by Dianne Drake
“You still could have done better.”
“And the beads.”
“Ah, yes. The deal-maker. Free beads. I could have got you free bandanas and twice as many free beads for the price you paid.”
“Are you trying to start something, Gideon?” she asked lightly.
“I don’t know,” he responded, his voice rich and serious. “Do you want to?”
Suddenly, the moment she’d dreaded and wanted and desperately craved was so thick between them she could barely breathe. She’d fantasized about this almost from the first moment she’d known she was going to see Gideon again, so it may have been inevitable. She didn’t know. But here it was and the decision was hers to make, the first move her choice. She wanted it, and nothing in her would be so silly as to deny what she wanted when she could, at last, have it. They were adults after all, they knew what they were doing. And they were so good at it. Yet she was unexpectedly nervous…almost as nervous as their first time together nearly eight years ago.
Of course, that had turned out to be a surprise—a nice one. A night that had spoiled her for anyone but Gideon.
Now, though…Lorna swallowed back the jittery lump in her throat. “Yes,” she said. “I want to.” And there was no hesitation or indecision. Because she did want this…want Gideon…in more ways than she’d ever counted on.
Without waiting for a further invitation, Gideon threw back his sheet then crossed over and climbed into Lorna’s bed. When she turned over to look at him in the one dim light next to his bed, he was grinning over at her and arching his eyebrows and…She knew the look. Remembered it so well. Had always fallen for it. Was falling for it now.
“Gideon, are you sure…?” The air was suddenly electrified with what came next. It always came next, and she had no will to fight what she needed so badly from him. And only from Gideon. Always and only from Gideon.
“You’re still dressed,” he growled, pushing back the sheet.
“Then do something about it.” She was already molding herself to the hard lines of his physique…lines that had always fit to her so well. Lines that fit her like nothing in her life ever had. Or ever would.
Positioning himself over her, Gideon lifted Lorna’s hair and lowered his lips to the back of her neck, with a trail of tiny, sizzling kisses going from left to right. She gasped as he moved around to her most sensitive spot, and loved that he remembered how his kisses there had never failed to draw a shiver from her.
“I love it when you do that,” he whispered.
“So do I, love it when you do that.” She started to move to pull off her shirt, but he stopped her, and for a brief moment just held her pressed close to him. She tilted her head to lean against his shoulder and close her eyes. “I love everything you do,” she whispered, burning with the heady sensation of wanting him. “Always have.” Always will.
“Like this?” His fingers probed under her shirt, pressing into her tingling skin, causing her to moan aloud. A deep, sexy chuckle rumbled in his chest. “I suppose that answers my question, doesn’t it?” he said, moving his hand to ease aside her lacy bra, then allowing his fingers to outline the circle of her breast.
The soft massage to her breasts sent streams of fiery desire flowing through her, and Lorna threw her head back and drew in a long, quivering breath. “Yes” she panted, sliding her hands down between them to stroke him into pleasure the way he pleasured her.
Before she had a chance to do anything more than find the object of her quest, Gideon pulled her up from the bed and with almost frantic hands pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it across the room. The bra came next.
“You were always good at that,” she said, as her bra went flying over to his bed.
He bent to place a light kiss on her breast, then looked up at her, grinning. “Had lots of practice a long time ago.”
“And practice makes perfect.” As he slid his tongue over her nipple, and it pebbled for him, she drew in her breath and held it, savoring the sweet memories, savoring the moment. The touch of his tongue as it made a delicate circle caused her other nipple to pebble in anticipation, and Lorna shut her eyes to savor every last morsel of the sensation. “This is so bad,” she gasped. “What we’re doing, the two of us again…”
“Bad?”
“When bad is good, and good is so bad.”
“Want to see what’s really bad?” he growled as he pulled off her panties.
Thank heavens she’d put on something other than her sensible whites. Had she pulled out the hot pinks because she expected this, or hoped for it? A little subconscious nudge into Gideon’s bed? “I love good,” she purred. “Almost as much as bad.”
He reared back and grinned at her again—a devilish, audacious grin that told her exactly what he was thinking. “And I love to be pleased.” He arched his eyebrows. “By you, being bad. So please me, if you think you can.”
“If I think I can? Since when weren’t you pleased by what I did?” She stared boldly into his eyes as she slipped out from under him and pushed him down into the pillows. “As I recall, you were always very pleased.” She rubbed her hands over his chest, starting at his throat and winding on down across his flat belly, stopping just above his erection. Then she climbed over him, straddling his middle. “And if you want to be pleased by me, you’ll have to do some pleasing yourself.” She rubbed her hands back up his chest as she nestled herself down over him. “Pleasing, Gideon?”
Lorna,” he gasped, his voice so rough and roused it stirred her even more than she already was. It was such a turn-on, being able to do that to him, and with so little effort. And it was even more of a turn-on having him do that to her with even less effort…just one look. “Is it getting bad yet?” she asked, beginning to rock slowly atop him.
“So bad that if you don’t stop…”
“Don’t want to stop, Gideon.”
Gideon groaned, sliding into her rhythm, matching hers to his. Faster and faster…
“Just one time, Gideon,” she gasped, so close to the edge she couldn’t pull back. “Do you understand that? Just this once.”
“Understood,” he also gasped. Then he slipped his hands up around her waist and held onto her as she arched to him while he drove his heat deep inside her.
Over and over, the friction, the rhythm of body meeting body…it built to the release that raked a scream from her lips and a moan from his. Then, even before she’d found normal breath, Lorna looked down at Gideon and smiled. “Well, maybe once more.”
A perfect ending to the night, she thought as he pulled her down to his chest and merely held her there until he was as ready again as she was. More perfect than anything she could ever remember, including every other moment in bed with Gideon Merrill.
As Lorna leaned back into the pillows, so relaxed she could have melted through the sheets, she listened to Gideon’s breathing even out, wondering how perfect could have gotten so much better, and trying not to pay attention to the obvious answer trying to wiggle its way into her thoughts.
CHAPTER NINE
ANOTHER gray day. They’d been hustled into the helicopter far earlier than she’d expected, and now they were back at base camp, life as normal, or at least as normal as it could be under the circumstances. Gideon was directing his rescue work, out with his volunteers on a different site that morning, and she was in the hospital, tending to the steady trickle of new patients coming in.
More rain had come while they’d been making love. More houses washed out, more people to pull out and take to safety. And she and Gideon had made love twice more during it all, like all the years separating them didn’t exist.
Now, this morning, last night was practically reduced to an afterthought. On top of that, Gideon was moody again. Actually, he was barking worse than any of the rescue dogs could bark. And, yes, it did hurt a little. Not that she’d expected anything to come of what they’d done the night before. But, still, they’d gone from pleasant to this, and she simply didn’t know what to think. It
was all either up or down with them, and nothing in between. In the end, they were still a divorced couple who’d never really resolved anything between them. She understood more. And saw her failings in their marriage rather than fixing only on his. That was good. It was also necessary because, as difficult as it was to admit, she shared the blame. Maybe now that she was admitting it, she could truly move on.
There was another admission, though. It had fought its way in all night, and now, in the full light of day, it had its hold. She was in love with Gideon again. Maybe she always had been. Nothing between them had changed, except her feelings. Which wasn’t good because now that she knew why he’d never wanted her to be a journalist, it was foolish to think that he’d changed. Admitting something out loud like he did didn’t alter the facts. His life had been hell because of his parents’ occupation, and deep down he transferred those feelings to her because she shared that similarity to the Merrills.
Sure, they could have an affair, fall in love, fool themselves into thinking that they could work it out this time. But the bottom line would be the same. The root of the problem hadn’t changed. He would live his life resenting her job as a television journalist, and she would live hers always wanting more of Gideon than she could ever have.
So in the end it didn’t matter that she loved him. They couldn’t make a go of it. Again.
“Gideon’s in a mood this morning,” Priscilla commented in passing. She was serving breakfast to the patients while Brian was busy taking vital signs. “I guess he’s taking it pretty hard about Dani. Couldn’t have been easy, breaking the news to her, but I’m glad he was the one to do it. Something like that should never come from a stranger.”
Lorna nodded absently as she took a bowl of something that resembled oatmeal from Priscilla and handed it to Ana Flavia, who was busy trying on the new scarf and sandals Lorna had bought for her in São Paulo. “It was difficult, but it’s always better knowing, and he didn’t want Dani hearing it from someone else.”
“You didn’t film it or anything?” Priscilla asked cautiously.
Still that wariness. She was still the outsider. With them. With Gideon. “No. I didn’t even go in. It was private and I didn’t belong.”
Priscilla gave a little nod. “I didn’t think you would, but a few of the team wondered, as Gideon asked you to go along.”
Purely personal, she wanted to say. I went, we made love. But she didn’t. “I wanted to catch up on some interview questions I haven’t had time to ask him,” she lied. To be honest, she didn’t know why Gideon had asked her along. Thinking it had only been for sex was one thing, but that wasn’t Gideon. He didn’t use people that way—not even an ex-wife. Had he wanted her support through a rough time? Or time to put things right between them? “I’ve still got a little work to finish before I go back.” She was arranging transport out that afternoon. It was for the best. All that muddy water under a very old bridge was getting too deep now that their relationship had taken yet another turn.
“So, did the doctors have a prognosis for Dani’s recovery?” Priscilla asked.
Lorna blinked the image of Gideon away. “Not specifically on how long she’ll be here. But her surgeon thinks she’ll make a full recovery, and she’ll probably be sent back to a rehab center closer to home in about a month.”
“How’s she taking the news about Tom?”
“I imagine it hurts in ways only Dani could understand.”
“I can’t even imagine,” Priscilla said. “I’ve never lost anybody close to me.”
“I have…” Lorna murmured. Losing someone you loved…yes, she could understand that. “I’m sorry,” Priscilla whispered. “I didn’t know.”
“It was a long time ago. And he didn’t die. He just…left my life.”
“Divorce?”
“Five years now.”
“Regrets?”
“About the divorce, no. We weren’t suited to each other. About the marriage…a few. But I landed on my feet, and I’m happy. It was a good decision…the divorce, not the marriage. Sometimes I still wonder what possessed me to do that…the marriage, not the divorce. The follies of raging hormones, I suppose.” Or just plain loving a man she shouldn’t have loved. And that was far stronger than raging hormones.
Priscilla laughed, turning the tone of the conversation from downcast to much lighter, which came as a welcome relief to both women. “One of those relationships.”
“One of those,” Lorna said on a wistful sigh. It was so easy, talking to Priscilla. She hadn’t really had much time for friends. All the hours she spent on her various jobs simply didn’t permit it. But it was nice sitting here, chatting, and under different circumstances she could see herself becoming great friends with Priscilla. Of course, to do that meant involvement with Gideon, and once she left here Gideon would become part of her past. Again. “Came and went before either of us noticed. At the time, you look at divorce as the only way out. And you’re relieved when it’s over so you can get back to your own life.” She looked over at Priscilla. “Except the one thing you don’t realize when you’re going through it is that your own life truly is part of his life. For better or worse, and all the bitter feelings aside, there are good moments, and sometimes it’s so hard to adjust to the fact that you won’t have those good moments again…that they’re over. Out of your life.”
“You loved him when you divorced.” It was a statement, not a question.
“In a way, I suppose I did.” He’d been the father of her child…their child. How could she not love him for that, even if their child had never been born?
“And you never thought about having another go at it? I mean, Jason and I have some terrible fights. Every couple does. But in the end we put whatever we were fighting about into its proper perspective, realize that what we have is far more good than it is bad, and have a good laugh over how silly we were to have the fight. So did you two ever…?”
“Actually, yes. We did get back together briefly. But it didn’t work out. If anything, I think we realized just how far apart we truly are.”
“That’s too bad, Lorna. I like happy endings, and we’re not getting enough of them around here lately. I’m sorry you didn’t get yours…at least, with him.”
Lorna shrugged. “So am I,” she said, on a wistful sigh.
It was a damned waste to lie here in bed. He wasn’t tired. If anything, he was eager for more work. But rules were rules, and this was his time out. If ever there was a time to lead by example, this was it—for the sake of the team. They were grieving, at a loss for what to do, what to say. And now that the work load was down, it was showing on them. Tempers were flaring a bit, his included. Even the always even-tempered Harry Lawson had picked a fight with the even more even-tempered Richard Eggington a little while ago, and Gwen Spencer had all but jumped down Brian Fontaine’s throat. People were edgy, and it wasn’t the time to argue with Jason about taking his mandatory two hours off. So here he was, itching to go back to work, with nothing but empty time ahead of him.
Empty time in which his thoughts were going to be filled with Lorna. Maybe that’s the real reason he objected to this. He didn’t want to think about her. Not after what they’d done.
“I really jumped into it this time,” he said to Max, who immediately rolled over until he was cuddled up next to Gideon. “Knew what I was doing and I did it anyway.” The dog sensed Gideon’s mood, maybe even better than Gideon was sensing it right now. And as if to tell Gideon that everything would be fine, he nuzzled into him and let out a sigh to match Gideon’s. Man and beast. There was a certain contentment there. But not enough to wipe out the mixed emotions surging through him. About Lorna. And Dani. Especially about Tom. “Damn it, Tom!” he whispered into the empty space. “Damn it to hell! Damn this whole bloody mess to hell!”
Sure, everybody going into a rescue knew there was always a chance they wouldn’t come out of it alive. That was a given nobody ever dwelt on, though. Knowing that and seeing it ha
ppen were two entirely different things, and he didn’t think he’d ever get rid of the image of Tom’s body being carried out of the rubble. Even now, two days later, when he shut his eyes and saw it in his mind, Tom was smiling up at him from the stretcher, giving him the thumbs-up sign to indicate that he’d be OK.
It was an image that ripped at Gideon’s gut and tore at his heart.
And Lorna…Dear God! After all these years, she was the one he wanted here with him right now, the one he’d wanted with him in São Paulo. That was part of the ache that had never quite gone away, he supposed. Something that had never been set right between them.
Then to go and do what they did…Not just making love, but doing it unprotected! No, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her or anything like that. But…God, he didn’t even want to think about it, about what had been on his mind all morning. It all went back to the miscarriage, the worst day of his life. One little slip with Lorna, although he’d wanted to slip, and suddenly all he could think about was when she’d been pregnant years ago, and how he’d let her down so badly when they’d lost the baby. It was something he couldn’t take back, something for which he could never make up. Yes, he’d still been angry about her job. He hadn’t wanted her on television, and over the months he had been away more and more, devoting more time to search and rescue rather than staying home and facing the real issues. His choice to go. It had been easier. But with the baby on the way…somehow that had made everything right. A fresh start for the two of them, with a little one on the way. But then that day never happened, and suddenly he’d become his parents—the ones who had always been gone when he’d needed them. He had gone in Lorna’s worst hour, when she’d needed him most.
After making love to her last night, then realizing afterwards they hadn’t been careful, that’s all he’d thought about. She’d assured him it wasn’t her time of the month to conceive, but that hadn’t stopped the thoughts. And the guilt.
Even more, he was so distracted he couldn’t think straight. So maybe it was time to send her back. Tell her they were winding down the operation and that he was anxious for the documentary to air. Out of sight, out of mind.