Arranged

by Jennifer Kittredge

  “I hope we can too. I may need some time. Leaving you won’t be easy for me. I’ve grown accustomed to seeing you every day.”

  “I understand. I hope we can find a new normal somehow.”

  “I can only tell you that I will try. That’s all I can give you right now.”

  “I’ll take whatever I can get.” He paused for a long moment, his eyes staring intently into mine. His brow furrowed, then he closed his eyes briefly, as if searching for words. When he reopened them, they were filled with remorse.

  “I’m sorry I can’t give you more, Sydney,” he whispered almost inaudibly.

  I smiled weakly at him. My heart pounded. I wondered if he could hear it. I sipped my wine, afraid of what words might tumble from my mouth if I didn’t think about them before I spoke.

  “You made me no promises, Mr. Andrews. Let’s just enjoy our last few days together as Mr. and Mrs. Cheers, to a very successful business arrangement.” I forced a smile, lifting my glass to chink with his.

  A devilish smile spread across his face, the one that made me think naughty thoughts.

  “Cheers, Mrs. Andrews. Since we are still husband and wife for a few more days, I have a few things in mind.”

  “Is that so?”

  “That’s so.”

  He stepped toward me. Taking my wine glass from my hand, he dipped his head, his mouth covering mine. It didn’t matter that my heart was slowly breaking in two. My body always responded to Sam. He was like a magnet, producing this invisible magnetic field that my body couldn’t resist. Our kiss always intensified quickly, and tonight was no different. I had reached a place of taking everything I could get, knowing there was so little time left.

  “Tell me what you want, Mrs. Andrews.” His eyes blazed with desire.

  I didn’t hesitate. “You. I always want you.”

  My long hair hung down my back. Sam began to twist it in his hand. Gripping it gently, he pulled my head back.

  “The things I want to do to you, Mrs. Andrews.”

  “Do them,” I challenged, need and the knowledge of the loneliness to come making me bold.

  I had no idea what he wanted to do to me, but as always, I was a willing participant. Sam had unleashed a sexual side of me I never knew existed. I had no doubt, there would be no other man who could ever satisfy me the way he did.

  He led me down to the yacht. Quietly, he pushed the door open and helped me in. The boat was illuminated by only the moon, which cast a beautiful soft glow into the cabin. It only enhanced the mood and my desire for him. I turned to find him standing directly behind me. As he brought his hand to my face, I turned my cheek into it, his touch tantalizing all my senses. My skin sizzled. He slid his thumb slowly across my bottom lip, and I took it in my mouth, sucking gently. Removing his thumb, he moved it slowly down my chin and between my breasts, finishing between the apex of my thighs. I inhaled quickly as his hand drifted under my skirt, my bare skin tingling with anticipation.

  In a sure but gentle move, he slipped his fingers beneath my panties. They glided into me, and I moaned as he moved them expertly in and out.

  “So incredible, Sydney,” he breathed into my ear.

  Moving my hand to the front of his pants, I ran my palm over his bulge. He walked me backwards toward the couch, never taking his fingers out of me. He sat, his face at eye level with my stomach. I groaned when he removed his fingers from me. Using both hands, he moved my skirt up to my waist. Without a word, he removed my underwear and helped me step out of them, one foot at a time.

  “Straddle me, Mrs. Andrews,” he commanded as he released the top button of his pants and undid the zipper. His bulging manhood sprang free. I licked my lips, my eyes tracing his length in anticipation.

  “Look at me, Mrs. Andrews.”

  I lifted my gaze up to his.

  “Now straddle me. Don’t break eye contact.”

  Wow. That was all I could think as I placed my right knee beside him. Lifting my left leg, I bent it, letting myself glide gently down his hard shaft.

  “Ah.”

  “You feel fantastic as always, Mrs. Andrews. I love how you feel enveloped around me.”

  My hips moved instinctively, the need in me bubbling over. Our motions become one, eyes locked on one another, the rhythm of our bodies making beautiful music together. My eyes couldn’t help but close, the pleasure of feeling him inside me taking over my body.

  “Open your eyes, Sydney.”

  I did. The intensity of his eye contact alarmed me. I felt as though he could see into my soul, reading the truth of my heart. I wanted to ask him so many things, like why couldn’t he love me, but I knew it was better not to. I didn’t want to hear the answer. At least not the answer I knew I’d receive. I had opened this door of intimacy. I walked right through it, so now, I had to live with the consequences.

  Not taking his eyes off me, he undid each button of my blouse and let it float to the floor. Cupping my breasts in his hands, he pushed them together, pinching each nipple between his fingertips. I moved up on my knees, letting myself drift slowly down on him again, trembling slightly as he moved deeper inside me. He suddenly flipped me over so I was on my back as he adjusted himself between my legs. He took my skirt off, then pulled his trousers down his legs, kicking them off so we were almost skin to skin. After pulling his shirt over his head, he removed my bra, then crawled slowly up between my legs. Our bare skin sizzled as he thrust into me. With each pounding, the familiar feeling at the base of my belly made me tremble. I moaned, tilting my hips so he filled me completely.

  Wanting to squeeze my eyes shut, I concentrated instead on the beautiful greens eyes staring back at me to keep my focus.

  “Come with me, Sydney.”

  “Yes.” His words alone nearly undid me.

  As he pumped harder, my belly clenched, and my thighs quaked with the onset of my climax.

  “That’s it, Sydney. Come for me.”

  I let myself go. Thunderous spasms ripped through me as I soared on the bliss of my orgasm. Sam penetrated deeply inside me as he called out my name. He collapsed on top of me, and we lay there for a long time, not saying a word. I let my fingers caress his back gently as our breathing returned to normal. I would miss this close physical proximity that I had grown to love. This oneness that I felt when we are together.

  Leaning up on his forearms, he brought his lips to mine.

  “I’m going to miss you, Mrs. Andrews.”

  Caught off guard, I sighed heavily. “I’m going to miss you too.”

  “If only I were a different man.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If I were different, there could be a possibility of us. But because I don’t believe anything lasts, I won’t subject myself to that again. People always leave.”

  “People don’t always leave, Sam. Look at your grandparents. They loved one another for a very long time.” Hope bubbled up in me. Perhaps there was a chance for us after all.

  “They seem to be the exception to the rule. My generation seems to dispose easily of others. It’s as if they get bored or tired, so go after what they deem to be better. It’s become a vicious cycle. I don’t want any part of it. I’ve had my share.”

  “So, you’ll remain a bachelor for fear of being hurt again?”

  “Self-preservation. I wish I could be more like you, Sydney. I wish I could believe in happily ever after.”

  “You still could.”

  He kissed my forehead before sitting up between my legs.

  “I could. I’m just not willing to. The damage has been done. You can thank Lena and Marcus for that.”

  “You’re letting them win.”

  “Perhaps, but I’m also saving myself from being hurt again.”

  “I have a feeling there’s more to it than that, Sam.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I was frustrated as I tried to express myself accurately.

  “I mean, I think you don’t believe you’re worthy of a
good, true love. You think because you’ve had your heart trampled on, there must be something wrong with you, so you don’t deserve a healthy love.”

  He cocked his head to the side as if pondering what I just said.

  “Maybe you should go talk to someone about it. You’re missing out.”

  “You are like no other. Mrs. Andrews,” he said, smiling down at me.

  He was right, I wasn’t like the other women he associated with. I wished that were enough for him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  My heart was heavy when I woke up in the morning. Last night’s conversation with Sam, today’s funeral service, and knowing I’d be leaving on Monday was almost too much to bear. I pried myself out of bed to get ready for the day. Knowing it would be a long, emotional one, I moved slowly, as if I could make time slow down by not moving too fast. It obviously didn’t work so I was agitated by the time I reached the kitchen. Expecting to see Sam, I was surprised when I found the kitchen empty.

  As I busied myself grabbing a cup of coffee, I heard loud voices from behind me. I couldn’t make out exactly who it was, so I followed the sound toward Sam’s office. The voices sounded upset, one frustrated and the other pleading. The frustrated voice was Sam’s. I could make it out clearly, but the pleading voice had me perplexed. It was definitely a woman’s voice—which, of course, piqued my interest. I drew closer to the door, hoping to make out what they were saying.

  “Please, Sam. Just hear me out.”

  “I’m not interested in hearing you out. The damage has been done.”

  Even though I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, I couldn’t help myself. My curiosity got the best of me as I crept closer to the door.

  “Sam, please. I know you don’t like him but he’s your family. I’m your family. We need your help.”

  Oh, my God. It was Lena. Why in the world was she pleading with Sam? The door swung open and there I stood, more than likely looking like a deer in the headlights, holding my cup of coffee.

  “I’m sorry, I heard voices from the kitchen,” I stammered.

  “Sydney,” said Lena almost pleasantly.

  “Lena was just leaving,” Sam said gruffly, motioning for her to walk out the door.

  As I stepped back to let her pass by me, Sam’s eyes bored into mine. What the heck did I do besides eavesdrop a little? He was the one holed up in his office with his ex. Not that I had any right to be jealous, seeing as our marriage was a complete sham, though I couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy that rose up in me.

  I watched Sam closely as he showed her out the front door. He stood with his back to me, running his hand through his hair. I’d been around him long enough now to know this was his signature move when he was frustrated or focusing.

  When he turned toward me, I grinned awkwardly.

  “We need to leave in twenty minutes.”

  He stalked past me into his office and shut the door. I immediately felt wounded. He’d never treated me with anything but respect, and now, he’d completely shut me out, like I was a complete stranger.

  Angry and hurt, I walked back to the kitchen and dumped my coffee into the sink. I couldn’t choke it down if I’d tired. My heart felt heavier than ever now, knowing something between Sam and I had shifted since last night.

  Twenty minutes later, we were in the car, headed to the church. I sat silently, made acutely uncomfortable by the shifted boundaries between us. Sam had said a scant few words to me all morning. The air between us was so thick that if I’d had a knife, I could cut it. I refused to be the first one to speak. While part of me knew it seemed petty, the way he’d treated me this morning had my defenses up.

  I stepped out of the car before he could come around to help me. If he wanted to act like I didn’t exist, I could do the same. Two could play his game. I made a bee-line toward the entrance of the church. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible, knowing I would have to put up a front when everyone arrived for the service.

  “Sydney,” he called out from behind me.

  I ignored him and kept moving forward.

  “Sydney, please.”

  I didn’t stop. I couldn’t bear to face him. My emotions had bubbled to the surface, and if I turned around, they would spill over. I made it inside the church before he could catch up with me. I spotted Julia standing at the front with Gram, so I rushed toward them. By the time Sam had reached me, I was deep in conversation with his mom. I could feel his eyes on me, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of looking back at him. He didn’t deserve it.

  “We have about thirty minutes before they open the doors to the public. I have a feeling there will be quite a turnout.”

  “You would be correct, Gram. The parking lot is full of cars already.”

  Sam took her hand, leading her to the first pew so that she could take her seat. We all settled in beside her, filling the entire row. I sat next to Julia, and Sam was on my left, with Lena and Marcus next to him. We looked like one big happy but grieving family to the outside world, when in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I felt like an imposter, even though I had come to love Sam’s mom and gram like family.

  The day was a beautiful celebration of life for a man who had been well loved by an entire community. Hundreds of people came out to pay their respects to the family. I heard wonderful stories of Pop’s philanthropy. It warmed my heart, knowing how important it had been for him to help others. Being around so many people today was a good distraction from Sam. With both of us speaking with guests, he couldn’t try to get my attention and talk with me. I felt his eyes on me often, though, and it took everything in my power not to turn around and look at him. I knew that if I did, I would crumble.

  The church service ended promptly at one, and it was time to head to Gram’s house. Those at the service had been invited back for a light lunch and refreshments. I dreaded the car ride with Sam. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his silent treatment again. This morning, I’d seen a completely different side of him, one that I actually didn’t like at all. This was the side I had imagined when I’d first met him, yet he’d been the complete opposite. What changed overnight that he was now treating me as if I didn’t exist?

  “Ready, Mrs. Andrews?” The sound of his voice put me on edge. I turned, gave him a weak smile, and walked past him toward his car.

  “Sydney.”

  I kept walking, not wanting to cause a scene. He caught up to me as I reached for the passenger side door handle.

  “Sydney, please,” he whispered.

  “Don’t, Sam. Please. Just don’t. I don’t know what I’ve done to have you completely turn against me and treat me as if I don’t exist, but this isn’t the appropriate time or place. Now, please, just let me in the damn car.”

  I was flustered and pissed. Not a great combination. Normally, when I was like this, tears were right around the corner. He opened the door for me without saying a word. I climbed in, ignoring his outstretched hand. I felt him slide in next to me, but I had my face turned toward the window, not giving him any attention.

  “Sydney, I apologize for my behavior.”

  I remained silent, waiting for him to say more. When he didn’t, I didn’t bother with a response. We rode in silence for the fifteen-minute drive, and I hopped out of the car before he even turned it off. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible. At this point, tears were threatening, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting them fall.

  The afternoon went by easily enough. I kept myself distracted by conversing with as many guests as I could. By the time five o’clock rolled around, all the guests had departed, except for Sam’s immediate family. I’d managed to keep my distance from him, although there were a few instances where people wanted to meet the woman who tamed Sam’s heart, so I had to play nice. Now that everyone was gone, I didn’t feel like playing nice anymore. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to get away from my “fake” family, my “fake” husband, and my “real” feel
ings.

  “Sydney, would you like a glass of wine? I thought we could go sit out back.”

  It was Julia. As much as I want to say no, I didn’t. I’d come to really love this woman, so a glass of wine out back with her actually sounded nice.

  “Sure. I’d love that.”

  She poured us each a glass, motioning for me to follow her. We found seats at the table, opposite the pool. The view was expansive, looking over a beautifully manicured lawn and an even more spectacular garden.

  “I love it out here,” she said.

  “It’s very beautiful.”

  “The garden is Gram’s. She works on it as much as she can. I have a feeling she’ll be in there a lot more now, to help her cope with her grief.”

  I smiled, not sure how to respond.

  “How are you, Sydney? I don’t mean to pry, but I noticed you and Sam haven’t really been speaking today.”

  My eyes grew wide as I took a long sip of my wine.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just know I’m here if you ever need to talk. Being Sam’s mom, I know a very different side of him, one he cut off from the rest of the world years ago—that is, until he met you.”

  I gave her a weak smile. “I don’t see that I’ve made much difference in his life, Julia.”

  “Sweet girl, if you could see what I see, you’d know you’ve given him a new lease on life. After what Marcus and Lena did to him, he closed himself off to any kind of authentic relationship. They were all superficial. He kept everyone at arm’s length, then you came into his world and he changed.”

  “I wish I could believe that.”

  “Don’t give up on him so easily, Sydney. He’s been damaged and has put up thick walls, but I don’t believe he’s been so damaged that he’ll let you slip through his fingers.”

  “Thank you, Julia,” was all I can manage.

  I didn’t want to say more. I felt as though I was already betraying him by having said what I did.