The Culmination (The Club Series Book 4)

by Lauren Rowe

  “Great.”

  He pulls out his phone, scrolls for a second, and pushes a button. “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran comes on over the sound system.

  We sit listening for a moment, staring at the babies and each other.

  “When’s your mom gonna be here?” Jonas asks.

  I look at my watch. “In a couple hours. She said she’d stay overnight for a full week, if we want.” I look down at Sunny, nursing serenely from my breast, and then at Luna, sleeping soundly in her father’s muscular arms. “But I think I might tell her we don’t need her to stay overnight, after all. This parent-thing seems like it’s gonna be a piece of cake.”

  Chapter 38

  Sarah

  “Shit just got real,” I say, handing a shrieking Sunny to Jonas. I scoop up Luna, who also happens to be screaming her little lungs out, and settle into a chair to nurse her. Oh good Lord, my children are screaming in stereo. I’m trembling with adrenaline and sleep deprivation and milk production and the physical need to soothe my hysterical love monkeys.

  “Shh, baby,” I say to Luna, frantically trying to pull down the flap on my nursing nightgown, but she’s practically lurching out of my hands with her distress. “Oh my God, baby. You’re acting like a lunatic. Luna the Lunatic.” I fumble with my maternity bra, trying to get the poor girl what she wants, but apparently my fingers don’t work at maximum capacity when there are small humans shrieking like banshees in my ears.

  “When did Sunny eat last?” Jonas says, patting Sunny’s back and bouncing up and down. “Is she hungry, you think?”

  “I just fed her an hour ago. Maybe she has gas? Try burping her.”

  Luna’s cries are gaining steam, making me feel like my brain is short-circuiting. I finally manage to free my breast for her, but before she can get down to business, milk literally spurts out of my nipple and shoots across the room in a long, white stream.

  “Whoa, circus tricks,” Jonas says. “You’re really digging this squirting-in-the-nursery thing, huh?”

  “This isn’t funny, Jonas.” I scowl at him. “This is Armageddon right here, dude.”

  Jonas laughs, totally unfazed by my bitchiness, God bless him.

  I offer my breast to Luna, but she’s so distressed, she can’t calm down enough to suck on it. She throws her head back and howls, her little nostrils flaring. “Oh, come on, mamacita. Please.”

  “Maybe Lu just needs a diaper change?”

  “No, she’s definitely hungry.”

  “Why are you crying, Sunshine?” Jonas coos, laying Sunny down on the changing table. “Whoa! I think I know why Sunny’s bawling. Holy shit, literally.”

  My mom appears in the doorway, bleary-eyed. “What can I do to help, queridos?” The poor woman is sleeping standing up.

  “Thanks, Mom. It’s okay. Get some sleep this time and we’ll let Jonas sleep next time.”

  “I don’t need sleep, baby,” Jonas says. “I’m a droid, remember?”

  “But you’ve got to work in the morning.”

  “Meh, it’s okay. My boss is a super cool guy.” He winks.

  God, I love this man.

  “Honey, I’m here to help,” my mom says. “Put me to work.”

  “Thanks, Gloria,” Jonas says. “Could you grab me a footie sleeper from the drawer? Sunny’s exploded like a grenade over here. I think she just passed half her body weight.”

  “Here you go,” my mom says, handing Jonas the pajamas.

  All of a sudden, the babies’ wails synch up perfectly. It’s a perfect storm of baby-shrieking in stereo, a primal call from the wild. I start laughing. But it’s the kind of laughter that comes right before a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown bursts into tears. I try to entice Luna to latch onto my nipple again, but she’s too wound up to focus. “Shhh, baby,” I say softly to Luna. “Here you go. Shhh. Come on.”

  “Should I heat up a bottle?” Mom offers.

  “Yeah, that’d be good. Sunny will be hungry soon, anyway, so we’ll probably need it.”

  “How ’bout you take diaper duty, Gloria?” Jonas says. “And I’ll get the bottle.”

  Mom takes over with Sunny at the changing table, and Jonas practically sprints out of the room like a prisoner of war set free.

  “Coward!” I yell to Jonas’ back.

  “Sorry not sorry!” he calls back to me, quickly disappearing down the hallway.

  “That man is absolutely fearless,” I say, “except when it comes to baby poop.”

  Mom chuckles. “Well, if you saw this diaper, you wouldn’t blame him.”

  “Oh, I’m sure I’ve seen my share of diapers just like it.”

  Luna finally latches onto my nipple and begins sucking voraciously, and milk begins gushing into her mouth. “Oh, thank God,” I mumble, melting into my chair.

  Mom sits in the glider across from me with Sunny. She sticks her pinky into Sunny’s crying mouth, and Sunny instantly begins sucking it and calms down.

  We stare at each other in the blessed silence for a long beat.

  “Holy crappola. Did I actually birth eighty babies and not realize it? What am I—a sea turtle? This is insanity.”

  Mom chuckles. “Things will get easier. I promise.”

  At my mom’s reassuring words, tears spring into my eyes.

  “Aw, Sarah.” Mom flashes me a look of empathy. “I’ll stay with you guys until Rosario comes next week, okay? Don’t worry, mi hija. The first few weeks are the hardest.”

  I sigh with relief. “Thanks, Mom.”

  Mom is obviously suppressing a smile. “So are you starting to think you might let Rosario pitch in with the babies now and again? Or are you still bound and determined to do everything yourself?”

  I glare at her. Leave it to Mom to sound so sweet while calling me a frickin’ idiot. “Maybe,” I reply, trying to keep my face neutral.

  Mom shakes her head. “Jonas is right. You can be stubborn to a fault.”

  I roll my eyes. “Just don’t let Jonas hear you say that. I’m so sleep-deprived and crabby, I guarantee you I’m not gonna be gracious when he says ‘I told you so.’”

  “Well, he did tell you so.”

  I twist my mouth. “I realize that. Thank you.”

  “He’s such a good man, Sarah.”

  “I know. He’s the absolute best.” Tears well up in my eyes again. Oh, jeez. What’s with the waterworks lately? “I’m really happy—you know that, right?” I say, wiping my eyes. “I don’t know what’s with these constant tears.”

  “Oh, honey.” She sighs. “Look, no one ever talks about it, but this motherhood thing is hard. It’s an adjustment. You’re allowed to be overwhelmed and sleep-deprived and even a little bit blue.”

  Well, damn. She just described every emotion I’ve been feeling this past week since the babies finally came home—emotions that have made me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I’ve got everything I’ve ever dreamed about and more—so why have I been feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat? “Thanks, Mom.” I wipe my eyes again. “Yeah, I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed.”

  “Perfectly natural,” Mom says firmly. “No one could adjust overnight to having a baby, let alone twins.”

  I swallow hard. “Mom, I don’t think I’m gonna come back to work.”

  She doesn’t miss a beat. “I know that, love.”

  “You do?”

  “Of course.”

  “But you always worked.”

  “Because I had to. There was no choice for me. But you have choices—infinite choices. Just follow your heart, my love. Let the truth be your guide.”

  I pause, letting my mother’s words wash over me. “Thanks, Mom. I’m gonna add that to the girls’ Wall of Wisdom, right next to Gandhi and Audrey Hepburn.”

  Mom smiles.

  “I thought you were gonna be upset with me,” I say quietly.

  “For what? For wanting to stay home with your babies?” Mom asks. “Oh, Sarah. You’ve got me all wrong. I fight f
or women every day because I want them to have options. I want them to be whoever they want to be, whatever that means. And that goes for my own daughter, too.” She flashes me a sympathetic smile. “Querida, you’ve got choices and resources and a husband most women can only dream about. You’ve got the chance to figure out who you are and what you want and to live that truth. Don’t waste that precious opportunity by trying to be the person you think someone else wants you to be. Even if that someone else is your mother.”

  Every drop of anxiety I’ve been feeling for the past week has just vanished. “Thank you, Mom.”

  She nods. “Sarah, you’re my daughter. My greatest hope in life is your happiness—whatever form that takes. You’re the only one who knows what happiness means to you.”

  I look down at Luna who’s nursing happily and a tidal wave of motherly love crashes into me. Looking at her serene little face, warm and safe in my arms, I know exactly what happiness means to me—it’s depicted on the walls of this room.

  When Jonas enters the room, bottle in hand, Mom and I are rocking serene, quiet babies. “Wow,” Jonas says softly. “Looks like I should leave the room more often.” He hands me the bottle. “What’d you do you to them—drug them?”

  “No, we just went Latina on their little tiny asses,” I say.

  Mom laughs.

  “Amazing.”

  “What’d I tell you, Jonas? This whole baby thing’s gonna be easy as pie.”

  Chapter 39

  Jonas

  Sunny screams with laughter.

  “Do it again, baby,” Sarah squeals, holding up her iPhone. “I wanna get it on video this time.”

  I dip into another push-up, kissing Sunny’s nose underneath me, and Sunny giggles wildly again, right on cue.

  “Oh my God, this is hilarious. Hang on,” Sarah says, scooping up Luna from the blanket on the floor next to her. I remain propped up in a plank position hovering over Sunny, making crazy faces at her, waiting for whatever Sarah’s about to do.

  Sarah lays Luna’s naked belly onto my bare back. “Okay, Daddy,” Sarah says, holding up her iPhone again. “Resume.”

  I dip down into another push-up, kissing Sunny underneath me, and she screams with laughter. And when I push back up, Luna starts giggling from atop my back. I do it again, this time gaining speed, and both girls shriek with glee. I do it again. And again. Same result both times. Giggles and gurgles and squeals and shrieks swirl all around me. Up and down I go, up and down—creating happiness no matter which direction my body moves. Oh my God, my babies are laughing so hard, I think they’re going to piss themselves.

  Soon, I’m laughing too hard to continue. “Grab Lu,” I choke out. “I can’t.”

  Sarah grabs Luna off my back, laughing pretty hard herself, and lays Luna on her back underneath me, right next to her giggling sister.

  “Am I funny?” I ask the girls, and they giggle.

  “You should do baby-stand-up,” Sarah says. “Apparently, you’re freakin’ hysterical.”

  “Well, yeah, if your name happens to be Sunny or Luna Faraday, I’m hilarious.”

  “Or Sarah Faraday. I think you’re hilarious, too.”

  “Yeah, but you think I’m funny when I’m not trying to be.”

  Sarah shrugs. “True.”

  I dip into another push-up, this time blowing a raspberry onto Sunny’s bare belly as I do, and she screams with delight. I lower back down again and blow a raspberry onto Luna’s potbelly, right onto her poked-out little belly button, and she looks at me in complete silence like I’m from Mars.

  Sarah and I burst out laughing at Luna’s perplexed expression.

  I sit on the floor, right next to the babies, buckled over laughing and Sarah sits down next to me, collapsing into my side.

  “My sides hurt,” she gasps. “That was so freakin’ hilarious. She looked at you like, ‘What the bleep?’”

  I wipe my eyes. “Oh my God,” I breathe. “She’s so fucking funny.”

  Sunny giggles spontaneously.

  “Fucking funny,” I say to her gently. “So fucking funny.”

  “Don’t, Jonas. Soon they’re gonna be old enough to start repeating that.”

  “Aw, come on. We’re a long ways away from that. Let me have my fun for a little bit longer.” I flash Sunny a silly look. “So fucking funny.”

  Sunny giggles uproariously.

  “Jonas,” Sarah says, but she’s obviously as amused as I am.

  “What the heck are you laughing about, Sunshine?” I say. “Do you think your daddy’s a flaming idiot like Luna does?”

  She giggles again.

  “Don’t you wonder what she’s thinking?” I ask.

  “Oh, no doubt she’s coming up with jokes for her comedy tour,” Sarah says. She pulls Sunny onto her lap and holds her like a ventriloquist’s dummy. “Aren’t mommy’s weird? Take my mom... Please.”

  I laugh.

  “You think your mom’s embarrassing?” Sarah continues, talking in her chipper Sunny-voice and pulling an imaginary string at the back of Sunny’s head. “Well, my mom sniffs my butt—in public!”

  “Ba-dam-sssh,” I say. I pick up Luna and position her on my lap as my own ventriloquist’s dummy, the same way Sarah’s holding Sunny. “Knock, knock,” I say in a bored, intellectual voice, the one we always use for Luna.

  “Who’s there?” Sarah asks in her cheery-Sunny voice.

  “A-hole,” I say, still in Luna’s voice.

  Sarah laughs. “A-hole who?”

  “A... whole bunch of poop in my diaper!”

  Sarah bursts out laughing.

  “What did you think I was gonna say?” I ask, speaking for Luna again. “I’m a bay-bay. I don’t know curse words yet.”

  “It’s only a matter of time, sissy, with a daddy like ours,” Sarah says in Sunny’s voice. “Pretty soon, you’re gonna tell daddy he’s so fucking funny!”

  I’m laughing too hard to reply.

  “Hey, Luna!” Sarah says in her happy Sunny-voice, pulling that imaginary string at the back of Sunny’s head again.

  “Yes, Sunny?” I ask, tilting Luna’s body toward her sister like she’s leaning in to hear a secret.

  “Ya wanna hear a joke, sissy?”

  I take Luna’s hand and bring it to her mouth, like she’s yawning. “Awwwwwhhhh,” I say for Luna. “I suppose. But you’d better make it quick. I’m teaching a seminar on development and poverty reduction through micro-finance in a few minutes.”

  Sarah hoots with laughter at that one and keeps on laughing for a solid minute before she pulls herself together enough to make Sunny’s voice again. “What did the baby say after breastfeeding?”

  “What?” I say on Luna’s behalf, making her sound bored as hell again.

  Sarah can’t get the rest out. She’s laughing too hard.

  I sit and stare at her for two minutes while she cries with laughter. Finally, she pulls herself together. “What did the baby say after breastfeeding?” she repeats, still laughing.

  “What?” I say in my Luna-voice. “Tell me already for the love of God.”

  “Nothing! Nothing at all! The baby puked, pooped, and then fell fast asleep at her mommy’s boobies! And it was totes awesome!”

  “I waited ten minutes for that?”

  Sarah nods, once again incapable of coherent speech.

  “You’re such a dork, Sarah Faraday.”

  Sarah beams at me. “Thank you. Back at you, baby.”

  I turn Luna toward me. “How are we supposed to tolerate this kind of banal humor, Daddy?” I ask myself in Luna’s intellectual voice. “I don’t know,” I reply in my own, deep voice. “It’s totally beneath us.” I whip Luna back around and tilt her back like she’s looking me up and down. “Wait a cotton pickin’ minute,” I say in Luna’s voice. “This whole time I thought the one with the delicious boobies was holding me! What the heck! Give me to the one with the massive tits!”

  Sarah and I both laugh hysterically.

&nbs
p; “Oh my God,” Sarah says. “My sides hurt.” She takes a deep breath, gathering herself enough to carry on. “Aw, come on, Lu,” Sarah says in Sunny’s cheery voice, moving Sunny’s hand to make it point at me in scolding motion. “That big mountain over there without titties is our sweet daddy. He may not have boobies, it’s true, but he has big, strong muscles. And a heart the size of the Grand Canyon. Oh, and he’s a super-smart-fancy-pants-mogul dude, too—he’s even been on the cover of some important magazines and stuff—so let’s at least give him a chance.”

  “Do muscles fill my belly, you imbecile?” I ask in Luna’s voice. I pause so that Sarah can gently squeeze Sunny’s little rosebud mouth into an “O” of pure shock. “Does a heart the size of the Grand Canyon help me write my thesis on The Affective Recognition in Multilingual Chinese-Canadian Literature?”

  Sarah bursts out laughing again and then pivots Sunny back and forth like she’s shaking her head in shame. “Naw. I guess not, sissy. I sowwy. Pwease fo-give me.”

  “That’s what I thought,” I say, continuing with Luna’s bossy affect. “Pull your shit together, Sunny. I’m tired of carrying you on my fucking back all the time.” I turn Luna back to face me again. “And you. Listen here, you meathead. I’ve been exceedingly patient and tolerant about your obvious idiocy and non-lactating nipples. Now, for the love of all things holy, give me to the one with the big ol’ titties!”

  Sarah screams with laughter and I join her—which, of course, makes Sunny laugh hysterically, too. We’re all having so much fun; even Luna’s smiling and giggling. Sort of.

  “Good to know I married as big a weirdo as me,” Sarah says.

  “Well, if this is weird then I don’t ever wanna be normal,” I reply.

  “I could do this all day long. Literally.”

  “I think we have been doing this all day, literally,” I say. I look at my watch. “Yeah. Pretty much all day.”

  “Weren’t we planning to do something productive today?” Sarah asks. “Didn’t we have somewhere we were supposed to go?”

  “Yeah, actually. I think there was a fundraiser for the children’s hospital we were supposed to attend.” I shrug. “But, meh, I’ll just triple my donation. I’d rather be here with the three loves of my life, telling knock-knock jokes, than putting on a tuxedo and making small talk.”