. This isn’t a joke. Unless you decide to go into any of the many family businesses, right now you cannot support a family of that size. I think maybe Tanya is right in wanting the two of you to end things here.”
“Would you have left Heaven if she had problems?” Imran cocked his head and waited for an answer that did not come. “Of course you wouldn’t have left her. But then again, you’re one of the millionaire sons aren’t you?”
“Imran, don’t do this.”
Glaring at Hamid, Imran walked out the door. He’d never argued with any of his cousins because of their status and it had never cut him so deeply than now that what Hamid said was the truth. Imran could not take care of a family of six kids at the moment. As for his latest book, he’d been writing it and researching it for three years and he still wasn’t done. Still, there had to be a way for him to help the woman he loved. He had to find a way. Fate had brought them together with a little help from Heaven, perhaps but fate would keep them together. Praise to Allah.
Chapter Six
Imran sat in a corner observing Tanya. There was a sudden aloofness toward him, that was until she turned and faced him, then the heat shimmered between them. He smiled but she didn’t return it. He knew what she was doing. She didn’t want to admit that she was falling for him. Her plans were what were important to her. He’d been a diversion, a break from her normal life. But there was more, he saw the way her breath hitched in her throat when he’d accidentally touched her earlier. She’d jumped back as though burned, it was that electrical.
For seven days and nights he’d stolen those times and made love to her, worshipping her body, drowning in her chocolate eyes and she’d enjoyed him. It was only when he’d attempted to tell her that he was falling in love with her that she’d cursed and jumped from his bed, dressing and demanding that he take her home to Heaven’s.
Since then he’d tried talking to no avail, even pleading hadn’t worked. She wanted no part of a relationship with him. She’d hissed at him when he’d come over earlier in the day. He’d prayed and was hopeful that Tanya wouldn’t give in to her fears. She had such a short time left in Pakistan; surely they would be able to patch things up. But now as he sat watching her, knowing that the next day she would leave, he wondered if he weren’t a glutton for punishment.
He stared at her and she stared back, no warmth for him in her gaze. And he winced. Could it be that she’d been telling him the truth earlier that day when she’d said she was planning to tell him the night before that she didn’t want a relationship with him?
Now with this wall of ice that was going up higher and higher between them it made him wonder. Perhaps it was all true. Perhaps she’d not cried as he sang to her. Perhaps he’d not seen and felt her love. But he had. Imran dropped his gaze from Tanya and turned away.
The sound of her laugher was false, the notes didn’t have the right cadence. She flirted with Ali amusing him with her antics, stabbing Imran with her indifference. For a moment he saw looks pass between Heaven and Hamid, a look of pity it seemed. He shrugged when Heaven glanced in his direction. He’d not admitted to loving Tanya to his cousin’s wife and he’d not do so now.
Suddenly and as if by a plan all three women in the room were on the floor kneeling over the coffee table at the array of diamonds Ali had brought over.
“Tanya, I did not forget my promise to you to show you some diamonds.” Since you’re leaving tomorrow please pick something as my gift to you,” Ali said then glanced over toward Imran and smiled.
Imran knew what his cousin was doing. Hamid had undoubtedly told Ali that Imran had confessed to being in love with Tanya. He turned to glare at Hamid who shook his head no. Then he glanced back at Ali who also shook his head no and pointed a finger toward Imran. Imran sighed and closed his eyes. He guessed the way he was behaving his cousins wouldn’t have a hard time knowing what he was feeling. They’d always been close. Still, Imran wondered why his cousin would bait the woman he loved with diamonds that Imran couldn’t afford to buy for her.
“What would you like, Tanya?” Ali asked again.
“Nothing,” Tanya laughed and began fingering the pieces. “Listen, Ali, I’m sorry for coming on so strong to you before. I really don’t want anything other than your friendship. I’m not this gold digging American that I portrayed initially.”
“But I thought diamonds were a girl’s best friends.”
“Not even close.” Tanya shook her head and moved away from Ali. “Diamonds definitely don’t buy happiness.” She moved even farther away from Ali and her gaze slid quickly to Imran and held for a moment. She inhaled, closed her eyes briefly and returned to looking at the jewels.
When Imran looked toward Ali his cousin had a huge grin on his face and he was motioning toward Tanya. It was Ali’s way of telling Imran that he approved of Tanya, that she wasn’t a gold digger. Imran bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement and shrugged but didn’t move toward Tanya. His
cousin’s proof had not been necessary. His heart had long ago told him of the character of the woman he loved. He’d have to forget her if that was what she truly wanted. In the space of a breath he knew his thoughts for the lies they were. The fluttering in his chest was so intense that it was actually painful. There would be too many things that he would be forever remembering about Tanya. How was he supposed to forget?
He sighed and devoured Tanya with his eyes, trying to drink in the sight of her so he’d never forget her. At that precise moment Tanya raised to her knees and her round jeans covered derriere was starring him in the face. If only Imran hadn’t remembered the way he’d pounded into Tanya’s body as he’d kneeled behind her feeling the firmness of her flesh. If only he didn’t get so hard while watching her rounded buttocks. He couldn’t believe he’d made love to her for the last time. The thought that she didn’t even want to try to pursue a more serious relationship with him stunned him into the silence he now found himself in. It would be no grand feat for them to continue a relationship. Heaven and Hamid had managed to conduct a marriage while they were a continent apart. Surely if they both wanted it, he and Tanya could do the same.
Heaven’s squeal made Imran look up. Hamid was kissing her unashamedly as he fastened diamonds around her neck, then put a bracelet on each wrist and handed her earring to put in. His arms went around her and the heat between them sizzled making Imran wish for those things. He felt as though he were spying on his cousin and his wife in an intimate moment. He glanced away, but his gaze caught Tanya and he realized that she wanted the same things that he did. Love, for someone to have that all consuming feeling about her. Then why, he wondered didn’t she take what he was offering? They had so much in common. They laughed uproariously together, enjoyed many of the same things and they fought well. His eyes remained fastened on her. And they made love equally as well. He refused to avert his gaze from her sweet lips.
Fatima ohhed and ahhed over her brother’s newest jewels, putting diamond bangles around her wrists and rings on her fingers. It was then he noticed Tanya’s gaze hadn’t moved from the pair of earrings she held in her hands. She wanted them. He saw her biting her lips before she returned them to the case. He walked over for a better look. They were pretty, he thought.
“Tanya, choose what you want as my gift to you and choose something that you believe the others will like as well,” Hamid called out to her.
Imran glanced at Hamid then at Tanya. Not taking a gift of diamonds from Ali was one thing, but the earrings she wanted, surely she’d take them from Hamid and Heaven. Imran waited.
“No thanks, Hamid. You’ve done enough for me already. I can’t take anything else.”
“Don’t be silly,” Heaven rushed over and reached for the earrings Tanya had been fawning over. “You love these. Here, they’re a gift from us.”
For a moment Tanya didn’t move, then she took the earrings from Heaven’s hand and again laid them in the case. “No thanks, Heaven, you and Hamid, have done enough.”
In this she had surprised him. She turned slightly and her gaze caught Imran. The look she gave him stopped his heart. It was as though she knew what their buying her an expensive gift like that would do. She hadn’t taken the gift of diamond earrings she obviously wanted because of him. Why? he wondered.
He continued watching as she chose pieces for her friends while every few seconds her eyes would glide toward Heaven and Hamid as they cooed together over Tsukama. He saw her swallow, then close her eyes and this time deliberately move toward him. Her look had longing, sadness, regret and yes love. She wanted what Heaven and Hamid had. She wanted love and babies. And she wanted her diamonds to come from a man who loved her as much as Hamid loved Heaven. She wanted the diamonds to come from him. Imran swallowed. He wanted the diamonds to come from him as well.
***
At the airport Tanya's thoughts were on how she was going to miss Pakistan. She’d enjoyed her visit, the customs, the food and the people. Even Hamid’s parents had warmed slightly toward her. When she’d figured out that Fatima had plotted with Heaven to get her together with Imran they’d become fast friends. At least that was after she’d already admitted to herself that she had a thing for him.
She was really going to miss him. Her actions the night before would more than likely hasten Imran’s getting over her. She’d barely spoken to him. She knew what was waiting for her at home. And with Lettie being in the hospital, the possibility of it happening sooner than later was real. It wasn’t just her being stubborn. It was the right thing to do. She knew it was the right thing to do, yet her heart felt heavy and a wave of sadness invaded her spirit. She did love Imran. But she had to let go of that also. Out of sight out of mind, right? She sure hoped so.
“Tanya, are you sure you can’t have it all? You’ve been unhappy since Imran brought you home the other night.”
“I don’t know, Heaven, maybe if I hadn’t gotten the call that Lettie was in the hospital. Maybe if the family had pitched in and one person had kept those kids for a few days without fighting about it. But they didn’t. I promised Lettie. You know it’s the right thing to do. If something happened to you or Hamid you know Tsukama has more than enough people to love him, to protect and care for him. But what if he didn’t? You’d want to make sure he’d be loved. I know you would.”
Heaven could only sigh as the tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “I know but it’s like you’re giving up your chance to be happy, to have a husband and children of your own. I don’t want you to miss out on all of that, not when you’ve found it. That’s all. I’m just worried for you and for Imran.”
“Thanks, but we both know my life has become way too complicated. I have too many problems and you know it wouldn’t be fair to plop Imran into all of that." She hugged Heaven. It wouldn’t be fair to bring the things she was about take on into any new relationship. Imran had enough worries trying to go after his own dreams while trying to convince his family that his dream was worthwhile.
Her luggage had been checked all that was left to do was say her goodbyes. She hugged Hamid and flirted with him a little, anything to keep it light. But when it was time to hug Heaven she lost it. She had really missed her friend.
“Thanks, Heaven,” Tanya mumbled around the tears. “I really enjoyed myself. It was even worth the shots I had to take. And you have the world’s cutest baby regardless of his name. He’s adorable. He’s going to be a heart breaker like his father,” she said and smiled up at Hamid. Suddenly she blinked, her words forgotten as she found herself facing Imran. Her heart was racing. She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him, beg him to jump into the fire with her, to come back to Chicago and make love to her, to help her raise Lettie’s kids when the time came. But she wouldn’t do that. She licked her lips and bit back the things that she wanted. She couldn’t have them so there was no use in hoping.
She looked first at his smiling face and her heart skipped a beat overjoyed that he’d come to say goodbye then sadness replaced it. This was goodbye for them.
“Imran, you came. I wasn’t expecting you.” She held out her hand for him to shake and instead he looked inquisitively at her.
“I didn’t come to say goodbye.” he replied.
“No? Then why did you come?”
“I came to accompany you. I don’t think we should just allow us to end, not without trying to find a way for us to be together.”
Tears filled her eyes and a lump came to her throat. He was so sweet. She looked at his beautiful, honey colored skin and wanted to grab him and hug him close. But she wouldn’t do it, she’d practice modesty in public. Still, the thought was there. Imran wanted to give up his freedom to be a bachelor, to follow her.
A tear fell and she angrily wiped it away. Why not? She wanted to scream. She’d never thought she’d have a man love her enough to put her first. She’d wanted a man to love her the way Hamid loved Heaven, now she had it. She pulled in a breath until it hurt. She final
ly understood why Heaven had given up her life in Chicago and all that she’d wanted to follow Hamid to Pakistan. Hamid’s happiness came first with Heaven that was obvious.
It was then Tanya knew what she must do. If she loved Imran and she did, she would do what as right for him. God, she prayed silently. I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to let him go. I want him in my life. I love him. I want him to come back to Chicago with me. She swallowed away her desires the same as she’d done her tears. She wiped her hands down the side of her hip praying for strength to see this through. How could she allow Imran to give up so much? She blinked, she had to do it. As much as she wanted him to come with her, it was unfair.
“Imran, are you planning to live with Sassa?” Tanya asked. “I understand that he’s on his way here.”
“I’m not coming to Chicago to be with Sassa. Why would I plan to live with him?”
She caught the look Heaven gave to Hamid and wondered had they done anything to bring Imran to the airport. She hoped not because it would be their fault as well as hers when she ripped his heart out for his own good.
“What are you planning to do in Chicago?” She asked in the coldest voice she had.
“I will get a job, two jobs if necessary. And I will help you care for the children.”
Damn! Tanya stopped for a moment wondering if it would work. “What about your writing?” she asked. “You need to finish your book. It’s your dream.”
“Perhaps I’ve found a dream that means more to me. I can help you fulfill yours. Yours is a noble dream. Mine can wait. It’s been three years since I began the last book, what’s another three years?” He gave her a look wondering why all of the questions. He’d just presented her with the answers to both of their problems. Why wasn’t she in his arms? Why was she backing away instead?
“What will you do until you find a job? Jobs aren’t that easy to find right now in America. We’re in the middle of a recession.”