The Way of All Flesh: Illusions Can Be Real

by Corey Furman

  “Why, I want to be your friend. Would you like to be friends, Maré?”

  “No – you and I will never be anything to each other,” she said flatly. This game was 85’s, and she knew she shouldn’t be playing it, but she was committed now and her blood was surging.

  “Why would you say such things to me, Maré?” 85 invested just enough sarcasm in her name to push her buttons.

  “I know what you’ve done to my Chroma, you bitch, and I will never forgive you for it.”

  That got her thinking. 85 tapped her chin and waited a moment before replying. “I don’t know what you think I’ve done, Maré;” She paused again before continuing. “but you don’t seem to mind eating the food I leave behind.”

  “Not any more. I don’t want anything from you, and neither does my Chroma.” She hissed the last word, unable to stop herself from responding in kind.

  85 feigned a light laugh. “Really? Well, perhaps the twins will take a more practical approach. They so hate confrontation.”

  Maré wanted to pummel her with her fists, but instead she shoved her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. “What do you want from me?”

  “Nothing, nothing!” she said brightly. “I just wanted to talk a little and get to know you better. We’ve all been so busy,” she said with a casual wave. “And I can see you’re busy now, Maré, so I’ll say so long and leave you.” She gave her an exaggerated wink, backed away a few steps, turned and walked off. Maré listened to the soles of her shoes make tiny scritches as she retreated, until the white noise of the air processors working overhead drowned them out.

  That night, as they lay in bed they talked about what had happened. “What do you make of it, Luna?” she said nervously.

  “I think 85 and I are going to have to have a little chat about her attitude,” she said in cool tones. She remained thoughtful and preoccupied until Maré fell asleep.

  The next day, Maré was taking samples in the pod farm when she noticed 85 again. No matter what she said this time, she wasn’t going to let 85 get the best of her. She turned her back on her, and climbed up to the top of the pod, then opened a small sampling hatch and got to work.

  85 walked up without saying a word. She just looked up at her and watched, the intensity of her stare boring into Maré. Taking a perverse pleasure in ignoring 85’s presence, she smiled and let the uncomfortable silence stretch. The only sound was the tinkling of the little vials as Maré took samples.

  Unexpectedly, 85 said, “I may have upset you a little yesterday. I wanted to apologize.” She spoke softly, actually sounding as if she might be contrite - for a wonder.

  Maré opened her mouth to say something acerbic when Luna came around the pod behind 85. She grabbed her arm and spun her around so fast that the two of them nearly collided. With steel in her words, Luna said, “I suggest you move along, 85. 370 Bravo is my mate, and if I catch you near her again I’ll —”

  “You’ll what?” 85 said as she looked between Luna and the ceiling. “You can’t do anything to me, and you know it. Besides, my work has been done. How’s yours coming along? Bad things can happen when we fall behind.”

  “Don’t worry about my work, 85. Just mind your manners and I won’t feel like I need to protect my Maré.”

  “Protect her? You couldn’t care less about her, 183, only your own needs. You always were so selfish! Did you even tell her she had options, that she could pick another for a partner?”

  Luna let go of 85’s arm. “No I didn’t, 85,” she said calmly. “You’re reckless, and that makes you a danger, not an option.”

  85 seemed to have forgotten that Maré was there, up on the pod. To Luna she said, “It should have been me protecting you, but you just wouldn’t do it. We could have been happy, but nooo! Now I’m not going to let you have any happiness!” As she spoke, her voice climbed until she was practically screeching. Now that she was finished she stood there with hate for Luna in her eyes. She was huffing with the emotion and her face drawn up in a rictus, but after a few edgy moments she must have realized that her reaction was over the top. She moved her gazed between Maré and Luna, straitened her lab coat and stilled her breathing. Finally, she walked off.

  As 85 retreated, Maré climbed down the rungs and went to her Chroma. Luna returned the embrace, but Maré could feel the tension in the muscles beneath her scrubs. “Don’t let her upset you… I’m not ever going to leave you, and certainly not for that thing.”

  Luna broke the embrace, and pointed with her chin behind Maré. “It’s not that.”

  Maré turned around and saw Dr. Almeida standing at a distance, quietly watching the simulants torment each other and fingering the collar control pad.

  Luna was quiet the rest of the day, and later that night in bed. It’s not that she wouldn’t talk, exactly, but she spoke as if any spare words were a waste she couldn’t afford.

  “You’re awful quiet tonight.”

  “I’m just thinking about the argument with 85.”

  “We’ve only been together for a little over a month, but I can read you pretty well. I know you’re thinking about her, but don’t dwell on it, hon. Don’t give her any power over your emotions. It will be alright.”

  “What if she was right, though, Maré?” She sat up and stared into the darkness. “What if I didn’t tell you that you could pair with her just so I could keep you to myself?”

  Maré eased her fingers along her spine, then her shoulder blades. “I don’t think either one of us believes that.”

  “No, I guess I don’t – but I’m troubled by her words.” She huffed. “That’s probably what she wanted…” She turned, laid back down, and whispered in her ear. “Though I do wonder if the good doctor’s presence meant something.”

  “Shhh… don’t worry about that…”

  Luna laid her head down on her shoulder. “I’m not worried, exactly. Concerned, though; it seems like something’s got to change.”

  Maré murmured soft words of comfort, and Luna responded by caressing her arm, but she remained pensive regardless, and after a while, Maré could feel the somber mood infecting her own attitude.

  The next morning, Luna was still guarded. They washed and dressed each other as usual – Maré liked the way Luna tied the string in her waist band, and enjoyed combing the knots out of Luna’s fine hair – but there was still very little talk between them. The air was just too… preoccupied.

  Just like every other day, they fed each other crumbly bits of protein cake and dehydrated fruit substitute for breakfast at one of the tables in their common room. The twins had just taken the table next to them and started eating when 85 exited her room. Without saying anything to anyone, she walked over to the dispensers and requested breakfast, pulled the packets out of the slot and sat down at a table by herself. If her presence registered with the twins they gave no indication from inside their private near-spiritual commune. The only sounds in the room were shifting chair scrapes and the occasional crinkles that came from food wrappers.

  Anxious minutes later, the chimes for the ten minute reminder jangled about them, and each got up to throw out their trash and leave. 85 stuck her elbow out as Luna passed her, brushing her arm. She paused, and Maré thought that the situation would erupt. Luna took a deep breath, then took Maré’s hands, and they walked off.

  By choice they kept close to each other through the day. When they still hadn’t seen 85 before they were done with lunch, they began to relax and they returned to their duties.

  Out in the crop, Luna was handing a tray of hormones up to Maré, who had climbed to the top of a pod. A flurry of movement, and 85 rushed out from behind a bank of storage lockers and plowed into Luna. Startled, Maré had to grab the edge of the pod to keep herself from falling, but she managed to regain her balance and scramble back down the ladder as Luna and 85 fell in a shrieking, grappling heap. Warning blats came from overhead speakers adding to the chaos.

  They were rollin
g around on the floor, but 85 came up on top with her hands on Luna’s throat. She started slamming her head against the floor as Luna rasped and struggled to push 85 away. Maré screeched as she crashed into 85, slamming her head against the locker. Both of them were grappling and screaming wordlessly as Luna rolled on her side, coughing. Blood was leaking out of 85’s ear.

  85 turned towards Maré, thrusting her hands like claws at her throat, but Maré was faster. She thrust the palm of her hand upward into her chin, slamming 85’s head back into the locker again. Stunned, 85 let Maré go, giving her the opportunity to get a proper hold on her. The screaming continued as Maré rammed 85 against the locker, over and over, until Luna pulled her off 85. “Let her go, Maré! Let her go!”

  The two of them sobbed and rocked as they held each other. 85 was slumped over next to them, with blood slowly leaking from her nose and both of her ears. They didn’t notice when the twins ran up, nor did it register when they pulled them to their feet with something like sadness in their eyes. They only saw each other as 85 was carried off a crude litter made from her lab coat, and their only reaction was to comply meekly as the security androids and Almeida led them away.

  Thirteen

  Joss retrieved their new simulants from the spaceport in Twilight City after he had finished working for the day. Androids loaded them, still asleep in their stasis transport pods, into the back of his lift and he sped home. When he arrived, he had Maré and Luna help him unload them in the lift port. They quietly did as they were told, but they were obviously affected by the presence of another pair of simulants identical to themselves. They were sullen and quiet; the skin of Maré‘s face was stretched over stone, but Luna’s eyes leaked steadily.

  With a sigh, he stopped them from going back into the house. “I won’t wake them until after, girls.”

  “Yes, Mr. Breylin. You don’t need to worry about us,” said Maré.

  “I’m not worried. I was just being… kind.”

  “Of course, Sir. We know how kind you are,” she said, regretting it instantly.

  Breylin didn’t feel like having it thrown back in his face. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her in close. “Maré, do we need to have a discussion about the way to speak to me?” She just glared up at him.

  “Please, Sir, leave her be!” Luna pleaded.

  The moment stretched as Maré and Breylin fought each other with their eyes. Luna was crying and gripping the sides of her pants.

  Breylin half snorted and let her go. “This doesn’t need to be an issue, I think. You two go on about your chores before it becomes one.”

  Luna said, “thank you, Sir.” She grabbed Maré by her arm and led her out of the lift port, but not before she shot him a wordless, defiant glare.

  It may have been his irritation talking, but Breylin had a pretty good idea on how to prevent it from becoming a problem.

  When he told her about it, Larissa didn’t seem to care one way or another that Joss had brought the new simulants home. “It will give us a fresh start,” he told her.

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “I’ll make sure these two will take care of you, Larissa,” he said with thick urgency.

  “You haven’t called me by my given name in a long time, Joss. I thought I was your queen.”

  “You are,” he stammered. “You’ll always be that. You know I am nothing without you.”

  “I’m a legless freak, and I wish I had died when it happened,” she said. “But I think you did die, Joss. Inside, at least.”

  Her words were ragged, deep cuts. He sat down on the floor at her feet and rubbed his temples with his hands. “I can’t go back, my love. I can’t change it. I’d give anything to put it all back together. All we can do now is be together.”

  “Yeah!” she laughed mirthlessly. “Look at the two of us!”

  He buried his face in his hands in a vain attempt to shut out the world. “I know I’m not good enough, but I’m doing the best I can. Why can’t that be enough?”

  “It doesn’t matter how hard you try, Joss, and it never did. We’re broken.”

  “I’m sorry, Riss. I wanted more for us.” He wished he could have cried, but all he could feel was hollow, like an old husk.

  She did give him a real smile then, the first in some time, as she reached down to touch his cheek. “Don’t torture yourself, Joss – it’s not your fault. It’s like they told us - it just wasn’t meant to be.” Looking towards where they were in the kitchen, she paused before continuing. “When will you…”

  “Soon. They’re quite upset at seeing their… replacements.”

  “Make sure you send them off peacefully. I know you’ve blamed them, but I think they… were just the instrument the universe used. Maybe they were just there when it all went wrong. Anyway, I won’t have any more pain in this house.”

  “It will be as you say. They won’t feel anything at all – I promise.” He held up the collar controller. “One touch and they will just slip off.”

  “Do it while they sleep tonight, husband.”

  “Yes, my queen.”

  “Send them to me now, please. I’m about to piss myself again.”

  That night, Joss sat up in the living room until quite late. As he had promised Riss, he would put the girls down while they slept. What he was about to do had him all churned up inside, and it was beginning to express itself physically in the form of nausea. No matter how he tried to examine his feelings though, all he could discern was a sense of… awful expectation. Cast about as he would, he couldn’t put any other words to it. Regretting the waste, he eventually threw the coffee that had grown cold and bitter in his hand down the drain, but it was better than retching it back up. Just the thought of vomiting set his guts to roiling.

  Persevering, he waited until he thought they were likely to be out cold. About halfway through the night, he cracked the door to their room and peered in. He found them in each other’s arms with the blanket tangled around them and their hair soaked with sweat, as it was so often when they laid together. They were out, just as he’d hoped.

  He stood there for a few moments, possessed by the strange sensation of the moment. Maré was laying down with her head on Luna’s chest, and he could see her back rising and falling with each slow breath. There were three lives in the room, but in moments there would be only one. It had been many years since he had been forced to kill, but he found being on the cusp of it once again a little darkly compelling. He found the reaction disturbing, and he had to lean against the door frame and breathe slowly until he was sure he wouldn’t puke. When he felt he had it under control, he entered the room and eased the door shut behind him.

  Wanting to delay the inevitable, he decided to look around, peruse their belongings, and perhaps get a sense of what they now were. Looking at the shelves above their bed, his eye was drawn first to the frame he knew held the holo of the parents of their memory, though in the darkness the illusion wouldn’t solidify. There were also a few books… but then he noticed the case with the small paper roses that years ago Riss’ mother had given to her, and she to their daughters. He quickly turned away; he didn’t want to see any more of the loss that the things on that shelf represented.

  He slowly ghosted over to the chest that contained their things and kneeled down. Gently, he lifted the lid and began to sift. On top were a few bits of clothing, sweaters and thick socks mostly, that they had long ago stopped wearing. He recognized them from the patterns, and though they appeared to be dark and greyscale, he knew they were quite colorful. It was the first time he had noticed, but all they had worn since the accident were drab smocks – practical work clothes, really. If they wouldn’t wear them, then why the hell would they keep them? Setting the question aside as unfathomable and ultimately unimportant, he moved on. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was searching for anything that would distract him, and maybe assuage what he was beginning to think was guilt.

  Dig
ging further down, he found some amateurish drawings of hills and sunsets one or both of them had doodled on some unlined sheets of paper. There were a few children’s books that Riss had given them early on, thinking that they might enjoy reading them as she had. Lastly, he found a holo frame at the very bottom. When he pulled it out, he brought it close to his face. It was too dark for the dimensions to pop out, but he could just make out that it was a holo of the four of them on one of their camping trips. We were so innocent then…

  As he was plumbing the image for better detail, he became aware of eyes on him. When he slowly looked over, he saw Maré staring at him, and watching him go through their things.

  With their belongings on the floor around him, Breylin turned and put his back against the chest and slid into a sitting position. Only a couple of meters apart, their eyes were once again locked on each other. This time Maré’s were moist with what he supposed was fear, or maybe loss. At times, their emotional complexity still surprised him. This was one of those moments. Though he was glad that his anger had wicked off, it left him matching her sadness with only his own regrets.

  Time stretched as they held each other’s gaze.

  “Will it hurt?” she whispered.

  “No – nothing.”

  Something in him said the time was right, and he pulled out the controller. She followed the movements of his hands carefully with her eyes.

  “Dad?” she said, and hesitated. “I’m afraid.”

  He looked at her as placidly as he could, but the knots in his gut were coiling tighter in on themselves. He wanted to stop this, fix it, somehow work things out, but there was nothing for it. None of them had any choices. He almost moved, crawled over to her, to put his arms around her, to murmur some stupid word of comfort – do it, Joss! Be a fucking human! – but he was afraid to touch her, to feel her touch. The ropes of his muscles wanted to move, flex and bunch of their own accord, but he fought it back and stayed where he was. He’d pay for it with more wearied regrets later, but right at this moment he just couldn’t stand letting any more of his emotions loose. “I don’t know what to say, Maré.”