by Dyanne Davis
“There are always jobs for those willing to work. I’m willing to work. Why are you asking me so many questions?” he asked.
“I don’t need a roommate, Imran. You should have asked me before you made your plans.” He was staring at her, his liquid brown eyes that had been at first amused, narrowed slightly.
“You don’t have to do this, Tanya, I’m a big boy. I’m coming with you because I love you.”
Oh God. Her guts twisted. He loved her. She shook her head slightly, he was making this hard on her. She loved him too. In this short span of time he’d captured her heart. She thought of baby Jo Jo and all the other kids she wanted to help. Then a picture of Lettie and her brood came into her mind. Imran didn’t deserve to be settled with that. She took a deep breath and released it. “Imran, I told you before we started that we could have an affair, a brief affair, nothing more and that it would end when I was ready to leave. I don’t want you to come with me.”
“You’re fronting, Tanya.”
Fronting. So Heaven had taught him that. She almost smiled. “Imran, I’m not fronting. I mean it. It was nice to meet you, but I have to return to my life. Thanks for showing me the country. Good luck with your writing.” She watched as his eyes narrowed even more and anger flooded them. Good, she thought, she needed his anger. She waited for him to say something, anything to make her truly glad she was leaving him behind. But he didn’t. He turned on his heels and marched away.
He stole her breath when he walked away. Tanya found it difficult to swallow, her chest hurt. She swallowed again and blinked rapidly several times to keep the tears from falling. She’d done the right thing. He’d get over loving her in time. She lifted her head and saw the look of pity Heaven was giving her. Hamid was staring toward the door after his cousin. When he turned to her his look was puzzled.
“Why?” Hamid asked. “He loves you. He came to be with you. Why did you hurt him, and why in front of us?”
“I had to.” Tanya shrugged her shoulders. “You both know what I’m going home to. I can’t ask him to take part in that. Just don’t tell him okay. We weren’t together but a few weeks. He’ll get over me soon.”
“Love doesn’t work like that Tanya. It doesn’t just go away. Yes, he can get over the hurt, but that doesn’t mean he’ll get over loving you. Goodbye, Tanya, have a safe trip.” Hamid turned and left them also, walking to where Imran waited outside.
“He’s pissed isn’t he?” she asked Heaven.
“Well, let’s say you’re not one of his favorite people right now. I guess I understand your reasons. But Imran’s a grown man. He knows his own mind. You should have at least taken him to the side and told him. You shouldn’t have done that to him in front of us.”
As if she didn’t know that. Tanya winced. “Don’t you think I know that? He was getting to me, making me want to drag him into this mess with me. I don’t think you would have wanted Hamid to have such problems, not if you could have prevented it. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Imran. It means I do. And I want him to finish his book. This one is the book of his heart. Maybe if he hadn’t said he was willing to give up his dream in order to help me. I couldn’t take that away from him. I had no choice in this.”
Her tears ran freely. Damn. "I knew what I was doing when I went for the jugular. I wounded more than his heart. I wounded his pride. He won’t forgive me for that.” She shrugged. “It was necessary Heaven.”
Tanya kissed her friend and walked toward the jet alone. Alone, she thought, more than likely what she would be for the rest of her life. Her shoulders sagged with the weight of the responsibilities she would soon take on. She sighed. But it was what she wanted wasn’t it? It was her dream to help take care of children. What did it matter if she’d never know love? She’d have the kids.
***
For three months Tanya had been home. She’d talked to Heaven a couple of times and neither of them had mentioned Imran. It was as though she’d never met him. The only times when she couldn’t pretend was in her bed at night. There her body longed for him, her nipples cried out for his mouth to suckle her, her thighs craved his kisses and her nether lips wept in sorrow.
At least things were looking up with Lettie. She’d decided to take an experimental medication. The last MRI had shown her tumors had shrunk. Of course the side effects were to be expected. Tanya kept the kids whenever things became too rough, or Lettie just needed to rest. On those nights she could continue thinking her decision to not allow Imran to come to Chicago was the right one. She loved Lettie’s kids madly, but they still drove her crazy. She found herself praying Lettie would live a long and healthy life for more than one reason. Sure the main one was that she loved her cousin and didn’t want her to die. But the second one was that she wondered if she had to raise them if she would remain sane when the last of Lettie’s kids was old enough to head off to college.
Tanya laughed at the thoughts. Whenever the kids made her too crazy it seemed somehow they knew it. Then they would shower her with hugs and kisses, reaffirming her decision and her love.
The nights when the kids were with her, and driving her crazy, were a thousand times easier to endure, than the nights when she was alone. It was on those nights when she was alone when all she wanted was to be able to lie in Imran’s arms, to make love to him, to have him sing love songs to her that she understood with her heart and from the look in his eyes. She wanted to hear him tell her that he loved her. And she wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him that she loved him also. She wanted to listen as he read her passages from the book he as working on about real life in Pakistan. She wondered how close he was to finishing it. She wondered if he missed her, or if he’d forgotten about her completely. She wondered if he was massaging another woman’s feet and became angry.
A sigh escaped and just in time her phone rang. Tanya smiled as she spied Sara's number, knowing the call would be about good news on the village project. At least something was going well. She’d turned over every dime of her savings to Jonathan Sandstone, all twenty-five- thousand dollars. And the building for the second house would start any day. She’d seen the first finished house. All it needed was a family. Things were beginning to look up. Even Jo Jo was doing well. She’d known the foster home she’d placed him in would be a good fit. She’d had to force herself not to visit the baby more than she was supposed to. He wasn’t hers. She had to sever the connection before it became unbearable.
“Hello, Sara, I was just thinking about you. Do we have a family picked out yet?”
“It’s gone, Tanya, Sandstone took all of the money, even from the first house. We’ve lost it all. Neither the house nor the land was ever bought in the organization’s name. He scammed us all. He even lied on his background check. He has a criminal record. He was good, real good that’s why it took this long for the information to come back on him.”
“Slow down, Sara. What are you talking about?”
“The house. The house isn’t ours. He tricked us. It was never ours.”
“But we have keys. I’ve been there. We even had a party in there.” Tanya’s head was buzzing. “I was just there last week we’ve furnished the house, everything. We were just waiting to place a family in there.”
“Tanya, listen to me. It was all a scam. The house belongs to a realty company. Sandstone was supposed to be selling it. Oh God. It’s such a mess.”
"The land we were buying for the other home, what about that?”
Sara started crying. “It was fraud all of it, even the lawyers he brought in. It seemed so real. It’s all gone. We have no land, no house, no money. It’s over.”
“But I put all of my money in there. I gave him a check for twenty-five-thousand dollars a week ago.” Tanya groaned and held her belly. “I gave it to him when he was telling me that the first family would be chosen in a couple of days.”
“I’m so sorry,” Sara moaned. “We were all taken.”
“But that was every dime I had,” Tanya y
elled.
“I’m sorry,” Sara answered.
“You got me into this. You told me everything was taken care of. I never would have done this if it hadn’t been for you. You’re a millionaire I’m not. That was all the money I had.” Tanya slammed the phone down and began rocking. "God, I don’t believe it. How could I have been so stupid? What am I going to do now?"
***
Imran held Tsukama in his arms, bouncing him, amused at the baby’s antics, giving him a smile as the infant patted his cheeks as though to comfort him.
“Imran,” Heaven called to him. And for a moment he thought not to answer her. If it were not for the baby he would not visit them. For a time he hadn’t. But he missed Tsukama.
“Imran?”
This time the voice that called him was annoyed and it belonged to Hamid.
“Are you deliberately ignoring Heaven?” Hamid asked. “She has done nothing to you.”
That was true. Imran stiffened his spine and turned to face his cousin. “Your wife annoys me,” he said softly in Urdu.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. She keeps giving me these pitying looks. I’ve warned her many times not to mention her friend’s name in front of me and to stop looking at me in that manner.”
“If my wife annoys you then you should not be here in her home. Why are you here?”
“Your son does not annoy me.”
“Are you saying that I also annoy you?”
“Yes.”
Hamid smiled in spite of Imran’s words. He sighed. “It’s been months, Imran,” he stopped as Imran glared at him. “Heaven wants to know if you’d like to stay for dinner.”
“She doesn’t use enough curry.”
Hamid gave his cousin a look that meant he was going to get angry in about two seconds. “That’s enough. No more insulting my wife, no more talking in Urdu either. You stay or you leave. Either way you will apologize to my wife for your rude behavior.”
Imran opened his mouth to protest and as Hamid removed the baby from his arms he thought better of it. He’d been wrong to blame Heaven for Tanya’s rejection. Sure she’d been the one to set them up. He’d suspected it long before Fatima confessed it. Still Hamid was right. That was not a good enough reason to continue treating Heaven in the cold manner he had the last few months.
He glanced at Hamid knowing he was a second from throwing him out of their home and a minute from disowning him. Neither, he wanted. “Very well,” he said. “I will apologize to Heaven.” He reached for the baby, but Hamid held him away and pointed his finger toward the nursery door, his message loud and clear. You will not hold my son until you make amends with my wife. So be it, Imran thought and walked out the door and up to Heaven.
“Heaven, I’m sorry I’ve been so rude to you and most especially in your own home.”
“You know, Imran, you’re being a big baby. I’ve been trying to be nice because I know how it feels to love someone and to be dumped.” She saw Hamid wince and immediately caressed his back. “So maybe Tanya wasn’t the right woman for you. If she left you so easily she couldn’t love you. Forget her. There is more than likely a woman just waiting for you to let go of the anger.”
“She did love me,” Imran insisted for the first time since Tanya had returned to Chicago. He’d refused since then to speak her name let alone admit to anyone how he felt about her still. Now he didn’t care if Hamid disowned him. He would not stand there and allow Heaven to say that Tanya didn’t love him. That was a lie that he wouldn’t accept.
“I know why Tanya left me. She has responsibilities and she needs a man with money to help her.”
“That doesn’t sound much like love,” Heaven insisted. “It sounds like she really was a just a gold digger.” She put her hands on her hips. “If Tanya didn’t have a better reason than that, if I were you, I wouldn’t waste my time loving her, thinking about her, or defending her. Did she have a better reason, Imran?” Heaven asked ignoring Hamid’s warning to stay out of it. This had gone on long enough. She wasn't staying out of it.
Imran studied Heaven for a moment then closed his eyes as the knowledge of what Heaven was doing came to him.
“Tanya did what she did for me. She didn’t want me to give up my dream. She was trying to protect me from acquiring her burden. Thanks, Heaven.”
“Then why have you been behaving like a jackass if you knew this already?”
“It took your saying she hadn’t loved me I supposed.” He smiled. “I am sorry, Heaven, for the way I’ve been treating you.”
“I’m glad you said that. I was just that much,” Heaven said snapping her finger together, “from kicking your behind. Ask your cousin.” She glanced at Hamid and smiled. “Now, do you want to stay for dinner?”
***
Tanya sat in her lawyer’s office. She’d filed a complaint just as all the donors had done. No hope was given to them. Jonathan Sandstone had apparently left the country with all of their money. And in spite of Sara saying she was sorry, she didn’t offer to give Tanya her money back. She could well afford to lose that kind of money. Tanya couldn’t. She groaned wondering how she’d given away all of her money. Now she had no back up to take care of Lettie’s kids. She should have thought about that.
“Tanya, I’m sorry, but you really have no recourse other than to sue the organization.”
She thought for a moment of suing the organization and all the people who’d lost money same as she had. She bit her lip trying to let go of some of the anger and disappointment, knowing she’d have to let it go. When you gave money for a worthy cause you couldn’t do anything else. She’d always maintained that stance with her tithes to the church. When her friends would complain, she’d say it wasn’t her responsibility to see to the spending of the money after it left her hand. She gave for the glory of God, and in this she’d have to do the same.
She gave in order for disadvantaged children to have a shot at a more normal life. She wished now that she’d given her money to a more established organization like SOS village. They were doing the same thing. But she’d gotten carried away with Sara’s concept and had wanted to be involved. She’d given her money for a worthy cause.
Groaning, Tanya rocked her body slowly back and forth and looked at her lawyer. She d given up Imran and still didn’t have the dream.
***
“Damn! Snap!” Peaches said in disbelief. “Why the hell would you give them all of that money?”
“He told me they needed it. Sara was already getting suspicious but didn’t bother to tell me. Probably she didn’t think I’d give him that much money. I hadn’t in the past, no more than a few hundred dollars at a time.”
“Why doesn’t she give you your money back?” Peaches asked.
“Because she didn’t take it.”
“But you got into this because of her. If not for her, you would have never heard of the place, never gotten involved. It’s her fault.”
Peaches indignation made Tanya smile and she hugged her friend. “Thanks,” she said. “That’s what best friends are for. You tell me I’m right even when I’m wrong and you blame others for my mistakes. I’m a grown ass woman. I should have known better. Believe me I tried to lay this all on Sara when I first found out. I said the same things that you’re saying and trust me, I believed I was right. But I’ve had some time to process it now. And I know I can’t blame Sara. It’s not her fault that I’m not a millionaire and couldn’t afford to lose that kind of money.”
Tanya shrugged. “It wasn’t like I was ever going to see the money again. It was a gift. We’re just complaining now because someone stole it. Damn,” she said. “I should have known better, but I wanted to do it. I’m mostly sad that the project isn’t going to go forward. A lot of people won’t bother to help out anymore and I understand why. It’s the kids who’re going to suffer. And me, she thought, I gave up Imran partly for this pipe dream
“What about Lettie and her kids? You’re still helping them
out, I know you are. What are you going to do? You have nothing to fall back on.”
“I’m going to continue helping them out. And I’m going to keep praying that the experimental drugs work. One thing has nothing to do with the other.”
“Dag, Tann, don’t you wish now you’d not told Hamid’s cousin that you didn’t want him? I bet right about now you could use a man’s shoulder to cry on.”
She could definitely use a man’s arms to hold her tight, but not any man. She thought of the smoky look in Imran eyes before they made love and the way they changed after. She stilled herself against the hurt that always came when she allowed herself to think about him. She missed him like crazy. Since returning home she’d not had the desire to go out with another man let alone make love to one. It was almost as if Imran had imprinted himself on her body and soul leaving her irrevocably bound to him.
“Are you going to tell Heaven?” Sassa asked.
Tanya glared at Sassa and waited for the loud music in the blues club to stop for a moment. Sassa was known for running his mouth. She wanted to make sure that he didn’t go running to Hamid or Imran telling them what had happened. She didn’t want Imran running to Chicago to attempt to rescue her. If he did right now she might just let him. No, she still couldn’t let him do that. She’d tell Heaven in her own good time.
***
It was almost three months later before Tanya felt up to telling Heaven about the chain of events in her life. She’d not told her initially because of the real possibility of Heaven spilling the beans to Imran. Then she’d not told her because she knew Heaven would want to ride in and save the day. She didn’t want her friend saving the day, not this time.