Fizzlesprocket_Everybody Loves Large Chests [Vol.2]

by Neven Iliev

  “Ah… I believe her exact words were, ‘I trust my cousin with my life,’ sir.”

  “And you didn’t feel the presence of Taboo after she said that?”

  “No, sir.”

  She was a Priestess sworn in service to Teresa. If she had told a lie, Thomas was sure he would’ve instantly felt the Taboo from her. Merely looking at someone branded with that heretic’s mark of a Skill made his skin crawl. A truly disgusting, unsettling feeling, as if looking at a rat or a cockroach crawling around in the filth.

  “I see … But she did not explicitly state that the man present was her cousin, did she?”

  Porkins had a point. Lyo had stated that she trusted her cousin. Not that the man next to her was her cousin.

  “ … Permission to speak freely, sir?”

  “Granted.”

  “What is going on?”

  The lieutenant’s tone of voice suggested he had some misgivings about this missing person that went beyond simple concern.

  “Hmm, I suppose if anyone deserves to know, it’s you. You are involved in this after all.” Porkins leaned forward and put his elbows on top of the desk. “I had a meeting with the bishop from Teresa’s temple a few hours ago. We had words at length about our missing nun. It appears she had been acting strangely these last few weeks, ever since that stranger showed up. Our investigation of her personal effects this morning revealed she does indeed have a cousin, but that person should be living on the other side of the country right now.”

  In other words, while she didn’t lie, she didn’t exactly reveal the truth either.

  “The thing is,” continued Porkins, “I can forgive her for wanting to keep her affairs private. I’ve always felt it was unfair for those people to be prohibited from keeping even the tiniest of secrets. However, her disappearance yesterday happened with some … interesting timing.”

  “Timing, sir?”

  Porkins nodded.

  That was when Thomas finally realised what the lieutenant was getting at.

  A valuable treasure had disappeared from the temple of Teresa. A nun serving in that very same temple left the city several hours afterwards and vanished without a trace. She even had a hunky, well-armed bodyguard with her. Someone she intentionally misled others to believe was her relative. And all this happened during a time of civil unrest caused by an incomprehensible disaster, which was bound to drive sane people to do stupid things out of their misguided fear.

  It didn’t take a genius to connect those dots and paint a picture of a disillusioned nun robbing her temple and running off with some forbidden lover.

  “Ohhh … shit,” cursed Thomas.

  “A whole cartload of it,” Porkins agreed. “Just keep your conclusions to yourself, guardsman. We really cannot afford to have people start questioning the temples. Or even worse, having the Goddess herself question us.” The overweight officer sighed and sat back in his chair. He rubbed his temple, suggesting this affair was giving him no end of troubles. “Our official stance at this point is that they’re merely missing persons, understood?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Of course Thomas understood why such things had to be done. He didn’t like it, but it was a necessary measure. Besides, he felt like he had no room to comment. After all, the suspect had slipped away under his watch. Was he perhaps too trusting for this sort of work? No, that wasn’t it. If he couldn’t even trust the word of a servant of Teresa, then he’d probably be a failure as a human being.

  “Good. Your cooperation is appreciated, guardsman. Take the rest of the day off. Dismissed.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  Thomas stood up, saluted once more, and exited the office. He passed by the lieutenant’s new assistant on the way out and exchanged greetings. His gaze lingered on her for several seconds. It was uncharacteristic of him, but he couldn’t help himself. Something about that girl just seemed to demand his attention. It was probably the combination of her beautiful face, enormous rack, and plump ass, all wrapped up in that tight uniform.

  Wait, was that why the lieutenant hired her a few days ago? Nah, couldn’t be. Porkins was a happily married and dutiful man. If he hired her, then it was probably for her ability rather than her looks.

  Yes… he thought. Probably.

  Thomas shook away the improper thoughts. His superior officer’s personal life really wasn’t high on his list of priorities. Having been given some time off so suddenly, he decided to go for a walk around town. He rarely had the chance to just relax these days, since he was either on duty or drilling the new recruits. They could’ve at least bumped his pay if they were going to dump those kids on his shoulders. Ah, but they did technically up his pay a week ago, didn’t they? Guess he had no more room for –

  *Woosh*

  “Ugh!”

  There it was again! A vague feeling of panic out of nowhere that caused the hair on his neck to stand on end. Looking back, Thomas once again saw that looming cloaked figure – the one he’d earlier mistook for Lyo’s ‘cousin.’ The off-duty guard watched curiously as the figure walked off, leaving him keenly aware that this bizarre sensation was not just his imagination.

  So what was it, then? The feeling he gave off was distinctly different from Taboo, yet equally unpleasant. Maybe some other strange Skill he had? Come to think of it, he was one of those Mercenary Guild types and what little could be seen of his skin looked terrible. Maybe it was a curse of some sort? Or some strange disease? Would it really be safe to let someone like that walk around town?

  It wouldn’t hurt to be prudent …

  He decided to follow the man, just in case. The guy’s huge stride was difficult for Thomas to follow without breaking out into a light run, though at the same time it was nearly impossible to lose him in the crowd. Thomas was also in his casual off-duty clothes, which made him look like just another citizen instead of a guard. He followed his target for a good ten minutes before it reached its destination: an old storefront with a cracked and dirty window. The suspect put a bandaged pale hand on the door and pushed it open with a slight ringing noise, then stepped inside.

  Thomas looked at the store’s exterior. The sign over the door caught his attention.

  “Fizzy’s Fidgety Widgets?” he read aloud. “Huh. I’m sure I’ve heard about it before …”

  Erosa was by no means a small city. Even someone who had lived there his whole life would be hard-pressed to say he knew every store in town. In fact, Thomas only knew about six of them, since they were the only ones he visited regularly, and two of them were pubs. So how come he knew about this one? It didn’t seem like the type of place he would shop at.

  However, the curious guard hadn’t managed to recall where he’d heard the name by the time the masked man walked out of the shop a few minutes later. It felt like the answer was on the tip of his tongue, but his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw that his suspect was no longer alone. A little girl with bright pink hair done up in twin pigtails and wearing old work clothes was riding on the guy’s shoulders, with his neck between her legs.

  “Eek!” she squealed as she fastened her grip on the tall stranger’s head.

  “Want off?” asked the cloaked man in a deep, clear voice.

  “N-n-no! I’ll be fine! It’s just, uh, much higher than I thought it would be …”

  “Okay.”

  The pair set off, walking in no particular direction. Fizzy’s unease gradually lessened as Boxxy walked around and she realised this was a far smoother ride than she was expecting. Truth be told, she hadn’t been expecting anything. She had just let out a ‘must be nice being so tall’ comment while the two were making small talk, which somehow escalated into this current situation. The gnome had no idea what caused her student to suggest this or why it was so insistent, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious.

  And now that she was up here, she couldn’t help but feel astonished. She had been to tall places before, of course, but this was the
first time she had been atop a moving one. The streets that Boxxy walked through were the same old town section of Erosa she had grown up in, but her new vantage point made everything seem fresh and exciting. Even those scary-looking adventurers that came from out of town seemed far less threatening from up here. She felt strangely safe, almost like she was a mouse riding on the back of a lion.

  A metaphor that was much closer to reality than she thought.

  The gnome had, however, gotten too complacent. She was leaning over to her left, trying to get a good look at the top of a passing adventurer’s fancy-looking hat. Boxxy made an abrupt right turn while she was off-balance, causing her to lose her grip and slip off her perch, kicking and screaming. She was deftly caught by her student’s massive hands and silently put back in her seat.

  Fizzy wasn’t hurt, but the embarrassment of that childish display had finally made her settle down, much to Boxxy’s relief. The sideways chest had grown supple shoulders specifically to support her rump, but it feared her fidgeting might make her bump into the not-wood frame hidden beneath its disguise. It was hence a very good thing there were no further incidents for the remainder of the excursion. The horribly mismatched pair’s walk lasted for about twenty minutes in total before Boxxy returned to Fizzy’s storefront. It crouched low to the ground, allowing its passenger to safely hop off its neck.

  “Wow! That was so much fun!” exclaimed Fizzy with a bright smile on her face. She was practically hopping in place with glee. “Well, aside from the whole … falling part … But yeah, I really needed that. Thank you so much!”

  Boxxy gave her a massive thumbs up, then waved goodbye as it turned around to go on its way.

  “Wait! You forgot your stuff in the shop!” the gnome called out.

  The lumbering monster very nearly let out a yelp. It had been so engrossed in what it was doing that it nearly neglected the reason it came here in the first place. Strictly speaking, the whole bonding thing with Fizzy was something it decided to do on the spot after remembering a valid point Snack had brought up earlier that day. The Mimic desperately needed to work on its social skills, lest it create a situation where a memory wipe would not be sufficient.

  And since Boxxy learned best by doing, it ended up just going for it when the opportunity presented itself. It was a bit risky, but it all worked out rather well. The gnome’s excellent mood was ample evidence of that. Her ‘accidental’ fall and the Mimic’s ‘timely’ catch probably scored quite a few points. It felt quite satisfied with its performance as it picked up the blue toolbox it had come here to get and set off for its current lair.

  However, completely unbeknownst to the monster, Thomas the guardsman had been following it around the entire time. This wasn’t the old dog’s first stakeout, so he knew how to tail a suspect without being noticed. He honestly didn’t know what to think about that whole shoulder riding thing, but it all looked wrong from his point of view. Not only because of the creepy feeling the tall stranger gave off, but also because that pink-haired girl did not seem to notice anything was amiss.

  Thomas stalked the cloaked wanderer for another quarter hour but ended up losing him when he started ducking into some alleys towards the slums. Well, that was to be expected. Those narrow, twisting paths almost seemed designed to shake off pursuers, and that shady-looking fellow was much nimbler on his feet than one might think.

  The diligent guard wouldn’t be dissuaded so easily, though. Maybe he was just being a busybody, but he refused to ignore that clearly suspicious punk. When did such a person even arrive here? Thomas was sure he’d remember a conspicuous shape like that if it ever passed through the gate he was stationed at. Then again, that only accounted for one of two entrances into the city, and it wasn’t like Thomas was there all day every day. It was not unlikely that the two just hadn’t crossed paths until today’s two chance meetings.

  So what about this suspect of his? What sort of person was he? What was his reason for being here? And for that matter, when exactly did he show up around town? These were all very good questions, and the truth could usually be gleaned by asking those who interacted with the suspect on a daily basis.

  The Mercenary Guild adamantly protected all their employees’ information, so visiting them without a warrant was pointless. This courtesy also extended towards any outsourced employees they did business with. And those people were pretty damn good at doing business, so it was unlikely they’d cough up any information. At least not without an appropriately-sized bribe, but the guard disliked giving any money to those vultures unless absolutely necessary.

  There were always the vendors who ran the street stalls where the masked man had stopped to buy a disturbing amount of meat. Then again, they were probably complete strangers, judging by their startled reactions when he loomed over them.

  In the end, Thomas’s only course of action was to question the one person who seemed even remotely close to the guy.

  He retraced his steps back to Fizzy’s Fidgety Widgets and stood in front of the door. He had been wracking his brains trying to remember what this place was for most of the past hour. Seeing the owner earlier helped greatly in that regard, as he was able to recall this was the only gnomish-run establishment in Erosa. The owner was supposed to be an old coot with a few screws loose, but it didn’t take a leap of logic to determine the girl in question was his daughter. He could’ve sworn there was something else he was forgetting, but if he didn’t remember it by now, it wasn’t going to come to him anytime soon. So he decided to stop wasting time and enter the shop.

  *Ring-a-ding-ding*

  The interior of the store was, to put it simply, pure chaos. Random contraptions were strewn about, and there were even some loose nuts and bolts rolling around on the floor. There also appeared to be a series of dents, scratches, and cracks all over the place. Something violent had obviously transpired here – and recently at that.

  “Just a minute!” The owner’s squeaky voice came from the slightly ajar door in the corner, and the gnome showed herself shortly afterwards. “Did you forget something else, Bo– Oh! Ahem, sorry, wrong person.” Her cheerful voice turned deadpan and monotone when she lifted the goggles from her eyes and noticed the man in her store was not the one she expected.

  “ … Cammy Fizzlespunk, right?”

  Thomas hazarded a guess at the gnome’s name. He had been trying to remember it for a while now, but this was the closest he’d gotten. Which, judging from the gnome’s long, drawn-out sigh, had been a miss.

  “Well, at least he got the initials right,” she mumbled under her breath. “The name’s Cornie Fizzlesprocket, but you can just call me Fizzy.”

  “Right … sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay. You humans never get my name right anyway. Well, most of you don’t, at any rate.” The gnome set down the tools in her hands, removed her gloves and goggles, and assumed her position behind the counter. “So, what can I help you with?”

  “Ah, I actually wanted to inquire about the tall gentleman in the heavy cloak who was here about half an hour ago.”

  The gnome’s eyes instantly narrowed to slits. “Who’s asking?”

  “City guard.”

  “You don’t look like no guard.”

  “That’s because I’m off duty …”

  “Uh-huh. Well, Mister Off Duty, if you’re not going to buy anything, then leave.”

  In retrospect, he really should’ve expected this sort of treatment. He’d be suspicious too if some random old man showed up on his doorstep claiming to be a guard and asking questions. At the same time, he couldn’t just leave empty-handed, as that would mean he’d wasted most of the afternoon off on a wild goose chase.

  “Look, I just want to ask a few things about the man. I don’t mean any –”

  “Get out,” the gnome said coldly.

  “Huh?”

  Fizzy brought out a weird device from under the counter. Its main body was that of a thick metal tube, dyed black. It had a crossbow-
like grip with a trigger on one end, and a short metal rod tipped with a tiny blue ball protruding from the other end. There were also a number of odd metal protrusions sticking out of it. She was holding it with two hands and pointing the rounded end directly at her rude visitor.

  “But I –” stammered Thomas.

  *Click*

  The gnome flicked one of the many switches on the contraption.

  *Whururururrr*

  Various bits and pieces on the device lit up and an audible buzzing came out of the rounded tip, accompanied by a few white sparks.

  “I said out,” she repeated in a clearly threatening manner.

  Thomas didn’t know what the device was, but surely even a gnome wasn’t nutty enough to attack someone in broad daylight, right? Granted, this was private property and she was technically within her rights to refuse service to anyone. But common sense dictated that violence really should not be necessary in this instance. He raised his hands in the air, trying to show he bore no hostility.

  “Please calm down, ma’am. I just want to know when –”

  *Bzzzt*

  A miniature arc of electricity flew out of the device with a flash and zapped the fingertips on Thomas’s right hand, electrocuting him for 10 HP worth of damage.

  “Ow!” he yelled, recoiling from the sudden jolt.

  “You won’t get another warning shot,” Fizzy said, still keeping the device trained on him.

  *Click*

  *VVVVVVRRRRRRRR*

  She turned a dial on the side, causing the thing in her arms to let out an alarming noise as miniature lightning bolts lit up the air around its front end.

  “Out,” she repeated. “Now!”

  “Okay! Okay! I’m going!”

  *Ring-a-ding-ding*

  *SLAM*

  Fizzy kept pointing the weapon at the door for several seconds to make sure the nosy bastard had indeed gone away. She flipped the little lever on the side, changing its setting from ‘stun’ to ‘shock’ and finally to ‘off.’ Her Lightning Thrower – an Artificer-made weapon that did exactly what its name implied – spooled down and went quiet. There was also technically the ‘vaporize’ setting, but Fizzy was wary of going that far. Unleashing the device’s full power could kill someone or potentially break the thing for good. And right now, that second thing was not something she could allow to happen.