Derek frowned slightly, but waited quietly for me to go on.
“I’m sorry,” I started. “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you since, well, since we came to CSU.”
“No you didn’t do anything, I—”
I put my hand up. “Just listen.” I drew in a deep breath. “I’ve been jerking you around ever since that kiss on the La Poudre. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, obviously, I was just confused. I was in love with you once. And you were right before when you said I was scared to love you again. I thought that if I fell in love with anyone they’d just betray me. It was all I knew. But then everything changed when I met Lucas. He fixed what you couldn’t. And when we broke up I was crushed. Again. And I know you weren’t doing it to hurt me, but I wasn’t ready for another relationship. I wasn’t over Lucas. And I think you knew that.”
He nodded, lowering his face to the floor.
“But I was wrong to tell you we could only be friends,” I said. “We’ll never just be friends. We need a word stronger than friendship because you’re so much more than a friend to me, Derek. You’re a part of me. And not just literally. You stood by me throughout everything, even all of this ... craziness.” I cracked a small smile and then grew serious again, wanting him to grasp the finality of my words. “But we’ll never be involved romantically. Not while I love Lucas. I’m sorry if this is confusing, or wrong or hurtful. I’m just trying to be honest.”
Derek shook his head, meeting my eyes again and then looking away to stare at the bed behind me. “No, it’s . . . I guess I already knew. You and Lucas—there’s just something right about it. I don’t exactly know what it is, but I know we’ll never have that. I can’t love you enough for the both of us.” He shrugged sadly and looked at his hands.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t be a part of each others’ lives,” I said. “I really meant what I said on the phone before. I was wrong to cut you out of my life. I’m sorry for that, too.”
He shrugged again, but I could sense that he was taking this hard—that his heart was breaking. I wanted to fix it, wanted to make him understand. “Derek, there’s a reason we can never be together. And it’s more than just loving Lucas inexplicably. There’s an actual tangible reason.”
“What is it?” He sounded like he didn’t really care, but was playing along for my sake.
“We’re matched,” I said. “Lucas and I. It’s ah . . . part of my power.”
At that, Derek began paying attention. “The vibe thing?”
“Yeah. Listen . . .” And I told Derek everything. I told him about Yvette and Kevin, the others like myself, told him all that I could do and that Lucas and I had a sort of divine connection, stronger than with any other werewolf. It was what had drawn me to him in the first place and him to me, and part of why I loved him so completely. And it was why Derek could never fill that place in my heart, no matter how much he or I wanted to.
When I finished, Derek seemed more than a little dumbstruck. He sat silently for a long, tense moment, absorbing and sorting everything out while I leaned against the pillows. This conversation had taken a lot out of me, and I was beginning to feel the effects. My body yearned for sleep, but my mind spun around like a loose wheel. I tried to calm it, focusing on how happy I was to be alive rather than on the coming danger.
“I guess I should go now,” Derek said.
“What?”
“You should sleep,” he said. I tried to catch his eye, but he kept them hooded by his lashes, refusing to look at me.
“You don’t want to talk about what I said?”
“There’s nothing to say, really. It just—it sucks, all right, Faith? What do you want me to say? I’m happy that there’s an extra special reason why we’ll never be together? Just let me . . . let me deal with this. I—” He stood and turned away toward the window, locking his hands behind his head. I heard him murmur a curse. He lowered his hands, but didn’t turn around, and his voice was flat when he spoke. “I’m not mad. I just need some time.”
“Okay,” I said meekly.
He looked in my direction—not at me, but toward me—and said, “I’ll check in later.” He started toward the door.
When he reached it, I called out, “Derek?”
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, half turning to face me. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. I’d be lost without you. Thank you.”
I saw his throat move as he swallowed. He looked on the verge of saying something for a long while, but then he nodded with a jerk and left.
As the door shut, I collapsed back onto the pillows again. I was burnt out, but still unable to relax. I missed Lucas. I wished I had the energy to get up and find him, but I was too weak to lift my arms, let alone stand. I opened myself up, trying to find his vibe among the lazy hum in the back of my head that was the rest of the pack members in the house. Lucas? I called, mostly to myself as I tried to locate his vibe. Are you there?
Nothing.
Discouraged and spent, I took his pillow from the bed and hugged it to myself instead, trying not to picture the way Derek’s face had looked while I told him everything.
Then the door popped open and Lucas was there.
“You called?” he asked, with a wry grin.
I sat up. “You heard that?”
He came to the bed and sat in Derek’s chair. “Yeah. It was like the night Derek bit you and I felt you in trouble. I just kind of knew you wanted me around. So I came.”
I smiled drowsily. “Well, that’s not exactly a hard thing to intuit. I always want you around.”
He leaned forward, taking up my hands and pressing them to his scalding hot lips. “I’m not used to you being so cold,” he murmured over my skin, his breath searing me.
“Me either. It’ll go away right?”
He nodded. “Give Derek’s venom time to work.”
“So I guess his venom doesn’t cure werewolf,” I mused. “That night when he bit you . . . it didn’t cure you.”
Lucas shook his head. “Nope. Still me. Katie’s doing some more tests, but it looks like it only cures vampirism.”
“We have to think of something,” I said. “We have to figure out how to keep the vampires away from Derek. And how to stop them from this world domination thing. But mostly Derek. If they don’t have him, they’ll never take over before the werewolves stop them.”
“I know,” Lucas said. “And we already have a plan.”
“We?”
“Me and Derek. It’s crazy as hell and we’ll probably die in the process, but we gotta give it a shot. The alternative is unacceptable. The vampires taking over? That’s a world of darkness on the horizon.... That’s a world I’m not keen on seeing anytime soon.”
My pulse accelerated at the thought, and I actually felt the warmth as my blood surged faster through my veins. “So what are we going to do?”
He cupped my face. “You’re going to go back to sleep and get better. Let me and Derek worry about the vampires.”
I began to protest, but he shook his head, laying me down against my pillows and kissing my forehead in this irritatingly chaste way.
“This is highly unfair,” I mumbled. “I’m damaged. You should indulge me.”
His lips curved upward. “You need to rest. I promise I’ll tell you everything once we get the plan in order. For now, just sleep.”
“Will you sleep with me?”
The look in Lucas’s dark eyes said yes, but he shook his head. “Derek and I gotta do some planning.”
“What’s with all the, Derek and I talk? What are you two friends now?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I don’t think I’ll ever be friends with the guy who’s in love with my girlfriend, but he’s okay. For a leech.”
I felt a smug smile tug at my mouth. “I knew you’d warm up to him eventually.”
He ignored me with a dry look. “Sleep,” he directed, passing his hand over my cheek lightly. “You only have two weeks to recover.”<
br />
I yawned hugely. “Why? What’s happening in two weeks?”
Lucas’s smile widened considerably.
“The wedding.”
33
AT PEACE
The ceremony took place at dusk on the night before the full moon. The pack congregated in the backyard, which had been transformed from a barren expanse of grass to something resembling a snow globe.
Everything was white. The decorations were a swirl of crystal and icy satin and even the guests had been instructed to wear only white or black. It was beautiful and ethereal—just like the bride.
Melanie had never looked more stunning standing calmly next to Julian at the front of the room. Rolf, who married them, stood between them. He was the only thing that looked out of place in the room. While most of the men looked sleek and handsome in their tuxes, Rolf looked almost comical. It was like someone had stuffed a bear into a tux two sizes too small.
But all eyes were on the couple promising to spend their lives together. Of course, only the pack members and I knew the gravity of that particular promise. Melanie’s family, who sat on the opposite side of the pews, was unaware of Julian’s condition. I wondered if they’d be told when Melanie was infected.
It was happening tonight.
Suddenly, music started up and everyone began clapping. Lucas blew a loud whistle between his teeth and stood with the crowd. I looked up to see Julian sweep Melanie’s veil away and kiss her gently on the lips. I smiled, watching as he bent her backward in his arms to give us a show.
Then they pulled back, both of them beaming, and ran down the aisle, and out of the ivory tent. There wasn’t a bridal party—Melanie had wanted to keep things simple—so the wedding guests followed the bride and groom into the reception area.
It took place in another massive tent where music played, hors d’oeuvres were served on trays by straight-faced waiters, and people milled around talking and trying to find where they were supposed to sit.
For a few hours, Lucas and I sat at our table, laughing and talking, eating roasted chicken—Lucas had two plates—and dancing the Macarena with Katie and Derek, who both did extremely silly versions involving a lot of exaggerated pelvic thrusts and blushing on Katie’s part.
Lucas wasn’t thrilled to watch Derek’s hands all over Katie, but I didn’t mind. I was just happy to see Derek smiling again. He’d been in a funk ever since our talk, and things still weren’t the same between us. But it seemed like he was cheering up. At least, Katie cheered him up.
At eleven, Melanie tossed the bouquet—which I did not catch—and then pretended to get into a limo with Julian to go on their honeymoon. Really, they were going up into the mansion to change clothes and prepare for the infection ceremony coming up.
As the music began to slow and Melanie’s family started trickling away, grabbing the floral centerpieces and hiking out to their cars, Lucas turned to me and whispered deeply in my ear. “Come with me?”
I nodded, grabbing my clutch, and let him tow me out the back of the tent where the woods lay. Amber light from the tent spilled out over us; music swelled and sank in my ears as we rounded the tent and went up to the house to sit on the back porch. Lucas pulled me down into one of the chaise lounges and sat in the one next to me, his knees touching mine. He looked absolutely unreal in a tux with his hair styled and his face clean-shaven. The moonlight shadowed his features, and a nervous smile quirked his lips. Is he nervous?
I gave him a questioning look, placing my clutch on the seat beside me.
“I want to give you something,” Lucas said.
“You do?” I said, immediately interested. He’d never given me a gift before, except for on my birthday and Valentine’s Day, but those were obligatory. Impromptu gifting was so much more romantic. I smiled coyly. “What is it?”
“Don’t get all excited,” he warned.
“Too late.”
“It’s not a big deal—well, no. It is a big deal, but probably not for you.”
I reached out and grabbed his hands. “What are you talking about?”
The vulnerability in Lucas’s voice filled me with adoration. It was so unlike him—so human.
“It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but it never felt right, until now. It’s a tradition. From ... my time.”
“You mean when man invented fire?”
He answered that with a withering look and said, “It’s a gesture. Men would give something to their betrothed—”
My eyebrows flew up at that word, but Lucas quickly covered.
“Not that we’re betrothed,” he said. “I don’t even believe in marriage, so—”
“What?” I choked, as another wave of shock rang through my body.
“Aw, don’t go all female on me. It’s not a big deal.”
I made a face, crossing my arms over my chest. It was kind of a big deal.
“Listen,” he said firmly. “I don’t need to participate in some man-made institution to prove how much I love you. Wearing a tux and signing some dumb document that the government files away into a database doesn’t prove love. Actions do.” He took a deep breath, pulling my arms from around my chest and taking my hands again. “That’s why I’m gonna make a gesture. Like I said, it’s a tradition from when I was human. People don’t really do it anymore, but I never got to and I . . . well, I’ve always wanted to.” The smile on his face was almost bashful—something I’d never seen in Lucas before. This was obviously a big moment for him and I felt certain it would be for me as well.
“Okay,” I said cautiously. “What’s the gesture?”
Lucas reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a square of thick argyle cloth. The pattern was faded almost beyond recognition and the edges were frayed, but it was unbelievably soft as he pressed it into my hand. “I know it probably seems silly to you—or weird. Or both. But back in my day, there were clans—like families. And each family had a specific pattern of cloth they wore, called a tartan. When two people wanted to get married, they exchanged a patch of their tartan with each other. It’s a symbol of unity—of love.” He squeezed my hands over the cloth. “I can’t imagine ever finding anyone in this time or any other who’s as perfect for me as you are. You’re a part of me. In ways I don’t even understand. You are truly my match. And for as long as I have you, I promise to be faithful. To love only you. And once you’re gone from this world, you’ll remain in my heart. Forever.” He brought my hands up to his, and kissed each one with a tenderness that made me want to cry. Then he released them and shrugged, seeming a little embarrassed. “I know it looks like just a dumb piece of fabric to you, but—”
“No,” I said, clutching the square to my chest. “No, I love it. Is it actually from your family’s . . . ?”
“Tartan,” he supplied. “And yeah, it is. I kept what I had left of it in a high-security bank vault in Washington. There are some other things in there ... things that hold particular value to me. I had this sent here.” He nodded at the square in my hands. “For you.”
I smiled at him, realizing that I was tearing up. They spilled over my cheeks, and I wiped them away daintily, lest I smudge my makeup. “Thank you. I wish I had something to give you back.”
“Nah,” he said waving me off as he stood. “It’s dumb anyway.”
I rose to my feet, too, catching his arm when he tried to turn away. “It’s perfect. Much better than some silly wedding.”
He searched me for signs of dishonesty, but I’d been truthful. I didn’t need a wedding gown or a ring or any of that ridiculousness. I needed Lucas. And that was exactly what he’d given me. I rose up onto my tiptoes and kissed him. “I never thought I’d be able to trust anyone like I trust you,” I said softly. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything material to give you, but I do have this: I have one life. A blink for someone like you, but it’s everything to me. And I give it to you. Fully.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, cuddling into his chest. “I think it was always yours.”
We were silent for a moment, arms wrapped closely around each other.
“Well, I’m wearing a white dress and you’re in a tux,” I said, jokingly. “And we just promised our lives to each other. So does this make us married?”
“Not legally, we’re not. But we are where it matters.” He brought my hand to his chest, and I felt the steady beat of his heart. “Right here,” he whispered, gathering me in his arms again.
He rested his head down on the top of mine, sighing. I let my walls come down completely, and felt his emotions enclose me in an effervescent beam of golden sunlight. They seemed to fuse with mine and form something new—something I’d never felt before. It was almost a connection, but different—less tangible. I clung to it, letting it sink down into my soul, illuminating everything it touched and become a part of me. My heart raced, my hands tingled, and he looked down at me.
“Do you feel that?” he asked.
I could only nod because my power had suddenly revved up without my control. It blasted through my body and into Lucas. I felt him jump.
“What’re you . . .”
“Hold on,” I said, calm despite what was happening. “Let me try something.”
Suddenly, it was as if I was Lucas. I could feel everything he felt, hear everything he was thinking—what is she doing, this feels weird. . . . I can feel the change coming, she’d better hurry. . . .
Sure enough, I felt it, too. Some sort of dark, tangled thing deep down in the recesses of his mind began sprinting to the forefront. But I wouldn’t have this moment ruined with his curse—not if I could stop it. I shoved the darkness back, replacing it with the golden beam inside me. The beast shoved back, and I could hear Lucas’s confused thoughts, but I ignored him. Stupid trigger. Go away! I released another powerful beam, and the darkness inside him began to retreat. Lucas stopped resisting. Holy hell . . . how did she . . .
I continued coaxing the beast away until there was absolutely nothing left. Nothing but Lucas and me—the way it was always supposed to be. Lucas’s emotions leveled out, and I sent him only warmth and love. There was no trace of the curse left inside him—no danger. Just Lucas. Human and perfect.
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