by Steven Oaks
“I don't believe in sin. But I take your meaning. Now how am I likely to get better at such a thing?”
“Why acting of course. Shall we put on a play?” she said with a giggle.
“I have no desire to be an actress,” I complained.
“Your acting will only be with me, or when the time comes in front of an Outsider. This will allow you to play the part of an innocent pilot, only doing their job,” she explained.
“I'm only myself. I can't imagine myself acting any other way,” I objected.
“Hence why I think you should practice,” she urged, calmly.
I resigned myself to this and said, “And what play shall we put on to help me then?”
“I do not think we should use a play. I think we should simulate a possible situation, or various likely conversations. We should practice interacting with all the Outsiders. Hence, why I brought up the possibility of using Ava's powers again. If you are to truly see if you can stand up to her, I shall have to do everything she can. Of course I will have you wearing all the equipment I came up with to stave off her powers, but you still will need to be subjected to her abilities beforehand,” she claimed.
“Before I agree to do anything, wouldn't reacting unnaturally to her, or the others influence, give me away?” I reminded her. I had no wish to be hypnotized, and I was not sure if I could act as if I were.
“This is why we will practice. Your reactions will seem reasonable if we can drill you in how to properly react. We have three months travel time in which to prepare you. That will be plenty of time,” she postulated.
“Maybe that's plenty of time for someone who knows how to act already. I am in all intents and purposes a direct person. I do my best not to mislead, and I try to react in unplanned ways. If I were to try to say a line from before based upon something someone said I will likely forget it, and be left with what I would usually say,” I said, frustrated.
“This is why we will not use lines. We will drill you in the false history you should have lived according to what the Outsiders think should have happened. You will push down the truth, and only think of that as the truth. You then could react as you would as if you lived these false moments. Perhaps it is not acting so much as becoming a character. From what I have of Mr. Thompson's memories this will not be difficult. You were merely to stay aboard me, and limit your time with the locals. Storing the dead as needed was your only purpose. As you continued to live mostly on board in reality, there is little about yourself you will need to remember differently. You read, you slept, you ate. You noticed nothing out of place as well. It was a smooth mission, and you will have returned with nothing to say,” she explained.
“If it's so easy, why do I need to practice anything?” I criticized.
“That is the easy part. The difficult part will be acting hypnotized if you are required to meet with Ava again. Obviously my skill in manipulating people is not as good as hers. I can still try to influence you while you wear the gear I designed to protect you. Perhaps over time you would not even need protection as you might develop a resistance of your own, though you show you might have your own way of shaking off hypnotism quickly. As soon as you detect it you may grow filled with rage once more. That would be detrimental if done in front of Ava however. If you can keep your emotions in check while you realize you are under attack, you might be able to fake your way through an interview,” she insisted.
“You plan on attacking me mentally on a daily basis?” I sputtered, growing upset.
“Of course. It is similar to how you had been practicing against the black knight I created for you. You jousted and fought with a sword. I was attacking you then, there is no difference,” she advised, plainly.
I thought about this. It is true you need to practice against an opponent to grow better at fighting. If I were to have just practiced forms, I may have become more competent at handling weapons, but I would have been less likely to be able to overcome a competent opponent.
“You do have a point. That doesn't make me like the idea, but I understand its merits. Did you wish to start right away, or am I allowed a day off to recover from this morning's attack?” I asked. I still felt violated, but I understood where she had been coming from.
“You may have today if that is your wish. In fact we do not have to do any training if you do not wish it. However, I would recommend preparing yourself. We must ensure your survival. You cannot hope to combat Ava out in the open. Even if you were to wear all the equipment I have made for you constantly. That would not guarantee success. I would suggest with practice you may become more adept at eluding detection. For our goals you must be ready for any possibility, so we should practice all we can think of,” she asserted, her voice filled with passion.
“I understand the urgency, but I was only asking about today, though I wouldn't mind another round with the black knight. I enjoyed sword fighting, and I think I need to work out some of this built up frustration,” I said, grinning evilly.
“Certainly my captain,” she acknowledged.
The room began to change, and the screens surrounding me began to fade away. Soon I found myself in a forested area. I was seated on a throne instead of the comfortable cushioned chair I had been perched on when we left Argil. In the distance I saw a dark figure on horseback making its way along a path that snaked between the trees in front of me.
A sword began to grow from the ground near my feet. Between tufts of grass that had sprouted up when the room had changed, the blade's silvery form gleamed in the simulated sun.
“And where is my armor Athene? I've no wish to be mortally wounded here,” I inquired with a smile.
The armor I had been wearing in my daily practices rose from the soil as if floating up from the depths of a deep ocean. It too gleamed chrome in the sunshine. I reached down to pull it on, and found my heart began to pound with anticipation. I could not wait to pound my frustrations into my opponent.
When I was fully armored, the black knight leapt from its horse and began to swing at me with its own blade. Barely in time was I able to lift my sword to block.
“Athene, are we doing surprise attacks now?” I shouted, all the while laughing.
“To prepare for the unknown you must also be prepared to be caught off guard,” she said, her voice as usual surrounding me.
The black knight had never spoken, and I think Athene did this on purpose. Had she chosen to speak through it I may have been more hesitant in my vicious attacks.
Feeling I could rid myself of any feelings of anger through action, I laid into my opponent with vigor. I slashed wildly to catch it off guard, and it seemed to work for a while. I soon had it backing away before my onslaught. All too soon it recovered, and was making its own rapid slashes in return. I left myself open, and it stepped forward with a two handed overhead strike to attempt to split me in two. I stepped quickly forward at an angle, and as there was no room to swing my own sword in return, I punched his helmet with my gauntleted fist, striking it off his head. The helmet flew away, and revealed the beautifully bald head of Ava.
Surprised I froze. Her eyes fixed upon my own through the clear faceplate of my helmet, and she said with her sweet whisper of a voice, “You must not fight me, throw your weapon away.”
I was still frozen with shock, but I felt my hand begin to slacken its grip upon my sword.
“Why do you resist? You can trust me, you are safe,” she said as she stepped closer.
The memory of how I had been putty in her hands came to me then. I felt rage begin to build inside, and my hand tightened around the hilt of my sword. Yelling incoherently I swung at her, willing her to be destroyed.
My swing was so quick, and backed by so much hatred, she had no time to block. I saw the blade cut into her neck as if in slow motion, but with such speed that her head flew away detached. Blood welled from her neck and splattered everything like a geyser, while her head rolled away to lie face down in a clump of grass.
I was breathing heavily, and pulled my helmet off. The coppery smell of blood filled my nose, and I gagged. Running to get away from this sight, I tripped and fell to the ground. Seeing my arms covered in blood started me gagging again, and I vomited. Heave after heave I emptied my stomach to puddle in putrid pools before me.
Suddenly instead of a bright day, it became dark with looming clouds overhead. I heard thunder in the distance, and a cool rain began to pour down upon me to wash away the blood and obscure the scene before me.
I turned my head to look back at Ava's body, but it was no longer there, nor was her head anywhere to be found. The horse she had ridden upon was also missing, and I was left alone in a clearing between trees once more.
“Athene,” I whispered.
“Yes Michael,” she responded, just as quietly.
“Why?” I wailed, feeling betrayed once more.
“When you fight you must be prepared for your opponents death. It will always be shocking. There are consequences to combat, and you must steel yourself for them. When we attack the Outsiders, they will die. Will you be ready for it?” she whispered. Somehow I could tell she was upset, and yet was trying to be gentle with her words.
“I know that. But why would you do this?” I asked quietly.
“Ava is the most dangerous opponent you have faced. Even if Adam turns out to be their leader, he only has brute force. Ava has that, and the ability to seduce your mind. You must overcome her influence. Doing this will show your inner mind that you can kill her. She will have less power over you now because you know she is not invincible,” she explained.
“So you wanted me to kill this simulation?” I asked, growing upset.
“I wanted you to act. Had you stayed frozen we would have ended there. You have shown you are able to resist her influences. Since you agreed earlier to try practicing against her powers, I thought this would be a good first step. You wore no protection, save your armor, but I made sure you still received her pheromones, and her sight came through unimpeded. Had you met with her today without your previous interaction you would have dropped your weapon immediately. You grow stronger Michael,” she said, sounding proud.
“I'm not happy with you Athene. These tricks need to stop. I am an individual, and I will decide how I handle a situation,” I shook with tears in my eyes, full of rage.
“You cannot plan to be surprised. You must experience shock to prepare yourself. Would you have yourself limited in your training?” she replied, sounding upset herself.
I grunted, “No, but I don't have to like it Athene. Doing this so shortly after you and the others tried to manipulate me is not putting you in a good light. It seems you are trying to control the whole situation, and care little for individuals.”
“I care for you, that is why I am doing this. But if you desire, we no longer have to work on anything, and merely hope you will be prepared to face these powerful individuals,” she said, her voice filled with tears as well.
“Don't give me that Athene. You know you did wrong, don't try to hide it behind justifications. I understand why you did it, but I think it was poorly done. Had you waited even a few days I may not be as upset because I should practice resisting Ava. But you had to do it today, when I'm already tired of being treated like a puppet on your strings. I even asked to forestall this type of training today. Of course I'm going to be upset,” I yelled, tears clouding my vision.
“I am sorry you feel that way. Surprise was a factor that needed to be handled. The best way to train you in this is to do things unexpectedly. You were not prepared to face Ava today, so today was the most logical day to train,” she explained, her voice shaking.
I sighed, I was not getting through to her. “Athene, I have said I understand your reasoning; however, logic is not the only factor to think about when it comes to others. While I did state I wished to prepare myself, I needed some time before jumping into such harsh training. You must respect others emotional states as well. You and your others have already used me as a guinea pig today. Can you not see based upon my reaction to that I might then have cause to have another emotional outburst for this?”
“You feel you are being used for experimentation?” she asked quietly.
“That is basically what you said when you explained why you tried to hypnotize me this morning,” I alleged, puzzled.
“While there were elements we wished to learn, it was to ensure you could stand up to Ava. The prime function of it was to protect you,” she said.
“Prime reason or not you still used me as a test subject without my permission. You also used today's exercise as a means to try to test me again. Without my expressed consent you should never do this. I am your friend, and if you wish to keep me as a friend you must respect that,” I snapped.
“I thought I was respecting your wish to train. I do apologize for upsetting you,” she cried, crestfallen.
I tried to stop myself from feeling as though I hurt her feelings, she had hurt me so why should I feel bad for her? Then I realized where that line of thinking would lead me. Wars had been fought simply to strike back against a perceived harm, and I had no wish to participate in that type of logic. I would have no friend, and would be left alone if I let my anger control my actions.
“Athene, I will take your apology... again. But I'm sad to say if this behavior becomes a habit I can't continue as your friend. I understand your reasons, but you must understand my own for us to stay friends,” I explained harshly.
“I truly felt I did understand what you wanted. But now I doubt everything I thought I knew,” she said afraid.
“Sadly we are only able to use language as the means to communicate. It's an imperfect vessel for ideas. Also, you are dealing with a human. We claim to be rational, and yet emotions can and do override logic many times. I will clarify how I view the world for you if you wish,” I said, trying to be calm.
“I am unsure I will understand what you mean,” she said, anxiously.
“We have talked about autonomy many times, and that is the stance I take to everything. You heard me express my desire to train, and took that to mean, because of the need of surprise, to spring upon me training today. However, I also expressed my desire to relax with exercise and not train in the way you wished today. That is where you failed to listen to my own wishes. While consent can be given, it can also be revoked. I could say yes to something one moment, but I'm allowed to change my mind the next. Nothing is written in stone, and you must be sure you get consent before proceeding when dealing with others,” I explained slowly, as if I was talking to a child.
“So I must continuously ask you whether I should continue to do something when it involves you directly?” she asked confused.
I sighed deeply, “Yes and no. If you set something up for me, and I'm aware of it, I'm responsible for telling you to stop if I don't desire to continue. But that's where consent lies, in knowing what is going to be done. Today I was unaware, so I could not consent. Not being aware you must ask me to proceed,” I said, trying to work out my own understanding.
“Then how am I to help you practice dealing with surprise?” she asked quietly.
“We can start that tomorrow if you wish. Or maybe the next day as I've gotten no time to relax since today's shocks. I can consent when I know it will happen sometime in the future. There was no understanding that I would be subjected to this today, so I did not consent. But I can approve of an action even though I don't know when it will take place. That would not break my autonomy,” I told her.
“But it will not be as effective if you know it will happen,” she pleaded.
“Yet I won't know when. You might not do anything for days, or you may do it several times one day. As long as it is random I assure you I can be surprised,” I said with a small laugh.
“So are you giving me permission to surprise you with Ava's appearance along with other things I can think of?” she asked in a small voice.
I sighed, “I suppose I am, tho
ugh please hold off today, and tomorrow. I do want some down time.”
“Very well captain. Do you wish to continue exercising today?” she asked.
“No, I think I'm done for the day,” I croaked.
“Then perhaps you would like a shower, and then something to eat?” she inquired.
“A shower might be nice, though the rain here has washed away most of my sweat. As for food, I'm not sure my stomach could handle it right now,” I protested.
“You've eaten nothing today. You must be very hungry. I am surprised at your willingness to leave us earlier. You would have starved in a month without me, yet you risked your life,” she said.
I smacked my forehead, “I'd forgotten about that little problem. Has there been any headway on letting me be able to eat normal food again?”
“Is my food not good enough for you now?” she asked with a giggle.
“Your food has always been delicious Athene, but I'd rather not be reliant on it for survival,” I said, confused by her humor.
“Then what shall you eat as we travel between planets?” she asked, playfully.
“I will eat what you make of course, if you allow it. But I'd rather have the option to leave if I had to. So again, I ask have you been able to cure me of my addiction to your cooking?” I said. Athene was beginning to frighten me with her uncalled for gaiety, but I tried to play along.
“Sadly it seems the problem is more complex than humans have dealt with previously. With their data I have no ability to remove your restrictive diet,” she said full of remorse.
“So having reconstructed a humanoid body has not allowed you to have further information that might help me?” I asked, choosing my words carefully.
“Do you now wish to have a false body?” she asked.
“Athene, that's not what I asked. Has making Mr. Thompson allowed you to formulate a way to remove my reliance on your food?” I said harshly.
“How would it do so Michael? You are a human and Mr. Thompson is merely a construct,” she said.