When Love Dies
Page 8
Cara brightened. Putting down her punch, she snaked her arms around his neck. Swaying her hips gently as she moved to the rhythm of the music, she pressed in close against Steven. He could smell her perfume. Not like Tricia, he thought. She didn’t have to wear perfume. The scent of her skin and hair was naturally delicate and sweet.
Steven screwed his eyes shut, willing himself to stop thinking about her. Forget her! She’s forgotten you by now. She has someone else.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about Tricia no matter how hard he tried. She kept drifting into his thoughts. He couldn’t even force himself to be angry at her anymore. All he could remember was her sweetness, her lovely face, her sparkling laughter. Once, on his way to class, he’d seen a girl who looked a little like Tricia from behind, and he’d followed her halfway across the campus before he realized what he was doing.
“You seem a million miles away.” Cara twisted her head to look up at him, her hair tickling him under the chin. She gave him a coy smile. “What’s the matter? Don’t you like being with me?”
“Sure I do,” he said, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat.
“I’m glad to hear it. I mean, sometimes you seem so far away, like you’re not even with me.”
“I guess I have a lot on my mind,” he said.
Her pretty face puckered in a pout. “You’re not thinking about Tricia, I hope!”
“No,” he lied. “But since you brought it up, how is she?”
“You didn’t hear? No one’s seen her in about a week. My guess is that she dropped out.”
Steven felt that familiar tightening in his chest again. “I can’t believe that. She’d never drop out of school.” Education meant so much to Tricia. She was determined to go to college, and since winning a scholarship looked like the only way she’d ever get there, she studied harder than anyone he knew. Once again he had the feeling that something was terribly wrong, something Tricia hadn’t told him.
“The trouble with you is you’re too nice, Steve,” Cara scolded. “You never want to think the worst about anyone. Jessica says so all the time. But if you’re going to be with me from now on, I don’t want you thinking about her. After all, if we’re going to be a couple—”
Steven stopped dancing. “Wait a minute,” he said. “What’s this about us being a couple?”
“Well, I figured since you and Tricia weren’t going together anymore.…” Cara let her sentence trail off suggestively.
Steven broke away from Cara with an angry look. “Did you think I could replace Tricia just like that?” he demanded. “As if she were a car or something? I loved Tricia!” He was aware of his voice growing louder, rising above the din of the music, but he didn’t care what anyone thought. “If you want the truth, I still love her!”
Cara’s eyes narrowed. “Forget it then,” she hissed. “Let’s just forget the whole thing. I was just kidding anyway. You didn’t think I was serious, did you? I wouldn’t be your girlfriend if you begged me!”
“Don’t worry, Cara—I won’t. Now why don’t you get your things and I’ll drive you home.”
A grim smile touched Steven’s lips as he strode out of the party, Cara trailing angrily at his heels. In a funny way he felt better than he had in weeks. He wasn’t going to deny the way he felt about Tricia any longer. Maybe he wouldn’t get her back, but that wasn’t going to stop him from loving her.
Thirteen
Mrs. Jeremy Frank, Jessica doodled in her notebook. She smiled to herself. The more she turned it over in her mind, the better it sounded. The panic she’d felt in the beginning had worn off. She was starting to see the possible advantages to the situation she was in.
Of course there was no way she could actually marry Jeremy—not for a long time anyway. But an engagement? Why not? The idea had definite appeal. Imagine how impressed her friends would be when she showed off her diamond ring. Later on, if she changed her mind, she could always break it off. Meanwhile, she would reap all the benefits of being engaged to a celebrity. She might even become a celebrity herself. If they were engaged, Jeremy would have to put her on the show. Why hadn’t she considered that before running out of his room today like some kind of idiot?
Well, it wasn’t too late, she told herself. She would just go back and tell Jeremy she’d changed her mind. Humming something that sounded vaguely like “The Wedding March,” Jessica wandered into her sister’s room and plopped down on the bed.
“I’ve decided to accept,” she said.
Elizabeth looked up from the article she was working on. “Accept what?”
“Jeremy’s proposal. What else?”
Elizabeth’s pen clattered to the floor. “Jess, what are you talking about? You can’t marry Jeremy!”
“I didn’t say I was going to marry him. I only said I was going to accept his proposal.”
“But that’s crazy! Jess, I won’t let you do it.” Elizabeth was panicking.
“I don’t see how you can stop me,” Jessica replied. Then she smiled dreamily. “Oh, Liz, think how much fun it’ll be! Me, engaged to a big celebrity. Everybody will be positively green!”
“It’s impossible,” Elizabeth insisted. “Mom and Dad would never allow it.”
“They wouldn’t have to know. It could be a secret. I’ll wear the ring around my neck so I can hide it inside my shirt whenever they’re around.”
“Jessica Wakefield, this is really the all-time dumbest idea you’ve ever had—and you’ve come up with some pretty dumb ones!”
Jessica’s eyes narrowed to emerald slits. “You’re just jealous because he didn’t ask you to marry him.” She leaped up off the bed. “I’m going over to the hospital now to tell Jeremy the good news.”
Elizabeth was after her like a shot, grabbing her sister by the shoulders. “Wait! You don’t know what you’re doing! Jeremy’s uh,… not what you think. He—” She gulped. “Well, I’ll bet there’s a lot you don’t know about him.”
“Who cares?” Jessica replied airily. “He’s a celebrity. That’s all that matters. Besides, we won’t be strangers for long.” Ignoring the protests Elizabeth continued to shout after her, Jessica dashed downstairs to see if she could talk her father into letting her borrow the car.
Mr. Wakefield was driving over to the office to pick up some papers he’d left there, so he said he’d drop her off, promising to pick her up on the way back. She gave him the excuse that she’d left one of her schoolbooks in the nurses’ lounge.
“Thanks, Dad.” She planted a kiss on his cheek as he dropped her off in front of the hospital.
“Anything for the cause,” he answered with a wink.
If only he knew what a good cause it is, Jessica thought.
* * *
“Jessica?” The newspaper Jeremy had been reading fluttered to the floor. “What are you doing here this late? I wasn’t expecting to see you again.”
She flung herself across his bed. “Jeremy, can you ever forgive me for acting so silly this afternoon? I don’t know what came over me. It was just the shock, I guess. But I thought it over—and I’ve decided to marry you after all.”
For a full minute Jeremy simply stared at her without speaking. Then he burst into laughter. He laughed so hard his shoulders shook and tears streamed down his cheeks.
“What’s so funny?” Jessica demanded.
When he could get the words out, Jeremy confessed the whole story, omitting only Elizabeth’s part in it. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I suppose it was mean of me. It’s just that you were so—enthusiastic,” he said kindly. “I was only trying to cool you off a bit. I never thought it would backfire like this.”
Jessica could feel her cheeks flaming with indignation. “You mean this whole thing was a joke? You never wanted to marry me—not even a little bit?”
“If I’d met you ten years from now, there’d be no doubt in my mind,” he offered gallantly. “But sixteen is a bit young for marriage. You said so yourself.”
“Well…” J
essica could feel herself relenting. In a strange way she was even a little relieved. Despite the assurances she’d given Elizabeth, she’d had her doubts about going through with it. Besides, she was already thinking of a way she could turn the situation to her advantage. “I guess you’re right. I should at least finish high school before I start thinking about getting married. But that doesn’t change the fact that you played a pretty dirty trick on me.”
“I’d like to make it up to you,” Jeremy said apologetically.
She sniffled, dabbing at her dry eyes with a corner of the sheet. “Maybe there is a way.”
“Anything,” he said.
“Anything?” Jessica grinned, her misery forgotten.
* * *
Elizabeth heard the slow, heavy tread of Steven’s footsteps on the stairs. Then there was the sound of his bedroom door closing. What was he doing home so early? She walked down the hallway and knocked softly at his door.
“Come in,” Steven’s muffled voice replied.
She found him sprawled on the bed in his darkened bedroom, his face cradled in his arms.
“Steve.” Elizabeth touched his shoulder. “What happened with Cara? Why did you come home so early?”
He gave a dry, bitter laugh. “I told Cara she was wasting her time. There’s no use denying it anymore. I can’t stop thinking about Tricia. I can’t stop wondering who she’s with. God, I love her so much!”
“She loves you, too,” said Elizabeth gently.
Steven sat up. “That’s a laugh. She couldn’t care less about me.”
Elizabeth shook her head sadly. “You’re wrong, Steve. You don’t know how wrong. I’ve talked to Tricia. She explained everything to me. She—she only broke up with you to protect you.” There was a lump the size of a golf ball in her throat. When she tried to swallow, it only seemed to get bigger.
“Protect me? From what?” Steven gripped Elizabeth’s arm. “What’s going on, Liz? What did Tricia tell you?”
With a choked cry, Elizabeth threw herself into her brother’s arms. “She made me promise not to tell you, but I can’t keep it a secret anymore!” Brokenly, she got the story out while Steven listened, his face growing whiter by the moment.
“I guess there’s no easy way of telling you this. Tricia’s—she’s dying. Of leukemia. I only found out by accident. She was in the hospital for treatment. I’m so sorry, Steve. I wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell you!”
With a choked sob, he buried his face in his hands. “Oh, God. Tricia. This isn’t happening. She can’t be dying!” Tears streamed down Steven’s cheeks.
“I wish it weren’t true,” Elizabeth said.
When Steven finally raised his head, his expression had changed to one of grim determination. He stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. “I’ve got to see her. Where is she?”
Elizabeth told him that Tricia had been sent home from the hospital after her most recent treatment. “Tell her I’m sorry, will you? Tell her I had to do it. I just couldn’t stand watching either of you suffer any longer.”
Steven stopped to give her a fierce hug. He was trembling, his chest still shaking with pent-up sobs. Elizabeth hugged him back, fighting her own tears. She had never felt so sad in her whole life.
* * *
“You should have called first.” Tricia held the front door open just a crack and glared at Steven. Even though her heart soared with happiness at the sight of him, she couldn’t let him know. There was too much at stake. So she lied. “I have a late date tonight. He’s picking me up any minute. You’d better go.”
She tried to close the door, but Steven pushed his way inside. With a glance, he took in the dingy, threadbare living room. Empty bottles and overflowing ashtrays littered the tables. The stale smell of liquor and cigarettes hung in the air. Tricia had always kept the house so tidy in the past. Now that she was sick, she probably didn’t have the strength. Steven’s heart wrenched with pain.
“You don’t have a date, Trish,” he said softly.
“You think I’m making it up? Anyway, what right do you have barging in like this?”
Her cheeks were flushed with emotion, but the rest of her face was deathly pale. She was wearing a fluffy sweater in a soft shade of blue that matched her eyes. Even though she was dying, she looked beautiful.
Steven shook his head sadly, tears welling up in his eyes. “Trish, baby, I know.”
Tricia began to tremble at his words. What little remaining strength she’d been clinging to suddenly left her. Her legs wouldn’t support her anymore. Uttering a strangled cry, she collapsed against Steven.
Fourteen
They stood there for a time, clinging to each other, both of them struggling desperately to hold in the tidal wave of their emotions. Silent tears streamed down Tricia’s face, dampening the front of Steven’s shirt. He stroked her hair gently, thinking how good it was to touch her again, in spite of everything.
“Oh, Steve.” Her voice emerged as a cracked whisper. “How—how did you—” Her throat closed, shutting off the words.
“Liz told me,” he choked, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. “Tricia, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to see me this way, Steve. I didn’t want you to watch me die a little bit at a time. I—I remember how it was with my mother. It hurt so much. I wanted to save you from that kind of hurt.”
“Nothing could hurt me more than losing your love,” he said.
“Oh, Steve, I never stopped loving you. I only told you that so I could set you free.”
“Don’t you know?” He touched her cheek. “I could never be free of loving you, not even if I tried. You mean everything to me, Tricia.”
Tricia felt oddly weightless. The medication she was taking made her drowsy, and she couldn’t help thinking this was all a dream. Except that Steven’s presence was so warm and real.
“I missed you,” she said.
“Me, too.”
“I heard you were going out with someone else,” he said. “Cara told me all about how you were hanging all over some guy in the drugstore.”
Tricia was puzzled for a moment, but then she remembered. “That was the day I went to pick up my prescription and I almost fainted. There was a man—he helped me out to my car and drove me home. I suppose it must have looked as if I were all over him, but if he hadn’t been there, I would have fallen down.”
Steve grimaced. “I hate to think of you going through so much alone. Oh, Trish, you should have told me! Thank God Liz had the guts to break her promise.”
“She was supposed to keep it a secret.”
“I’m glad she didn’t. Aren’t you?”
Tricia thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Yes, I guess I am. I suppose it’s selfish of me, but I can’t help wanting you to be with me.”
“I’m here.” He stroked her hair. “I’m not leaving you this time.”
“But I’ll be leaving you,” she said with soft regret. “Soon, I think.”
“We still have time. And we have each other. That’s the most important thing. We have each other for whatever time is left. Trish, I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.” His voice caught. “Even—even when you’re gone.”
For the first time in weeks, Tricia didn’t feel cold. She felt Steven’s warmth filling her up. When he brushed his lips against hers in a gentle, lingering kiss, she nearly cried out with happiness.
“It’s funny,” she said, “but I don’t feel so afraid anymore. I feel stronger, like I can face anything. Even death.”
Steven held her tightly. They were both crying, tears of sadness mingled with tears of happiness.
“I love you,” she murmured thickly against his shoulder.
“I could go on holding you like this forever,” he whispered.
Forever, she thought. Maybe forever wasn’t such a long time for them, but when you loved someone as much as she loved Steven, a day could be forever, even a moment.
“She’s not so bad.” Steven smiled back at her, brushing a stray lock from her forehead. “From about a mile away.”
They both laughed and embraced tightly, their faces wet with tears.
“I love you,” she whispered once again. “Don’t ever forget that.”
Steven knew he wouldn’t. Part of Tricia would stay with him for the rest of his life.
Fifteen
“Wait till you see me on TV!” Jessica crowed over the phone. “I was great! Even Jeremy said so.”
Elizabeth smiled. “Well, at least no one could accuse you of being modest.”
Jessica had telephoned the hospital to talk to her sister as soon as she had returned home from the taping session for her segment of “Frankly Speaking.” The show wouldn’t be televised for a few weeks, but in her own mind Jessica was already a celebrity.
Elizabeth was sorry she’d missed the taping, but she’d promised to fill in for one of the nurse’s aides who was on vacation. Anyway, she’d be seeing Jessica in all her televised glory soon enough.
“Aren’t you happy for me, Liz?” Jessica demanded. “After all, when I’m a big celebrity, you’ll probably have people asking for your autograph, too.” She giggled. “They’ll think you’re me.”
“I can hardly wait,” Elizabeth said. “Really, Jess, I am happy for you. You deserve it after all the trouble you went through to get Jeremy to notice you. Even though he should probably get the Purple Heart.”
“Very funny,” Jessica responded, but nothing could dampen her mood. She went on chattering about the taping for several more minutes before Elizabeth was able to get off the phone and back to work.
Elizabeth glanced at her watch. Four-thirty already. Tonight was the night of the big party Regina Morrow was throwing. The party wasn’t until eight, but she had to work until six, and then she had a tutoring session with Max Dellon right afterward. On top of everything else, she was supposed to drive to the party with Jessica, who wanted to get there early and be the first one to introduce herself to Nicholas Morrow, Regina’s brother. At this rate Elizabeth would be lucky if she had time to change out of her uniform!